Fooled by foreigner?

daveinvietnam wrote:

Paying compliments and generally being nice to each other is not really dont that much by Vietnamese sad to say, I have a Vietnamese friend who is female and we often talk about the difference in our cultures[I am English], where as I might say to her you are looking nice tonight her family and friends have often said the exact opposite.
It goes much deeper, if a Viet builds a nice house the neighbors never compliment them on it, they only ever comment in the negative never in the positive, same as you never here phrases like 'oh they are a lovely couple', or ''such a nice family'', I have no idea why this is and of course there is bound to be the odd exception, but it is a shame really.

Yes, you are right.
I hope many Vietnamese people will learn from foreigners who always think positive.
I am trying to be always postive, and pay compliments as much as I can. But sometimes, when I pay some compliments, some people dont believe me , maybe because they feel shy, maybe they arent familiar to compliments (I dont know exactly the word 'familiar' is right or wrong here). When I try to treat someone well, they wonder: why she is good?
Now, many foreigners live in Vietnam. I hope Vietnamese will change...

I dont know why some people think that, they can get money easily from women . Maybe some bad guys think all people are foolish like QuynnTr's friend.
He is always a getlement man, and some women love him so much .

Hi all,

Could we get back to the topic please?

Thanks
Armand
Expat.com Team

Quynhtr: How is your friend now? Did you tell you any news?

Dejavu.dot wrote:

Quynhtr: How is your friend now? Did you tell you any news?

Thanks so much.
She gonna take flight next week thought. He seems not a bad guy but kind of playing around. I have no idea now, likely that just let her falls to get lessons.

I think all of us sometimes still do the wrong things even we all know.

QuynnTr wrote:

Dejavu.dot wrote:

Quynhtr: How is your friend now? Did you tell you any news?

Thanks so much.
She gonna take flight next week thought. He seems not a bad guy but kind of playing around. I have no idea now, likely that just let her falls to get lessons.

I think all of us sometimes still do the wrong things even we all know.

I think you dont need worry so much . Because she worked in that country already, maybe she will have some friends there. When I was 27 years old (more than her 4 years), I gave up everything in Hanoi and moved to Saigon, no friends, no relatives, no job... Although there are many bad things in my life, but I'm OK . You cant change her mind, try to talk to her more...

Dan I have a solution to your confused state.

You are obviously a gentlemen who thinks that being polite and paying the odd compliment is acceptable and appreciated by some people.
Problem I have found in Vietnam is that Common Courtesy, Common decency , respect, honesty , trust and integrity all seem rare In day to day living. Those things can't be be eaten, worn , ridden or put in a purse. 
Just throw cash at them.

Yogi007 wrote:

Dan I have a solution to your confused state.

You are obviously a gentlemen who thinks that being polite and paying the odd compliment is acceptable and appreciated by some people.
Problem I have found in Vietnam is that Common Courtesy, Common decency , respect, honesty , trust and integrity all seem rare In day to day living. Those things can't be be eaten, worn , ridden or put in a purse. 
Just throw cash at them.

You are really good at making a war .

Dan! Where are you? Pls come here, you will have a new "goal-mate"

Hi Ngatt.,
Sorry if you think I am too critical of local women.

   For the record, I have been here 3 years and have met a lovely "woman" .  Note that I use the word Woman. She is not a child.  I am 55 she is 41. She is mature, realistic and we are compatible in our interests.  She lives with her family, has a government job and no children.  She never married. WHY, ?  because she said that when the Vietnamese woman marries, she becomes a servant. She's very strong willed that way.  She won't be anyone's servant. I admire that.

We will continue to live in separate homes, but we travel together and live a good life.  I had previously dated younger girls , but that was a disaster.  Too many guys fall for young pretty girls who they have Zero compatibility with.  FOOLED By a FORIEGNER huh.....they are both fooling each other.  The guys on an ego trip ,or a sex tourist and the girl is looking for material gain.  That's how it is. They are fooling themselves and each other. ... Take care

If a man truly loves you distance wont matter. I'm in a long distance relationship too but now I followed my Boyfriend to be with him and have a life together even for a short while.

He already came to our country 2x lastyear and met my family and travelled the Philippines.

If your friends Bf loves her, he will visit her no matter what. But i doubt that hes single! Most foreign men here in VN even married still go with ladies because they want a companion. I have a vietnamese friend and her BF is my Boyfriend's colleague, the guy is married and she know but still going out with him! What the.. The guy said he is going to get a divorce soon! But its a lie because we know he just got married! Now i don't know how to tell my friend because i don't like interfering with relationships. 

She is a good lady, pretty and young, the guy is 36.

Yogi007 said, "When a Vietnamese woman marries in VN, she becomes a servant".

     This should be good discussion in a new thread. 

MIA2013 wrote:

Yogi007 said, "When a Vietnamese woman marries in VN, she becomes a servant".

     This should be good discussion in a new thread. 

Yeah! I remember some newbie expat telling me that Asian women are "subservient".

Well it made me laugh!

M

Deleted due to ineptitude.

iamunicaija wrote:

If a man truly loves you distance wont matter. I'm in a long distance relationship too but now I followed my Boyfriend to be with him and have a life together even for a short while.

He already came to our country 2x lastyear and met my family and travelled the Philippines.

If your friends Bf loves her, he will visit her no matter what. But i doubt that hes single! Most foreign men here in VN even married still go with ladies because they want a companion. I have a vietnamese friend and her BF is my Boyfriend's colleague, the guy is married and she know but still going out with him! What the.. The guy said he is going to get a divorce soon! But its a lie because we know he just got married! Now i don't know how to tell my friend because i don't like interfering with relationships. 

She is a good lady, pretty and young, the guy is 36.

I should stay out of the relationship issue, but what do I know I am just a bloke!

But you are right about distance being no object. Since I met my wife, I worked in Thailand, Iran, Peru, Laos, Hong Kong and the Solomon Islands. My wife came to Dubai for a week when I was working in Iran, we lived together in Thailand for some weeks, we took a holiday in Malaysia in between and she visited me in Hong Kong for two weeks.

Where there's a will theres a way!

Ah,no no no.

My girl said that, not me. 
However, one thing that always seems noticeable is that the Women appear to do all the work in this country.  They are the only ones that move.  I've seen several houses built where the woman shovels the sand and the guys are sitting down smoking .  Ha ha ha.

A lot of the guys here are lazy .  How often do you see large groups of women siting around smoking, drinking coffee/ beer and playing cards. ??  Any time of day there are hundreds of guys doing just that. It's a sport here.

My girl said she would not cook, clean and wash for a lazy man.  I can understand that. She comes to my place, I cook and clean up.  It's not hard .

This would be a good topic in another thread wouldn't it.  ??

eodmatt wrote:

MIA2013 wrote:

Yogi007 said, "When a Vietnamese woman marries in VN, she becomes a servant".

     This should be good discussion in a new thread. 

Yeah! I remember some newbie expat telling me that Asian women are "subservient".

Well it made me laugh!

M

Yes my wife cleans and cooks, sometimes we argue who gets to cook, cuz I like cooking to, and will often help with dishes...subservient? NO! Full of piss and vinegar? YES! Just  the way I like em.

Yogi007 wrote:

A lot of the guys here are lazy .

You don't say!

Mmmmm "newbie expat".   Eh.
Ha ha ha....an assumption perhaps.  The "yogi" name is new, but what about the guy/girl/ behind the logo.   I may have been here before and got thrown out.

Hey,
I think I know that guy lying on the bike.   

He's an astronomer.  Studies the night sky for the local meteorology department and submits his findings for the daily weather report.

charmavietnam wrote:

Ngan Khanh wrote:

Now what you should worry for your friend is to collect as much information about him as possible (photos, full name, identity, home address,....) because in the worst case, he could be a human trafficker (hopefully he isn't).

What is the use of these "investigation" , if he is not sincere and just want to play?
Want to go to court to "reinstate" lost love?
It's too late for her if he do'nt want to show up!
She did many mistakes  without a rethink.
you will reap what you sow!

Wrong! We are now not in the least care about her heart. She can get hers broken freely. what we care is not to have her disappeared into a human trafficker group that sell girls into prostitution/brothels.
By doing a careful investigation, and more, let him know that her friends are doing so, we hope that should he be such a trafficker, he might be dissuaded this time, getting cold feet.

In the worst case, we can avenge her.

Yogi007 wrote:

Hi Ngatt.,
Sorry if you think I am too critical of local women.

   For the record, I have been here 3 years and have met a lovely "woman" .  Note that I use the word Woman. She is not a child.  I am 55 she is 41. She is mature, realistic and we are compatible in our interests.  She lives with her family, has a government job and no children.  She never married. WHY, ?  because she said that when the Vietnamese woman marries, she becomes a servant. She's very strong willed that way.  She won't be anyone's servant. I admire that.

We will continue to live in separate homes, but we travel together and live a good life.  I had previously dated younger girls , but that was a disaster.  Too many guys fall for young pretty girls who they have Zero compatibility with.  FOOLED By a FORIEGNER huh.....they are both fooling each other.  The guys on an ego trip ,or a sex tourist and the girl is looking for material gain.  That's how it is. They are fooling themselves and each other. ... Take care

Its ok with me now . Some first days when I came here, I got shocked. But now, I got used to reading some comments like that . Kakaka.

You have a lovely woman. Congrats! I think many foreigners here have a great g/f/wife like you. Because I know many lovely mature women here.

I like your comments about Vietnamese people. I think you are good observer. I hope I will have a chance to read your book writing about your experiences with Vietnamse girls/women .

How is your gf now, QuynnTr ?

zanchun wrote:

How is your gf now, QuynnTr ?

I try to convinced her and thanks god she changed her mind, she wont going there but they still chatting everyday.
He seems doesnt care about her decision.

QuynnTr wrote:

zanchun wrote:

How is your gf now, QuynnTr ?

I try to convinced her and thanks god she changed her mind, she wont going there but they still chatting everyday.
He seems doesnt care about her decision.

I think you shouldnt tell her " he is bad"" you should leave him".. it is better to show her your agreement so she will tell you what they usually talk with each others. And you can give her some opinions why he acts like that to her. It will make her grow up a bit.

QuynnTr wrote:

zanchun wrote:

How is your gf now, QuynnTr ?

I try to convinced her and thanks god she changed her mind, she wont going there but they still chatting everyday.
He seems doesnt care about her decision.

Good news.

What you can do now is waiting for another good guy who will come and help her out of that situation. Hope that she will realize the truth soon.

You haven't mentioned if you have a bf or not. If not, why don't you and she join more out-door activities so that you both can get more fun as well as meet more good guys. 

zanchun wrote:

You haven't mentioned if you have a bf or not. If not, why don't you and she join more out-door activities so that you both can get more fun as well as meet more good guys. 

Haa thanks for sharing, nice idea.
We r going to the beach this weekend.

Welcome to Vung Tau then 

I agree it sounds sketchy to me.

I met my wife through one of her family members who worked with me here.

We did the email, IM & Skype thing, then I took the leap & visited her.

Any guy who is even HALFWAY interested would at least take a couple of weeks to visit & see if they were compatible, even if he had a low paying job in U.S., it is totally affordable trip. I can't imagine a job that is MORE important to take your vacation from to visit a person you are reasonably interested in a long relationship.  I'm not saying he is a bad person, but his commitment to this relationship HAS to be considered tenuous at best.  I wish he would just man up & admit he has doubts or just cut her loose now so she can invest in a more likely relationship...  Just calling them as I see them...

If he is really interested, he would have booked the tickets and all other arrangements.  I did that for my girlfriend and now we're husband and wife.
There is definitely something in between that they should work out.
Just my thoughts.

I dont know what you are worried about. You say his a buisness man and when your are in buisness for youself its sometimes impossible to get away. I dident take a holiday for 5 years when i was in buisness, i coulent go sick, i had no time off it just wasent possible. He calls every day so i dont think his playing her. He could have helped out with the ticket, maybe he will when she sees him. If he dosent, then maybe shes picked a cheep skate. Good luck to her, she is only 23 plenty of time for love.

Just read she ant going now as you have changed her mind for her. Well i hope she dont regret it, you may have a friend now but for how long?

Tom mac loan wrote:

I dont know what you are worried about. You say his a buisness man and when your are in buisness for youself its sometimes impossible to get away. I dident take a holiday for 5 years when i was in buisness, i coulent go sick, i had no time off it just wasent possible. He calls every day so i dont think his playing her. He could have helped out with the ticket, maybe he will when she sees him. If he dosent, then maybe shes picked a cheep skate. Good luck to her, she is only 23 plenty of time for love.

I think, if you are very busy, so that you dont spend time for your love, you love your work than your woman, pls let the woman go! Man only need work, and women. But women need love, need time of the man she loves!

I have a friend, he is very busy, he does business at his home, he earns so much. I talkd to him, go to Saigon to see me, but he always tried to see me in somewhere near his house (25kms from Saigon). I didnt go there, although I can.

Although I really dont want, finally, I stopped this relationship after seeing him 2 times in 3 months (1 time he went to Saigon to see me). I think he didnt want to spend time for me, he didnt really want to have a serious relationship. 2 times are enough to stop. I dont need his money, I need his time, just enough!

When a door closed, there are many doors open. So, I think the girl is still young, she will have many chance to see a good man, who can spend time for her, enjoy life with her, share with her many interesting things in her life.

PS: Although, many my friends said I'm a workaholic because I go to office everyday, except Sunday (they dont open the door on Sunday ).


.

It's true that. I agree.

only time will tell...she is going about it wrong...he needs to have a job...why else would he be in his home country...you need to work make money get pension

zanchun wrote:

Love is blind. Your girlfriend is blind now

I doubt that "he is still single at 38". I bet that he's already has a family but still wants to court your girlfriend. A real man will overcome long distance to meet one he truly loves, not by phone only.

I hope your girl friend will discover the truth soon.

I disagree a lot. Im older than 38 and still single, no family hiding some place. Yes it happens, so what? A single adult doesnt mean LIAR.

And as far as travel long distance, you sure say it fast like its nothing. Im only in Malaysia and still its hard to visit VN. Im in Penang, the Viet embassy is in Kuala Lumpur which is a days ride on a bike. I would have to go there, drop my passport and $$, then return in 3 days again to pick it up. I work 7 days a week, how would I do that? Its a total of 4 days on a motorbike. See its not so easy as you say. As it turns out, i went to US in May and got that visa from the Viet consulate in San Francisco for travel to VN starting October. Fine, I have the visa but still work 7 days a week and need to carve out the time to go and its not easy. People are not automatically liars as you say, they have lives which dont always fit someone elses convenience. That doesnt make them bad people.

ngattt wrote:

Tom mac loan wrote:

I dont know what you are worried about. You say his a buisness man and when your are in buisness for youself its sometimes impossible to get away. I dident take a holiday for 5 years when i was in buisness, i coulent go sick, i had no time off it just wasent possible. He calls every day so i dont think his playing her. He could have helped out with the ticket, maybe he will when she sees him. If he dosent, then maybe shes picked a cheep skate. Good luck to her, she is only 23 plenty of time for love.

I think, if you are very busy, so that you dont spend time for your love, you love your work than your woman, pls let the woman go! Man only need work, and women. But women need love, need time of the man she loves!

I have a friend, he is very busy, he does business at his home, he earns so much. I talkd to him, go to Saigon to see me, but he always tried to see me in somewhere near his house (25kms from Saigon). I didnt go there, although I can.

Although I really dont want, finally, I stopped this relationship after seeing him 2 times in 3 months (1 time he went to Saigon to see me). I think he didnt want to spend time for me, he didnt really want to have a serious relationship. 2 times are enough to stop. I dont need his money, I need his time, just enough!

When a door closed, there are many doors open. So, I think the girl is still young, she will have many chance to see a good man, who can spend time for her, enjoy life with her, share with her many interesting things in her life.

PS: Although, many my friends said I'm a workaholic because I go to office everyday, except Sunday (they dont open the door on Sunday ).


.

NGATTT, you bring up a good point but you didnt say it. These days a person has to work really hard to make a living and thats where the time goes. Love is much harder these days because if the people spend the time on each other there is much less time for work, so where is the money going to come from? I see couples, married, and the man is gone 98% of the time working. She is home alone and he is working like a madman to pay the bills. Is all time gone for love?

Let get down to the real world. No long distance can last forever. They have to decide what's the next step, IF it's real love or just lush. Plan the future now or  it's failure b4 they start. Communicate intelligently and you can find answers. If all communication is about "imiss you and I love you snd when can we see each other and and" then its just lush, to me. IMHO

TanRay, id say yes and no, it depends.

Ive had the reverse happen in which i fell for someone online, ditched my whole life and moved to her country, here Malaysia, then 3 years later she went to Canada temporarily, slowly forgot Malaysia and me and by the 4th year it was all over.

Long distance can work or not work depending on the goals and individual sincerity. In my case I waited patiently and continued working. I didnt forget her or fall for anyone else. But she didnt feel the same. Long distance worked for me but not for her. For both, yes it can work if both felt like I did.

cvco wrote:

zanchun wrote:

Love is blind. Your girlfriend is blind now

I doubt that "he is still single at 38". I bet that he's already has a family but still wants to court your girlfriend. A real man will overcome long distance to meet one he truly loves, not by phone only.

I hope your girl friend will discover the truth soon.

I disagree a lot. Im older than 38 and still single, no family hiding some place. Yes it happens, so what? A single adult doesnt mean LIAR.

And as far as travel long distance, you sure say it fast like its nothing. Im only in Malaysia and still its hard to visit VN. Im in Penang, the Viet embassy is in Kuala Lumpur which is a days ride on a bike. I would have to go there, drop my passport and $$, then return in 3 days again to pick it up. I work 7 days a week, how would I do that? Its a total of 4 days on a motorbike. See its not so easy as you say. As it turns out, i went to US in May and got that visa from the Viet consulate in San Francisco for travel to VN starting October. Fine, I have the visa but still work 7 days a week and need to carve out the time to go and its not easy. People are not automatically liars as you say, they have lives which dont always fit someone elses convenience. That doesnt make them bad people.

I think it's not that hard to get a tourist visa. And if it is that hard, a man truly loves a woman will try his best to visit her, to touch her tenderly, to kiss her, to ...

In my opinion, If you love a girl, the most important thing you want is to live nearby or with her, not by saying " oh, babe, it's hard to get a visa to Vietnam, so we chat via facebook instead ! I will kiss you by emotional icons ..."

I agree with you that a single adult is not a LIAR. There're many reasons why they don't get marry when they're young. Maybe they only want to develop their career, earn a lot of money.
BUT, You spend all of your time to earn money, and after years passed, you get rich, have a big fortune. So what now, Whenever a girl loves you, you will just think " oh this girl only loves my money !". It's hard for you to find a real love when you get too old.

Let's talk back you the guy QuynnTr mentioned at first post. I see an untrue love in him / or he puts his career over his love.