Warsaw Mommy Blog

Hello Warsaw Mommy,
I have read one of your latest posts on your blog, the one about not being a foreigner in Poland anymore just because you have lived here longer than 2 years... Your blog has moved my heart in many ways... And I just wanted to 'talk back to you' as I read it. Well, I probably feel about Canada the same way you feel about Poland. I was born in Poland and I spent my first 26 years here. But then I moved away and lived in Canada, in Toronto...  I can walk around certain areas of Toronto with my eyes closed... I know which bus to take to get from point A to point B, not to mention driving directions... In Warsaw I am lost. I have no clue where buses go any more, my memories are foggy and misleading, and buses have changed their routes so I better be careful... I have found driving in Poland extremely stressful... As a pedestrian - I have been almost knocked down by a car or bus a few times when trying to cross a street at a pedestrian crossing... I feel so lost in my own country, I feel like a foreigner and I was born and raise here!
Enough of complaining.
When you wrote that your home was where your family was, where your husband was, I have finally (I hope finally) understood the reasons why I have felt so homeless for so long. My home was, were my husband was. He died 4 years ago. Ever since I have felt so uprooted. My life in Canada lost its meaning... It came to an end in very significant ways. I was there because of him. I married a Canadian and that was the only reason why I moved to Canada, you see. Although I was born in Poland, my home was in Canada because that was where I had built my nest, created a home. That is why, although I had been quite attached to Poland, visiting every year, I had not considered moving back. Not until now, and here I am....
I do not want to bore you. I am really grateful for what you have written, I could relate so much, even if in a reverse way... 
I am also facing the challenge of bringing up/educating a Canadian kid in Poland, and it is a real challenge for me and for him. He is 11. I wish he were younger... But things are as they are.
I wish you best of luck. Again, it is a comfort to my soul to read your blogs. Keep them up!
Joanna

Joanna,

I am so sorry you lost your husband four years ago, and that your son has lost his father. How is he doing here, with settling in and coping with Poland?

I am very moved that my post touched your heart... amazing how people become our 'homes', isn't it?

Maybe we can meet for a coffee one morning next week? I'd love to meet you!

Michelle

Dear Michelle,
I was very happy you wrote me back. I am sorry I did not reply right away. I wanted to write you a longer email and had no time to do so then, so I postponed it for later time and look what happened - a few days passed and I did not reply to your email at all! Only today...

Thank you for your heartwarming words and for understanding.
It has been four years since Jeff died (it will be four exatcy on June 23) and it seems like a long time on the outside, but it is not a long time - for me - on the inside. I am very grateful that I attended a bereavement group in Toronto, it helped me understand the process...
You know what they say in NY? They say: "First it gets worse, then it gets different, then it gets real and then it gets real different". And it is true for me. It has never got better Michele, but it is getting different all the time. My return to Poland is a part of it.
I hope that the same is happening for Matthew. It was a real shock for him and he hasn't gotten over it. His dad was his best buddy, they 'ganged up' against me, two naughty boys... His dad read him books at night time, played baseball, soccer, canoed and 'motor boated' (have I just invented a new word?). I was never able to repalce all the above. I probably never tried hard enough.
Anyway, here we are in Poland and Matthew has lots of difficulties adjusting to life here. The biggest challange is the isolation he feels here. He cannot find friends. He finds Polish kids unapproachable. He also does not speak the language. Yes, I was one of those negligent mothers, I did not bother with Polish at all and then it was too late.
First I tried to send him to a Polish school. I hoped that after half a year he would master some Polish and move on in his education. Afer 3 months I took him out of that school. He was depressed and lonely as I had never seen him before. He also did not learn anything (for obvious reasons).
Now Matthew attends International American School in Kabaty (don't mix it with the American School in Konstancin Jeziorna, which is way beyond my financial means). It is better but not perfect. He still has no real friends and complains, but there is some learning going on there and he can communicate with his schoolmates. I hope one day he will find a friend. And learn Polish in the process. For now he dislikes Polish and he is not happy to be here.
I like this school because it reminds me of Canadian schools... Kids from all over the world. Not many if any are American and I think Matt is the only Canadian kid in the school and definitely the only native speaker in the class. There are many Polish kids, Indian kids, Asian kids, African kids there. They all communicate in English and in all other languages too. It is quite interesting.

Upps, I am writing a lot again. I hope I do not sound too sad or depressing. Things are OK. I know they will get different. New beginnings take long time. Like creating a garden. It takes 5 years to create a garden and another 5 to see it really blossom. Me and Matt are on our path to a new garden of our life.

I would love to meet you for coffee one day next week. Taking is easier than writing.... I usually work on Mondays, Wenesdays and Fridays I am free on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  Maybe we could meet one morning on Tue. or Thru. Please let me know which day is better for you.

I am so glad that you have written me. I hope you do not mind my writing. I am very talkative too, so beware!

But I would love to get to know you. I wish I could be of more help...  I know very little about life in Poland for today. I could give you all the details of what to do with kids in Toronto (to AGO, ROM,RCM, Parks and Recs, really great Karate school... Kayaking club at Lake Wilcox)... I cannot help you in terms of Warsaw (YET). And it is a little bit bizzare. Isn't it? I am a Polish expatriote in... Poland.
Maybe at least it is worth a good laugh, and laughing is good~

Take care,
Joanna

Hi Joanna,

Oh, I really MUST check this inbox more often; seems like every time I forget for a few days, I get a whole bunch of really great e-mails here

OK, so! I think we need to meet up. Next Tuesday? I am swamped this week with work and deadlines, but if you read my blog, you know I have my own business and so I do not complain when the work flows... mostly because as sure as the sun rises tomorrow, the work will dry up, and I can easily go 2 or 3 montsh without issuing an invoice. The joys of ownership: it's feast or famine!

Maybe next Tuesday at about 13:00? I have to be somewhere at 16:00, but if we met in Galeria Mokotów, I can jump on a bus and be there in less than 10 minutes. Is that convenient for you at all?

If not, we'll find another time....

Take care, and have a good week. I hope we get to speak soon.

M

Hello Michelle,
It is Joanna again. I am sorry I went silent for so long. I got bogged down by life events... It never rains, it always pours... I am still 'fighting the aligators' but I see the end of it all, I know that 'this too shall pass'. "I see the light in the tunnel, I just hope it is not an upcoming train"...
I hope you were busy past few weeks. I mean 'happily busy'. I am sure you know what I am talking about. By the way, when I lived in Canada, I had the following message on my answering machine: "....we are happily busy right now and cannot answer the phone, so please leave a message..."

I know all too well what working on contract means - "have been there, done that" in Canada for many years. In fact, I have a contract right now and it ends at the beginning of August, which means unemployment for me again at that point.
It may not be so bad for a while, as I would like to go somewhere with Matt, have a little bit of summer holidays somewhere. I do not want him to spend whole summer in Warsaw.

I do hope we get to meet one day finally.
Next week is still a challange for me and Matt. I hope to get my car fixed and close some of the family matters that have been dragging on for last three years. Matt has year end exams in math and Polish... I am glad he is over with most of his exams, two more to go, and I am free! I have to help him out preparing... He is still on a mission of proving that he cannot cope, he is the failure, no good and so on. In an indirect way he is sending me a message that Poland is no good for him... But the week after that we are hopefully less busy.

I will make sure to stay in touch with you. Do you think it is safe to leave my email and telephone number here? If so, I will send you my phone number or my  email address so you can get in touch with me directly.

I apologize again for being so late with my answer.
Take care,
Joanna