Culture gap on money issue

I totally agree with Nha Trang, in most cases men here are useless, hang around doing nothing or very little. Work ethic is not just a western concept, I know of Asian countries who do work on that principe, and I certainly know of one that hasn't a work ethic at all.

peterbelelius wrote:

I totally agree with Nha Trang, in most cases men here are useless, hang around doing nothing or very little. Work ethic is not just a western concept, I know of Asian countries who do work on that principe, and I certainly know of one that hasn't a work ethic at all.

Probably worse in the cities, but in the country they give you the impression they don't do much, but when they do work, they work long hours and in hot conditions, even in my little city I don't see many men sitting around doing stuff all, and the ones I do , maybe they work nightshift? I do have a bludger near me who gives the impression that he is very rich, ( but his father working in the US paid for his mansion, and obviously his lifestyle, but he still " grows " dogs to sell ). You need to know in the commie days everyone was paid the same, for the same amount of work, ( unless you were higher up in the " Party " food chain ),  when things became more relaxed, people started to realise that now they can make money for themselves , ( and not the " Party " ), so i.e, a farmer used to only grow one crop of rice a year, which over the years installs the , " why should I work harder than you, we get the same sack of rice every month  " mentality, now that farmer is growing 3 -4 crops a year, and their lifestyle has greatly increased , naturally, ( if they haven't pissed it up the wall , that is ).

I have had the opposite experience from most people here. My first Vietnamese girlfriend was a straight up gold digger from Thừa Thiên–Huế. She insisted that she keep all the money because I didn't know how Vietnamese money worked.I had met her some months before and had I known then what I know now I would have dumped her immediately. Sob stories "My Father is very sick", "My Brother had an accident", "Can you send small money? Only $1000"? I came to visit her and the first thing she did was book a flight to see her parents. I had arrived in TPHCM the day before after a 42 hour flight from Equatorial Guinea. I was suffering from sever abdominal distress but that didn't matter. It was immediately apparent after meeting her parents they thought I was a walking ATM machine. The Brothers were even worse. None had jobs but aspired to be musicians and the like. It turns out that Mom and Daughter loved to play cards and I had to cough up another $6,500 so they wouldn't lose the house.

The second one was even worse. I met her after that first fiasco. She is from the Mekong, home of the most evil and lying women on the planet. I was working offshore as a Managing Engineer making really good money. At first we hit it off really well and she was quick to criticize the first girfriend.

We ended up getting married, fixed up her moms house and bought another to fix up and sell. We also bought a car. I ended up getting quite ill, to the point that I needed to be hospitalized for quite a stretch and for a time it looked like I wasn't going to make it, as a result I couldn't work, I literally could not pass an offshore physical (I was missing part of my stomach and a kidney). During the low point I had given her power of attorney. Keep in mind we had a 6 figure bank account, a car, two houses and a motorbike, as well as by that time a child. Once those fat paychecks stopped coming in she offloaded that stuff as fast as possible, then made up the excuse that she went to Cambodia to play cards and lost all the money. You will here this story all the time, it also happens to Vietnamese men.

After all that she decided  to by a new phone and generously gave me her old one. She foolishly thought she had wiped it out but the guy at the phone shop recovered everything. She was a big star on the Vietnam Cupid website and had multiple boyfriends. She was also giving money to her old boyfriend from high school.

She has since left town and abandoned her kid. It turns out most of her friends are  the same way. She has brought some shame on  her family though. Depends what part of VN you  come from.

BTW, most Vietnamese men don't give all their money to their wives. They give them enough, but certainly not all. You would get laughed at for this. They also  fear their husbands more if the  are Vietnamese because they  assume that a foreigner will not  put the beatdown on them. Some of my neighbours even asked,"How come you don't beat your wife"?

Just a heads up. I have been in Vietnam quite a while and have seen it all and thought you should see the other side of the story. Keep in mind in the first girlfriends case, she was turned out by  her mother at 12 years old and sent to  TPHCM in order to earn money  to send back to the family.A family with no warmth.

There are wonderful people in Vietnam and I am sure wonderful women too, but they are quite rare.

Rare?  VERY Rare!  But they exist indeed. I'm lucky to have 2 good trustworthy Vn-friends here. Cheers.

Neil 007 wrote:

I have had the opposite experience from most people here. My first Vietnamese girlfriend was a straight up gold digger from Thừa Thiên–Huế. She insisted that she keep all the money because I didn't know how Vietnamese money worked.I had met her some months before and had I known then what I know now I would have dumped her immediately. Sob stories "My Father is very sick", "My Brother had an accident", "Can you send small money? Only $1000"? I came to visit her and the first thing she did was book a flight to see her parents. I had arrived in TPHCM the day before after a 42 hour flight from Equatorial Guinea. I was suffering from sever abdominal distress but that didn't matter. It was immediately apparent after meeting her parents they thought I was a walking ATM machine. The Brothers were even worse. None had jobs but aspired to be musicians and the like. It turns out that Mom and Daughter loved to play cards and I had to cough up another $6,500 so they wouldn't lose the house.

The second one was even worse. I met her after that first fiasco. She is from the Mekong, home of the most evil and lying women on the planet. I was working offshore as a Managing Engineer making really good money. At first we hit it off really well and she was quick to criticize the first girfriend.

We ended up getting married, fixed up her moms house and bought another to fix up and sell. We also bought a car. I ended up getting quite ill, to the point that I needed to be hospitalized for quite a stretch and for a time it looked like I wasn't going to make it, as a result I couldn't work, I literally could not pass an offshore physical (I was missing part of my stomach and a kidney). During the low point I had given her power of attorney. Keep in mind we had a 6 figure bank account, a car, two houses and a motorbike, as well as by that time a child. Once those fat paychecks stopped coming in she offloaded that stuff as fast as possible, then made up the excuse that she went to Cambodia to play cards and lost all the money. You will here this story all the time, it also happens to Vietnamese men.


After all that she decided  to by a new phone and generously gave me her old one. She foolishly thought she had wiped it out but the guy at the phone shop recovered everything. She was a big star on the Vietnam Cupid website and had multiple boyfriends. She was also giving money to her old boyfriend from high school.

She has since left town and abandoned her kid. It turns out most of her friends are  the same way. She has brought some shame on  her family though. Depends what part of VN you  come from.

BTW, most Vietnamese men don't give all their money to their wives. They give them enough, but certainly not all. You would get laughed at for this. They also  fear their husbands more if the  are Vietnamese because they  assume that a foreigner will not  put the beatdown on them. Some of my neighbours even asked,"How come you don't beat your wife"?

Just a heads up. I have been in Vietnam quite a while and have seen it all and thought you should see the other side of the story. Keep in mind in the first girlfriends case, she was turned out by  her mother at 12 years old and sent to  TPHCM in order to earn money  to send back to the family.A family with no warmth.

There are wonderful people in Vietnam and I am sure wonderful women too, but they are quite rare.

That is a really sad story. But, I have got to ask. Why did you date a woman who did not have a job and who was not independent?  It is just something I would never consider doing. I expect a woman to be my equal or my better and I tell them this. If it scares them away I know they were not right for me. I look for a woman who wants a man but does not need a man. Seriously, you really need to be more selective and get over this man is the breadwinner attitude. These are basic errors you could make in any country / culture. It just happens you made them in Vietnam. I watched so many men in the UK fall for this with women. They work all day, get home late, never see their kids while their wives are housewives. Crazy mentality. Most men I see in this position are trapped in really unhappy relationships with no way out. One of my ex students told me he would love to leave his wife but he can't leave his child. Only another 14 years of misery till his kid is 18 then he can leave the wife. This man works 6-7 days a week as his wife refuses to work.

I have many wonderful VN friends. My best friend is one of my neighbours. But the shameful behaviour of some of the women, mostly below a certain age is well documented. Even on the News. It is a pity, but the age of electronics and short term gain has brought  out the worst in some of  us. Perhaps it  is a counter culture  thing?

Yes, I was thinking just the same. That is asking for it. Self-worth is a difficult concept, but it puts everything in line when it is reasonably present.

Oh she had a job as a Teaching assistant at the local school. Actually both had jobs. Once we got married I was told that people would laugh at her if she had to work.

I lived in the North until I was 27, and I didn't see many women stay home to wait her husband bring money to home. They all have to work. But I saw some women here in the South, they stay home, and sure, play cards to kill their time.

My mom teach me from tiny things, include never let us get money from others; or if someone give you this, you need to return others (even not money, but your help). And my dad always think, if his son doesn't have university degree, its ok, because men is strong always; but his daughters MUST have degree, to have a good job, because women's life are really difficult after she gets married... Saying thanks 1 billion times to my parents is never enough...

Yogi's girl has got a big smile on her face today.😀😀

She's grinning like a goat eating thistles.

Yogi took her to lunch, then bought her a nice pair of dress shoes. Happy girl now.
C'mon lads, get out there and flash the cash.  It's only money, useless until ya spend it.

senwl wrote:

bluenz wrote:

DongThanh wrote:

...........At the Cong An, that sounds interesting .LOL.

????

I reckon she has posted in the wrong thread..
She should have posted it here .....Address for a restaurant

On 08 June, Bluenz wrote:
Re: Culture gap on money issue

I give all my money to my wife to handle. Viet guys will drink it away in some shady massage parlour or lose it in a cock fight and than you have to post bail at the Cong an.


You're welcome 

fish 323 "These are basic errors you could make in any country / culture."  Absolutely, why people tend to generalize that it is an asian thing are sadly mistaken.  For example, I can give you plenty of stories about western women and how when the money is gone, divorce happens and the man is left with little or nothing.  Based on statistics I have researched, money is the number 1 reason for divorce in the USA.

khanh44 wrote:

Money will...reduce your chances of getting a divorce....

In what universe is this true?

khanh44 wrote:

Money can buy you happiness and love.

It's just a catchy phrase poor people like to use whenever a rich person fails in life. But you never hear a poor person failing in life in the media because there is just too many.

" No money, no honey"   is certainly true in Vietnam

cabraman wrote:

khanh44 wrote:

Money can buy you happiness and love.

It's just a catchy phrase poor people like to use whenever a rich person fails in life. But you never hear a poor person failing in life in the media because there is just too many.

" No money, no honey"   is certainly true in Vietnam

Grrrrrr,  Grrrrrr

Even though Yogi is blessed with good looks , charm and charisma.....that alone won't cut it around here.

Cash is King.     

Thats what ya get when you hang out in a capitalist enclave.

Grrrrr,  grrrrr

Yogi007 wrote:

Grrrrrr,  Grrrrrr

Even though Yogi is blessed with good looks , charm and charisma.....that alone won't cut it around here.

Cash is King.     

Thats what ya get when you hang out in a capitalist enclave.

Grrrrr,  grrrrr

According to Wikipedia, capitalism is "an economic system in which the means of production and distribution are privately or corporately owned and development is proportionate to the accumulation and reinvestment of profits gained in a free market."

Are you saying that your "good looks, charm, and charisma" should somehow be counted as profit by the woman to whom you are attempting to offer them?

Good luck with that...

If what you are spending is worth more to you than what you are receiving, then stop spending.

Staying with your metaphor... I, for one, am happy to buy 100,000VND dinners and the occasional new piece of clothing in exchange for the companionship, laughter, and good feelings I get during the time spent with a Vietnamese woman. In the west, it costs a LOT more and the value received is, in my extensive experience, significantly less.

cabraman wrote:

" No money, no honey"   is certainly true in Vietnam

As opposed to somewhere on this planet it is untrue? Where would that be?

"Most women look at men as big dogs who can talk."--Will Durst
"Women never have gas, but sometimes they're in the same room as a big dog who does."--The Cos

@vndreamer: congrats! Because you've found a typical traditional Vnese girl and true love with her! She is one of many real traditional girls but it's a bit difficult for foreigner men to find out because most of them have been already married to Vietnamese men.
And another reason is like to any good girls in the world, it's not easy to find them. :-)

100,000 VND dinners. That will get you nowhere around here. Two bowls of pho and a coffee. Good luck with that!!!

khanh44 wrote:

Money can buy you happiness and love.

It's just a catchy phrase poor people like to use whenever a rich person fails in life. But you never hear a poor person failing in life in the media because there is just too many.

Figured this didn't come out of a philosophy book. You have a lot to learn pal

cccmedia wrote:

khanh44 wrote:

Money will...reduce your chances of getting a divorce....

In what universe is this true?

Read some of his other stuff. He's a North American just like us

You are lucky to have good trustworthy friends. Friends are ok but you are no honest with these ladies if you are joking with both. There are some good people on Online dating too. But many men and women use it with bad aim.

I dont know about this topic....but if you like dancing i am willing

cabraman "No money, no honey"   is certainly true in Vietnam
Cabraman, i am sorry but you are wrong. Any where, any country have good and bad people. Many people from Western think that Vietnamese woman or Asian Woman who like money and they love money. Of course, money is important, because you both come from different countries, if you do not have money, you can not travel and can not see each other. However, do not judge people when you do not know well all of them, you just knew or met some of them and it is pity that you did meet the wrong one.
I met my husband in Vietnam. He paid for me the first time in the restaurant then i invited him to another restaurant and paid for him. When he visited me, he paid for the hotels when we traveled, i paid for the ticket and food. and he stayed in my house while i have to work. When i visited him in his country, it is expensive and far but i paid for the air-ticket and the procedure fees and stay in his house, we cooked at home and he paid for the costs. I bought gifts from Vietnam and bring them with me to his family.The gift is show that you are caring and respect, not show that you are rich or they never claim expensive gifts, it is important from your heart, how you would love her family. Our wedding, i made a  wedding budget and sent for him, we agreed together the cost and share 50/50. The expenses for my settle in his country also have to be shared. We could share everything, of course it is expensive cost and if you date a low salary person i dont think that she can pay for the cost and many people do not earn the high salary in Vietnam even they work hard because of the basic salary is low in this country. So i think both need to talk and understand about each other situation. I think that most important that you need to find the right one before fall in love with her. Do not do as the fast food then judge Vietnamese Woman as your way. Hopefully, you are smart enough to find out a good one.

Good luck.

chinhngo wrote:

cabraman "No money, no honey"   is certainly true in Vietnam
Cabraman, i am sorry but you are wrong. Any where, any country have good and bad people. Many people from Western think that Vietnamese woman or Asian Woman who like money and they love money. Of course, money is important, because you both come from different countries, if you do not have money, you can not travel and can not see each other. However, do not judge people when you do not know well all of them, you just knew or met some of them and it is pity that you did meet the wrong one.
I met my husband in Vietnam. He paid for me the first time in the restaurant then i invited him to another restaurant and paid for him. When he visited me, he paid for the hotels when we traveled, i paid for the ticket and food. and he stayed in my house while i have to work. When i visited him in his country, it is expensive and far but i paid for the air-ticket and the procedure fees and stay in his house, we cooked at home and he paid for the costs. I bought gifts from Vietnam and bring them with me to his family.The gift is show that you are caring and respect, not show that you are rich or they never claim expensive gifts, it is important from your heart, how you would love her family. Our wedding, i made a  wedding budget and sent for him, we agreed together the cost and share 50/50. The expenses for my settle in his country also have to be shared. We could share everything, of course it is expensive cost and if you date a low salary person i dont think that she can pay for the cost and many people do not earn the high salary in Vietnam even they work hard because of the basic salary is low in this country. So i think both need to talk and understand about each other situation. I think that most important that you need to find the right one before fall in love with her. Do not do as the fast food then judge Vietnamese Woman as your way. Hopefully, you are smart enough to find out a good one.

Good luck.

Thank you, but I already did.  I understand what you are saying, but do you understand the meaning of my comment?

I just thought I would give an update on this money culture thing.  Earlier this week my wife tells me she does not have enough money to take me out, but she gets paid on thursday (last night).  So, she invites me out to dinner and we go to a beach restaurant, romantic eat many fish, meat, spring rolls, smoothies and just a wonderful evening.  Me, being the good husband, I try to give the waitress my credit card to pay the bill.  Boy was I wrong!  My wife tells me khongggggggggggggggggggg.  She wants to pay and tells me she is so happy because she can care for me.  How can I say no?  i feel bad because the dinner costs 4 times more than what we usually pay, but I see her so happy so I agree.  Was there a problem?  No, we finished, went home, watched a movie and all was well.