Why are some foreigners - especially expats - hostile and patronized?

Hi girl,

I have read through your thread to get some information about your feelings. I can put a shoe in your feet and partly understand how you feel about the way some expats treat you. And I hope my share will help you feel better.

I am not so sure but I think maybe you have expected that foreigners will be kind (with your past experiences with some nice Americans) then when it came to nothing like this, you became frustrated. I think with some expats you met, it does not mean all expats are not good and do have bad thoughts about our country and people. Maybe you should be more optimistic and do not get yourself down by the ones you do not expect to meet.

I do not know whether my comment is good for you but hopefully, it will make you feel better!

My wife said it best when we were just dating when it comes to Foreigners vs Developing Countries:

"Rich doesn't mean good, poor doesn't mean bad"

When your poor and smiling you have inner peace that your rich in your heart.
When your rich with cancer from the stress of making money your poor.
My father said money is only a tool to do the things you want, He said he could
of made a lot more money but what is the point?  you can only drive one car at a
time and only eat one bite of steak at a time. I enjoy our differences in culture, I have
been in California over 50 years and Vietnam and Thailand are both so special to me,
Like waking up in the morning to beautiful new bird songs........

honestly I only know expatriates in love with Vietnam and the Vietnamese. I noticed too by some people a behavior similar to what you describe, and I personally think it is a kind of ignorance and xenophobia: fear and rejection of those who are different. but as you say, in every country there are good people and smart but also bad, or rather stupid. they are part of them. but they are a minority. I too with my friends we love to tease a little 'your diversity, but it is a game, and like I said we are in love and want to live here a long time.

I can only answer your question this way: BECAUSE THEY ARE THIS WAY, NO MATTER WHERE THEY ARE, AT THEIR HOMELAND OR ELSEWHERE IN THE WORLD, THEY ARE LIKE THAT! So please don't feel personally offended by them, please don't generalize, we are not all like them and I'm sure they will act the same way whit another expat. I beg you to keep trying with other expat, those who don't hangout in bars, those who are just trying to do the best they can to be nice to everyone, those who risk trying to meet Vietnamese people, even though they get treated the same way you been treated, but by Vietnamese.

It's a sad fact that everywhere in the world there is good and bad people, but if you don't give up trying, you will find people that match your expectations, and when that happens, please remember the value of it, because good people are rare and valuable.

On the other end, if your goal is only to convince yourself and others that all expats are bad, i'm sure you will succeed, because it's always more easy to spread hate then it is to promote tolerance and respect among the world.

I just hope that there is still a bit of us (people of the world) who care for others, sometime I loose that hope. To be honest, Vietnamese are not better or worst, I traveled a lot, and you are just average when it comes to that matter you talk about, please don't be offended but keep trying to be open minded and you will find good people among us, if it's your goal, of course.

Always remember that there are expat waiting for you, also looking for good people among Vietnamese, I hope one day we will reach each other, because happiness and peace in the world can only come from that mutual respect.

Thank you for bringing that matter to our attention, I hope that will help some of us be better people, and I hope that won't make you hate us, because that wont help your nation. The future of this world hangs in that matter.

Julien wrote:

Please avoid generalizing. Those who generalize and say "people from this or that country are stupid" are surely more stupid than the others ...

Have you taken a look at the amount of generalizations that have been made about Vietnam/the Vietnamese on this site in the past few months?

John C. wrote:

In St. Lucia it's only Americans the ones with attitudes as if they are in USA.
They piss everybody off by looking as if they know everything but in fact they have no pocket change to buy you a coffee ...

milkybunnyHCM wrote:

OP you are bringing up a valid concern I see with older expats here. It is true Vietnam attracts old guys who are here for cheap living, cheap women and cheap fun. That's the downside of a developing country. As an expat, I get so disgusted with those types and just try to stick around earnest people instead of focusing on those. If one ever approaches you, make your feelings known how you feel about him. Those guys are losers in their home country, let them know they're STILL losers here. 

ancientpathos wrote:

milkybunnyHCM wrote:

OP you are bringing up a valid concern I see with older expats here. It is true Vietnam attracts old guys who are here for cheap living, cheap women and cheap fun. That's the downside of a developing country. As an expat, I get so disgusted with those types and just try to stick around earnest people instead of focusing on those. If one ever approaches you, make your feelings known how you feel about him. Those guys are losers in their home country, let them know they're STILL losers here. 

About 2 years ago I visited Vietnam, fell in love with the people and the opportunity to learn about the customs, culture and traditions of Vietnam.  In the USA, I am just another fat old guy. Here I am rich, handsome, someone the lady's want to date. Apparently here I am marriage material. Yes they are younger than me. Currently involved with someone 20 years younger than me. People enjoy my company and I enjoy theirs.  As an added benefit, the cost of living and having fun is inexpensive compared to our income verses living in the USA. Unfortunately I have also run into expats that are losers no matter where they live. They are the ones that have no respect for others.

You're a model of civility and grace A/P.  I apologize for any disagreements I've had with you ithe past. 

This is to the rich, handsom, American, fat guy,,, Its ok to be kised by a fool, but dont let a kiss fool you. Why cant people just enjot there own life, insted of bicthing about other peoples !!

Teacher Mark wrote:

Julien wrote:

Please avoid generalizing. Those who generalize and say "people from this or that country are stupid" are surely more stupid than the others ...

Have you taken a look at the amount of generalizations that have been made about Vietnam/the Vietnamese on this site in the past few months?

Yes, indeed. Another inexcusable generalization. John is good at putting other people down, but sort of compensates it by letting everyone know what a exceptional IQ he has. LOL out of this world! 

Jeff Brewster wrote:

Why cant people just enjot there own life, insted of bicthing about other peoples !!

This is to Jeff Brewster    "Please don't bitch about other people bitching" 
I see your living in Nha Trang where "Lifes a Beach"

Teacher Mark wrote:

ancientpathos wrote:

milkybunnyHCM wrote:

OP you are bringing up a valid concern I see with older expats here. It is true Vietnam attracts old guys who are here for cheap living, cheap women and cheap fun. That's the downside of a developing country. As an expat, I get so disgusted with those types and just try to stick around earnest people instead of focusing on those. If one ever approaches you, make your feelings known how you feel about him. Those guys are losers in their home country, let them know they're STILL losers here. 

About 2 years ago I visited Vietnam, fell in love with the people and the opportunity to learn about the customs, culture and traditions of Vietnam.  In the USA, I am just another fat old guy. Here I am rich, handsome, someone the lady's want to date. Apparently here I am marriage material. Yes they are younger than me. Currently involved with someone 20 years younger than me. People enjoy my company and I enjoy theirs.  As an added benefit, the cost of living and having fun is inexpensive compared to our income verses living in the USA. Unfortunately I have also run into expats that are losers no matter where they live. They are the ones that have no respect for others.

You're a model of civility and grace A/P.  I apologize for any disagreements I've had with you ithe past. 

This.    Ancientpathos i applaud your honesty and sensitivity and very glad youve found VN a pleasurable place to live.