Best Intentions

I giggled like a schoolgirl

Fred wrote:

I giggled like a schoolgirl

I guess we all need some giggles, all getting too serious.
Take care Sir.

I truly feel for you trying to do the right thing.  I've read some of your other "would-be-a- rant-if-it-wasn't-so-pathetic" stories about your wife's family.  I'm lucky that while my wife's family is poor they are at least grounded and willing to work, they don't drink (well, not too much, unless pressed by me) and seem truly happy.  I've been sitting here for the last few days, working on the farm some, just relaxing the rest of the time, getting work done remotely in between.  There's been probably 15-20 extended family members through the house today.  It feels like Tet here.

SteinNebraska wrote:

I truly feel for you trying to do the right thing.  I've read some of your other "would-be-a- rant-if-it-wasn't-so-pathetic" stories about your wife's family.  I'm lucky that while my wife's family is poor they are at least grounded and willing to work, they don't drink (well, not too much, unless pressed by me) and seem truly happy.  I've been sitting here for the last few days, working on the farm some, just relaxing the rest of the time, getting work done remotely in between.  There's been probably 15-20 extended family members through the house today.  It feels like Tet here.

I hope all the family are well and remain so. Any conflicts re various posts are never personal, just different views. Have a good evening.

Er, what can I say but got a good laugh. Sometimes, its better to just let them solve their problems their own ways and their timing. And do not make them lose face by all counts. Exceept for those issues that can be monetised then just pass over the millions dongs..

LSP123 wrote:

Er, what can I say but got a good laugh. Sometimes, its better to just let them solve their problems their own ways and their timing. And do not make them lose face by all counts. Exceept for those issues that can be monetised then just pass over the millions dongs..

I would never just give them money unless I can see the long term potential, just be a money pit otherwise, and I have had some success albeit it painfully slow and incredibly frustrating. The main problem is that they have always relied entirely on Rice and always had good years and bad ones. Now those good years are few and far between but with an isolated small village mentality it is extremely difficult to get them to change.
My wife on the other hand has been all over the world and so has a completely different perspective on life, in fact she gets far more angry with her family than I do with worrying homicidal tendencies at times.
After flying a drone over the farm to get a better idea of what was going on I have slowly been implementing what I thought would be a two year program that is now in its 9th year and only partially completed. 🥴
The crop is now more diversified with saline resistant species, the fertiliser/pesticide merry-go-round has reduced dramatically and the fluid dynamics much much better. So the dependancy on Rice for an income has lessened. There are Oxen, Ducks, Catfish etc and a small troublesome area on which they now grow a speciality crop that supplies a restaurant chain in HCM albeit in small quantities. The family also have drinking water and power.
There have been some failures of course, mainly due to the unbelievable incompetence and laziness of her father and brothers as well as bad crop selection and mistakes on my part. I am an engineer not an agricultural expert but am learning.
So, as frustrating as it can be when the best intentions go awry it is difficult to say F*ck it and walk away especially as they breed like Rabbits with the viable future of their offspring hanging in the balance.

As a fellow expat with local wife, and having been here for 9 years, will say I can identify certain similarities with behavior you observed.
If they are in a village, they will still maintain that *** mentality - that they know everything, can do anything under the sun and don't need ANY change in their lives.
Once their mind is fixed, they have a new definition of stubbornness.. man that's awesome to say the least!
They will cross the bridge only when they come to it but NEVER before because 'planning' is foreign concept. Only the 'big boss' in Hanoi plans, who are we to do that.
When problems surface, women will cry and shriek, and threaten to end the life and ask why is fate so cruel to me!
Anyhow, as expats we had made our choice to live here so the cultural adjustments continue till we pass on. And money wise we must be discreet and not let anything tug at the heart strings or as you say 'its a deep PIT'
All the best,,

I don't want to hijack your thread but it's relevant and didn't justify my own thread.

Today I had the conversation with my wife that I want to go to my farm with her and her brother because I want to see the plan for what is being done.  She says "don't worry, they know what they are doing".  I say "great, but in this case it's MY farm and I want to know what the plan is".   I've already discovered a couple of things that they were planning to do because "that's how we have always done it". 

We are removing some of the pepper plants and planting 300 new cashew trees this month.  The rest will be done next year.  It was like pulling teeth to get them to buy grafted trees.  I tried to show her the research where grafted trees produce one year earlier and produce more every year after that throughout it's 30-40 year lifespan.  She seemed really hurt that they were trying to "save me money" by starting trees from seed.  The grafted trees pay for themselves after that first "extra" year they produce.  Cost of a tree? 12,000.

Oh, and another one.  My FIL just took out several thousand meters of pepper to go to cashew as well, which is probably a good deal, long term.  He and a couple of the kids went out yesterday to dig holes.  80x80x80cm.  I went to help. FIL and one probing the wand on the end of the water line into the ground to soften it up and two of us digging.   After an hour two of us had four holes.  I asked about hiring a mini-excavator to do this.  They said "yes, but very expensive".  When pressed it became apparent that anything that they CAN do themselves is "too expensive" to hire someone to do.  Again, I asked, "how much?"  The answer is 6,000 per hole.  Mic drop.  Actually shovel drop.  I told them we are done digging and have the guy come as soon as possible.  He will be here in three days.  400 holes for FIL, 300 for me.  Total bill 4,200,000.  That is probably the best money spent.

Hi Diksha. Sorry I got a bit carried away. I shall take a 3 wk siesta as self-punish. Cheers

Indices wrote:

It can often be very difficult for a well-meaning foreigner to do the right thing when trying to help the locals. Despite spending much of my life in Asia of which the last 12years have primarily been here in Vietnam it is still easy to make mistakes that can have far reaching consequences.
Thankfully at present my wife and I are not able to visit the family farm, partly due to the virus lockdown but also because in these difficult financial times a trip to an area primarily occupied by 62% Khmer would likely end up with me becoming the main protein ingredient in a large pot of Pho. So our regular monthly trip to her family of degenerate Neanderthals has been postponed.
However,
on previous trips I had become increasingly concerned about the state of the father in laws ancient 50cc Honda Cub, at least what was left of it. The last 2km of the journey to the property involves a precarious route between two irrigation channels. No road exists as such, just a 1m wide stone path which takes consummate skill to navigate safely. As he is over 70yrs old with an almost mythical reputation locally for being pulled out of ditches ( invariably pissed ) I decided that something just had to be done before the silly old bugger disappeared forever into the silt. On examination his valiant little Cub was beyond resurrection so decided to give it the last rites and buy him a new motorbike.
When back in HCM I went to the Honda dealers armed with a carrier bag of Dom and bought a brand new 125 that was on offer. It was then collected by a Taxi, yes a Taxi . . . , the driver of which with help from passers by stuffed it half in the boot and headed off to the farm some 190km away.
After several tense hours my wife got a call from her mother saying the motorbike had been delivered to a small sort of Hammock/cafe at the roadside and the father had gone to collect it. More hours passed until my wife got another call saying her father was having problems with the bike. Much confusion followed as apparently the father was saying that Honda had forgotten to fit the kickstart so he was pushing it back to the farm.
After recovering from fits of hysterical laughter, several glasses of Scotch and some deep breaths my wife and I managed to make him understand that it was electric start and he did not need to run along to try and jump start it which had almost given him a heart attack.
The eldest son, a 35yr old village idiot, had been dispatched with a suitable liquid to rehydrate the old bastard, a kind of spirit drank locally that they also use to start diesel engines, clean toilets and is capable of killing Rats 10m downwind of the resulting farts.
Many more hours passed then at around midnight my very anxious wife got an update.
A number of locals and a police officer were apparently trying to extract both the father and his new bike from a tree halfway along the route to the farm. As far as we could make out he had missed a bend and managed to achieve a quite impressive launch of NASA proportions across the dyke into a young Banana tree where he was sitting singing an old Vietnamese hit from the ‘70s relatively unharmed and in good spirits.
That is not the end of the story but have probably bored the reader enough already.
Suffice to say it just got worse as the night progressed.
I guess the moral is it is often best to leave things alone.

Wonderful sense of humor and a great way of presenting the same.