Loneliness when you're abroad

Gomen Kudasai. I wrote: I am studying Japanese now which, hopefully, helps me to get by, especially with the 'locals.'

Ah well, that'd definitely be the way to go about it.. though I still have to learn the local language having lived in Turkey for more than a year.
Good that you've got the language part rolling.


Good luck
Z

curioussam wrote:

Gomen Kudasai. I wrote: I am studying Japanese now which, hopefully, helps me to get by, especially with the 'locals.'

Does anyone have the problem of changing location often? I've been an expat for a year and a half (if not counting studying 4 years abroad) and I've moved twice. I was in Malaysia for a year and now I'm in Czech Republic. I'm planning to relocate to another city in the next 6 months.

I do get lonely, even though I like my own company and there are many people around to hang out with, I crave the strong connection I have with very close friends. In Malaysia I made an amazing friend who I had to leave behind, although we of course stay in contact. It just becomes a lot harder when one is not staying in the same place for years and years.

Anyone in the same situation? What do you do?

I think its a matter of perspective. Being in mid thirties, I have gotten used to the fact that nothing is permanent, so I try to make the best of whatever I have at the moment... Or perhaps it is my approach that has affected the permanency of everything. I have recently started travelling a lot, but having spent majority of my life in not more than two places, I think I went through the same phase as you mentioned.

I guess at the end of day it is how we look at things expecting them to be in a certain way, rather then actually letting the reality sink in.

Okay, this definitely is one of my easy-level Sartre moments!
Z

imwillwerth wrote:

Does anyone have the problem of changing location often? I've been an expat for a year and a half (if not counting studying 4 years abroad) and I've moved twice. I was in Malaysia for a year and now I'm in Czech Republic. I'm planning to relocate to another city in the next 6 months.

I do get lonely, even though I like my own company and there are many people around to hang out with, I crave the strong connection I have with very close friends. In Malaysia I made an amazing friend who I had to leave behind, although we of course stay in contact. It just becomes a lot harder when one is not staying in the same place for years and years.

Anyone in the same situation? What do you do?

Loneliness can be like a screen masking you when you are abroad and with no friends and then you find yourself doing odd things that hitherto you wouldn't have thought if doing. During my early days in the UK I used to stay away from my house after work for as long as I can because the loneliness was like darkness. ..I will be heading to Asia soon and I already foresee a repeat in the offing.

Where in Asia are you going? I can tell you that some Asian cultures are a lot more friendly and welcoming than the cold Europe. The best part is how relaxed many of these cultures are. There are also a big expat community. I'm speaking only of experience from Malaysia, but I assume many SouthEast Asian cultures might be similar in this regard.

Good Luck!

Will be in Malaysia, HK and Taiwan. I am looking forward to having a great stay though. Yes I have heard about the fabulous cultures that Asian communities are known for and also not forgetting the food!  So please tell me more about the Malaysian cultures please?

You can read about my time there on my blog imwillwerth.wordpress.com just go to the Asia category and it should be first up.
If you have any specific questions I'll be happy to answer them too It's a great country!

ralph1000 wrote:

Will be in Malaysia, HK and Taiwan. I am looking forward to having a great stay though. Yes I have heard about the fabulous cultures that Asian communities are known for and also not forgetting the food!  So please tell me more about the Malaysian cultures please?

I lived in both Malaysia and Taiwan and liked both a lot due to the open and friendly people. Malaysia is easier, though, because of the language and the fact that they are an ethically mixed nation, so you won't stick out that much. But Taiwan has more to offer in terms of culture and nature (go to the mountains, man!).
Hong Kong is also a great metropolis, which I liked to visit (but never had a chance to live in). It's become more Chinese (even for me - and I'm married to a Chinese!) in recent years, but is, too, has great mountain areas.

It's important not to let that degree of homesickness prevent you from enjoying the travel experience.

Having worked and  lived overseas for a good number of years, loneliness and homesickness crops up from time to time.  Living in a culture, language that you weren't born into creates a loss, yearning. It's only natural. The depth of the loneliness depends, probably, on the situation in the country that you are in. There are good and bad points. Chin up as they say.Try to look on the bright side.

It always seems to me that I see the faces of my friends, though they are far away and meeting them on the street is impossible

Yeah It is kinda hard  at the first. But when you establish  more socialize world around yourself  and then loneliness will be less in your life. Be active, go out meeting  new people, attending voluntary work... and so on  all you have to concern about it

I did feel lonely, but I was more of confusing state. I asked what is wrong with me, because I CANNOT SETTLE in one place. I felt good when living abroad, but I just cannot keep up with the routine, and I keep wandering.

Especially when moving a lot, I loose all the passion to connect to people, to make friends and to be in relationship too. After all, it will end, so I'd prefer to stay alone... but my job is getting better, and my colleagues are making me feel less lonely. I adapt easily in any environment but less interested in connecting physically to anyone.   

I start to love writing, drawing, reading rather than speaking haha.... I love to meet strangers and have a short nice discussion too but no more.  Haha my colleagues give a joke that I need a nanny to push me or else my mind will be scatter somewhere.

So now, I feel nothing, not a little bit lonely. As long as people leave me alone, I am happy. However, if I am in a deep connection relationship (but long distant), I feel hurt all the time... Weird.

Don't focus too much on what you're missing back home, let yourself go.make new friends...i may be wrong but loneliness sucks...i was in that space when i first moved here. Cheers Kim   

IREENE wrote:

Don't focus too much on what you're missing back home, let yourself go.make new friends...i may be wrong but loneliness sucks...i was in that space when i first moved here. Cheers Kim   

thanks Ireene, I dont know how to feel now... But i dont miss home too much. haha but still feel isolated

It sucks
Terrible experience one can have but at same time it gives us opportunity to learn as well

thanks Ireene, I dont know how to feel now... But i dont miss home too much. haha but still feel isolated

Dont feel isolated. Pick out the good things in the country where you are and make something of it. For example, if there are good things to see and do there why not get about go and visit them ?

If you like to try photography (even with your smart phone) at the places you visit you will be surprised how one activity leads to another and before you know it, youre keeping yourself busy!

Good luck and let that boredom gor away 

True!
I had been having depression due to my bad broken relationship for 2 years before I decided to go to UK. I thought running away might be a way to forget the past but I was wrong (not 100%). I was so lonely even though I met some new friends at my class. They are the best friends I ever had. However, I still felt so lonely and empty that I drowned myself in alcohol and cried myself to sleep every night and woke up early to call home every morning before going to school or work. I missed my family every single minute. My grandpa past away when I was in the middle of exam and that was like the last hit to my breakdown. Things got better when I met a really nice dude and we got along so well that every second together was so precious because we were both busy with work. Spending time with him helped me a lot getting over my depression. My visa expired and I came back home without seeing him the last time he cried over the phone when I was at the transit in Dubai. Now I'm not in depression but continuously lonely and empty. (I basically have no friend in VN) I'm trying to get myself busy at work and spend as much time as possible with my family but still doesn't help much. So I guess this is how I end up at least from now. Relationships is somehow luxurious to me. But well, I can't die without relationship but I could die without food or oxygen and I got to watch movie alone every night which is OK for me.

Loneliness, "i" only wish,,, it would be nice.
How can i have it, and where can i get it...When i have 4 dogs, my music and Radio Caroline, and a little work,,, there's no time for it

This might help, ease your loneliness:

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed- and gazed- but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

William Wordsworth

curioussam wrote:

This might help, ease your loneliness:

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed- and gazed- but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

William Wordsworth

I was ok, but "now: Iam going to commit suicide, 'now' Ive read this LOL

I was ok, but "now: Iam going to commit suicide, 'now' Ive read this LOL

But well, I can't die without relationship but I could die without food or oxygen and I got to watch movie alone every night which is OK for me.

May be you can invite someone to go watch movies with you ? 

jazzy851 wrote:

But well, I can't die without relationship but I could die without food or oxygen and I got to watch movie alone every night which is OK for me.

May be you can invite someone to go watch movies with you ? 

Come to Brazil for Caipirinhas and some rock music from Radio Caroline,,, it would be a good evening

Maybe you can change daffodils to Roses to make your life a little brighter,Spanishpete 

curioussam wrote:

Maybe you can change daffodils to Roses to make your life a little brighter,Spanishpete 

Spanishpeter has his Dog,s the sun, rock music from Radio Caroline and some cachaça thats all he needs

jazzy851 wrote:

But well, I can't die without relationship but I could die without food or oxygen and I got to watch movie alone every night which is OK for me.

May be you can invite someone to go watch movies with you ? 

Sure yes, I have loads of movies but need a movie partner. Any good recommendation?

I was thining I was the only one engulfed with loneliness but I guess you too so boring and it's making me sick

haha I guess we all have to deal with culture shock and reversed culture shock anyway.

jazzy851 wrote:

Dont feel isolated. Pick out the good things in the country where you are and make something of it. For example, if there are good things to see and do there why not get about go and visit them ?

If you like to try photography (even with your smart phone) at the places you visit you will be surprised how one activity leads to another and before you know it, youre keeping yourself busy!

Good luck and let that boredom gor away 

lol... boredom is not in my dictionary... Those activities you suggested now becomes my duty and routine.  I need some ideas new and crazy.

btw, my condo does not allow me to have pet    Cats cure my lone heart....

kimluuthien wrote:

haha I guess we all have to deal with culture shock and reversed culture shock anyway.

jazzy851 wrote:

Dont feel isolated. Pick out the good things in the country where you are and make something of it. For example, if there are good things to see and do there why not get about go and visit them ?

If you like to try photography (even with your smart phone) at the places you visit you will be surprised how one activity leads to another and before you know it, youre keeping yourself busy!

Good luck and let that boredom gor away 

lol... boredom is not in my dictionary... Those activities you suggested now becomes my duty and routine.  I need some ideas new and crazy.

btw, my condo does not allow me to have pet    Cats cure my lone heart....

what about a fish tank, And to make it interesting, 'get' Piranhas

LOL got it now - The Malaysian Piranha version :
Piranha as pet in Malaysia

hmmmm looks like ordinary fish... I prefer the original one. How can I ship?

lol... boredom is not in my dictionary... Those activities you suggested now becomes my duty and routine.  I need some ideas new and crazy.

btw, my condo does not allow me to have pet    Cats cure my lone heart....

New and crazy ideas ? hmmm let me think in Vietnam... why don't you go to the park and see those exercise machines they have, try each and every one of them! may be try one per session ?    This is a new idea and its crazy.. but hey you asked so i suggested 
Look on the bright side it will get you out of the house and keep you fit 

If you complete, you will get a 

good luck.. 

Sure yes, I have loads of movies but need a movie partner. Any good recommendation?

I dont know a good movie partner but if you get out and about you are likely to have  a much higher chance of finding that movie partner 
good luck   

kimluuthien wrote:

LOL got it now - The Malaysian Piranha version :
Piranha as pet in Malaysia

hmmmm looks like ordinary fish... I prefer the original one. How can I ship?

You could go for the Brazilian ones, But be "prepared" to give them lot's of day off

@ jazzy851 Unfortunately I left Vietnam for my own good already..... Sadly that now I don't have any time to do any activities you said there but well will try later... however Park is super dirty in Saigon (where my home is)

well.... if going abroad means to make us lonely and sad , I bet nobody will leave their hometowns.... The reason of going abroad... is to make our lives better in a positive way right?

However, a small problem is that "Leaving home" will make me loose my identity, but "coming back to home" only gives me a headache.... which I feel right now... kind of "have-no-clue- where- I - belong - to" mood.

@spanishpete  will try if I save enough.

An appropriate song, video for this topic: All The Lonely People: The Beatles

https://youtu.be/h0gpPs4flw8

curioussam wrote:

An appropriate song, video for this topic: All The Lonely People: The Beatles

https://youtu.be/h0gpPs4flw8

Yes a great song
but can anyone 'in' the expat world tie a knot,, i want to hang myself,
but to be honest you really need songs that cheer you up,, well i do

so if your dowm in the dumps and lonley, what music would listen to to cheer you up

for me this pice of music, really cheers me up

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfqPJp7Q7qE