How do you keep a positive attitude abroad?

thanks my friend

Hi Melissa,

I loved your article on the Top 10 Tips for Staying Sane. It was pretty much spot on. It did however, sort of ignore completely one major factor that contributes to the great frustration of lots of expats and can lead to their complete failure to adapt to their host country... their unrealistic expectations that no matter where in the world they go things should be exactly the way they are at home. Expats from some nations are even worse than others for this, but it really is quite common among those from the so-called "developed nations" especially when the are shifting to a nation they would consider "less developed" or "underdeveloped".

Far too many expats arrive in a country and immediately start complaining about the traffic, the noise, or lack of infrastructure and conveniences. Others complain about the solitude of underpopulated countries or regions, lack of things to do, deafening quiet. The complaints are as various as are the complainers.

Far too many people expatriate without giving it any more thought and work than a move across town, sad to say. Many of these first-time expats simply can't wrap their heads around the idea that they're going to a place that is probably going to be completely different in every way from what they've been used to all their lives. Many will have the unrealistic expectation that it should be exactly the same and offer everything they've always had. These are the ones who are sadly disappointed by the bitter reality. They will also most likely be the ones who simply reject everything about the host country, fail completely to adapt and run back home quite quickly. These are the "rejectors" I mention in my posting about Reverse Culture Shock on the Brazil Forum, which I'm sure you'll find interesting.

I really think that somewhere on your Top 10 that "Have realistic expectations about your new home and what it will be like", should have been included.

I've been here in Brazil for almost 13 years now. I no longer consider myself an "expat", but rather an immigrant since I'm here for the duration, "a lifer". Do I complain about things like traffic, lacking infrastructure, etc? You bet, but that's because I'm here for keeps and I now have a real stake in this country, I want to leave it better than I found it for my Brazilian son and his mother. I knew exactly what this country was like before I came here, I didn't bring unrealistic expectations with me, because I took the time to do my homework and learn about the country, it's people, culture, traditions, history, good points and bad points before I came here. While that's not absolutely necessary for every expat who's going to be here for a year or maybe two, it sure doesn't hurt. If anything it will make that transition that much easier.

So Tip 11. Leave your expectations at the door as you come in! This isn't "home" and things are going to be different here, perhaps very different and outside your comfort zone. If you EXPECT that everything is going to be just the same as it was back home, then maybe you should have just stayed there.

Melissa welcome to the forum and an excellent article.

I too agree that you must adapt and understand that things are not and will not "be the same" as back home.  But for us that was one of the plus sides of living here

Bob K

IntentionalExpat wrote:

This week I posted my top ten tips for keeping a positive attitude abroad, but I'm curious to know what other tips expats around the globe have found to be useful! Take a look at [it] and let me know what advice you'd add! Thanks Melissa

I've just added a comment on your blog, Melissa. It's an excellent blog, and I strongly recommend it to all EB members. I can't think of any way it could be improved, off-hand! As I said in my comment, I was always too excited by my adventures to feel homesick. Mind you, most of my travelling was done in the 1960s, when the world was a safer place. I picked up a girl at a Youth Hostel in Greece and we spent the next nine months travelling around the Middle East and Eastern Europe (behind the Iron curtain, at that time). After shilly-shallying around for the 18 months after that, we finally got married in Canada and shifted around a bit more. Now we live in the Caribbean, far from our birthplaces, and our son lives in Norway - where he doesn't get homesick for the place he grew up in, either. I think any expat who gets homesick really ought to go home to where his or her support-group lives. There's no point in prolonging the agony.

Thank you for the feedback! It's absolutely true that you can't constantly compare life in your new home to life back at home! Something a lot of travelers and new expats forget about. I'll definitely add it to the "part 2" post of this blog!

Also Gordon, I really appreciate your feedback regarding the first tip of "Homesickness." I do think you're right that the time at which you travel can influence whether or not you'll feel homesick. Also, as you mentioned in your comment on my blog, you had lived away from home previously. I think that this really helps someone to be more resilient and less likely to fall victim to homesickness abroad. I also think that it depends a lot on personality type! I also think that you're right that there's no reason to feel miserable, but I also think there are things you can do to fight feeling homesick before you throw in the towel.

Thanks again!

Hello all,

Welcome to Expat.com Melissa

Thanks a lot for your great contribution here so far.

I invite yout to add your blog in the section blogs in Madrid.
Everybody interested will better see it.

All the best,
Olivier
Expat.com Team

I once heard this story from an intercultural trainer, who conducted  preparatory courses for people moving to Japan:
In one of these sessions with a (German) higher manager and his accompanying wife, it was explained that it is very bad manners in Japan to blow or clean your nose in public, and that under no circumstances you should put tissues used for this purpose into your pockets.
The lady got up and said in an agitated voice "If THEY think they can dictate how I clean my nose, I will SHOW them how wrong they are!"
Sadly, the trainer was not in a position to suggest the company to reconsider whom they send abroad.

Hi,

  I read your article.   I have been living abroad for about 20 years now and have made managed to enjoy each new location by remembering that "home" is not perfect.   Many expats view their daily life as a frustration and glamorize in their mind how good home is.

I have a standing fix for this and I do it every year.  It is silly but it helps me keep perspective.  Every year when I am home in the States  I go to my favorite restaurant which happens to be located next to the DMV.    Each year I walk over to the DMV look at the lines where people are waiting 3-5 hours for the simplest of actions.   I then walk over to my favorite restaurant have strawberry pie and coffee.

When I am abroad, every time  local customs, service and bureaucracy get me down,  I just remember that at least I am not waiting at the DMV to register the car.

Believe it or not this works.  It reminds me that home isn't perfect and allows me to to have clearer perspective on my current location.

Moving to a foreign country can also put you under a considerable amount of emotional strain  but having the right attitude will get you far!

Going overseas is not for the faint of heart. Be honest with yourself:

Do you crave routine, order and stability?
Are you an introvert who finds networking exhausting and doesnt make new friends easily?
Do unfamiliar surroundings upset you rather than energize you?
Do you easily give up upon encountering difficulties instead of soldiering on?
If you have answered yes to more than one of these questions, you should perhaps rethink your plans to relocate to a foreign country. Maybe you can muster up the courage and determination to plunge into the unknown after all, but you should know that it may be a bumpy ride. All hard-nosed realism notwithstanding, the excitement and anticipation should always outweigh your fears and doubts when thinking of going overseas.

Syed Zee: Excellent post, thanks a lot!

beppi wrote:

Syed Zee: Excellent post, thanks a lot!

Thanks

syed zee wrote:

Moving to a foreign country can also put you under a considerable amount of emotional strain  but having the right attitude will get you far!

Going overseas is not for the faint of heart. Be honest with yourself:

Do you crave routine, order and stability?
Are you an introvert who finds networking exhausting and doesnt make new friends easily?
Do unfamiliar surroundings upset you rather than energize you?
Do you easily give up upon encountering difficulties instead of soldiering on?
If you have answered yes to more than one of these questions, you should perhaps rethink your plans to relocate to a foreign country. Maybe you can muster up the courage and determination to plunge into the unknown after all, but you should know that it may be a bumpy ride. All hard-nosed realism notwithstanding, the excitement and anticipation should always outweigh your fears and doubts when thinking of going overseas.

Credit should be given to whoever wrote it.
http://www.internations.org/magazine/go … tude-15278

It seems Syed Zee is a less than honest poster.
But Internations is a great organisation (even though they're commercially driven) - I am member for many years already.

It's probably just a misunderstanding.  Half of his posts are copy & paste from other sites.  I've suggested that he give credit where due.

I have nothing against quoting people, but they should be attributed, even when it's obvious what is copy & paste and what is original.

HaileyinHongKong wrote:

It's probably just a misunderstanding.  Half of his posts are copy & paste from other sites.  I've suggested that he give credit where due.

I have nothing against quoting people, but they should be attributed, even when it's obvious what is copy & paste and what is original.

its called reading but u cant understand respected read what i have post just feel free to fallow me if u don't like my post its ur right so stop judging other person just being any thing from any where and put it on this web for others but positively regurds
syed zee an open book

beppi wrote:

It seems Syed Zee is a less than honest poster.
But Internations is a great organisation (even though they're commercially driven) - I am member for many years already.

i don't wast time in judging others

sorry guys if any one feel bad

HaileyinHongKong wrote:

Credit should be given to whoever wrote it.
http://www.internations.org/magazine/go … tude-15278

Well spotted 'Sherlock' Hailey !!

El_Jost wrote:

HaileyinHongKong wrote:

Credit should be given to whoever wrote it.
http://www.internations.org/magazine/go … tude-15278

Well spotted 'Sherlock' Hailey !!

agreed u brother

Being abroad is something I never thought I would ever experience...But being in the military and from a very small town, I've seen more than many people from my area...I try and take advantage of what's presented to me..And the many places I've been I've cherished those moments and want to continue...I like to explore and whenever I've been I've made the most of it by enjoying the offers...

SD

syed zee wrote:

its called reading but u cant understand respected read what i have post just feel free to fallow me if u don't like my post its ur right so stop judging other person just being any thing from any where and put it on this web for others but positively regurds
syed zee an open book

Reading is good.  Taking credit for what others have written is bad.  There are a million things we're not supposed to talk about on this site because some of them are illegal in some countries and people worry that discussing some things might cause this site to close.  Copyright infringement, which is what you are engaged in, is illegal in almost every country and can actually get this place shut down.

Great original article and interesting discussion.

Related to some points made here, but perhaps extending that, integration is an issue.  It is possible to live almost completely outside of the native culture if one seeks out the more foreign aspects and connections of where they live (here in Thailand, Western), but that would seem to defeat a lot of the point. 

Completely integrating isn't really a practical goal either, although for some people getting relatively close to that might be workable.

It seems that each person needs to strike their own balance.  How that works out best would depend on a lot of different things:  how different the local culture is from the native one, language issues, the reason the person went abroad, availability of relatively foreign cultural options (eg. Western food, expat social clubs, entertainment), work environment, and other connections. 

Basic lifestyle makes a lot of difference too.  I work in IT and that would tend to be consistent in different countries, and maybe people that spend a lot of time in bars could find a different sort of common ground. 

In different types of online discussions people tend to gravitate towards saying completely integrating is the ideal, and they are practicing that.  I'm not so sure that's a given.  Here in Bangkok local people tend to live different lifestyles, some more Western, others more traditional, so it starts to become a claim about fitting in with a certain social class.  Even aside from that personal preference seems more relevant, rather than a "more is better" stance.

Is your glass half full or half empty.A positive attitude and out look on life sure helps.

wjwoodward wrote:

Hi Melissa,

I loved your article on the Top 10 Tips for Staying Sane

That's no good to me - insanity keeps me going.

Remember that homesickness is inevitable

Nope. Never bothered with it. Waste of time.

Work to make it your home.

No work required. New wife, and friends came quickly.

Develop flexibility and a sense of humor.

Already had both. Try going to a Chinese party where they serve boiled whole baby squid.
Of course, I spell humour correctly.

Develop emotional intelligence. Just because you´re following your dreams of living abroad and/or traveling the world, doesn´t mean that your days are going to always be full of smiles.

They are if you have a positive attitude.  Seven years in and I've managed a good smile or hundred every day.

Strike up a balance.  A lot of people make the mistake of going abroad with too much of a ¨Carpe Diem¨ attitude.

Quintus Horatius Flaccus had that one sorted, but much better when he said, "dimidium facti qui coepit habet: sapere aude, incipe" or, don't arse about; get on with it.
To the point - there's no such thing as not grabbing life with both hands and really going at it.

Know your comfort zone.

Your comfort zone is where your mind is. If it's "back home", you'll never find it in a new place.

Consider professional help.

No way. If I needed that, I'm not in the right place.

It pains me to say this, but I have to agree with Fred.  The problem with rules for living your life is the same problem with rules for baking cupcakes.