About to marry a jordanian man...

@ explosion27

Hi I am a Jordanian ,  I dont understand well the situation, but as my understood, you cant get a Jordanian cities ship in one one ... come-on its impossible ... even if you married them .. this need more time ..

I agree with  Hypertyper , he makes pressing to find the way to get to you ... and help him to get the Green card or what ever paper to stay in the state ..


I hope I am wrong , but you must be careful !!!!

@ explosion27
Do not go to Jordan..He's not serious and he wants to get citizenship from you.  If he's sincere,he can apply to a visa to come see you first

Hi, I'm lebanese christian and I'm about to marry a Jordanian man with a german passport who lived all his life in germany.
I want to know please first if civil marriage exists as I won't convert to Islam, also what are the rights I can have and how my life will it be, specially that I will be managing a travel agency.
Thank you.

i am assuming your fiance has dual citizenship. if you get married in jordan your rights will equal the rights of any other jordanian woman with a jordanian passport which means very limited rights. it's also possible to make a marriage contract, in order to secure your rights such as traveling or leaving the country though i doubt that a marriage contract can supersede the law if the other party would go for it. definitely your children would become automatically muslims as parents also in this country don't have the right to decide on the religion of their chidren. then women don't have the right to inherit fully their husbands as they will get only a minor percentage if anything at all. right off divorce can be easily conducted in jordan on behalf of women if they are able to return all property they have ever received from their husbands during their marriage. it will not be interesting for the judge if you spend your time, your life or any finances on your husband in the case of divorce.

Hi, thanks for replying.
No he has only the German Passport, in that case how things will be done?
In lebanon we have what is called civil marriage for a similar case, its done in cyprus or turkey usually.

I don't understand: your financee is a Jordanian with only an German passport (and not an Jordanian ?).
He lived his whole life in German and now you want to marry in Jordan?
My first question will be: why not in Germany?
I don't know if it is possible to marry for a not citizen in Jordan, and if it is possible, what the procedure is.
You can marry the civil way here in Jordan. Is he also an christian? To be honest: I think you have to ask at the minisery of Foreign affairs or Internal affairs.

squaret wrote:

Hi, thanks for replying.
No he has only the German Passport, in that case how things will be done?
In lebanon we have what is called civil marriage for a similar case, its done in cyprus or turkey usually.

this civil marriage can be conducted by any nationalities and there are also other countries available such as denmark offering a quick marriage.

at any rate once people get married in jordan they will be under jordanian jurisdiction.

hi..i am filipina married a jordenian palestinian guy.sense a come on this country my life become very lonely coz of the coulture or my husbnd we meet in gulf.we hve now 3children one girl 7yrs old nw and a twin boy one yrs old now.we always hving arguments coz of his being bossy ,dominating and controlling person.yes he just provide for the kids needs and for the food but he will never allow u to hold money.even due he get all my money that I saved then he say he will retun it bck but untill now we already 5yrs now of marreid bt still dint bck any amont but if comes to his family he give everthing even nothing left to his poket.which is for me thats finei ask him I want to work so I cn provide also my personal things but he dont like im suffering so badly to him but I cnt live him coz of my children waiting for some meracle happen that I cnt go out from my messarble life me in my children always sty at home very rare he let us to go out to walk around sence I join him here in jordan he never bring us to go some places or eat outside as a family .his family still his praurity by the wsy his the oldest of his family even there bother and sisters hve there on family his still the one responsble to then if I arue to him and ask some assurance for our kids he get abgry untill I just shot my month and let him do wht he want his old nw and hve also prostrate canceri want to move out from him and away also to his family but I dont k now wht I cn do any one can share to me some edias that I cn do long time I wanted to go back to my country but I cntwere not totally happy to each other plz some one can help me..

lonely123 wrote:

hi..i am filipina married a jordenian palestinian guy.sense a come on this country my life become very lonely coz of the coulture or my husbnd we meet in gulf.we hve now 3children one girl 7yrs old nw and a twin boy one yrs old now.we always hving arguments coz of his being bossy ,dominating and controlling person.yes he just provide for the kids needs and for the food but he will never allow u to hold money.even due he get all my money that I saved then he say he will retun it bck but untill now we already 5yrs now of marreid bt still dint bck any amont but if comes to his family he give everthing even nothing left to his poket.which is for me thats finei ask him I want to work so I cn provide also my personal things but he dont like im suffering so badly to him but I cnt live him coz of my children waiting for some meracle happen that I cnt go out from my messarble life me in my children always sty at home very rare he let us to go out to walk around sence I join him here in jordan he never bring us to go some places or eat outside as a family .his family still his praurity by the wsy his the oldest of his family even there bother and sisters hve there on family his still the one responsble to then if I arue to him and ask some assurance for our kids he get abgry untill I just shot my month and let him do wht he want his old nw and hve also prostrate canceri want to move out from him and away also to his family but I dont k now wht I cn do any one can share to me some edias that I cn do long time I wanted to go back to my country but I cntwere not totally happy to each other plz some one can help me..

I am married with a Jordanian man too and also with 3 kids.. I can understand the loneliness. In my case,I stay with my mother-in-law which is fine. She speaks English fluently and is very understanding. She understands my situation well and she is always in her room , online , skype or doing her crochet. Alhamdulillah I am blessed to have her as my mother-in-law. But sometimes when I have some problems with my husband, I need someone to talk to..and I don't feel comfortable talking to my mother-in-law or my sister-in-law although they are always there if I need help. In fact, they always say they love me more than my husband... maybe they just want to make me happy, I don't know. Yes, you need friends, friends who can lend a listening ear and willing to help you lift up your dampen spirits. About your kids, they need both you and husband. I am a teacher and I encountered children from dysfunctional families or from single parents and most of them have behavioural problems when their parents separated. You don't want that to happen, right? I always tell my husband, once we are married , our life is not about us anymore...it is about the kids. If you separate from your husband, who will take care of the kids. In Jordan, if you want to bring the kids out of the country, the father, that is , your husband must go to the ministry of interior affairs and sign the paper stating that he permits you and the kids to leave. Without this paper, the immigration officer will not allow you to fly at the airport. I am glad that I met Primadonna. She is a wonderful person whom I feel comfortable in confiding my blues. Hope someone will come forward and help you. In sha Allah!

My mother in lAW There are living in the village which is very consevative way she dont speak eigther english only my sister inlaw.when my husbnd bring us here his family dont know about us which I feel that I take my husbnd from them coz my husbnd his the bread winner to them in, my mother inlaws she hav.e some arab girl prepare to my husbnd which is my husbnd refuse to his mother to marreid that arab girl coz we already marreid since we are in gulf..my mother in law she surprise much when we come here even there brother in sister but cnt do anything coz my husbnd his the, oldest and stand as a head of the family coz his father already pastaway

I came from the free country before I meet my husbnd his not like this his mind is very open minded but when we transfer here this is what happen to us..

For umm jacob...thnx for sharing..your lucky to have mother in law that treat u good and love u uncondentionaly im happy for u.we are deffernt expereice on this country..thnx a lot

Amman Jordan Is a wonderful place to live. The people there is very nice and i love it when i was there. The reasion why I respond to you is because I am married and my husband is JORDINIAN. And his family is so so wonderful. But you can't go off what every one say. If you want to move there you have to do it because you want to. Their ways of living is completely different from our ways of living but speaking for myself I love it and i do plan on living there with my family.!!

lonely123, sorry to hear about your situation. I would like to offer some words of comfort, but when married to Palestinians, especially ones from a poor and/or conservative background, all that you describe is very typical. Their mums come first, last and everything inbetween, in my experience. And that's after being married for well over 20 years.

Fortunately I can't stand shopping, so never needed money from them. Pity your husband's father is away to his grave; my husband's father was the one always trying to give me money for stuff. I do recall they had some (to me) wierd ideas about foreign women though. Let's see - some of what they told me about foreign women:

- spendthrift
- waste money all the time, esdpecially on thingsd that don't matter
- always arguing
- never leave their husbands in peace
- always wanting to go out and waste time instead of staying in the house with their children, where they belong

Some of this made me so mad when I first heard these views expressed, especially as they were implying I was like that.

For me, it was essential to have my own money. No way am I asking anyone for money just because I want to call my family. Unfortunately you are no longer in a position for this to be possible. But if you are seriously waiting for him to put you and your children first, sorry but I would have to say that's not going to happen, not even in your lifetime.

Your best defence in the long run is sons, and to devote yourself to them. If it were me and I were younger, I would have had children every year and to hell with the poverty. I know this isn't "good advice" but you need to take a longer term view on how to shore up your position. I don't think 2 sons will be enough, imho.

I have long since given away two phrases from my vocabulary: "Where are you going?" and "When will you be back?" That's after watching how my sisters in law and the various female cousins all look forward to their husbands being gone, so they can get a bit of peace and quiet with their kids instead of having to slave after grown men who should know better.Not that this makes them any happier. If you ask they get annoyed, as in "stop trying to control me". If you don't ask, they get annoyed because you are not interested.

As for being good providers, forget it. That's probably not going to happen. Firstly Palestinians in Jordan don't have the oppoprtunities that native Jordanians have. Secondly - and maybe this isn't such a bad thing - material stuff is not their priority.

Plus remember, a lot of them are addicted to drugs. Yes, I include tobacco as a drug, for sure. And more so in the quantity they all seem to smoke. So even if they have money, they will first of all take care of their own needs as regards their drug addiction.

my gosh all the storiesare highlighting married from strangers , I do believe just marry who you love and loves you back and that is it .

Oh man, what I have to say about being married to a Jordan!... First off, I have been to Jordan and its  not the place I would recommend to anyone who is sensitive, outgoing, friendly, talkative, or not covered in hijab. If you feel this describes you, stay in the USA , trust me! Jordan is hot, humid, unwelcoming, oppressive and depressing. It's  dirty, loud and just plain backwards. There are few public restrooms in most areas with the exception of touristy areas.
Now, if you're  married to a Jordanian, I feel for you!! Im speaking from YEARS of first hand experience. Case in point, I am in this blog writing this stuff at 1:05am while in the guest bedroom of our home; I loath my "husband" so much that I literally cannot sleep, rest or relax near him. He is the classic controlling Middle Eastern husband depicted in the media and in movies. He is hyper critical of me and of most women. He has an abundantly clear hatred of women. He constantly makes lude  remarks about women, homosexuals, addicts (he is one), and anyone who he sees less then him.

I know That Iam Saudi and so attractive to Western women , becuase we are arab we are so kind to our wife , but the problem you face there is no freedom for women to share in the public , usually manhood society you can call our culture , since we don't want our ladies expose to stranger due to sexual abuses nowadays and most of arab men want to control that , this is the reason behind that , that why I married to my causin even she is saudi lady and fully depending on me , but that is fine she is totally happy since she got used to culture here and she is arab woman , we are arab men we look sometimes for beauty of blonde and white ladies with red colour conflections , but you have to compormise with different culture and adapt the culture for the girl that you love , I loved american lady before I married my recent Arabic lady when I think logically the american lady will not accept and adapt my culture .

nadeem_aldeem wrote:

but you have to compormise with different culture and adapt the culture for the girl that you love , I loved american lady before I married my recent Arabic lady when I think logically the american lady will not accept and adapt my culture .

I think this is one of the big issues: why the woman must accept and adapt the arab/Islamic culture and why not the other way around???

I don't reacll anyone saying they married a stranger, however, I can only speak for myself, who married for love. Little did I know at that time that the word "love" is far different to an Arab man than it is to a western woman. It appears Arab men will "love" a foreign woman, first because they are foreign. I don't think they even know what love is, honestly, because marriage to them, is more like slavery..the ring is not a symbol of unity, but now I see it as a shackel.

Four years here, nothing changes for the better but gets worse each day. Most everything written about marriage is true...lonely, isolating, unfair, filled with lies, abuse...basically the worse life you can ever imagine.

And to all of you that think, "My situation is different,"...please, please listen carefully to our words, because the beginning is always the big lie...once they have you married...it's all downhill.

Please be careful. I still don't know how in the world I can save myself and my two children, because it is true, they keep you with barely enough money to survive..it's all part of the control and manipulation.

Women...don't believe these lies...maybe he/they believe them, but they are DELUSIONAL!

I'm sorry, but I have not met one Arab man who is "so kind to their wife"...if you understood the western culture you would see how ridiculous this statement is..it's all lies..."I want to protect my wife from other men..." bull! You want to control her!

Why then is pornography now the highest watched in MUSLIM countries....last I checked it was HARAM...yet, just have a look on facebook...practically every young Arab guy is "friends" with women from around the world dressed in practically nothing...with followers in the 1000's....is this ok? (And that isn't even porn!)Is this the Islam man? If a woman has to cover up to be kept private for her husband then why are all the men allowed to watch and be friends with these women...and MANY are married...they are hypocrates...many!!

There are a few who are good men, as within every culture...but the majority are not...and the men who are nice, usually do not look outside their culture for marriage...so if you are a foreigner, chances are you have a man who is not really religious and most likely falls under the character described in all of these stories...IF they prayed, they might be much better...at least that's what I tell my "captor." How can you call yourself Muslim, inflict your Muslim traditions onto me and then not even pray nor fast during Ramadan? Maybe that's a sign...look to see if they pray and fast...

U are right..peacelovelight..what u experince same as me..but to late to regret coz of my kids..gods only knows what his plan for us..

Sorry to hear that Peacelovelight that the situation is not changed (but will it ever be? Guess not!)

Anyway: it is nice that you are active again on this forum.
I missed you

@Lonely123: how do you survive and cope with this situation?

Still survive and moving on..premadonna,,have to be brave for my children

I have done as much as I can to keep myself and my children happy, although we have been captive in the village now for 15 months. Luckily the past 7 were ok, as I convinced my husband to return to America to work, since he has not provided for us since we moved here (reminder, four years now)...however, he is now threatning to return...unsuccessful...it seems karma is giving him a payback...I wished he would have listened to me and done good things rather than bad, including stealing my mother's retirement money and spending it all himself, leaving us without hot water and no washing machine for a year. My mother has returned poor and must live on only her social security in a room in my brothers house...this is just insane!

Now my car has broken down, just a block away and the neighborhood children are breaking pieces off of it.

He claims to me all the time, "my family will take care of you"...yes, they have taken of us...let's see, I've had two nephews steal money directly from my house, I had someone, don't know who give away my personal possessions...everytime I go for a visit over to the main family house someone is wearing my things...one nephew has the silver necklace and braclet my aunt gave me three days before she died...my Italian leather trenchcoat disappeared from the closet, my son's laptop was given to a niece along with rollerblades, his computer chair and tractor vehicle that drives...only to be smashed to bits in the backyard...other items I see around on others are my clothing, shoes, purses...I am a collector of vintage, so these are not "Walmart" clothes...and most are parts of sets that are no more...family heirloms of which they have none here so they have ZERO repect for.

Why do they have access to these things? I don't know, I guess someone has a key or they break in...the house we were building and supposed to be living in (with a maid...yeah right!)...is still undone, hence all of our belongings are stored in the parents living room...the other day I was on my son's facebook page and there was a picture of our small hauling tractor for our yard...that's the latest...so they are theives, liars...

So that may answer why I am still in this hell...besides the fact that my husband left his brother who is my age in "CHARGE" of me! The money our olive farm went to him and I had to go each month to get my "ration"....and then the last 50% of it was given to a brother!!! Without my consent! Luckily I have gotten work over the internet, if not we would most likely have to move in with his mother and I would becaome her nurse. They've been trying to get me into this situation for years...I will NEVER EVER DO IT! I am a professional, not a peasant slave...but really, now I am...I also need help! And the embassy is of no help at all...because I married him HERE! But I had no choice, as they would not grant him a visa to the USA to get married like I wanted...beware!!!

Peacelovelight..for this stelling for my sist r inlaws happen also to me..but now in then I fight if I know im on the right I argue to my husband family..even my husband they are depending them to me but I dont give up to say whts my right..however now we have no option than to fight dont let them to full u down..if ur husbnd hurt u complain to the pulis coz u have the right

i 'hardly' can believe what i have been just reading. at this point, thank you very much for letting us know what has been going on in your lives as this will help us to be more careful avoiding the same situation. i hope very much that you both can take care of your lives and turn things around, in order to get out of this what you are experiencing right now. may i ask you in which village you live if this is not too personal? does the village happen to be in jordan valley?

thank you for coming on strong and helping us women so much with your insight. lies, lies, lies and again lies by those male spouses in so many ways and so many times!

what is relevant here- a relationship/marriage but no respect for the 'better half'; marriage to a foreign girl for money or the passport; set-ups and so on and so forth...

at this moment i believe that foreign women may be subject to worse treatment by a muslim spouse than a local muslim female.

this would be the case if the family of the local muslim female would care for their daughter. if not, then the situation could

be a real life story, namely, the wife gets beaten up by her husband, however, doesn't get support by her dad as her dad

likes her husband. this awkward/abusive story i was told by one friend.

nadeem_aldeem wrote:

my gosh all the storiesare highlighting married from strangers , I do believe just marry who you love and loves you back and that is it .

Really? So how is it you loved an American lady, but then thought about it and retreated to your own kind, instead of doing the right thing and marrying the American lady? So much for "marry whom you love".

deb568 wrote:

nadeem_aldeem wrote:

my gosh all the storiesare highlighting married from strangers , I do believe just marry who you love and loves you back and that is it .

Really? So how is it you loved an American lady, but then thought about it and retreated to your own kind, instead of doing the right thing and marrying the American lady? So much for "marry whom you love".

He contradicts himself

i received one private message on this current topic and i believe things should be openly discussed.
MESSAGE-

davidoluv

Active member

From: Amman
Registered: 2009-11-08
Posts: 50
       HI
IM a Jordan American male and I read your notes about the way muslim guys treat women specially forigners
I agree with you that there is some abuse
but with my experience as a world traveler and as I lived most my life in USA
I found out that women in the west and America are abused and being treated as a second class human more than you can imagine
feel free to discuss the subject with open heart and mind
take care


MY REPLY-
well, you must be completely disinformed - by intention of course - guy with muslim faith.
the laws themselves in various countries are very clear. the laws in western countries allow all woman equal right to their male counterparts not so in islamic countries whereas jordan is a bit more secular but also here women are forced into the hijab by their families - for an instance - or they will be outcasts. what ppl make out of their lives is another question but even acc. to traditions in europe or elsewhere women have a completely different status and are free to wear clothes they can choose and people don't go to extremes in the case of disagreements. next time you want to address me on open forums.

of course i like jordan very much but reality can be so sad -having said this some jordanians are very traditional and might

want take the law into their own hands by playing judge-

AFP
April 30, 2013
Jordanian kills sister to “cleanse family honor”
A Jordanian has confessed to slitting his sister's throat and stabbing her 20 times in the face and chest because she was rarely home, apparently "to cleanse the family honor," police said Tuesday.
"People last night found the body of a girl in her twenties. She had been stabbed 20 times in face and chest before she had her throat slit," a police spokesperson said.
"Police arrested her brother, who confessed to committing the crime because his sister spent so little time at the family home. His confession indicates that he sought to cleanse the family honor."
On April 15, police said they found the burned body of a pregnant woman whose throat had been slit and belly cut open showing her four-month-old fetus, in an apparent "honor killing.”

>>>>> i think things need to change. very clearly known to all of us no country is perfect but this doesn't mean we need to shut up in the face of ongoing "honor" killings.

any reply by one jordanian male would be appreciated.

I totally agree with you but I have one but: it is not called honor killing in the west but how many times are women been murdered by their (ex)husband, (ex)boyfriend, (ex)secret lover and so on? Some called these kind of murder: passion murder or heartbreak murder.

Every killing, no matter what is unacceptable but what I can make me crazy that here if the man commit the crime and he tell this to the police then  he go to the jail for 6 months or so.
If a woman does the same thing, well... she will be punished for ever!

I want to make this clear that this has nothing to do with the religion but with the customs of the tribes.

dear primadonna,

thank you very much for your reply! i appreciate this very much.

i think i can definitely say that the tribes' customs or traditions of any people do outweigh religious sensitivity.

on the other hand, i would also add a few pounds of faith or religious affinity such as islam for being responsible for sentiments of people in which way females are treated either as valuable human beings or not so.

it's much more common in islamic countries to commit such so-called honor killings and hardly common in western countries.

what happens in western countries you want to go to diverse websites see underground brothels in america (hitler-bush connection), russian women forced into prostitution in israel en masse though also here some syrian 'entities' haven't been shy on running such houses.

once one lady put it that was that women would be (can be considered as) fodder. anyway, this thread is on jordanian males to get married to them or not and if this would be an option at all then to know more about what can be expected or how wise/useful such commitments would be.

regarding above crime in which even a fetus was victimized most likely her lover or family member took action.

as far as i am aware also jordan is ruled by shariah law applying for people of any faith at least up to 95% or by 100%. now when it comes to marry then the woman has the chance to fix a marriage contract, in order to keep human rights such as

having the right to leave the country and so forth. what is still unclear to me how is it possible that a mere contract can
outrule laws of a country. anyway, at this moment i would say a marriage contract is set up in itself at a too fast pace too often

and during the procedure of such a contract many things can go wrong as many foreign ladies who might want to marry one jordanian are not familiar with the arabic language so unless the original copy of the marriage contract is in english - if at

all legal like this - then things can go wrong for the lack of information which rights she can ask for. next, laws are continuously changing, in particular in this so-called revolutionary time - so at any time laws might get stricter and curtail rights on divorce for females, for example.

don't !!!!!!!!!! my friends and I had terrible experiences !!!! and probably you think that there are exceptions  because we live in 21st century ,,,,you are right , but there are sooooo little !!!! my baby and I have been rescued from my jordanian ABUSIVE husband and his family by my friends in jordan! threaten to be killed with passports taken away, locked in the house!!!! so please think twice !!! and you will never be good enough for his family ....so be prepared for lots of insults from them

I agree !!!

thank you for your comment. it's hope or fake hope which can deceive us.

LOVE IS BLIND!!!
There is no doubt in my mind that people meet and marry for reasons other than love, but sometimes..... sometimes the story plays out in a different way. One cannot predict how any relationship will be. Forgiveness, understanding, self respect and honesty from one or both parties will give two individuals enough energy to make it.
No relationship is easy, spouse, children, parents, siblings etc..... and I know first hand how tolerable and strong one will have to be in a relationship with a person from a different country with different beliefs. So to say everything is going to be a "cake walk" is a LIE!
Good Luck in your endeavors and never stop respecting yourself, or others.

hi peacelovelight! thank you for your interesting post
and also for raising awareness about animals! as a pet owner i
appreciate your efforts! good luck to you!