The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

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#1 03 February 2011 00:03:45

Kimimela
Kimimela
Ajjijic

The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

So, I've been reading this forum for some time, and had gotten quite excited about possibly settling there.  Until, I spoke to another woman on the forum. Now, the forum is absolutely dripping with glowing testimonials from males about how perfect the country is for them and I realize that it probably is heaven if you are an older gentleman looking for a shiny new Filipino wife.   But, what about the rest of us who are not on the make?  What is the expat life for we females who are not shopping for a man, would we find the Philippines to be just as welcoming, accommodating and wonderful to move to?

#3 09 February 2011 08:31:58

JWilliamson
JWilliamson
Hong Kong

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

Well maybe your focus was on what men like and well men like women. After women men like many things like sports, food, outdoors, talking, reading, eating, art and massages. Are you trying to run away from men? I bet many men would find you interesting if you smile more and not be focusing on the bad. No site will be balanced. The Philippines will give you many things you have in the USA but for less money and that goes the same foe taking women out. JW

#4 09 February 2011 08:56:34

lareyflyer
lareyflyer
Guangzhou

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

Hi,

Its a beautiful country and I visit a lot. I love the filipino people as well. I have travelled all over and marvelled at the scenery. However as you have so rightly put it, whats in it for a woman who is not looking for a new husband ? and sadly apart from a fantastic relaxed way of life not a lot. The trouble is their culture and as a 40 yr old gwapo englishman, I know from experience. If you wish to know more in detail email me on lareyflyer[at]hotmail.com

G

#5 12 February 2011 00:28:02

female_expat
female_expat
Makati

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

Kimimela,

How are you?

Forget about the response of the dirty old men. There are a lot of things to do if you really wanted to. I backpack to many places and I wish I am now retired.

You will be pampered also if you have of course $$$. The cost of living is not high but if you live in places like Makati and other cities that has amenities, you have to pay top pesos for that.

As for the dirty old men chasing around younger women, usually, yes they are doing that until they ran out of cash and ran out of younger women too, if you know what I mean. And honestly, younger women who goes with them are not so educated and not so opinionated...you go figure...

I plan to retire in my country of origin because social security pension would not go too far but thats not going to happen in the near future though.

#6 12 February 2011 01:35:11

Kimimela
Kimimela
Ajjijic

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

Thanks for the reply from a fellow Female Expat.  lol

I was not sure if I even wanted to continue looking at the Phillipines after the horrors the other woman had told me.   I am already retired and just looking to relax and take in some cultural sights, museums and hopefully plays and such.  But, I don't hear much of anything about that.  So I began to wonder.

Backpacking is something that I will NEVER be doing.  I use a cane to walk and my old back won't let me walk far enough to enjoy that activity, but I love to swim.

#7 13 February 2011 13:40:30

female_expat
female_expat
Makati

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

Kimimela,

There's a few retirement community somewhere in Luzon, I think that's in Subic Bay Free Zone, the former US bases and nearby community. There are clinics/hospitals that accepts Medicare card (I assume you have that if you are retired). A lot of US Citizen Filipinos retired or semi-retired there and a bunch of other retirees from other countries. You have to get a retiree visa though from any of Philippine Embassies.

Im not sure if the Social Security  Administration office is still open as you know there are a lot of social cuts in the last 5 years here in the US.

You can hire household helper (stay-in or live out) or even a nurse. HOwever if you move to Cebu or Davao, not much expat neighborhood but you are away from the hustle and bustle and you meet more friendlier people - just that you are too far from US Embassy.

#8 14 February 2011 00:05:02

World be Free
World be Free
Makati City

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

female_expat wrote:

Kimimela,

There's a few retirement community somewhere in Luzon, I think that's in Subic Bay Free Zone, the former US bases and nearby community. There are clinics/hospitals that accepts Medicare card (I assume you have that if you are retired). A lot of US Citizen Filipinos retired or semi-retired there and a bunch of other retirees from other countries.

Subic Bay is a beautiful area and have been here a few times, but honestly, I would avoid living near Subic or even Clark because of the military toxic waste the US gov left and refuse to clean up because of the "treaty exemption."
You can search on safety forum yourself and search on military toxic waste in Clark and Subic. It is extimated to cost $1 billion to clean up both Clark and Subic. Leukemia is a huge problem for the local children living in these areas.  Here's some quotes from a few references.

"The Sickening Effects
Following are some health effects traced to soil and water contamination at or near U.S. bases:

After evacuees from the 1991 Mt. Pinatubo eruption moved to the closed Clark Air Base, a Filipino official who monitored them said they experienced "unusually high" rates of illnesses traced to poisoned well water:
skin diseases
mouth, nose and throat diseases
kidney diseases
miscarriages
reproductive disorders
stillbirths
physical and mental birth defects
cancers
heart ailments
leukemia 
Of 4,000 people living near Subic Bay, a former naval base in the Philippines, 800 were diagnosed with asbestosis


Subic Bay Naval Base: When the U.S. Navy abandoned its sprawling base in 1992, it identified 56 potentially contaminated sites and training ranges.  Some of the Navy's legacy:


3.75 million gallons of raw sewage pumped daily into the bay.
Toxic waste from storage and destruction of excess bombs and ammunition either poured into a local stream or dumped in a landfill.
Drums of cyanide emptied into a landfill, according to a worker who said he was ordered to do the dumping.
So far, the U.S. has even failed to respond to calls for technical assistance and more detailed documents to help the Philippines identify polluted sites."

I would avoid these areas, specially if you have any kids. I suggest you check these places yourself to make an informed decision. I still favor the Makati area, I know it's not perfect, it suffers from smog but you'll have less of a culture schock.

Last edited by World be Free (14 February 2011 00:18:27)

#9 15 February 2011 04:38:29

neptune1967
neptune1967
Tagbilaran

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

Hi,

I know a couple of women who are very happliy living in Philippines. In fact one of them has moved there from French Polenesia. She is a keen diver. There is also another woman where I live who has married a Filippino gentleman and they run a successfull restaurant together. So you are not alone. But one thing I would say is we gents move there because we love the women and none of us would want the modern day womens attitudes transmitted to our corner of paradise. So if you intend to come to Philippines with an I am a man in womens clothing attitude please do not come.

#10 15 February 2011 14:14:01

Kimimela
Kimimela
Ajjijic

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

Neptune, the beginning of your post was cool, but you just had to go and confirm in my mind that a lot of the men who move there have the sleeze factor that I'm trying to avoid.  I'm not a manly woman thankfully, but I also am not basing where I am going to move on the fact that I wealthy enough to have someone throwing themselves at me either. 

As for the rest of you.  You have been very encouraging and I really appreciate the information about Subic Bay and Clark Field.  I did not know that they had polluted the beautiful waters of that area so horribly.  It sounds criminal.  I am going to try and do a  little more research about the medicare situation there however, but the leukemia and asbestosis give me serious pause.  But all and all, your other responses make me feel a little more certain.

My dream is to find a nice, calming restful place with a beach not too far away where I can enjoy the sunrises and sunsets and hopefully learn to dive.  Museums or plays occasionally would be awesome and I keep thinking about how close it is to other really nice places if I want to go on short trips here and there.  I have this one picture of a coastline and it seriously trumps the coast near the Great Barrier Reef, for me at least.

I did however get one mail that claimed that hot and cold running water was a problem unless I lived in a modern condo? Is that really true?

#11 15 February 2011 14:39:05

neptune1967
neptune1967
Tagbilaran

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

Kimimela.

You should not judge people.

Your comments about wealth and sleaze as you mention are unfounded in my particular case as I am married with 2 children and have been so for many years.

It is exactly the assumptions that you are referring to that "we" who live in the Philippines do not appreciate.

Maybe you better have a re think if this is your attitude towards ex pat men living in the Philippines. Your comments are derogitory in the extreme!!

You should visit sometime and if you go to the right places you will be pleasantly surprised.

You make my point exactly about you being a woman in mans trousers. You are just that.

Touche Madame !!!!

#12 16 February 2011 00:25:03

Kimimela
Kimimela
Ajjijic

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

I can ONLY go on the opinions of the women who have been mailing me about their situations and experiences there in the Philippines and it's been a mixed bag.

Judging?  No  I've had firm generalizations from expats themselves enough.

Serious Concerns?  Certainly.

I have visited the country twice, but that was in the 80's and just a TDY from Korea, so I never got to experience the full brunt of what 'might' be for Expats.

#13 16 February 2011 00:39:49

female_expat
female_expat
Makati

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

Kimimela,

Some men are born chauvinistic! You dont have to put up with these losers.

About Subic and Clark, yes I actually saw a TV documentary about the health issues of the locals living near the base. If you'd like to know what its like there... just watch CNN's Sanjay Gupta about Mossville, Louisiana, its similar.

Subic and Clark is a big area though and the PH gov has even expanded the area. There are still more communities that offer good housing for retirees and away from the contaminated former US military base.

As you mentioned that you like the coastal areas, well most of the PH are coastal areas. If you really like tropical paradise, then Cebu and Davao is your place. Palawan is a great place, its a world heritage but it is not yet developed. Manila and Cebu though are typhoon alley, so Im guessing you are from TX and is familiar with hurricane. When typhoon comes, you can be praying that the wind direction would spare your house from damage. The last typhoon to hit Manila was a similar strength of Katrina, so I think you may want to consider that.

Davao is typhoon free city and greener. They have golf courses, diving, snorkelling, island hopping, theme parks. Its a city where locals enjoy more sightseeing. The food there is cheaper and fresher. Usually agriculture and seafood products comes from Davao. The international airport is new and is closer to Singapore.  You can research houses and condos in Davao, housing prices is 50% lower than Manila and bigger and better quality...there are newly built areas too. There are expat population there too but the difference is..the expats in Davao aren't flashy.

If you live in a house in Manila, you have to be in a gated community to be safe. In Cebu or Davao, it is NOT like that.

The City of Davao do not have the problem of water and electricity outages much and its the biggest city in the PH in terms of land area.

You can have hotwater but I doubt if you use it. Its tropical town, what you need is aircondition or fans.

You can email me directly if you'd like more clarification female_expat[at]yahoo.com.au

#14 16 February 2011 04:23:28

neptune1967
neptune1967
Tagbilaran

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

Kimimila, Museums - not really so many. Culture YES. There are festivals and colourfull fiestas all year round, mainly of a relegious nature.

Swimming YES definitely but choose somewhere with a nice beach and no pollution as previously mentioned.

Also get off the beaten track into the provinces and therein will lie your Shangri La !

#15 18 February 2011 10:58:48

Filipeanut
Filipeanut
San Francisco

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

I also think the provinces would be best for you. My non-Filipino female friends complained about the cat calls / stares from Filipino men in Manila during a one week stay there. Staying away from big cities saves you money too, and to second what everyone says about provinces, the people are more friendly and humble.

#16 25 February 2011 07:56:35

Cyrill
Cyrill
Cavite

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

Well ma'am, Philippines has more to offer to, there are lots of Tourist Spots in which you can unwind and relax, like beaches, museums and more. There are numerous malls in which you can have great buys. One thing also is that, Philippines has low cost of living compared to other countries. In terms of the Physical environment, our country has nice sceneries as well.

#17 28 February 2011 22:01:45

plumber60
plumber60
Milwaukee

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

First of all, you are right. When I was in P.I. a few years ago, the only americans I've ever seen were old fat perverts that could not get an american girlfriend if there life depended on it! I was there at Baloy beach and New cabalan from  1980-1985 and 2002-2008 and did not have one single american friend because I could not relate to such a degenerate group of out-casts. I did have a few Ausies, but mostly filipinos.
Secondly, you have to get used to the fact that when you become friends with most filipinos you also become their source of income. If there is a gathering or party you will be expected to pay for everything. If you go on any trip or out to eat you will also be expected to pay even if they were the ones who invited you. You will have people constantly at your residence asking for money to buy something or pay a bill they might have gotten. Yes the Philippines is a cheap, beautiful place to retire but, most blogs do not tell you that half of your cost of living is handing out money to other people who just don't have it.
I do plan to retire there in 5 years with my wife of 30 years who is the same age as I. And I do not mind sharing my retirement with people who are much less fortunate than I.

#18 28 February 2011 23:15:54

female_expat
female_expat
Makati

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

plumber60

I love everything you stated.

I too, stay away from old men whenever I am in PH. Most Filipinos, seeing a lady going around or palling around, old Western guy, bear a negative connotation.  And I actually think these old guys dont really care.

#19 14 March 2011 08:38:25

blubluman
blubluman
Manila

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

I'm a bit shocked by plumber60's message about becoming the source of income. I've been living here for over 2 years, have a couple of Filipino friends, and I've to say that I've never been expected to pay for anything at gatherings or parties I've been invited.

On the contrary people around us are so open minded that they don't mind if you invite friends they don't know to their parties (and I'm not talking about rich Filipino people here, just low to middle class).
And none of them have ever asked for money or loan from us.
Yes, we are spending part of our budget helping around us (my husband's family, our helpers and their family or some close neighbours), but we're the ones offering help, not them asking for something.

#20 19 March 2011 20:59:40

rhod
rhod
San Francisco North Bay

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

every study on the subject i have read says the average american women marries for security and men for looks.  that is what is going on with those old guys marrying the younger filipinas. i am totally ok with it.  it is my personal observation, as a 53 year old male, that those young girls are doing the same thing the average american woman does.

every beautiful woman i have known ultimately married a man with above average financial means, at least the first time.  in my mind, that is ok because those women are using what they have to get what they want.  that is what everyone in this world, including myself and all the so called liberated women, the women that claim to be disgusted by the old guys in the philippines, are doing.

i could be wrong but i sense a little bitterness in your posts.  are you having difficulty finding a life mate yourself?  if you were, and i have not met you so you may very well be, beautiful, wouldn't you use it to your advantage or would you just marry a guy that is not only broke but butt ugly as well?

if you have advanced degrees or an unusual personality or ability to understand people wouldn't you use them to get what you want?  what is the difference as long as everyone is happy in the end?  seems like a win win situation.   understand it is a different culture or culture within a culture(i forget the name for that) when compared to the one you were raised in so perhaps we shouldn't be so quick to judge or attempt to force our morals/beliefs on others.

i apologize if it appears i am attacking you.  i am just looking at life from a view that is 180 degrees out of phase with your view and i admit i have a tendency to be direct.

Last edited by rhod (20 March 2011 08:04:47)

#21 20 March 2011 14:07:43

Tropicalpenpals

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

To be honest I know of 5 women who reside in the Philippines and non are complaining in fact they love the place. Now they are normally married and part of the "love of the place" is that the household chores aren't done by them when here.

But the other side of it is that the Philippines does offer a lot for people wanting to travel round or even sports depending on budget. So I would say that you could enjoy the Philippines at the same time I will say a LOT of the guys are not enjoying it here not as much as they say often its caused by being bored..

At the same time you mentioned age which is another defining thing that makes people different in what they want to get up to. Tennis and badminton for example are cheap sports to do as is swimming. Golf courses are littered around if that takes your fancy but the main thing people need to do regardless of being male or female is find something they enjoy. A slow pace of life also means that you run out of things to do quicker!

#22 21 March 2011 18:52:54

female_expat
female_expat
Makati

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

rhod wrote:

every study on the subject i have read says the average american women marries for security and men for looks.  that is what is going on with those old guys marrying the younger filipinas. i am totally ok with it.  it is my personal observation, as a 53 year old male, that those young girls are doing the same thing the average american woman does.

every beautiful woman i have known ultimately married a man with above average financial means, at least the first time.  in my mind, that is ok because those women are using what they have to get what they want.  that is what everyone in this world, including myself and all the so called liberated women, the women that claim to be disgusted by the old guys in the philippines, are doing.

i could be wrong but i sense a little bitterness in your posts.  are you having difficulty finding a life mate yourself?  if you were, and i have not met you so you may very well be, beautiful, wouldn't you use it to your advantage or would you just marry a guy that is not only broke but butt ugly as well?

if you have advanced degrees or an unusual personality or ability to understand people wouldn't you use them to get what you want?  what is the difference as long as everyone is happy in the end?  seems like a win win situation.   understand it is a different culture or culture within a culture(i forget the name for that) when compared to the one you were raised in so perhaps we shouldn't be so quick to judge or attempt to force our morals/beliefs on others.

i apologize if it appears i am attacking you.  i am just looking at life from a view that is 180 degrees out of phase with your view and i admit i have a tendency to be direct.

I love the fact that you are being direct. Whilst it is true that many women married men with above financial means, many marriage collapsed due to such arrangement. No statistics has proven this because in the divorce papers, many would just cite "irreconcilable differences'....

But let me give you examples, so many women married men so different that these women :- huge age gap, culturally different, presence of love were minimal and hardly any attraction by both parties. The odds of a successful marriage was 50:50 to begin with. Some of the marriage last 5 years but majority dont last at all. And let's not forget the fact, that these women have to put up with the attitude of men for fear of going back to their homeland. The path to stay permanent in the adopted country is a lot less of a hardship than going back. However, NOT all made it successfully!

The problem is men are not so much affected, due to the fact that men were the bread winners. Majority of women, specially ethnic women, after the married end emerged poorer and are unable to financially support themselves. The reason being, many of these women do not have the skills to get a job that would pay decent money. And last but not the least, these women ended up single mothers, battered women, etc.....

It may be true that 'as long as everyone is happy' it is a win-win situation... But is it a win-win situation on the long term? Statistics will tell you that.

I'm not going to brag that I am still married for almost 10 years. We just dont know what lies ahead. I can share though my experience. I am married to a caucasian man who makes more than I do. It doesn't mean that a person earns more saves more.

I am financially disciplined person who would not pay a plastic card, just to pamper myself. In my household, both of us have our own bank account. My spouse, however, has no problem getting expensive and big toys. Here comes the financial meltdown worldwide, it took a loss of a job to lose all that expensive toys.. Luckily my spouse married a wife who manage to save and support the spouse who recklessly spent all that good earnings in the past.

Sometimes, its okay to support someone but it doesn't mean forever. There comes a time when you need to have a break and discpline your other half...  I had no problem doing that.. I had no problem giving my spouse an ultimatum 'to change your lifestyle or get out, the door is open'......

Most women, specially with ethnic background, who were financially supported by their caucasian spouse, could not and would not able to tell the husband anything, not that these women are mute but these women have no voice or opinion to be heard of. Most, hardly make financial decisions themselves and doesn't handle even their own bank account... with the exception for those who got wiser during their marriage.

Few months ago, I had to ship coats and jackets to a friend named A, who married a man with a huge age gap of her. The reason why I shipped the clothes was, my friend was complaining how harsh the winter was, and that the husband would not buy such stuff. I honestly dont know their financial situation, but as you can see, if only A, was not financially relying on the husband, she could have bought herself lots of winter clothing to keep herself warm.

Another friend I used to know when I was a kid, married an older man. In fact, the woman is actually younger than the spouse children from the previous marriage. The same problem occurred, the woman was not able to get what she needs, except the basic, food, roof over her head and few clothing. When the husband had a cardiac arrest and was unable to work for few months, the financial trouble spiralled.. The woman had no choice but to find work but can only find minimum wage job because over the years of her marriage - she was only allowed to stay home to take care of the husband and kids. Now the question is, was the new job enough to support the entire family?

I could go on and on about what problem there are to face for most younger women marrying older men for financial gain but this is a bloggers or discussions' forum, not an essay and feminist page.  Therefore, I dissent with your win-win situation...

What has been proven for a win-win situation is for women, to get themselves better education, work hard and save...for financial freedom, and not the medieval way of marrying old men to get out of hardships.

#23 21 March 2011 21:44:13

rhod
rhod
San Francisco North Bay

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

"I love the fact that you are being direct. Whilst it is true that many women married men with above financial means, many marriage collapsed due to such arrangement. No statistics has proven this because in the divorce papers, many would just cite "irreconcilable differences'...."

female_expat - Have you seen the statistics for ALL marriages leading to divorce in the US? 

everyone that gets married does so because the person they are marrying has something they want.  whether its those good looks, personality, shared interests (like good italian food in north beach), money or maybe just their attention.

in a way, i respect those women in the philippines for their ability to take advantage of the old guys.  are they really taking advantage of them though?  both people are getting what they want out of the relationship.   i don't think it would be ok for me to condemn the girls or old guys.

i have communicated with people in the philippines that have gardeners, drivers, housekeepers that have nice degrees that would take them far in the usa but are almost worthless in the philippines.  i really doubt those pretty young girls are going to get far if they choose a basic education over the old guy.  in the us they could go far but i am not sure about in the philippines.

i believe, in general, those women are probably choosing the right path considering their personal situations as well as the overall situation in the philippines. 

I have to be honest though.  as an older guy myself, i have zero interest in an intimate relationship with a girl in her 20's.  i dated a girl 20 years younger than myself one time and had to end it because our life experiences were so different.(ok, i admit i also was a little embarrassed in public at times)  i do think those ugly old guy/pretty young thing relationships have been going on for all of history and always will.

Last edited by rhod (21 March 2011 21:57:51)

#24 21 March 2011 22:05:54

rhod
rhod
San Francisco North Bay

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

i should have added that the idea that an old guy liking pretty young women makes him a "pervert" is way out there.  how about the guys attracted to old women?  are they perverts also.  who gets to set the standard for who us old guys are allowed to date?  i suspect if this was a conversation about the guys that are attracted to older women, most women would be cheering them on.

#25 21 March 2011 23:15:56

female_expat
female_expat
Makati

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

rhod wrote:

" female_expat - Have you seen the statistics for ALL marriages leading to divorce in the US?

There is no official statistics count but there is an overall estimate of above 40%.

in a way, i respect those women in the philippines for their ability to take advantage of the old guys.  are they really taking advantage of them though? 

I admire that you respect these women but it sends a wrong signal and a  "moral turpitude". On the other hand, there is no ethical standard as to who should anyone marry. If I have a daughter, I would not dictate my daughter as to who she should marry but I'd rather enlighten her that there is more life to marriage than just acquiring financial gain!

i have communicated with people in the philippines that have gardeners, drivers, housekeepers that have nice degrees that would take them far in the usa but are almost worthless in the philippines.  i really doubt those pretty young girls are going to get far if they choose a basic education over the old guy.  in the us they could go far but i am not sure about in the philippines.

I totally disagree.  There may be no official counting as to how many women have a better life who choose education and hard work over marrying an older guy. I do know more women personally have succeeded in life, than those women who choose to marry an older guy. In fact, many of those who choose to marry older guy had their life turned upside down after the marriage breakdown.

i believe, in general, those women are probably choosing the right path considering their personal situations as well as the overall situation in the philippines.

Philippines is not bad at all. It may be a 3rd world, but its just like many capitalist countries, if you work hard you will be rewarded and that many of my friends who did that have enjoyed the fruits of their labour.

I have to be honest though.  as an older guy myself, i have zero interest in an intimate relationship with a girl in her 20's.  i dated a girl 20 years younger than myself one time and had to end it because our life experiences were so different.(ok, i admit i also was a little embarrassed in public at times)  i do think those ugly old guy/pretty young thing relationships have been going on for all of history and always will.

Ah good that you admit that.....as for women going out with younger men, if guys can do it then women can...the question is who foots the bill ?

Many of those older men going hunting for younger women in PH are mostly unable to get women in their own country because:

(1) these men are broke and that if they go to third world, their $$$ stretched farther, something that they couldn't do in their own country.. No women would put up with an older broke men... sorry to say that as a rule of thumb, if you are old and broke then you must be sick in head when you were young

(2) silly younger women thought they found a wealthy guy only to find out later that the kind of guy they married was another a-hole just like their own men from their own country

(3) successful, desirable and "husband" material do not have to splash out their monies in order to get women.. When women sense a good guy..that guy can easily be taken

(4) the younger women, after living several months of the adopted country, realized that the man she married was not worth her time, but now that she has confidence to go out there, get a job and look after herself, she goes dumping her older man and goes out to marry the man of her dreams

(5) Older men goes back to 3rd world to hunt again for another younger girl

and the cycle repeats itself

and sorry to be blunt but its the truth :p

#26 22 March 2011 07:30:35

rhod
rhod
San Francisco North Bay

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

"Ah good that you admit that.....as for women going out with younger men, if guys can do it then women can...the question is who foots the bill ?"

No.  The question is;  Why is it that when old guys date pretty young females in the Philippines, some women are offended and call them sleazy but when older women date younger guys the same offended  women only ask who is paying the bill:)  Maybe a  double standard?

It seems being a cougar in our society is applauded but being an old perv is not?  Interesting.  I applaud both the cougar and the old pervs.  At least they are enjoying it while they can.

I am OK with the guys dating young women in the Philippines.  I suspect there are many many men in this world that wish they could do that.  Probably a lot of older women dreaming of younger guys also:)

Last edited by rhod (22 March 2011 07:46:33)

#27 22 March 2011 08:16:40

redadare
redadare
dapdap

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

Hi Kimimela, I have read the replies to your initial letter and the same thing comes up time after time so for once I want to add my 2 pence worth.
I am in Cebu San Remigo Provence and it can bore you to death depending on what you want.
As an older guy this issue of older men and western norms makes me laugh.
Fact, most women, in most cultures, are told from an early age to marry for security (money). looks are not important thus who then is the user? It is the same in the animal kingdom where the strong get the goods.

What is common in the west is eventual divorce and the man left with nothing. Not even his children in many cases. That's the fact of the matter.

I am 56 and nothing like those I see in the bars in Bogo. I detest these westerners that sit all day drinking cheap beer and smokes. Then they go home to a young woman and she has to put up with an old overweight badly dressed Moran with beer breaths who wants sex on demand. Or get out.

That's the flip side. Both sides are guilty.

I was on my way to Colombia to marry my 36 year beauty who is trained in the beauty business. How I ended up here and married is in a book but soon I began to see parts of my future wife that scared me because it had all the hallmarks of a westerner.

In the end I married a 24 year old with a child. This woman was cut with an knife by her father and beat repeatedly by her siblings for getting pregnant. To me, when I met her, she had guts and soul including the fact the child was innocent.

I lived with her 16 months to allow us understand each other and I do give her all the opportunities possible for clothes and access to the bank account.

This may sound stupid to a westerner but I don't see it that way. If she steals she loses and the child with her because marriage, in the end, is a piece of paper and I can leave when I want to. She can't.

All marriages are a commercial arrangement after the lust and novelty wears off. That's fine when both get what they want and it's given freely.

Finally, I find it very hard to have a sexual relationship with her simply because of my age. Comments like dirty old man and so on make some of us a little slow to enjoy the benifits of such a relationship.

But in the end, most men will envy me and most women would do the same if conventions allowed it.

We are hampered by rules, rules made by those who abuse them when it suits. Chief among them is he Catholic Church who condemns millions of women to childbirth without consideration of how they will be fed.
Go with your heart and leave judgment to God.

"What other people think of you and I is none of our business".

#28 22 March 2011 21:52:03

apples

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

hi Kimimela,


1.  i guess you need to travel north to south of the country before choosing where to live (that is if you like it here).  take in the culture and see if it suits you.

2.  always remember why you want it here.  erase all those negative things if they're just but a speck. don't let it cloud your decision, in the end, it is your life you'll be making.  the country is a beautiful place to live in. just be friendly without overdoing it.

3.  in the advent of technology, foreigners are no longer strangers even in sleepy, small towns like mine. they've adapted local life. sometimes they're more Filipinos than the locals. i guess they're happy because they made it so.


i wish you happiness wherever you may decide to retire. 

one more thing, you're title invites discussion. that is good. review all of them and decide. :)

#29 22 March 2011 22:02:35

female_expat
female_expat
Makati

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

rhod wrote:

"Ah good that you admit that.....as for women going out with younger men, if guys can do it then women can...the question is who foots the bill ?"

No.  The question is;  Why is it that when old guys date pretty young females in the Philippines, some women are offended and call them sleazy but when older women date younger guys the same offended  women only ask who is paying the bill:)  Maybe a  double standard?

It seems being a cougar in our society is applauded but being an old perv is not?  Interesting.  I applaud both the cougar and the old pervs.  At least they are enjoying it while they can.

I am OK with the guys dating young women in the Philippines.  I suspect there are many many men in this world that wish they could do that.  Probably a lot of older women dreaming of younger guys also:)

I dont know any women hunting younger guys. If there are, how many are there compared to pervert men who go menacing and destructing children in 3rd world?

Whenever I am in 3rd world country, I dont see these kinds of women. It is probably happening rarely in the West but the Western societies have laws for men and women's equality!

#30 23 March 2011 00:56:09

rhod
rhod
San Francisco North Bay

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

I am sorry.  I didn't realize our conversation was about child molesters.  I was talking about men dating younger women and wondering why some women are offended by it.

I am an old guy and am not particularly attracted to younger women but what if I want to date a sweet young thing?  Why do the "Dating Police" get to tell me I can't, as long as the relationship is legal?  I read posts online frequently from couples that seem very happy in an older/younger relationship.

I find it interesting that many women seem to be ... hmm, is the word bitter? I am not sure how to describe their reactions.

Thank you very much for your input.  It was enlightening and interesting.

#31 23 March 2011 17:23:44

female_expat
female_expat
Makati

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

rhod wrote:

I am sorry.  I didn't realize our conversation was about child molesters.  I was talking about men dating younger women and wondering why some women are offended by it.

Sometimes you have to take account what is the most realistic going on around rather what your friends he or she hears.  And there are no dating police in this forum but expressing opinion.

Dating younger women can fall on legal technicality. I can honestly say so many men out there who dated and sleep with teen-agers, the same age as their daughter(s), but has not been caught. And some men have continually having relationships to teenagers...just that at the time the marriage happens, the woman's age is already over 18.

If these men have been caught on time, many of these men pestering in 3rd world would have been "sexual offenders".

In 3rd world countries, a lot of these laws are enforced but there are not enough resources to simply feed the hungry, let alone prosecuting sexual offenders!

#32 25 March 2011 09:12:04

alltojah
alltojah
Angeles City

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

Hi there Kimmimela,

I would suggest that you start your journey in Manila and journey to Davao to explore your options of what you are looking for. "female_expat" is giving you good advice and a sound perspective of the Philippines and the varying locations. However, if I were you I would come and explore for yourself.

I live on the main isle of Luzon in the province of Pampanga and I have been here for 7+ yrs. I came here single and I started my family here. I do live in the area of the perverts and one of the former U.S. military installations. But life is what you make it. There is good and bad everywhere, including the U.S.
My purpose here is to serve the people of this nation, in whatever fashion that I can.

There are some very beautiful beaches and scenery throughout the Philippines (from the northern most area to the southern area). It is a third world country and some of the amenities are not plentiful as in the United States.

The best advice I could give you is to come and enjoy the people and sample the many different cultures and people. Stay your tongue from giving critical opinions of the people and keep your political views to yourself until a time that you have built rapport and friendships...just be very observant and polite...you will definitely enjoy yourself.

#34 19 June 2012 02:58:03

bearkeley
bearkeley
Washington, DC

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

Hi guys - new on the board, but I can totally relate to a lot of the comments and honestly have had the same concerns myself.

I am a female American looking to retire in the Philippines within the next couple of years (mid 40's) for the cost of living, great people, great diving, great beaches and because it's also where my family is, and my place of birth!

I was born in Manila and lived there until the age of 10 and never saw the beauty of the islands.   I was one of the spoiled kids who had her own nanny and driver until we moved to the US. I never left Luzon when I was a child so my experience and memory of the Philippines was limited.....until my husband (white guy, same age as me) and I visited 2 years ago and FELL IN LOVE WITH THE PHILIPPINES!

I knew about the men who come to the Philippines because of the girls and really felt self-concious about the stigma and being perceived as someone who was just after my white man's money....(until my sweet husband pointed out that no one would think that, given that he was 20 years younger than most men and that I was 20 years OLDER than most of the women they were with!) ;-)

Point is -- it's what you make of it.    I am a Fortune 200 corporate executive and, like most women with modern day attitudes, I had to tell someone off in Puerto Galera for treating his girlfriend like a slave! (sorry neptune1967, but unless you were born in the Philippines, I was there first!).

I have been surfing the internet wondering how life would be for me to live in one of the smaller towns --- can I relate to the locals and will I be accepted as one of their own?  I know I can relate to the expats, but would I be accepted as I am?   Truth is, I've traveled a lot, and learned that no place is the same because people are different....you just have to find the place and associate with the right people.    Use the internet to start and explore what's important to you, but then go out and live it and find out for yourself.    Life is too short to make decisions based on comments by a handful of individuals.

Sorry for the long post - I guess I was more passionate about the topic than I thought!

#35 19 June 2012 19:43:25

alltojah
alltojah
Angeles City

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

Hello,

One of the most poignant factors of your living here would be your ability to communicate with the locals. Can you speak the national language? Do you have any locations in mind that you would like to settle?  Small town by the sea or mountain? Can you handle rainy season (typhoons)?

I believe you are a Filipina so I would hope that you know some of the cultural subtleties. Do you have the facial features of a native Filipina (light/mestiza/brown skin/etc.)? The reason I ask is that I had a friend that came back to the Philippines a few years ago to visit after being away for most of her life and everyone spoke to her in Tagalog (they assumed she was a native pinay), but she did not have a clue as to what they were saying. She only knew the basics.

I know you would enjoy yourself, but it all depends on where you decide to live and what your hobbies or daily activities are.

One word of advice: If you have an opinion for one of the locals, do not belittle them publicly and make sure you have built a long-lasting rapport beforehand. It is also good to warn people you meet from the beginning that you can sometimes be forthcoming, if that is your nature (It is mine, native New Yorker). The expats on the otherhand, they probably deserve it. They can be quite unruly or rude sometimes...pushing western or family culture on the Filipino populace.

I hope this helps...

#36 19 June 2012 20:27:34

bearkeley
bearkeley
Washington, DC

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

That's a great point about the typhoons!  We definitely want to live in small towns where there's good diving and fishing and integrate, as much as we can, with the locals (otherwise, defeats the whole purpose of moving to a new country, right?) ;-)   I still have to learn about the geography and wet/dry seasons, etc.

As far as the language - I was able to quickly pick up tagalog again the last time I was there.    Although I clearly look like a pinay, they knew instantly that I was struggling with the language....but a week later, I was able to do very well with my 'taglish' and people probaly thought I was a local ;-)   However, we are considering places like Bohol / Cebu and as far as I know, my tagalog won't do me any good (is that true?).   I certainly would want to learn the language of wherever we go and would expect that they would appreciate our attempts (just like south americans when I tried spanish or even the french!).

Oh - and great point about belittling the locals.    That is something I have seen with my relatives from Manila (and probably me as a child even, if culture related).   One of the reasons why i prefer to live outside manila is to be able to appreciate the culture of the smaller towns / provinces.....

#37 22 June 2012 07:02:52

alltojah
alltojah
Angeles City

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

Tagalog is used everywhere, as well as English, but there are those prideful people who refuse to learn and then the  ignorant who do not know or use very little of either language/dialect.

But trying to learn Cebuano, Waray-Waray, or whatever dialect is definitely bonus points. I guess there is an "around the world" appreciation: people love when foreigners, especially Americans, try to learn the language and customs. I have experienced it in many locations around the world.

I find that the people in the southern islands are much more friendly and personable. That includes Davao. Despite what you may see, hear, read. Davao (city) or the isle of Mindanao is beautiful, the people are wonderful. Yes, there is trouble, but it is mostly to the regions located to the south of Mindanao. It has definitely received bad press, even in the Philippines.

I would have moved to either of the regions (and had original intent), but God has different plans for me, at the present. So I will stay in Luzon and deal with the urban-ites and prideful citizens. :-)

I hope this gives you more info to consider. Also typhoons and storms appear to a lesser extent to the south, but there will always be weather watches on islands in the south Pacific.

#38 17 July 2014 04:27:23

Vee52

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

Hello everyone
I am new to the Blog, and so far has been very interesting reading on from Kimimela's womens standpoint, and one of the reasons why I thought I'd give this blog a look!
I'm an English lass by birth, yet have backpacked in past years to the americas, and other. These travels opened my eyes in many ways, especially of ones self! I reluctantly returned to the UK late 80's, and got back into the treatmill of life, holding down a responsible job within the care services, hoping to build on a reasonable occupational pension. Am now at the cusp of retirement, and learn that my work pension is worth but a smidgen to what I'd signed up for. Yet it is time for, and 'New Beginnings', and time to think about number one for a change after devoting 20 odd years of ones life putting others needs before ones own. Phew, Im all worn out!!   
For some time, Ive been considering what south east asian country would/could I realistically retire to within the next couple a three years time?  My body is yerning for warmer climes, and culture. My list of possible countries is now narrowing down, and the Phillipines is at the top of my list, as is Thailand!  I'm torn between the two! Ive been to Thailand and loved the bhuddhist cultural aspect, Yet my biggest stumbling block from pursuing retirement there, is that of a financial one, in that my UK State Pension in Thailand would remain Frozen (not being index linked). However, in the Phillipines one's state pension there would be index linked, and would get the annual increase (a UK/Philippine governments agreement). An awful lot to consider in times of austerity. I see it foolish not to take financial heed before making that final decision, if that makes any sense??
Ive been a single lass for a number of years, and one could say, have become quite imancipated since the passing of my late male partner (I still miss him). Ive learned to like my own company. Obviously, havent exactly been a recluse in the men department! Yet have experienced an element of critique and inuendo from chauvinistic gentlemen of this world, yet in truth not from all men, as I have male friends who compliment me on how independent and handy I am. Errrh, in the DIY department that is ... umm ... best I close on that topic aye ;-) I'm sure us ladies will know where Im at? 
Anyways, of later years, have accepted that I still have a nomadic side to me, yet stiffled by career and mortgage! This'll be the gemini in me I guess, Yet there is also that decending cancarian in me, that is longing to find that special place that one has not yet discovered, to settle down too!!  At age 62 years young, and having experienced the passing of so many family members and friends over the last few years, and most before ever reaching retirement age, to say that it has been a wake-up call is an understatement. Yes, It is time to move on, yet the ole procrastination sets in if one isnt careful. I just need that nudge!!!
I am not a religious person ... errrh .... through educated choice! Yet I do have some leanings towards buddhist philosophy ... yet not religion!  I am aware, that the philippines is predominantly of catholic faith, yet am lead to believe this is not so on Mindanao, being predominantly Muslim/Islamic faith if I am correct. As a european woman, and having experienced other Islamic states of the globe, I have to say, that experience taught me that one wasnt entirely comfortable around the male fraternity!  For the most part, I have been respectful / tolerant of the differing faiths and cultures!  Yet I do have some reservations as to what level of compromise I would be comfortable with in future years. I would be interested in hearing members views of how tolerant they felt filippina's would be towards 'none believers', or would it be a case of one being careful of ones P's & Q's in public, in a new land?!
I'm a country/rural girl in heart, and never entirely comfortable in big towns/cities. Yes, for sure, the city has its place and advantages and I guess necessity, sooo ... I guess for me, and if were to live in Philippines, i'd soon be longing for rural / provincial surroundings, preferably near the sea ... or .... stretch of waterways. Im very aware of the weather and sismic trends within the central hub of the philippines, and have been looking at the western side of the islands, yet where exactly Im not sure.  Palawan has been of some interest, yet appears very tourist orientated, possibly not? Your thoughts once again are welcomed.
The One major observation I've come across, is that the majority of publications or blogs are very much male orientated, and have found that it is of the opinion, that us girls shouldnt even think about being a lone traveller to yonder pastures, like south east asia .... umm .... I wonder why .... ;-) ? ... could it be out of genuine safety concern ... or ... errrh ... other?
Anyways guys, Ive rattled on for my first time on air!  I guess an awful lot to consider.
I look forward to hearing your helpful thoughts and hopefully advice. Many thanks. Vee ... x

#39 17 July 2014 14:43:32

vetretreat
vetretreat
San Diego

Re: The Philippines- Views from a woman's standpoint?

Vee52 wrote:

Hello everyone
I am new to the Blog, and so far has been very interesting reading on from Kimimela's womens standpoint, and one of the reasons why I thought I'd give this blog a look!
I'm an English lass by birth, yet have backpacked in past years to the americas, and other. These travels opened my eyes in many ways, especially of ones self! I reluctantly returned to the UK late 80's, and got back into the treatmill of life, holding down a responsible job within the care services, hoping to build on a reasonable occupational pension. Am now at the cusp of retirement, and learn that my work pension is worth but a smidgen to what I'd signed up for. Yet it is time for, and 'New Beginnings', and time to think about number one for a change after devoting 20 odd years of ones life putting others needs before ones own. Phew, Im all worn out!!   
For some time, Ive been considering what south east asian country would/could I realistically retire to within the next couple a three years time?  My body is yerning for warmer climes, and culture. My list of possible countries is now narrowing down, and the Phillipines is at the top of my list, as is Thailand!  I'm torn between the two! Ive been to Thailand and loved the bhuddhist cultural aspect, Yet my biggest stumbling block from pursuing retirement there, is that of a financial one, in that my UK State Pension in Thailand would remain Frozen (not being index linked). However, in the Phillipines one's state pension there would be index linked, and would get the annual increase (a UK/Philippine governments agreement). An awful lot to consider in times of austerity. I see it foolish not to take financial heed before making that final decision, if that makes any sense??
Ive been a single lass for a number of years, and one could say, have become quite imancipated since the passing of my late male partner (I still miss him). Ive learned to like my own company. Obviously, havent exactly been a recluse in the men department! Yet have experienced an element of critique and inuendo from chauvinistic gentlemen of this world, yet in truth not from all men, as I have male friends who compliment me on how independent and handy I am. Errrh, in the DIY department that is ... umm ... best I close on that topic aye ;-) I'm sure us ladies will know where Im at? 
Anyways, of later years, have accepted that I still have a nomadic side to me, yet stiffled by career and mortgage! This'll be the gemini in me I guess, Yet there is also that decending cancarian in me, that is longing to find that special place that one has not yet discovered, to settle down too!!  At age 62 years young, and having experienced the passing of so many family members and friends over the last few years, and most before ever reaching retirement age, to say that it has been a wake-up call is an understatement. Yes, It is time to move on, yet the ole procrastination sets in if one isnt careful. I just need that nudge!!!
I am not a religious person ... errrh .... through educated choice! Yet I do have some leanings towards buddhist philosophy ... yet not religion!  I am aware, that the philippines is predominantly of catholic faith, yet am lead to believe this is not so on Mindanao, being predominantly Muslim/Islamic faith if I am correct. As a european woman, and having experienced other Islamic states of the globe, I have to say, that experience taught me that one wasnt entirely comfortable around the male fraternity!  For the most part, I have been respectful / tolerant of the differing faiths and cultures!  Yet I do have some reservations as to what level of compromise I would be comfortable with in future years. I would be interested in hearing members views of how tolerant they felt filippina's would be towards 'none believers', or would it be a case of one being careful of ones P's & Q's in public, in a new land?!
I'm a country/rural girl in heart, and never entirely comfortable in big towns/cities. Yes, for sure, the city has its place and advantages and I guess necessity, sooo ... I guess for me, and if were to live in Philippines, i'd soon be longing for rural / provincial surroundings, preferably near the sea ... or .... stretch of waterways. Im very aware of the weather and sismic trends within the central hub of the philippines, and have been looking at the western side of the islands, yet where exactly Im not sure.  Palawan has been of some interest, yet appears very tourist orientated, possibly not? Your thoughts once again are welcomed.
The One major observation I've come across, is that the majority of publications or blogs are very much male orientated, and have found that it is of the opinion, that us girls shouldnt even think about being a lone traveller to yonder pastures, like south east asia .... umm .... I wonder why .... ;-) ? ... could it be out of genuine safety concern ... or ... errrh ... other?
Anyways guys, Ive rattled on for my first time on air!  I guess an awful lot to consider.
I look forward to hearing your helpful thoughts and hopefully advice. Many thanks. Vee ... x

As you know most males come to the Philippines for the women and or cheap booze and lower cost of living....A woman like yourself can do the same...I am sure you can find a handsome Filipino man to do all your bidding because of your income and live comfortably on your income....You are wrong about the main religion on Mindanao...It is still primarily Catholic over the majority of the island but does have a predominantly Muslim populace in certain parts of Western Mindanao...

Research Mindoro Island...You may find it a nice area to explore and perhaps remain...

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