Jordan-inter-marriage

There has been a discussion going on on the similar topic here.

https://www.expat.com/forum/viewtopic.php?id=79629

Might be helpful to you..

Good luck
Z

Without any judgmental comments I would say that your boyfriend is lying.
There are many mixed marriages in Jordan, good and bad.

I think your boyfriend has problems with his family as it  might that they wont except or he has no interest to marry you.

Ooohh...Save yourself from Broken Heart,Kak

I think I will have to back up Primadonna on this one.

Marrying an outsider is often a concern in any culture, Eastern or Western.. but its never that drastic that it would mean the end of the world for someone. There are many examples of cross culture weddings in Middle East.

Unless the person in question has a serious problem at home, such as some tribal background in some remote place in Jordan or something where there are strict family rules, I dont see any problem with him proceeding.

This is my opinion, though since we do not know what situation he really is in, it would be not a good idea to judge.

Good luck
Z

Hello Fhhhjjj,

You use the word "dating", have you actually met this man or are you just talking about an online relationship?

If you've met the man, does his family even know about you, or have either of you discussed the possibility of you meeting his family?

I really must concur with the others that this notion of some kind of cultural taboo against marrying outsiders is clearly not always the case. It might be more significant if you were of different religions, but I would presume he too is of the Islamic faith. I really think that if there is any kind of taboo at all it's in the mind of his family members.

At any rate, if he's already so unsure of the future, you shouldn't be investing too much of yourself into the relationship, it's quite likely that sooner or later it's going to vanish as quickly as a snowflake in the hot Jordanian sun. It's clear that he's already trying to distance himself from any kind of committment.

Cheers,
James
Expat-blog Experts Team

James has made a very pivotal point, one which I had overlooked by the time I reached the end of your post.

The major bone of contention,if any, for the families that object to a cross cultural marriages is religion. But since you already mentioned that you are from the same faith, it really does not make any sense.

When he speaks about being not acceptable in his 'culture', you might want to check if he is talking about the 'Jordanian' /'Arab' culture in general, or is he talking about some specific tribal culture.

Good luck
Z

James wrote:

Hello Fhhhjjj,


At any rate, if he's already so unsure of the future, you shouldn't be investing too much of yourself into the relationship, it's quite likely that sooner or later it's going to vanish as quickly as a snowflake in the hot Jordanian sun. It's clear that he's already trying to distance himself from any kind of committment.

Cheers,
James
Expat-blog Experts Team

It's difficult to follow your real intentions since either way, you criticize! If men want to marry, you warn women from being used. If they do not want to marry, say it straight forward, you accuse them of taking distance from a commitment!!

Tq for the reply. I didnt expect anyone to reply & appreciate that many contribute. I think if he were lying, he wouldn't bring the issue in the first place. We were friends first before we started liking each other. We are very compatible in many ways & he brought about this issue when we started being very comfortable as pairs. I've never thought about marriage until he did.

He mentioned many times that he cant be apart from his family. & that his family wont accept & will not speak to him again. Putting myself in his shoes (I'm trying to create a different scenario, let's say I'm gay and have to tell my parents abour it & the consequences that I know for sure will happen as I wont get their acceptance) I can understand a little bit how he might feel.

Hi James, I met him in an event & not online. The family doesnt know about me but his good friends do. My family doesnt know about him either. We've only been together for 7months & I never thought about marriage until he brought it up. His concern is he cant promise 'future' for us. I can never understand his fear. I think I never will unless I'm from that culture. We both not sure how to handle this & still talking amicably for now. We are both in our early 30s and we both are at the stage where we're ready to settle down.

Primadonna wrote:

Without any judgmental comments I would say that your boyfriend is lying.
There are many mixed marriages in Jordan, good and bad.

I think your boyfriend has problems with his family as it  might that they wont except or he has no interest to marry you.

Tq for the reply. I didnt expect anyone to reply & appreciate that many contribute. I think if he were lying, he wouldn't bring the issue in the first place. We were friends first before we started liking each other. We are very compatible in many ways & he brought about this issue when we started being very comfortable as pairs. I've never thought about marriage until he did.

So what are you going to do?

i am eager to hear what are you going to do....

Mohdq..Yeps,me too

since she posted on Forum and most of us replied her Let's hope the Best for her 

Perhaps we should just be happy with giving our opinions and let her decide her personal business on her own?

Waiting in eagerness and expecting her to discuss her decision woyld put extreme pressure on her and frankly, her personal eventual decision should be none of our business. I hope we all agree on this to let her have her privacy and wish her good luck.  : )

Z

I must agree with you, on this Xeeschan,yeah wish her all the best of Luck

That's the best I guess Kate, to wish her luck.  : )

also me too 

Xeeschan wrote:

Perhaps we should just be happy with giving our opinions and let her decide her personal business on her own?

Waiting in eagerness and expecting her to discuss her decision woyld put extreme pressure on her and frankly, her personal eventual decision should be none of our business. I hope we all agree on this to let her have her privacy and wish her good luck.  : )

Z

Your right but I was not asking to discus her choice but just out of compassion. And to be frankly topics about relationships doesn't belong here.

First of all,she posted her thought here on this very Forum..and then she said that she do not expect anyone to

reply,then what does she really want ? isn't this forum to help one another if they have a Question regarding anything ?

Kate29 wrote:

First of all,she posted her thought here on this very Forum..and then she said that she do not expect anyone to

reply,then what does she really want ? isn't this forum to help one another if they have a Question regarding anything ?

yes it is

Bas Yalla,whatever ! Wish her luck Only

I totally agree with you on both accounts Pri.. and I think your way of asking was totally different than what I was pointing out n my response was not directed at you.

Hope all's great in Amman. : )

Z

Primadonna wrote:

Your right but I was not asking to discus her choice but just out of compassion. And to be frankly topics about relationships doesn't belong here.

She probably wasn't too hopeful for responses, though now she seems happy that we responded... so I guess we should let her breath for a while.. 

Z

Kate29 wrote:

First of all,she posted her thought here on this very Forum..and then she said that she do not expect anyone to

reply,then what does she really want ? isn't this forum to help one another if they have a Question regarding anything ?

WAllah, you are absolutely right.. : )

Kate29 wrote:

Bas Yalla,whatever ! Wish her luck Only

There are so many people who cant tolerate interracial marriages but that hasnt erased interracial dating.Atleast this guy is trying to be honest n looking at the other side of thorns. So you either walk out of it before the love goes deeper or roll e boat till it sinks.it's a decision both of you have to make. Good luck

Hi,
Thank u so much for the opinions & the wishes. I wrote this post when I was confused and sad (still confused). I also think I wasnt beeing very clear about what answers that I was looking for. People told me, there are many Jordanians married to foreigners. But to me...they are the exceptions from the norm.. Just bcs the exception exists doesnt mean it's acceptable...I guess I'm looking to learn the perspectives from men/women(especially Jordanian) who are not part of these exceptions. Those who are brought up in the 'common' Jordanian family or know people of such. I mean..what will happen? To what extent?
His fear is basically directed to his family. He's sure that he will be ousted by his family & he obviously loves them very much.

& we are still together as of today when this is written.

I wish you both all the luck and happiness from the world and I do hope that you can make a wise decision, whatever it might be.

Good Luck

You're welcome. Best of luck for you. 
Z

i think this post is discoursed enough and should be closed

JO/EU wrote:

James wrote:

Hello Fhhhjjj,


At any rate, if he's already so unsure of the future, you shouldn't be investing too much of yourself into the relationship, it's quite likely that sooner or later it's going to vanish as quickly as a snowflake in the hot Jordanian sun. It's clear that he's already trying to distance himself from any kind of committment.

Cheers,
James
Expat-blog Experts Team

It's difficult to follow your real intentions since either way, you criticize! If men want to marry, you warn women from being used. If they do not want to marry, say it straight forward, you accuse them of taking distance from a commitment!!

I happen to agree with you both

Come on!! Pick a side already!!!

Bratty1919 wrote:

I happen to agree with you both

JO/EU wrote:

James wrote:

Hello Fhhhjjj,


At any rate, if he's already so unsure of the future, you shouldn't be investing too much of yourself into the relationship, it's quite likely that sooner or later it's going to vanish as quickly as a snowflake in the hot Jordanian sun. It's clear that he's already trying to distance himself from any kind of committment.

Cheers,
James
Expat-blog Experts Team

It's difficult to follow your real intentions since either way, you criticize! If men want to marry, you warn women from being used. If they do not want to marry, say it straight forward, you accuse them of taking distance from a commitment!!

Perhaps you can enlighten us with your own thoughts on this issue, rather than criticize someone for doing just that. If you disagree with him, then post your reasons. His real intentions? I don't think anyone here has any sinister intentions. As there is absolutely nothing to gain from it. Well apart from putting doubts in people's mind so they don't get married - deriving sick pleasure from it. So he sets out to break-up relationships to give him a good feeling? I don't think so.

XB23 wrote:

JO/EU wrote:

James wrote:

Hello Fhhhjjj,


At any rate, if he's already so unsure of the future, you shouldn't be investing too much of yourself into the relationship, it's quite likely that sooner or later it's going to vanish as quickly as a snowflake in the hot Jordanian sun. It's clear that he's already trying to distance himself from any kind of committment.

Cheers,
James
Expat-blog Experts Team

It's difficult to follow your real intentions since either way, you criticize! If men want to marry, you warn women from being used. If they do not want to marry, say it straight forward, you accuse them of taking distance from a commitment!!

Perhaps you can enlighten us with your own thoughts on this issue, rather than criticize someone for doing just that. If you disagree with him, then post your reasons. His real intentions? I don't think anyone here has any sinister intentions. As there is absolutely nothing to gain from it. Well apart from putting doubts in people's mind so they don't get married - deriving sick pleasure from it. So he sets out to break-up relationships to give him a good feeling? I don't think so.

You obviously have not followed former posts on former subjects, making your post not fit! Besides, my answer is understandable to the ones addressed to, talking about logic not defending one another...