First off, I love Holland, I'm here because of a wonderful man who I've been blessed to meet, and I don't feel like living anywhere else. However between jobs or lack thereof and learning Dutch, I've found myself very depressed. It would help if I knew what was normal, and if I saw a light at the end of the tunnel.
With jobs, I've contacted every uitzendbureau that I have heard of who will work with English speakers, by now I must have contacted at least 8 of them. With all of them, I have to contact the employer myself, and I keep getting job listing after job listing looking for English and another language. Where there is an opening, they want me to work full time, which isn't an option as I'm busy with Dutch lessons, and as my husband and I plan on trying to conceive next year, I want my Dutch to be fluent by the time our oldest child is learning to talk. I have a Bachelor's in accounting, Magna Cum Laude at that, from a university in the US, however no post-grad job experience as I only finished my degree last year. I know there are international companies such as the 2 I know of, Unilever and Shell. However, I am a vegan and an environmentalist, so I have issues with Unilever's animal testing and Shell's plans to drill in the Arctic.
I feel like the only option I have left is cleaning. And to be honest, this feels very demoralizing, as I worked a full-time job while I was in university so that I would never have to clean for money again. There is also retail, although 2 major things working against me, I'm 30 so my minimum wage is higher than a younger person's, and my Dutch is not that great yet, I'm probably somewhere between level A2 and B1 right now. Of course food service has been mentioned to me often, but then again, I'm vegan, so bad idea. Fortunately, my husband is supportive, and doesn't want me to resort to a job that I'd leave at the end of every day with a guilty conscience.
However our money situation is very tight, I've been feeling guilty, and I'm bordering on being depressed, I wasn't able to stop crying all of last night and this morning even though my husband wasn't angry at all. And to be honest, it's hard while he's at work all day and I'm at home wondering what is wrong with me and why I can't get a job. I'm not giving up on our relationship, however something does need to change or my mental health is seriously at risk. When we made the decision for me to come here, we had so many people (all Dutch though) saying that as a native English speaker, I'd have a very easy time finding a job!
The only other thing that I can think of is to consider commuting to Amsterdam, we live in Rotterdam. Though if I did that, with my course load for my Dutch classes I definitely couldn't manage more than 3 days per week. Based on talking to people, I'm getting the impression that the only way that it is easy to negotiate a 3 day workweek is if you're a mother.
Ideally, I would like to find a 3-4 day per week job in Rotterdam or Den Haag, even if it's something silly, at least to bring in a little more money and to keep me sane. Even better is if I find a job like this which is not menial, so then I can take maternity leave and then come back to it after we have our first child, we're trying to conceive next year so hoping for a birth in 2014.
All of the above was long-winded, and yes, it is driving me into depression, it's been on my mind for months now. Let's just say that the main reason we chose Holland over the US, despite the fact that one of us would have a learn a new language, is because my parents were awful and his parents are amazing, so I know which set of grandparents I trust more around our children. Still though, as I sit at home feeling useless because I still don't have a job, I keep hearing my parents voices saying that I'm lazy, stupid, and a failure for being at home and living off of my husband's money.
For the last few months, my depression has been very bad, so I have put off making my own friends. I know this is important, though that said, my husband is my best friend and there has been nothing but good times with us. Most of his friends are Dutch, and they have been very nice to me, though often I feel left out when the conversation takes off in Dutch and I can't keep up. Though there have been 2 of his friends who have been rude about me being vegan. My husband knew from the beginning that what he eats is his choice, though he's addicted to my cooking and always eats whatever I make, and would say that as of right now he eats meat maybe 1 or 2 times per month. Which these friends have given him a very hard time about. There's that, and he's experienced what many people experience when they enter a serious relationship when friends who he had before (mostly female) disappeared, so we have talked about this often and figure that it's best for us to make new friends together. And it would be good if I knew more people free to hang out in the daytime during the week while my husband is working, right now, I don't know anyone who's regularly free then.
This is certainly not about being homesick. I'm about as left-wing as Americans come, the Christian agenda often made my blood boil, I'm estranged from my parents, and not much of my country's food is vegan. Holland is a very nice breath of liberal fresh air in comparison, and I certainly feel more comfortable raising my children here!
Though I would really like a job, more friends, and to know what I'm doing with getting myself settled here. Someone, please enlighten me!