Minnesota man

@MinnGuy

Have you ever visited the country?

        Welcome MinnGuy.  How about them Vikings!  You said in your profile that you want to move to the Philippines.  It would help us help you if you could supply some additional information.  Have you ever been in the Philippines?  If so, where?  How old are you?  Do you intend to retire to move to the Philippines or do you intend to work in the Philippines? Where is your girl and her family living?  Plenty of people on here can help you once they know the rest of the story.

Lotus Eater & mugteck you're so kind.

Even Paul Harvey knows the rest of the future story from his grave.

She and family live in Vigan City.   I don't want to explain too much because I'm just new here.  The internet can be pretty toxic and I usually post very little anywhere.

I have deep interest in the Philipines by family connections but I have not yet been there.

I own a small software company and I could work anywhere I can get a connection.   I met her when looking in Phil for contract programming.    In searching, I ran across her.   She is not a programmer so not a candidate for my search.

We've been chatting for several months.

    She and family live in Vigan City.   I don't want to explain too much because I'm just new here.  The internet can be pretty toxic and I usually post very little anywhere.
I have deep interest in the Philipines by family connections but I have not yet been there.

I own a small software company and I could work anywhere I can get a connection.   I met her when looking in Phil for contract programming.    In searching, I ran across her.   She is not a programmer so not a candidate for my search.

We've been chatting for several months.
   

    -@MinnGuy

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Searches on FilipinoCupid or similar for contract programmers could result in many responses.

@MinnGuy

Welcome to the forum, look and learn here from others experiences good and bad. Vigan is a nice spot but overall not much different to other places here, I suppose home is where you find it.

Only an opinion but I could and probably others suggest that you come here, taste the flavours and get your hands dirty so to speak instead of from afar. Oh and meet your Lady and her family, their culture.

Personally I wouldn't offer/give to your lady until you meet and learn, then decide.

Good luck.

Cheers, Steve.

              MinnGuy, we have a house in Manueva, Santa, 10 miles south of Vigan, Ilocos Sur.  This year we are staying in the mountains, in Baguio, but we could probably answer any questions you have about the area, as my wife grew up there and we have spent 3 previous winter's there.

            A problem you could have would be getting WiFi good enough to do your work, it has been very weak and freezes up often.  We have a niece who just recently lost all of her pigs due to said disease, part of the risk of doing business here.

            Since you have never been to the Philippines, it might be best to take a 29 day trip sometime to get a feel for the area and the people. Would suggest avoiding rainy season, come between October and April.  You need a return ticket in 29 days, otherwise just need a passport good for 6 more months.  I could introduce you to other local expats, mostly USA and British exmilitary.  You could personal message me on here and let me know times and places, ask any questions you may have, if you do not want to be too public with your search.

@Enzyte Bob

Is it possible for me to block you from replying to my post?

If not please stifle yourself.

@mugteck

Thank you for your helpful offer.   I may take you up on that later.   

@MinnGuy

You will learn that most here have different senses of humour and opinions, open forums are for sharing info and there are rules adjudicated by admin.

You will eventually get to like the individualities here as we are all different we offer alternate options to a problem/issue.

Yes you can block or simply ignore when you don't like what you hear. Bob and I have had our moments over the many years and while he certainly has a different humour to mine/others there is also good and useful input, you need a thick skin on any open forum and as I always say to my better half "harden up princess"

In the mean time? As you will be advised by hundreds here, come and enjoy or hate, the Philippines is an acquired taste and not for all. The old saying? "your not in Kansas now Dorothy" and take heed with what is said and logical, don't give money until you know the beast.

OMO.

Cheers, Steve.

Thanks - You have confirmed for me that some of what she has told me already is true.

A problem you could have would be getting WiFi good enough to do your work, it has been very weak and freezes up often.  We have a niece who just recently lost all of her pigs due to said disease, part of the risk of doing business here.

With regard to being cautious about helping out and coming to visit first, I have thought that through.   I can afford to take a financial loss but I am more concerned about protecting my heart than my pocketbook.   If she is going to scam me, I would prefer it be done at a distance.    I'm aware of the risks.

@bigpearl

Thanks.  People think they can be so funny and snarky on a forum.   It's everywhere and no different from a drunk at a party.     I don't have to put up with it, and I don't want a helpful discussion to be hijacked.  So I am blunt in reply.     I almost use a different word than "stifle"  so I was being diplomatic.   

Theres millions of people here that can use some extra cash and they are good at their stories because they are partially true. Frankly i don't think there is a reason to tell you how much she makes a day unless she is leaning into your recourses.

the minimum wage here in my municipality is $6 a day. people know how to live on that. After the death of pigs and you help solve that problem you're already hooked. Then there will be medical problems you can help with whether they are true or not you're already hooked.

People here have been dealing with the conditions here for generations. If you spoil someone and it doesn't work out they'll be more likely to need spoiling and search for that forgetting to solve their own problems.

just my 2 cents and it isn't worth a penny more than that.

Super Tramp.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SwQ9iavJeI

Heart problems?

Or Blondie "Heart of glass"

All good you can block me also. But why take a needless loss?

OMO. Look after your health.

Cheers, Steve.

    @bigpearl
Thanks.  People think they can be so funny and snarky on a forum.   It's everywhere and no different from a drunk at a party.     I don't have to put up with it, and I don't want a helpful discussion to be hijacked.  So I am blunt in reply.     I almost use a different word than "stifle"  so I was being diplomatic.   -@MinnGuy

Pragmatic or hurt matters little, the/your OP has not been hijacked but simply not what you want to hear, go try another site and you will get the same cynicism/answers. You are talking to guys and on occasion ladies that live here and most have for a long time, your heart excuse we have heard before/wheelchair bound/scared of flying/can't afford or simply too lazy to get off their derriere and try.

One can't judge/decide from afar, that's like buying a new car online or falling in love online sight unseen.

Get with the program and prosper.

Yet again OMO.

Cheers, Steve.

@MinnGuyAlways,

Hey Minn... So... First off... 12 dollars a day in Philippines is a very good salary...  So as far as "helping"... I suggest LESS is more.  At least for now until you come and visit and it works out, or not.  Remember... with her family... you are NOTHING more than a walking Bank machine to be used whenever they want... there will be a constant "flow" of opportunities to "help".  It is simply the culture regarding Foreigners.  That being said... if YOU control your pocket book, and learn to say no at times, and set boundaries, you could be in for the absolute best time in your life. I was married to a western gal for 28 years... left her cheating ways when my son turned 17, met a bad filipina(had a pinoy the entire time)... got used a bit (not bad... maybe 10k)... learned my lesson... then met my little farm girl from the province and I can't tell you how amazing the last 4 years has been... unbelievable difference between western women, and Filipinas(some)... amyways... Good luck brother... if you are ever in Mindanao, Dipolog/Dapitan (Tag Ulo Beach) areas.... come say hello!   

Dean

    @Enzyte Bob
Is it possible for me to block you from replying to my post?
If not please stifle yourself.
   

    -@MinnGuy

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Stifle myself?

Bob most of us know when to pull our horns in but at times the thin skinned are so wrapped up in their existence and expectations and can't see the forest for the trees.

Ignorance can be bliss but in an open forum one learns to take it on the chin and accept input from members where answers are/were sought. a like here is not a rub on the back and criticism comes for a reason, an alternative opinion/choice Needs to be respected but at the same time?

Thank God we are all individuals and can express our views.

Not tried stifling myself yet Bob, thinking about the implications and ramifications no different to hooking up and spending Pesos on a person I never met. Falling into the many traps here/other countries, Say it all the time, taste the flavours, get your hands dirty.

Cheers, Steve.

    Super Tramp.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SwQ9iavJeI

Heart problems?

Or Blondie "Heart of glass"

All good you can block me also. But why take a needless loss?

OMO. Look after your health.

Cheers, Steve.
   

    -@bigpearl

That would be a supreme irony if the OP had that link in his CD collection Steve.

May I add another apt track that has just been played here in my go to coffee shop (The Glebe Café in Alona Beach)

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KZNZT9waBqA

@Enzyte Bob

points for the archie bunker knowledge

    With regard to being cautious about helping out and coming to visit first, I have thought that through.   I can afford to take a financial loss but I am more concerned about protecting my heart than my pocketbook.   If she is going to scam me, I would prefer it be done at a distance.    I'm aware of the risks.        -@MinnGuy

I understand that approach, but if you stay 12 time zones away, how will you know if you are being scammed?  There is no hurry, take your time, mañana is widely practiced all over the Philippines.   I met my wife through a pen pal club, Pearls of the Orient.  In 1992 I wrote to 30 women, received answers from 24.  There were some scammers, one woman made a collect call to me as soon as she received my first letter, I was living in Reading, PA.  I refused the call.  She wrote to me, said if I really loved her I would have taken her collect call!.  Narrowed the field down and by 1994 I had my woman.  Sent her Moody Blues discs and one Neal Young ("I'd cross the ocean for a heart of gold")  after exchanging letters for two years I flew to Manila for the first time in my life, and on 11/18/94 we wed in the Catholic Church in Santa.  Hope you can take the time to find out about your girlfriend, no hurry to come to the Philippines,  but you will not really realize what her deal is until you see it in person. Please ask questions so we can help you, you are allowed to ignore Archie Bunker.

    @MinnGuyAlways,
Hey Minn... So... First off... 12 dollars a day in Philippines is a very good salary...  .. if YOU control your pocket book, and learn to say no at times, and set boundaries, you could be in for the absolute best time in your life......... then met my little farm girl from the province and I can't tell you how amazing the last 4 years has been... unbelievable difference between western women, and Filipinas(some)... amyways... Good luck brother... if you are ever in Mindanao, Dipolog/Dapitan (Tag Ulo Beach) areas.... come say hello!   

Dean
   

    -@Wellsfry

Thanks Dean

I'm ready for a change definitely and whether I send some money or come to visit I could still be viewed as a big piggybank.    Even if only half of what she tells me is true, I'm still having fun with it.    It's okay if I am being scammed as long as I know when to say no, as you suggest, and I think I do.   If it can work out to something better I will be lucky, if not, I am not really harmed.

My chat friend also told me she works night shift, 8PM to 8AM six days a week taking support calls from US customers.    Working for Amazon, Credit card companies, and a variety of others through a third party.

Is that believable that she works 12 hour shifts six days a week?

She didn't volunteer any of this info.   I asked her directly.    Maybe she is a good actress but she seemed genuinely reluctant to give those details.  She said she is able to live pretty well on her income.  Made no claims of poverty or desperation.

I appreciate the helpful info people have given!

@MinnGuy

I appreciate the helpful info people have given

Its only helpful if you heed the information proffered which you seem unable to.

@Lotus Eater

I'm sorry to have hurt your feelings.

    Thanks - You have confirmed for me that some of what she has told me already is true.
A problem you could have would be getting WiFi good enough to do your work, it has been very weak and freezes up often.  We have a niece who just recently lost all of her pigs due to said disease, part of the risk of doing business here.

With regard to being cautious about helping out and coming to visit first, I have thought that through.   I can afford to take a financial loss but I am more concerned about protecting my heart than my pocketbook.   If she is going to scam me, I would prefer it be done at a distance.    I'm aware of the risks.
   

    -@MinnGuy

Since you have been chatting to her online for some months now it may be time for you to talk to her about you going over there to meet up. It sounds to me that you have developed some deep feelings for this woman so you may as well take the leap of faith now. I do not think it makes much difference at a distance regarding protecting your heart and if you went over and met her at least you would know if the relationship has any chance of working in the long run.

I understand that a lot of workers in the Philippines get few paid holidays and taking time off work may require giving a fair bit of notice. Now being that your lady works a 12 hour night shift, you do have to ask yourself if you two will be able to have much quality time together if you visit.  So without her taking holidays, you have one day a week when she will be free but even then she will have chores to do (washing clothes and cleaning). So a normal day she works 12 hours, comes home and will probably to sleep for 7 hours or so, she may have a commute to work of 30 minutes, making one hour there and back and need 30 minutes to prepare for work and another 30 minutes to shower and change when she returns from work. That leaves you with 3 hours quality time together so unless she can take holiday time from work, you will not be able to do much besides grab a quick meal, take a walk and maybe have an hour of fun in the bedroom and that depends on her living situation and she may have a child or more than one.

On the plus side -if you can work remotely and anywhere and get a good internet connection, you can get some work done.

@Cherryann01

Sage advice Cherryann but I'm afraid as with so many newbie OP's on this Forum it's a case of 'in one ear and out the other.'

I want to clarify a few things so people understand my situation and I can get useful advice.   

My family interest in the Philippines is because my great grandfather served there in the spanish american war and wrote diaries and made lots of sketches and took some pictures there.   I started looking there for contract programming services.   I used to contract out to India but it didn't work out there.

I met this woman through those work connections, not through a cupid site.   

I'm not "in love" with her,  but I am very interested in her.   She's smart, speaks English well, has a sense of humor and is a beautiful lady.

She is much younger than I am.     I have a lot more money than she does.      I think this is true of most relationships like this.      I know that money is going to be a big factor in our relationship because of the big gap.   As I said before, she makes $12 a day.   I make $120 an hour.     I don't have any problem at all helping financially.   I expect it.     

I would like to go there.      Because of my work, I am essential support for a dozen US companies.    I bring that responsibility with me.    I can be offline for days in a row, but not for weeks.   Travel is hard for me wherever I want to go.

I'm not afraid of it.    But if I go there prematurely, and she is working so much I can't spend time with her, the pressure to spend more money would be much greater after travelling across the world.   

I want to know if she is being honest with me.   If she is being honest with me we'll see where this goes.   If I am being scammed, I think I can find that out from the distance.   That's the reason I am in this forum.

My most recent question for you all is about the 6 day a week 12 hours per night customer support job. 

Can anyone tell me if that would happen in PH?     It hardly seems believable that a company would expect anyone to work a schedule like that.

Thanks for any help.

    @Cherryann01
Sage advice Cherryann but I'm afraid as with so many newbie OP's on this Forum it's a case of 'in one ear and out the other.'
   

    -@Lotus Eater

I don't understand why you are so bitter Mr Eater.     

@Cherryann01

Thanks for your reply.   I added some more info on another post which I made more generic.

Now being that your lady works a 12 hour night shift, you do have to ask yourself if you two will be able to have much quality time together if you visit.

This is the extremely awkward circumstance.      She is a hard worker.   She is intelligent and funny.  She's pretty and sexy.   She does have a two year old child.     I probably shouldn't have used the metaphor of protecting my heart, cause it came across as over the top.   I'm not in love.   Infatuated, yes.

Comparing my resources to hers, it would be selfish not to help her.  But I don't want to be seen as just a sugar daddy.   It's hard to find a balance.   Any involvement we have would require dealing with this imbalance.    Maybe it's not even possible.

My most recent question for you all is about the 6 day a week 12 hours per night customer support job.  Can anyone tell me if that would happen in PH?     It hardly seems believable that a company would expect anyone to work a schedule like that.Thanks for any help.        -@MinnGuy

Yes, schedules like that are common in BPO situations. Lots, of hours, customers who are rude and demanding, and low pay. The wages you mention would be starting wages of around 15K - 18K /month ($300). They go up, but it is a high burnout/turnover job.

Sounds like you have some interesting reasons and good intentions for relocating and she appears to be a nice girl. Just come over and see how it goes and resist getting sucked in too deep. Some of us want to help and can end up taking on more than we planned, once confronted with the significant, pervasive and varied needs present in a poor country. And a pretty girl, lol..

Thanks Cyclist!

Lotus Eater said. . . .I'm afraid as with so many newbie OP's on this Forum it's a case of 'in one ear and out the other.
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MinnGuy asked Lotus Eater. . . . I don't understand why you are so bitter Mr Eater.     
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MinnGuy you are the new kid on the block and your concerns have been echoed many many times on this forum.

It's the Samo Samo story all over again. After advice given to those before you, they are never heard from again.

But you really don't want advice, you want confirmation of the doubts you have.

When they are confirmed you snap at the messenger.

Yes you are correct Bob we see it all the time on expat sites, hit and run so to speak, the OP stated clearly

"I have deep interest in the Philipines by family connections but I have not yet been there."

Has been advised by many here to get here and get his hands dirty, see the culture, learn the people, spend time with the lady before committing a dime. Waste your money on flights and not fancies.

I said it so many times that the Philippines is not for the feint hearted, While I love it and my life here others depart very soon after arriving never to return. The Philippines is an acquired taste.

Here it comes Bob, OMO.

Cheers, Steve.

She is much younger than I am...and there's the rub. Why do you think young ladies "fall" for old white guys? Is it because they speak so nicely over the internet? Is it because they are as handsome and fit as a 25 yr old?  Yes you might have a good one, but that money puts her many levels above where she is at, and it is surely a factor. Not a scam per se but a huge power imbalance in the relationship

    @MinnGuy
Welcome to the forum, look and learn here from others experiences good and bad. Vigan is a nice spot but overall not much different to other places here, I suppose home is where you find it.
Only an opinion but I could and probably others suggest that you come here, taste the flavours and get your hands dirty so to speak instead of from afar. Oh and meet your Lady and her family, their culture.

Personally I wouldn't offer/give to your lady until you meet and learn, then decide.

Good luck.

Cheers, Steve.

-@bigpearl

Indeed Steve. My take is that ( by the way I'm no psychologist) certain types of expats are more vulnerable than others to being scammed. A particularly vulnerable category are professionals involved in IT. Ironically they will possess a higher than average IQ but find it very difficult to relate to people or anything not made up of ‘ones' and ‘zero's. Known as Anoraks in the UK, Nerds Stateside.

I'm currently reading an enthralling book ‘The Lazarus Heist' by Geoff White about a bunch of hackers who work on behalf of the North Korean govt. Well documented. No matter how good the security of International banking systems often these hackers will find a way through.

Women in general are not logical creatures - throw in the Filipina mindset, oriental beauty, a feminine demureness, & knowing how to say all the right things, and a penchant to shake the money tree because blood (family) is thicker than love in many cases - its the perfect hacking tool into the male cerebral cortex that can only relate to binary code. Their defensive systems are bypassed.

As Bob states it happens time and again and will continue to do so. Some people only hear what they want to hear. We are trying to warn the OP in this case but we are using the wrong password.

Looks like his online chatmate has it.

LOL, when a new member states he is infatuated it reminds me of the Forest Gump movie but he grew up with and loved his lady, infatuated definitely but he knew her very well.

Infatuation is very different to love and then lust comes last. That's simply thinking with the wrong head.

Cheers, Steve.

    She is much younger than I am...and there's the rub. Why do you think young ladies "fall" for old white guys? Is it because they speak so nicely over the internet? Is it because they are as handsome and fit as a 25 yr old?  Yes you might have a good one, but that money puts her many levels above where she is at, and it is surely a factor. Not a scam per se but a huge power imbalance in the relationship
   

    -@Filamretire

You are right and I know it.   It's about security.   Women have rightfully looked for security from their mates.   I know I don't make her heart flutter.  That doesn't last anyway.      She's been through that and like a lot of women anywhere in the world, have been dumped or had to evict some worthless SOB who gave her a child.

  It is a concern for me that I don't want to be unfairly exploiting the situation.