How to deal with your children when they do not want to study?

They should have som ones around in the school affecting their behaviour and way of thinking. Try to change the school.

Mariam Mohammadieh wrote:

they do not want to study at all ... they are responding ..but they come with low grades ...they are also careless... They understand the lesson ..., and solve the exercises the right way in front of me.

All the words above make me think you may have children who are advanced for their class level.  When school work is below the students' intellectual and academic level, there's no motivation for them to try, they become careless and perform below their ability -- not because they can't do the work but because they're bored.  Daydreaming, poor study habits, and behavior problems are usually the result.

Your experience reminds me of what I went through decades ago with my daughter.  Recogising her ability since early childhood and with the support of her teachers, I asked the school administrator to give her an array of tests that determined her intellectual, academic, and social IQs.  With the result, I requested to have her coursework gradually accelerated until it matched her academic level.  I also enrolled her in advanced programs designed for gifted children, provided by the local universities.  She also competed in debate, track (running), chess, and held first chair in a junior jazz band.

She flourished in all the challenges and enjoyed the fun.  In the end, she skipped grade 2 in elementary school, combined grade 7 and 8 in middle school,  and skipped the last year of high school.  She graduated from uni with a double major (English Literature and Economics, two opposite ends of the academic spectrum), went on to graduate school, and since then, has made a name for herself in the legal field.

If I were in your shoes, I would pay attention to see what make my children tick, whether it's computer, math, science, literature, performing arts, visual arts, or sports.  I would encourage them to develop their talents, then find a way to incorporate their passion into the schoolwork.  Give your children some challenge to make them happy about learning, else school and all that involves will become a drudgery.

Ciambella wrote:

All the words above make me think you may have children who are advanced for their class level.  When school work is below the students' intellectual and academic level, there's no motivation for them to try, they become careless and perform below their ability -- not because they can't do the work but because they're bored.  Daydreaming, poor study habits, and behavior problems are usually the result.

I second that.

The carrot/stick approach seems to work well for my students. It's also helped for my nephews as well. Once they see the consequences of their actions - whether it be neglecting school homework or devoting their time to it, they will be more inclined to take action to do something about it.

Community is also really important too. If the child has friends they hang out with after school who are competitive, and study harder, that might motivate them more.

Children quickly forget what they are taught if they don't understand its real world application. I think you need to connect every lesson with the real world. When my kids are doing their homework, they turn into engineers, doctors, scientists... It makes learning fun and they don't get as bored because they can see where the subject is going. When the school exams them and asks the same questions from a different angle, they are able to answer because they have understood the application.

Mariam Mohammadieh wrote:

How to best deal with your children when they do not want to study at all. You try everything. They even make you feel like they are responding, and that they will start scoring high on their exams, but they come with low grades. They are also careless and happy about it. They understand the lesson when I explain it, and solve the exercises the right way in front of me. I wish they would do that at their school as well!

As ciambella already has pointed out they have the capacity and it is your job to take the maximum out of it and get them where they belong like a good football coach does. It is a long run to be champions of a series, lot of tactics in there.

Be best friend of them and also a good friend of their friends. How good? until you hear from your kids that their friends talk about you in a very positive way and it definitely makes them proud of you. Meanwhile you have to visit them in school so often you can and make a solid bridge between you and all the teachers and your kids. Now they are surrounded between friends, teachers and you in a smooth way that they have to perform well in the school weather they like it or not just to keep up with you, teachers and friends. But keep always in mind that give them an own space too. A time to be free without mom and also to miss mom. I mean every relationship has to renew regularly to keep it on a tip top level.         

However this tactic required that you always has to be the same mom from day one until you get them where they belong, very long period. Do not go into this tactic if you do not think that you can stand out that long and live up to that versatile parent because if you change your parent personality middle of all this you become an ex friend. All the best!

I have some of these same problems with my son, who is now 10.  I think in his case it relates to a general disinterest in school subjects and a more active disinterest in paying attention within a class-based format.  He's definitely on the bright side; my brother and I were in gifted programs in our own early years and high-school educations and you can see how that plays out in different forms within that sort of program and outside it.

It's harder to pass on advice about how to keep kids interested, and approach would seem to depend a lot on personality, in addition to that one other factor, starting point aptitude.  At a young age I was exposed to the idea that gifted children (those with higher intelligence, essentially) tend to either stay engaged and be straight A students or check out to some extent and typically get Cs by doing the minimum possible.  Of course there is no reason why a child with high aptitude couldn't leave off at getting Bs or fail out instead, but from what I saw that trend generally did hold.  One of my closest early childhood friends was affected by a placement assignment in 6th grade, not supported as one of the more promising students due to a teacher conflict, and she left the advanced academic track for the next 6 years, and simply checked out of any interest in academics.

In my son's case we've mostly tried encouragement, with mixed results.  I've considered some form of grade-incentive program (cash for grades, or whatever else) but somehow we've never really set that up.  To some extent he has to decide for himself to be actively involved.  It would probably be better if we could be more engaged in that process but to be honest we tend not to be.  A little does go a long way, passing on praise and encouragement.  It seems odd to me that he didn't seem to naturally realize that he is a lot more intelligent than average, I suppose because seeing how others experience things isn't part of what he's good at.  All the same his grades come and go with his interest level. 

His school has no program for more advanced children, as I was in, so there isn't any means to give them a different exposure context to stretch themselves a little.  It would be nice if it was possible to set that up independently but that seems impractical.

You may scoff at this suggestion but it probably won't hurt to talk to your children and their teachers. Learn what about the classroom is uninteresting for them.