First off, I love Holland, I'm here because of a wonderful man who I've been blessed to meet, and I don't feel like living anywhere else. However between jobs or lack thereof and learning Dutch, I've found myself very depressed. It would help if I knew what was normal, and if I saw a light at the end of the tunnel.
With jobs, I've contacted every uitzendbureau that I have heard of who will work with English speakers, by now I must have contacted at least 8 of them. With all of them, I have to contact the employer myself, and I keep getting job listing after job listing looking for English and another language. Where there is an opening, they want me to work full time, which isn't an option as I'm busy with Dutch lessons, and as my husband and I plan on trying to conceive next year, I want my Dutch to be fluent by the time our oldest child is learning to talk. I have a Bachelor's in accounting, Magna Cum Laude at that, from a university in the US, however no post-grad job experience as I only finished my degree last year. I know there are international companies such as the 2 I know of, Unilever and Shell. However, I am a vegan and an environmentalist, so I have issues with Unilever's animal testing and Shell's plans to drill in the Arctic.
I feel like the only option I have left is cleaning. And to be honest, this feels very demoralizing, as I worked a full-time job while I was in university so that I would never have to clean for money again. There is also retail, although 2 major things working against me, I'm 30 so my minimum wage is higher than a younger person's, and my Dutch is not that great yet, I'm probably somewhere between level A2 and B1 right now. Of course food service has been mentioned to me often, but then again, I'm vegan, so bad idea. Fortunately, my husband is supportive, and doesn't want me to resort to a job that I'd leave at the end of every day with a guilty conscience.
However our money situation is very tight, I've been feeling guilty, and I'm bordering on being depressed, I wasn't able to stop crying all of last night and this morning even though my husband wasn't angry at all. And to be honest, it's hard while he's at work all day and I'm at home wondering what is wrong with me and why I can't get a job. I'm not giving up on our relationship, however something does need to change or my mental health is seriously at risk. When we made the decision for me to come here, we had so many people (all Dutch though) saying that as a native English speaker, I'd have a very easy time finding a job!
The only other thing that I can think of is to consider commuting to Amsterdam, we live in Rotterdam. Though if I did that, with my course load for my Dutch classes I definitely couldn't manage more than 3 days per week. Based on talking to people, I'm getting the impression that the only way that it is easy to negotiate a 3 day workweek is if you're a mother.
Ideally, I would like to find a 3-4 day per week job in Rotterdam or Den Haag, even if it's something silly, at least to bring in a little more money and to keep me sane. Even better is if I find a job like this which is not menial, so then I can take maternity leave and then come back to it after we have our first child, we're trying to conceive next year so hoping for a birth in 2014.
All of the above was long-winded, and yes, it is driving me into depression, it's been on my mind for months now. Let's just say that the main reason we chose Holland over the US, despite the fact that one of us would have a learn a new language, is because my parents were awful and his parents are amazing, so I know which set of grandparents I trust more around our children. Still though, as I sit at home feeling useless because I still don't have a job, I keep hearing my parents voices saying that I'm lazy, stupid, and a failure for being at home and living off of my husband's money.
For the last few months, my depression has been very bad, so I have put off making my own friends. I know this is important, though that said, my husband is my best friend and there has been nothing but good times with us. Most of his friends are Dutch, and they have been very nice to me, though often I feel left out when the conversation takes off in Dutch and I can't keep up. Though there have been 2 of his friends who have been rude about me being vegan. My husband knew from the beginning that what he eats is his choice, though he's addicted to my cooking and always eats whatever I make, and would say that as of right now he eats meat maybe 1 or 2 times per month. Which these friends have given him a very hard time about. There's that, and he's experienced what many people experience when they enter a serious relationship when friends who he had before (mostly female) disappeared, so we have talked about this often and figure that it's best for us to make new friends together. And it would be good if I knew more people free to hang out in the daytime during the week while my husband is working, right now, I don't know anyone who's regularly free then.
This is certainly not about being homesick. I'm about as left-wing as Americans come, the Christian agenda often made my blood boil, I'm estranged from my parents, and not much of my country's food is vegan. Holland is a very nice breath of liberal fresh air in comparison, and I certainly feel more comfortable raising my children here!
Though I would really like a job, more friends, and to know what I'm doing with getting myself settled here. Someone, please enlighten me!
What is normal when moving to Holland for love?
Hello Visje.
Welcome to Expat.com!
You can try to post an advert in the jobs in Rotterdam section. It could help. 
Thank you,
Aurélie
I've tried that with countless websites. It hasn't helped. :-(
i can totally understand what you feel !!i am also the one who move to NL because of my love ! And i am trying my best to learn dutch ! SAME feeling ... i felt useless when i dont work !And my fiance also dont allow me to work since he want me to focus on school ! i know it is hard time in the beginning since we still dont speak dutch well ! Because you have a lot of time to think many stuff . it will make you even more negative (when your husband go out to work ) maybe try to go out and walk around ! meet the new friends is a good ideas , i hope it too ! Stay positive and try to focus to study first ..after you can speak fluent dutch, you will be much more easy to get the job !!
Fluent Dutch or not, finding a job in the Netherlands isn't a picnic right now unfortunately. I'm a Dutch native and have been looking for a different job for about a year with no luck. You not being fluent at Dutch and with your educational background (either too highly educated or too low) are facing an additional set of problems and I'm sorry to hear that it is affecting your confidence and self image so badly.
As I'm sure you've noticed by now, Dutch people tend to be very blunt and 'in your face' at times. I'm sorry to hear your husband's friends have been rude, but could it be possible that it's just them being very Dutch in that sense? Either way, making new friends is a great idea, either for yourself or together with your husband. You may want to consider picking up a hobby where you could meet new people. I'm sure there are plenty of yoga classes in Rotterdam! 
Don't forget that depression calls for medical attention if you want to keep it in check, so don't hesitate to contact your general practitioner about it. They can offer you contact details to psychologists that might be able to help. Even just a few sessions of talking to someone who's dedicated to listening to you could be beneficial.
I wish you the best of luck. Let us know how it all turns out, please?
Thank you guys for your kind words. I didn't have an easy life before coming here. So normal difficulties for new arrivals seem way more overwhelming for me. At the moment thinking of doing a CELTA course and then working for myself teaching.
And it's all good with people I've met here. Where I come from we have the other extreme problem, as in people being too nice, so it's harder to tell if someone is better to stay away from. So I've found on a day to day basis I get a lot less hassle with, say, my veganism. Neither is better or worse than the other.
It's an uphill climb, just trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've got a man by my side who loves me, so all will be good! :-)
Hey Visje,
I most certainly went through the same thing when I became an expat back in 2009. It takes a while to get your feet back underneath you, that's for sure.
I'm in Rotterdam now, and since we're in the same city I'd be happy to chat about it over coffee (or beer of course!) if you'd like. I work from home so we can get our lunch date on. Oh, and I'm a vegetarian, so vegan = no problem! :-)
Send me a message if you'd like!
Anne
Sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. Have you considered teaching english? Many young people struggle with the language in high school. While this may not be your ideal job, it does allow flexible hours and lots of opportunity to meet new people within your community.
Dear all,
I have read Visje post. Sorry to hear that you have a hard time, but I hope that you quickly can find what you need.
Well, I am in Indonesian. My boyfriend is Dutch, and in the near future we would like to be there. Samen. We are waiting for my Dutch international examen in which it helps me to apply student visa next year. This is also not easy for an Indonesian to move and live in the Netherland.
I heard if you take NT2 examen, it would help you to find a job. One of Indonesian who has been living there for 10 years prove it! She got NT2 and get a good job.Perhaps you would like to get to know about this examen?
Part where you sometimes felt left out when the conversation turn into Dutch is very understandable. I went to NL twice, I learned Dutch in Indonesia, I know words and sentences but when it turns into conversation, it is hard. Then I ask an extra job to my boyfriend to help me so I can get involved with the conversation.
I hope the best for you, Visje! :]
I know this feeling and I can imagine how difficult that could be. (be strong it's a step)
I'm a french native speaker and when I came to Rotterdam at the end of february 2012 follow my fiance (he's french) it'was hard also.
Because my english wasn't so good (I'm still improving it each day) I don't speak one dutch word and of course at home i speak french.
So in order to don't become depressed i practiced lots of sport in "health city" that help me to decompress. During my period of unemployment it was great to have my wonderful fiance with me as support....it's crazy to see what we can do by love.
by the way..if you know a cheaper way to learn the ducth please just let me know because so far the price a saw in some school I can't afford me that. it's more than 3000€ a year.
The good point for you is that you have a good education horewer the "bad" point is that your mother tongue is english...and almost all the dutch guys are able to speak english...so then when your dutch will be fluent for what kind of job you will apply? do you have already your work permit ?.
Anyway I'm living in rotterdam and I'm always up to meet new people.
looking forward for your answers girl(s).
bye
Hi Visje
I wish you lived nearer as I am in virtually the same situation:-
I moved here for love too from the U.K & I am vegetarian but luckily so is my Dutch partner. I am a cat lover & used to have my own Kemmels & Cattery business in the u.k.
I am finding it difficult to find work as every employer requires Dutch. I was due to start Dutch lessons this week but I have just been told they may not have enough people so that will be a real disappointment!
I find I am getting depressed to but find you really do have to get out of the house & mingle ... I went to a International Playgroup club which would of been ideal for you as the average age was 30 but for me I have been there & done that already ! I have found a Womens International Group that meet in Maastricht....I am going this Monday night to a open evening so I hope it goes well:)
You really need to find as many expats sites as you can ...What about looking up Internations they must have a meeting in Rotterdam??
I`m not sure how far Rotterdam is on the train or how much it costs, maybe you drive but if you like to meet for coffee let me know...Perhaps I can show you Maastricht ...it`s very pretty:)
Send me a message can keep in contact & see how we are getting on.
Rose
Guys, thank you for the great replies, and sorry I haven't responded sooner. I've actually found myself busy now, so I haven't been checking this site much.
Life is very good right now, not quite where I want it to be yet, but it's well on its way and I'm happy. My Dutch has just now reached the point where I can go to a party and converse decently, though I'm still more boring so far than I am in English, and I nailed the ending exam for my last Dutch course, which was a huge confidence boost. I still have a year to go with courses, so I'm taking a relaxed approach to my career at the moment. Though I may have an opportunity to do some part-time work teaching English, and I definitely want to go for training to teach yoga and possibly other fitness once my Dutch is up to scratch. And by the way, I have discovered that if someone insists on switching to English with me, that "Ik spreek ook Nederlands!" said with a smile usually works pretty well to get them to keep using Dutch.
I had my regular yoga practice and the yoga center I go to regularly, but I was still bored during the daytime, so I joined a gym that's right by my house. I've discovered that it's a great cure for desperate housewife syndrome and for stress, and following group classes in Dutch has definitely helped my Dutch. I definitely recommend trying this, and at least if you don't understand some of the instructions, you can always cheat and look at the person next to you, and then learn through context.
As for friends, well, I'm definitely a social butterfly, as is my husband, so we're always up for meeting people! We haven't done anything with expat groups so far, mainly because we're unsure if we'd go well with that as he is Dutch, but I've been focusing on meeting people through my interests such as yoga and vegetarianism. Not necessarily that people I hang out with have to have these interests, but it's been a good approach to meet likeminded people. It's slow, but I've met some great people, Dutch and expat both. And my husband's friends have been great to me, the hardest part for some of them at the beginning was that we moved very fast. This has gone way down now that we've been together for long enough for people to see we're still going strong. We were living together after a week and a half, and were registered partners after 3 1/2 months, but considering immigration issues, we didn't have the luxury of taking things slow. And I have no regrets, it's been an amazing year, and my husband is the best friend, lover, and partner I could ever hope for.
Anyway, that's a quick update, and my advise to anyone in my situation is to learn Dutch as quickly as possible and to stay busy, and certainly to not stay in the house! And also, to look at your time unemployed as good quality me time. I know this is probably the only opportunity in my life for me to have that.
I check this very occasionally, but if you do want to get in touch with me, message me and I'll message you my Facebook and my email. Much easier that way! :-)
Hi Visje,
If you haven't already you should check out/sign up at Internations.com. It's an online expat community that hosts mixers and other social events to bring people in your position in touch with each other. I don't know how active your chapter would be, but here in Dallas, and most other US cities, they get together every month or so.
It's a way to bring everyone together. It helps tremendously with finding work and just being able to talk to someone that has been or still is in your shoes is nice.
Moving to the Netherlands is a big step for anyone and depending on where in the States you are from the dutch strait forwardness can be a big hurdle. But trust me in time you will get used to it. Someone suggested teaching english, I would suggest teaching economics or sometihing similar in english. My first one and a half years here I taught biology at a bilingual school (twee talig VWO). I did it through Randstad and it worked out for a time, eventually though you might have to get certified. The depression is a tough one, I have been here almost 6 years and I still have days where nothing seems to go right. A those times I would love nothing more than tobe able to drive into the mountains in Idaho and go for a good long hike. Regardless the longer you are here the less that happens, find a sport or a hobby and go for it. Keeping busy, that's the key. Good luck and get er done.
Hoi Visje!
Wat een leuke update. I am happy for you!
Groetjes,
Dede
Hey Visje!
I also live in Rotterdam, I'd be happy to meet you. The only problem - my English level is B1 or B2 
Send me a message if you'd like!
Victoria.
hi girl i am a Filipino and and i am currently studying in Rotterdam for my NT2 lesson and it is very cheap maybe you like to enroll there also.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. Fist off my friend, you are not alone nor are you going crazy. What you have written here we have all gone through as new comers. Finding your first job is the hardest thing to do. And even more so because in the U.S. you can get a job pretty quick but in Holland it can take up to two months to go through 3 interviews with one company just to find out if you got the job or not. Though I have experienced a shorter hiring process, I find it really long and drawn out. There are not that many recruiters specialized in placing English speakers and we are not looked on positively regardless of what people say. Sorry, after living here 9 years I know what Im talking about. English speaking jobs will take longer to find in the mean time you get stressed about finances and trying to move your life forward seems impossible. I know I have been there. What I learned from my first job hunting experience was that I made some mistakes I was unaware of when I was looking for a job. Your husband unfortunately cant help you because he has not lived in the US and does not know the difference between work cultures and hiring procedures. I am a blog writer for an expat site check out my article on finding a job overseas I think this will help you. (I am not pumping my website, I talk about what I did wrong) 2moveabroad.com/looking-for-work-abroad/ this link is not yet live so check back in a few days.
In a nut shell, when you interview don't talk about being a new immigrant and if it comes up play it down at all cost or say something like you just got married and bought a house. HR people think new arrivals will not like living in the Netherlands and want to go home. They think hiring you is a risk. Show them you have roots and plan to stay. If you are a college grad don't do cleaning jobs or restaurants. Its not like in the US where you can find any kind of work to pass the time. In Holland a college degree means following the kind of work written on your diploma.
ALSO A VERY BIG TIP: Summer months almost no jobs can be found. Europe is HUGE on going away for three weeks to a month for vacation. That means the job market dies and only internships are posted for the fall college kids. In September when vacation is about over, it begins to get busy again and lots of jobs open up.Its hard but be patient.
Also there are several English writing jobs that can be found in the Netherlands. That's a part time job that will keep you busy and help lift your spirits. It buys time until something comes along.
As for depression: Your totally normal. I cant tell you how many times I went through a total melt down. Frustration, tears crying for no reason and had no idea why I was so edgy. Then one day I went to an expat group and told my story and five people said they had the same experience. We were all shocked to learn that melt downs are part of change overload. You are experiencing so much change right now your brain can not process it all. When you go through this over a period of time depression sets in. Its good you came to the forum to vent. Because that's what you need to do. My Dutch man cant understand these things I go through and never will. You need some companions from home here to give you some support right now. It does wonders for your mental health.
As for me I am from the US and living somewhat in the Rotterdam area. If you ever need to meet up I am always available to help someone from home. Hang in there!
If you ever want to grab a coffee with an American expat near Rotterdam, I am always available.
Hi!!!
Hi!!!
I am Maria from the Philippines.
I do have a best friend dutch, and we are currently treating each other as more than friends. In the future, I see myself living with him in the Netherlands. If that's the case, I need to foresee the things that I may have. You are an inspiration and I want to learn from your experiences.
I have been teaching English here in my country... few months though. I am a nurse, but first I need to also do the thing that you did -> taking up CELTA course. Would that be also great for me? What do you think?
What do you think about doing the Preparatory Year (Dutch language course) while studying CELTA course? Did it suit for you? How was it? Did you carry it without feeling so depressed in doing 2 things at the same time?
This is my email ad: [email protected]
I just can't leave you a private message anymore. 
My private message boxes are already full.
Looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Nice to meet you and keep safe always!
Warm regards,
Maria
@ Maria,
Welcome on board to this site.
My question is after to reading your post, to who you are talking too?
And for the inbox part: you need to post some several post to activate you mailsystem.
Primadonna,
The one who made this post/blog. Its for Visje.
Thanks!
Thanks to clear this out.
I hope that Visje read your post because for a long time she is not active on the forum.
After reading this I was feeling like you are reading my mind because am going through the same same things right now.
I moved here in Amsterdam 3 months ago and I have sent so many CVs for diffrent kind of jobs, also going around leaving CVs but its always either no answers or the ones that reply are negative. I feel so depressed and useless seen my girlfriend(Italian) go to work and leaving me at home. Before moving from Istanbul where I did my bachelor in International relation I knew things would not be easy but not to this extent.
I have worked before in Istanbul as market researcher for an import and export company, I also worked in short term rental agency as promoting manager. so if anyone knows something concerning these areas I would appreciate so much. In the mean time even a cleaning job or working in a restaulant is highly welcomed as I feel so guilty living on my girlfriends money. of late with an Italian friend we want to started a mobile kitchen where we can cook for people who have some special events because we both have passion in cooking and see what we can do by combining a kenyan and Italian Kitchen.
I am so desparate for a job that if I get one I will work so hard to prove to my girlfriend's friends who seems not to understand that I can make it too.
Am gland I foung this blog because its giving me some hope seen other people who were in my situation and they are settled and happy now.
If anyone would like to meet I would be gland to meet you.
Thank you all.
Hi,
I saw your message saying that you were studying dutch and it was very cheap. Would you mind sharing with me the name of the school, where it is located and the cost!.
Thank you!
Vanessa
vanessa_brussels wrote:Hi,
I saw your message saying that you were studying dutch and it was very cheap. Would you mind sharing with me the name of the school, where it is located and the cost!.
Thank you!
Vanessa
This thread is over 12 months old and inactive so do not expect a reply. I suggest that you open a new thread.
Hello eveyone,
This is so scary considering am thinking of moving over to the netherlandas
kipepeo123 wrote:Hello eveyone,
This is so scary considering am thinking of moving over to the netherlandas
Hi and welcome to the Forum.
You've contributed to a part of the Forum that hasn't had much traffic for a long time.
At the top of the page is a link to our Discover section; if you mouse over that you'll get a drop-down menu with a link to our "The Netherlands Guide"; that contains a mass of details that will help answer many of the questions you may have. Further, there are lots of pinned posts at the top of the forum that deals with specific issues. My advice is to read both sources, then if you have any further specific questions, then come back to us.
Hope this helps.
Cynic
Expat Team
Articles to help you in your expat project in Rotterdam
Because unemployment rates are so low and you can find many international companies in the country, it ...
If you're thinking of moving to the Netherlands, one major thing you have to consider is how you'll ...
While most other parts of the Netherlands feature centuries-old architecture, Rotterdam looks like a modern ...
Over 873000 people live in Amsterdam, which means there's a bit of competition when it comes to jobs. Add in ...
Utrecht may be a smaller city than Amsterdam or Rotterdam, but it's one that many expats find themselves ...
Although it was once an alternative, uncommon lifestyle, digital nomadism is quickly becoming the norm, especially ...
