Getting in a serious relationship. Y/N

hi ibrahim,

i smiled when reading your questions:)

personally, i don't think there are any hard and fast rules per se for relationship success, although i do think the first relationship you have to secure is with yourself. and i presume we're mostly seeking love in relationships so my thoughts centre around that.

it sounds old, but if you don't love yourself then how can you truly love another person? loving is wanting what is best for that person at the exclusion of yourself. as i've matured i've come to understand this first hand - this quote captures what i mean:

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get — only what you are expecting to give — which is everything. What you will receive in return varies. But it really has no connection with what you give. You give because you love and cannot help giving"

so hoping that timing and fate are in our favour, then two people with the capacity to love another may indeed extend and reciprocate love, but if someone is not healthy emotionally, or spiritually, or if they haven't self worth etc etc then their choices in mates/partners will be driven by needs or wants. may sound cerebral, but i think compatibility and suitability in temperament, outlook, morals and upbringing lend themselves to greater success.

sure there is love at first sight but in order for it to take hold the people must first be open to the energy. if you're emotionally unavailable for whatever reason, then you won't pick up on the signals regardless if the person were blunt about it.

maybe that's why i prefer subtlety, discretion, privacy and what's hidden to the world i live in the west...the pursuit of sex/love/desireability is paramount in our culture to the point of being warped.

who knows why some are lucky in love and others not? is it pre-ordained? or is it missed opportunities? whatever the reason i do believe love can happen more than once. sure there are people who will never leave our hearts but learning to let go and trust that God has something else planned for you (i'm speaking for myself here) is the wisest thing to do.

as you know, there's more than one type of love as well: eros the romantic passionate kind; philia which is brotherly love (ie: between friends) and agape which is unconditional.

those are my thoughts my friend. so nice to see an interesting question and please excuse any typos

I agree, well said my friend, and thanks for the quote ! I like it a lot. cheers

In my opinion the key to feel in love it's 1st this what you mention - love yourself, what will let you love really (for the rest of your life) the other, 2ndly stop to think as falling in love it's an option when you meet someone new. There are two most popular ways I think :
- you can fall in love by the 1st sight (that's the most risky one, you don't know with whom you are falling in love with),that's mean for others - God will prepare someone for you certain day.
- you can fall in love with someone by getting know this person more and more (this in my opinion more mature one)
Sure the best and the most amazing is the mixture of both That's mostly remains story from a film! (Hamdullah It's my experience:) )
This was in general, now I'm wondering Ibrahim, about which sadly ended (or didn't start even) relationships you are talking? When you mention luck of body language I suppose you mean for example relationships in Arabic countries. I don't want to stereotype, however I'm sure there are differences between meaning of love of young generation in this countries and for example in Europe. In both there are faults
But wherever you search for love you need to strike a happy medium.

hi madamenancy,
i really liked your comment about the movies...personally, i think in the west we aspire to ideals that aren't even our own. we fail to think for ourselves which is a slippery slope. ours is a culture dominated by celebrity and the celebrities (sorry to be judgmental) aren't always good examples of temperance, patience, loyalty etc etc which make for strong marriages/love relationships.
anyway, just wanted to say i appreciated your viewpoint.
cheers and i hope you're having a good day!

Suzie Que wrote:

hi ibrahim,

i smiled when reading your questions:)

personally, i don't think there are any hard and fast rules per se for relationship success, although i do think the first relationship you have to secure is with yourself. and i presume we're mostly seeking love in relationships so my thoughts centre around that.

it sounds old, but if you don't love yourself then how can you truly love another person? loving is wanting what is best for that person at the exclusion of yourself. as i've matured i've come to understand this first hand - this quote captures what i mean:

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get — only what you are expecting to give — which is everything. What you will receive in return varies. But it really has no connection with what you give. You give because you love and cannot help giving"

so hoping that timing and fate are in our favour, then two people with the capacity to love another may indeed extend and reciprocate love, but if someone is not healthy emotionally, or spiritually, or if they haven't self worth etc etc then their choices in mates/partners will be driven by needs or wants. may sound cerebral, but i think compatibility and suitability in temperament, outlook, morals and upbringing lend themselves to greater success.

sure there is love at first sight but in order for it to take hold the people must first be open to the energy. if you're emotionally unavailable for whatever reason, then you won't pick up on the signals regardless if the person were blunt about it.

maybe that's why i prefer subtlety, discretion, privacy and what's hidden to the world i live in the west...the pursuit of sex/love/desireability is paramount in our culture to the point of being warped.

who knows why some are lucky in love and others not? is it pre-ordained? or is it missed opportunities? whatever the reason i do believe love can happen more than once. sure there are people who will never leave our hearts but learning to let go and trust that God has something else planned for you (i'm speaking for myself here) is the wisest thing to do.

as you know, there's more than one type of love as well: eros the romantic passionate kind; philia which is brotherly love (ie: between friends) and agape which is unconditional.

those are my thoughts my friend. so nice to see an interesting question and please excuse any typos

Very well said

Hi Ibrahim,

Just wanted to say that I enjoyed reading your post and the replies to it.

I apologize that I want be able to answer your question about the criteria to build a serious and successful relationship as I didn't have any successful ones so far

Regards,