Expensive TET

Stunning but not that surprising as pretty much all that matters to people in Vietnam is: money.

I'm lucky, my wife's family and relatives have asked for zip,squat,nought,nothing over the last 5 years.

AkaMaverick wrote:

This is a good article about the escalating cost of TET lucky money and gifts.
We have budgeted 20 million Dong for this year.
People simply expect extremely much from their relatives who live abroad or who are married to foreigners.
As described in the article, even the Vietnamese living abroad are hesitant to come home during the TET holidays.

https://vnexpress.net/doi-song/nguoi-vi … vn_thumb=0


But not only at TET.
Even if you travel a lot as an expat, your relatives expect to receive gifts after each trip.
At weddings, birthdays, hospital visits, etc. they also expect to receive more money than from the locals.

So those who plan to marry a Vietnamese woman with family must budget at least 50 million Dong per year for gifts.

Do you think they'll take coupons???

I don't think ours is terrible, but then I don't know exactly how much it costs, either.  Probably better that way.  Since we support the parents and one sister that is going to school every month anyway it's probably not that bad in the grand scheme of things.

The thought that an Overseas Vietnamese MUST give bigger gifts is exactly what it is, a thought.  NOBODY says they must.  Well, except the greedy mothers-in-law (the husbands' mothers) in the article.  Notice that the other mothers-in-law (the wives' mother) didn't ask for anything.  What I read between the lines is that the demanding mothers-in-law will always be demanding no matter the circumstance.  That's why since the beginning of time in Vietnam, the groom's mother has always been the most important factor to be considered before the couple even contemplating marriage.  If she's mean spirited, the chance for her son to find a good wife is very slim.

Also notice that the individuals in the article are all Vietnamese who have only been living abroad for a few years.  The war was over 45 years ago, meaning the number of Vietnamese who have become hyphenated Vietnamese (Vietnamese-Americans, Vietnamese-Canadians, Vietnamese-Australians, Vietnamiens en France, etc) is a whole lot bigger than the newly weds in the article who left home between 4 - 8 years ago.  The difference between the two groups is that the former is much more Westernised and no longer has the need to prove themselves, while the latter still clings to the mentality of saving face and showing off.

Read the article carefully and you can hear the boasting hidden behind the complaints.

Boasting from the couple who have been living in France for 4 years and come home for the first time:  "Just the gifts alone, and mind you, they're limited to only immediate family members and a few relatives, have cost us 2000€. We estimate it'll be 5000€ before the lucky money."  Excuse me, but how do you go from 2000€ of gifts to 5000€ of expenses before lucky money?  Where do you plan to spend the 3000€, taking the entire village to eat every day of your stay? 

Her quote: "Many people said coming home from abroad, we must give twice the amount of lucky money."  Who are the "many people", where do they get the rule, and why did she listen to them? 

Boasting from the couple in the UK:  "Gifts for both sides of the family: 50M; lucky money: 15M;  parties: 10M; miscellaneous: 70M.  We spent the same amount in 2018."  Excuse me, but 70M of miscellaneous?  And you're doing it every other year?  Slow learners, aren't you?

Boasting from the woman who has been living in Los Angeles for 8 years:  "My husband's mother requested that I bought gifts to all 20 relatives in the extended family, so I'll give each relative a box of alimentary and some clothing.  It costs me more than $1000.  As the owner of a restaurant, that's not a big deal to me, but I hate giving to people to whom I'm not close, or whom I don't even remember."  OK then, moving on.

Boasting from the woman who married a Belgian and has been living in Bruxelle for 7 years:   "We both worked for the railway and have very good income, so we came home every Tet.  Instead of gifts, we gave out lucky money freely, between 500k and several hundred Euro per person.  Because I'm married to a foreigner, I must invite everyone out, more than 10 meals per visit, and always in expensive restaurants so I wouldn't be known as a cheapskate.  Everyone kept looking at me when it's time to pay."  Excuse me, but whose fault is it?

When my sister and I returned to Vietnam for a visit the first time, we were already living away for more than 3 decades.  She became a widow of considerable asset and I was what the Italian called me, a "baby pensione" (I retired at 47).  We spend 7 weeks visiting every relative from Saigon to Hanoi and every point in between.  Not one person asked anything from us.  We contributed to the maintenance of the ancestors mausoleum and the expense of creating the family genealogy, and that's the extent of our "gifts".  Many visits since then from the hundreds of us living in the States and Europe, still no one in Vietnam has expected anything.  Even back in the early '90s, Vietnamese in Vietnam already knew that living overseas did not equal to living large.  Twenty years later, every cab drivers I've met told me he wouldn't move to the States for love or money.

This article and the whines from the individuals mentioned in it have so little resemblance to the attitude of Vietnamese today.

AkaMaverick wrote:

But not only at TET.
Even if you travel a lot as an expat, your relatives expect to receive gifts after each trip.
At weddings, birthdays, hospital visits, etc. they also expect to receive more money than from the locals.

So those who plan to marry a Vietnamese woman with family must budget at least 50 million Dong per year for gifts.

Only if you marry into a greedy family.  There are more than 20 women in my extended family who married foreigners.  I can assure you that none of the spouses has ever spend more than the customary lucky money to the children (50k - 200k per red envelope, depending on the age of the receiver) and as per tradition, nobody gives lucky money to the married ones.

My husband and I travel extensively.  In any given year, we take two long international trips (and I don't mean to SEA countries) plus a couple shorter ones to island countries.  No one asked us to bring back a gift, ever.  This last month long trip to Europe, I bought 135€ worth of French skin care for my most favourite niece who takes excellent care of us out of the generosity of her heart, and that was it.

At my great-niece's wedding 3 weeks ago, my husband and I gave the same amount of gold to the bride as the locals did: 1 chỉ (3.75 gr).  My other niece and her German physician SO are the only couple who gave 2 chỉ (7.5 gr), but only because she's the bride's godmother.

Half of the Tết food in our apartment right now, signature food from all over the country, are gifts from our Vietnamese relatives.  Not from us to them.

My husband and I travel extensively.  In any given year, we take at least two long international trips (and I don't mean to SEA countries), plus several shorter ones to island countries.  No one asked us to bring back a gift, ever.  This last month long trip to Europe, I bought 135€ worth of French skin care for my most favourite niece who takes excellent care of us daily out of the generosity of her heart, and that was it.

****

unionjack wrote:

***

Whoa.  Did you read the quote to understand that my comment was the direct response to it? 

I'm pretty sure I have more of a life than you do.  And I'm not a typical Vietnamese.  Haven't been one for 45 years since I left the country.

Perhaps a reading comprehension and a bit more time learning about the people on this forum would help you become better informed.  Who knows, you may even become less boring yourself.  Yawn.

Ciambella wrote:

.
.

AkaMaverick wrote:

But not only at TET.
Even if you travel a lot as an expat, your relatives expect to receive gifts after each trip.
At weddings, birthdays, hospital visits, etc. they also expect to receive more money than from the locals.

So those who plan to marry a Vietnamese woman with family must budget at least 50 million Dong per year for gifts.

Only if you marry into a greedy family.  There are more than 20 women in my extended family who married foreigners.  I can assure you that none of the spouses has ever spend more than the customary lucky money to the children (50k - 200k per red envelope, depending on the age of the receiver) and as per tradition, nobody gives lucky money to the married ones.

My husband and I travel extensively.  In any given year, we take two long international trips (and I don't mean to SEA countries) plus a couple shorter ones to island countries.  No one asked us to bring back a gift, ever.  This last month long trip to Europe, I bought 135€ worth of French skin care for my most favourite niece who takes excellent care of us out of the generosity of her heart, and that was it.

At my great-niece's wedding 3 weeks ago, my husband and I gave the same amount of gold to the bride as the locals did: 1 chỉ (3.75 gr).  My other niece and her German physician SO are the only couple who gave 2 chỉ (7.5 gr), but only because she's the bride's godmother.

Half of the Tết food in our apartment right now, signature food from all over the country, are gifts from our Vietnamese relatives.  Not from us to them.

After all you told about your relatives, I think that your relatives cannot be taken as a reference.
Apparently there is education and money, many live overseas and many have married foreigners.
This is certainly not the standard Vietnamese family.

I have always lived far away from expat enclaves, business districts and upscale residential areas.
In my environment, be it the neighborhood, markets or even in the relatives of my wife, things look very different.
Rather little education, enough money for a modest life, only in rare cases a foreigner in the family.
According to my impressions this picture reflects the average Vietnamese family much better than that your relatives do.
If there is a single "rich" foreigner in a rather poorer relationship, the demands are probably higher than in a relationship like yours.

With the relatives of my wife the others bring a box of Tiger Beer and I bring a box of Heineken to the parties.
These are the minimal expectations of the only rich foreigner in the family.

colinoscapee wrote:

Wadey wrote:

colinoscapee wrote:

I remeber back about 16 years ago there was a site on the internet where people abused each other. It was friggin hilarious.

I think that site is still going, it's called Facebook 

Wadey

Facebook is a kindergarten compared to the site Im talking about.

I think seriously there could be "loads o money" to be made off advertising on a site like that, just think of the amount of views it would get once word got around, half the posts & comments could be a wind up & total fiction like some on here! but just look at the reaction on a small forum like this, imagine if it went world wide on the interweb thingy!

Another article about Tet lucky money.
https://vnexpress.net/doi-song/nguoi-lo … vn_thumb=0

The sense of the lucky money envelopes has been lost and only the amount of money in them counts. I noticed this already at the first Tet with the family of my wife.

Maybe all children should accumulate all of the envelopes and open all of them later.  That way nobody would know what is from whom.

AkaMaverick wrote:

Another article about Tet lucky money.
https://vnexpress.net/doi-song/nguoi-lo … vn_thumb=0

The sense of the lucky money envelopes has been lost and only the amount of money in them counts. I noticed this already at the first Tet with the family of my wife.

Sounds to me like there is a generation of spoiled children, now having spoiled children of their own. If a child did that to me, I would explain that the behavior was rude, it is why he would never get another envelope from me again, and caution that others may quit giving him money if he did the same to them.

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

AkaMaverick wrote:

This is a good article about the escalating cost of TET lucky money and gifts.
We have budgeted 20 million Dong for this year.
People simply expect extremely much from their relatives who live abroad or who are married to foreigners.
As described in the article, even the Vietnamese living abroad are hesitant to come home during the TET holidays.

https://vnexpress.net/doi-song/nguoi-vi … vn_thumb=0


But not only at TET.
Even if you travel a lot as an expat, your relatives expect to receive gifts after each trip.
At weddings, birthdays, hospital visits, etc. they also expect to receive more money than from the locals.

So those who plan to marry a Vietnamese woman with family must budget at least 50 million Dong per year for gifts.

Do you think they'll take coupons???

I redeemed my 3 months bonus coupons this morning at AEON, broke my heart but that's whats going in the envelopes from me!

Is there a custom in VN for the amount and numbers of bills given in red envelopes? Like using multiples of the lucky number 8 in China?

THIGV wrote:

I think we all should realize that no two families are the same and we certainly shouldn't be launching personal attacks on others if their experiences and expectations do not match our own.

That's exactly what you should tell Ciambella.
SHE is the one who with her experience defines this as the only true one and the others have no idea about Vietnam.
Just like you say, all families are different.
But I keep on saying that her family is not the average and therefore her stories are not very meaningful and helpful.

But let's leave that alone before it escalates again.
I won't say anything more about this.

Hmmmm. Frightening for a newbie. Sounds worse than christmas in Christian culture. I don't and never have celebrated this with family when I had family. I simply don't do it's not a question of money it is just a pain and someone will always be offended so best to let them all be offended.....IMHO.

I find out it's too expensive too. I have just booked a hotel in Da Nang. It cost 1400$ for three days. Why so expensive like that? Is that Vietnamese travelling around on Tet rather than stay with family?

Contem talk wrote:

I find out it's too expensive too. I have just booked a hotel in Da Nang. It cost 1400$ for three days. Why so expensive like that? Is that Vietnamese travelling around on Tet rather than stay with family?

I don't know how you booked it, but I just checked the Mương Thanh Luxury Hotel across the street from the beach there.

₫1,750,000 VNĐ for three days this coming Tết weekend.

That's just a tad over $277.00 USD, and actually lower than their normal rate.

I can only guess that you booked a river view room near Dragon Bridge.

Because of the awesome view for the fireworks, those rooms are prohibitively expensive this weekend.

Anyway, next time send me half of what you are paying and I'll definitely find you a sweet room...using Google Maps

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

Contem talk wrote:

I find out it's too expensive too. I have just booked a hotel in Da Nang. It cost 1400$ for three days. Why so expensive like that? Is that Vietnamese travelling around on Tet rather than stay with family?

I don't know how you booked it, but I just checked the Mương Thanh Luxury Hotel across the street from the beach there.

₫1,750,000 VNĐ for three days this coming Tết weekend.

That's just a tad over $277.00 USD, and actually lower than their normal rate.

I can only guess that you booked a river view room near Dragon Bridge.

Because of the awesome view for the fireworks, those rooms are prohibitively expensive this weekend.

Anyway, next time send me half of what you are paying and I'll definitely find you a sweet room...using Google Maps

I booked for resort,  yes next time definitely I will contact you. The resort name is Furama.

Looks really nice, & free breakfast for 2, you got a bargain for TET I think!

Contem talk wrote:

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

Contem talk wrote:

I find out it's too expensive too. I have just booked a hotel in Da Nang. It cost 1400$ for three days. Why so expensive like that? Is that Vietnamese travelling around on Tet rather than stay with family?

I don't know how you booked it, but I just checked the Mương Thanh Luxury Hotel across the street from the beach there.

₫1,750,000 VNĐ for three days this coming Tết weekend.

That's just a tad over $277.00 USD, and actually lower than their normal rate.

I can only guess that you booked a river view room near Dragon Bridge.

Because of the awesome view for the fireworks, those rooms are prohibitively expensive this weekend.

Anyway, next time send me half of what you are paying and I'll definitely find you a sweet room...using Google Maps

I booked for resort,  yes next time definitely I will contact you. The resort name is Furama.

Oh yeah, I know the place.

I just checked on Booking. com. I like that site because there are no hidden charges, as there are on Agoda.

Anyway, they have a Garden Deluxe room (1 king or two twins) available this weekend for  ₫16,400,000 VNĐ- about $709.00 USD for three nights, including Tết.

Unless you booked an elegant suite, it sounds as if some agent made a huge profit from you.

That's even further away from the fireworks too. At Muong Thanh you could have watched the fireworks from the rooftop bar, something like 26 stories high. In fact, you can still go there as it's a public bar.

Whatever you do, I hope you enjoy.

Chúc mừng năm mới!

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

Contem talk wrote:

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

I don't know how you booked it, but I just checked the Mương Thanh Luxury Hotel across the street from the beach there.

₫1,750,000 VNĐ for three days this coming Tết weekend.

That's just a tad over $277.00 USD, and actually lower than their normal rate.

I can only guess that you booked a river view room near Dragon Bridge.

Because of the awesome view for the fireworks, those rooms are prohibitively expensive this weekend.

Anyway, next time send me half of what you are paying and I'll definitely find you a sweet room...using Google Maps

I booked for resort,  yes next time definitely I will contact you. The resort name is Furama.

Oh yeah, I know the place.

I just checked on Booking. com. I like that site because there are no hidden charges, as there are on Agoda.

Anyway, they have a Garden Deluxe room (1 king or two twins) available this weekend for  ₫16,400,000 VNĐ- about $709.00 USD for three nights, including Tết.

Unless you booked an elegant suite, it sounds as if some agent made a huge profit from you.

That's even further away from the fireworks too. At Muong Thanh you could have watched the fireworks from the rooftop bar, something like 26 stories high. In fact, you can still go there as it's a public bar.

Whatever you do, I hope you enjoy.

Chúc mừng năm mới!

Why would you even bother to put a post like that, the guy has told you he has already booked the room! Jeez some people!!!

unionjack wrote:

Why would you even bother to put a post like that, the guy has told you he has already booked the room! Jeez some people!!!

Keep coming back...

unionjack wrote:

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

Contem talk wrote:

I booked for resort,  yes next time definitely I will contact you. The resort name is Furama.

Oh yeah, I know the place.

I just checked on Booking. com. I like that site because there are no hidden charges, as there are on Agoda.

Anyway, they have a Garden Deluxe room (1 king or two twins) available this weekend for  ₫16,400,000 VNĐ- about $709.00 USD for three nights, including Tết.

Unless you booked an elegant suite, it sounds as if some agent made a huge profit from you.

That's even further away from the fireworks too. At Muong Thanh you could have watched the fireworks from the rooftop bar, something like 26 stories high. In fact, you can still go there as it's a public bar.

Whatever you do, I hope you enjoy.

Chúc mừng năm mới!

Why would you even bother to put a post like that, the guy has told you he has already booked the room! Jeez some people!!!

In response to this question posted by Contem Talk;

" I find out it's too expensive too. I have just booked a hotel in Da Nang. It cost 1400$ for three days. Why so expensive like that? Is that Vietnamese travelling around on Tet rather than stay with family?"

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

Contem talk wrote:

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

I don't know how you booked it, but I just checked the Mương Thanh Luxury Hotel across the street from the beach there.

₫1,750,000 VNĐ for three days this coming Tết weekend.

That's just a tad over $277.00 USD, and actually lower than their normal rate.

I can only guess that you booked a river view room near Dragon Bridge.

Because of the awesome view for the fireworks, those rooms are prohibitively expensive this weekend.

Anyway, next time send me half of what you are paying and I'll definitely find you a sweet room...using Google Maps

I booked for resort,  yes next time definitely I will contact you. The resort name is Furama.

Oh yeah, I know the place.

I just checked on Booking. com. I like that site because there are no hidden charges, as there are on Agoda.

Anyway, they have a Garden Deluxe room (1 king or two twins) available this weekend for  ₫16,400,000 VNĐ- about $709.00 USD for three nights, including Tết.

Unless you booked an elegant suite, it sounds as if some agent made a huge profit from you.

That's even further away from the fireworks too. At Muong Thanh you could have watched the fireworks from the rooftop bar, something like 26 stories high. In fact, you can still go there as it's a public bar.

Whatever you do, I hope you enjoy.

Chúc mừng năm mới!

I found Agoda much better then Booking.com. Most of the hotels there are not serious with customers who were coming through the booking.com because booking.com do not request any credit card to keep guaranty for the booking. And another hand I found Agoda accept E-payment, So someone who uses E- payment it will be the right choice to use Agoda website.

Contem talk wrote:

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

Contem talk wrote:

I booked for resort,  yes next time definitely I will contact you. The resort name is Furama.

Oh yeah, I know the place.

I just checked on Booking. com. I like that site because there are no hidden charges, as there are on Agoda.

Anyway, they have a Garden Deluxe room (1 king or two twins) available this weekend for  ₫16,400,000 VNĐ- about $709.00 USD for three nights, including Tết.

Unless you booked an elegant suite, it sounds as if some agent made a huge profit from you.

That's even further away from the fireworks too. At Muong Thanh you could have watched the fireworks from the rooftop bar, something like 26 stories high. In fact, you can still go there as it's a public bar.

Whatever you do, I hope you enjoy.

Chúc mừng năm mới!

I found Agoda much better then Booking.com. Most of the hotels there are not serious with customers who were coming through the booking.com because booking.com do not request any credit card to keep guaranty for the booking. And another hand I found Agoda accept E-payment, So someone who uses E- payment it will be the right choice to use Agoda website.

Yeah, there are some benefits to using Agoda.

I just hate those surprises after booking when you find out special charges.

AkaMaverick wrote:

This is a good article about the escalating cost of TET lucky money and gifts.
We have budgeted 20 million Dong for this year.
People simply expect extremely much from their relatives who live abroad or who are married to foreigners.
As described in the article, even the Vietnamese living abroad are hesitant to come home during the TET holidays.

https://vnexpress.net/doi-song/nguoi-vi … vn_thumb=0


But not only at TET.
Even if you travel a lot as an expat, your relatives expect to receive gifts after each trip.
At weddings, birthdays, hospital visits, etc. they also expect to receive more money than from the locals.

So those who plan to marry a Vietnamese woman with family must budget at least 50 million Dong per year for gifts.

Sorry mate, I have to agree with others in that only the selfish and greedy families expect gifts, which you should avoid and not the norm.  We do not bring gifts and the only people that ask for gifts are the uneducated, selfish, greedy etc. members whom most of the family never want to see and usually don't.  Also, 99% of them have never left VN.  Do we give TeT red envelopes, of course, but they are in thousands, not millions. 

My advice, marry a traditional educated VN woman and you will avoid all of these issues, but that is easier said than done for a foreigner.

vndreamer wrote:

AkaMaverick wrote:

This is a good article about the escalating cost of TET lucky money and gifts.
We have budgeted 20 million Dong for this year.
People simply expect extremely much from their relatives who live abroad or who are married to foreigners.
As described in the article, even the Vietnamese living abroad are hesitant to come home during the TET holidays.

https://vnexpress.net/doi-song/nguoi-vi … vn_thumb=0


But not only at TET.
Even if you travel a lot as an expat, your relatives expect to receive gifts after each trip.
At weddings, birthdays, hospital visits, etc. they also expect to receive more money than from the locals.

So those who plan to marry a Vietnamese woman with family must budget at least 50 million Dong per year for gifts.

Sorry mate, I have to agree with others in that only the selfish and greedy families expect gifts, which you should avoid and not the norm.  We do not bring gifts and the only people that ask for gifts are the uneducated, selfish, greedy etc. members whom most of the family never want to see and usually don't.  Also, 99% of them have never left VN.  Do we give TeT red envelopes, of course, but they are in thousands, not millions. 

My advice, marry a traditional educated VN woman and you will avoid all of these issues, but that is easier said than done for a foreigner.

Looks like you made it.


My wife is traditionally educated.
Her family isn't.

You came to Vietnam, found a wife, married her, took her to the USA and lived with her in the USA.

Just one question: How much time did you spend in Vietnam altogether to know what the standard is here?

And also this:
We foreigners don't usually speak Vietnamese.
So you depend on what your wife tells you.
Maybe your wife does not tell you everything (e.g. that relatives have blasphemed about the foreigner's lucky money) because she is ashamed or she wants to protect you when relatives blaspheme about you.

vndreamer wrote:

AkaMaverick wrote:

This is a good article about the escalating cost of TET lucky money and gifts.
We have budgeted 20 million Dong for this year.
People simply expect extremely much from their relatives who live abroad or who are married to foreigners.
As described in the article, even the Vietnamese living abroad are hesitant to come home during the TET holidays.

https://vnexpress.net/doi-song/nguoi-vi … vn_thumb=0


But not only at TET.
Even if you travel a lot as an expat, your relatives expect to receive gifts after each trip.
At weddings, birthdays, hospital visits, etc. they also expect to receive more money than from the locals.

So those who plan to marry a Vietnamese woman with family must budget at least 50 million Dong per year for gifts.

Sorry mate, I have to agree with others in that only the selfish and greedy families expect gifts, which you should avoid and not the norm.  We do not bring gifts and the only people that ask for gifts are the uneducated, selfish, greedy etc. members whom most of the family never want to see and usually don't.  Also, 99% of them have never left VN.  Do we give TeT red envelopes, of course, but they are in thousands, not millions. 

My advice, marry a traditional educated VN woman and you will avoid all of these issues, but that is easier said than done for a foreigner.

Most of Asian countries they are expecting  the gifts from foreigners, I have notched that many times when I am traveling around Asia. In myself I never bought any gifts for anyone, and they won't expect it from me anymore. In Tet if you want to give lucky money, should give them 2$ nots. Vietnamese things 2$ brings them luck.

unionjack wrote:

Nevertheless or perhaps because of those facts, her contributions to this forum are invaluable, particularly in matters related to traditional customs and figures of speech.

That's your opinion & there should be ...."in my opinion" before the statement. I am new here but have read many of her previous posts & certainly don't see them as invaluable to me & don't relate in any way to my experiences certainly in my 14 years living here living in Vietnam.
You should understand your views are personal & not everyone's!

I have to believe (his opinion)is shared by many here. I find her posts to be extremely helpful in understanding much of vietnamese culture, attitudes, and history.

I found this article about "Expensive Tet" from the point of view of working class VNese to be of interest:

Tet pressures not worth it, say migrants who stay back

https://e.vnexpress.net/news/life/trend … 45122.html

Le Van Thanh is not swayed by the Tet bustle.

As bright lights illuminate the streets and loved ones gather to welcome a New Year, the migrant from the northern province of Ha Nam has not booked his ticket home. He will stay put in Ho Chi Minh City.

"I am not going home. Traveling before and after Tet is expensive, and then visiting my relatives requires me to spend a fortune."

I can totally see that happening more and more in the future.  It can easily be a factory worker's entire savings for the year.

SteinNebraska wrote:

I can totally see that happening more and more in the future.  It can easily be a factory worker's entire savings for the year.

Now is the time to buy one of those colorful piggy banks for next year 🙂

AkaMaverick wrote:

Looks like you made it.


My wife is traditionally educated.
Her family isn't.

You came to Vietnam, found a wife, married her, took her to the USA and lived with her in the USA.

Just one question: How much time did you spend in Vietnam altogether to know what the standard is here?

And also this:
We foreigners don't usually speak Vietnamese.
So you depend on what your wife tells you.
Maybe your wife does not tell you everything (e.g. that relatives have blasphemed about the foreigner's lucky money) because she is ashamed or she wants to protect you when relatives blaspheme about you.

Yes, I have said it many times, I am lucky and found an amazing wife and life time soul mate, no doubt.  Also, we tried to stay in VN and even looked at Singapore and Hong Kong.  However, when it came down to it, the opportunity that presented itself was back in the USA, just the way the stars aligned, it was not planned.

I was traveling and working a lot in Asia for many years so I spent a lot of time in Vietnam when I met my wife.  Once we got serious, I was basically living in VN and was there every month for a few years.  When we got married, we lived with her family so I spent a lot of time in the trenches.  Thus, I am welled versed in VN living and culture.

I do apologize and should have clarified by what I meant as what is "normal".  Based on my experiences, the "norm" is going to be based on your experiences.  What I saw and experienced?  The lower class uneducated VN were selfish and needy, always looking for a way to get money out of people, not just foreigners.  The middle class, educated and those working to get ahead, I saw the opposite, never selfish and not needy.  So what one considers normal will depend on your experiences.

With respect to what my wife tells me, she tells me all.  I know everything about everybody in the family, immediate and extended.  Yes, those selfish and needy members, tried to keep her from telling me everything, but they were so wrong.  Why do you think they wanted her not to tell me?  Because they know what they are doing is not "normal", but they think foreigners are stupid and you will believe that what they say and do are "normal". 

Like I always say, treat your wife or GF no different than you would any wife or GF because if you are a traditionalist, the similarities are pretty much the same.  So if you have certain people who are selfish and needy, stand your ground mate and do not worry about their abusive language, it's only words.  Second, you let them know your not stupid and actually smarter than them, which really makes them upset and that is a good thing. 

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

AkaMaverick wrote:

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

You remind me of Andy Passenger, who said he was gone for good...

You definitely need a psychiatrist.

Admins, why does he always get to associate me with someone else with impunity.
I find it outrageous.
When he can't think of anything better, he always mentions that name.
It's confusing to people who know me.

Apparently, certain people here have fool's licence.

You haven't been around here long enough to get bored by popcorn.

But Andy was here long enough for that.

In fact, Andy made the same EXACT complaint on more than one occasion.

I'm simply saying I hope the two of you meet someday.

Misery loves company...

Oceanbeach9210, you crack me up!  hahaha!  good laugh!

Even for the locals TET can be an expensive period. Although, may be not running to 20 Million as the OP.

The amount of ad's I've come across on websites like Muaban where some locals are selling their motorbike to pay for TET.

Fortunately the first day is over.

At 8 in the morning we started visiting relatives.
Each time we eat and drink until just before bursting.
The ass hurts from sitting on the traditional wooden or stone benches.
And of course handed over many presents and around 8 million Dong lucky money (2 parents, 3 grandparents and a lot of children).

Tomorrow morning we will start the second round.

Afterwards and the following days waiting at home on the soft sofa for visits from relatives.
And again constantly eating, nibbling and drinking.
What else should I do since I can't talk due to lack of knowledge of Vietnamese. 

AkaMaverick wrote:

Fortunately the first day is over.

At 8 in the morning we started visiting relatives.
Each time we eat and drink until just before bursting.
The ass hurts from sitting on the traditional wooden or stone benches.
And of course handed over many presents and around 8 million Dong lucky money (2 parents, 3 grandparents and a lot of children).

Tomorrow morning we will start the second round.

Afterwards and the following days waiting at home on the soft sofa for visits from relatives.
And again constantly eating, nibbling and drinking.
What else should I do since I can't talk due to lack of knowledge of Vietnamese. 

Play cards, Karaoke??