What is expected of you upon marrying a Dominican National?

Massagewiz  great post!

I do hope things work out and sounds like you are certainly thinking with the "big" head. Good job my friend

Bob K

This is interesting for me to read. As a female I have a bit of different take. I am sure this is pretty correct BUT we need to be careful of stereotyping.  That said I will do just that:

MEN  -  as tourists or those living in tourist areas - you will have NO access to girl number 1.  She might play with you for a bit but really they are NOT interested in guys like you.  They have been raised to believe all foreign men who move here are just looking for young prostitutes.

MEN - you will have lots and lots of access to girl number 2.  Enough said.

MEN -  the real challenge is girl number 3.  You might have some access to them,  but the challenge is to figure out what you have.   In the case of girl number 3 remember that this is part of the culture.  Women are raised to expect men to take care of them. You are expected to pick up some of the bills and in return she takes good care of you - in many ways. Her asking for a big ticket item after some time is not unexpected, its pretty normal. Throwing emotional blackmail at you is pretty normal too.  Yelling and screaming is also expected.  IT may pass or she may move on.  Either way its probably okay.

Great subject!  Although my experience was different because I married a Colombian man in tge US, in retrospect, I believe his primary motivation may well have been a green card.....enough said on that one, since once I decided to break off our marriage, he proceeded to start a serious relationship with a Colombian woman he met while visiting his family in Medellin.

Whether you're my age, you're age or quite young,  we all have the rest of our life to find happiness & contentment.  As we age our physical strength may wane , but, our mental strength should continue to grow. The pioneer spirit should never die.  But alas, it seems to have gone the way of the Passenger Pigeon.

Loving all the responses Planner I liked the way you broke it down from your perspective. Number one girl is the hardest to get unless you have an intimate connection to a family member and she feels comfortable dating you.....she is sort of like going after the big prize at the carnival.
The number 2 girl.....well we all know who she is and where to find her  but that number 3 girl, is the one you will need to take your time with and just like you said figure out what you got.......Is she a diamond in the rough or a fugazi(fake) popular Italian NY slang word.  The problem with number 3 is also that many times they do not ask for what they need directly.......The eternal argument world wide between women and men is that men simply can't read minds....and women drop clues instead of just out right asking directly.
        When women do this, you come off to us as someone who is setting us up for failure which leads to an argument or simply not capable of verbalizing your direct needs.....Now throw in the cultural expectations of taking care of the family and other unmentioned tasks, and there you have a recipe for divorce.  I do not think most men have a problem helping out number 3's family if you know they truly have a need, but what becomes an issue is when there is an opportunity for these folks to pull themselves up by their boot straps and try to make an honest effort, instead of thinking that you will automatically take over and solve all problems.  That is where you lose the good guys.....that is why the number 2 girl is so appealing to many.....you know just what you are signing up for
       Yes Bob.....I learned as I have gotten older to keep the little head out of many desicions since he usually gets me in trouble! He chimes in from time to time, but he does not get to sign off on anything major . Thanks pammy and gypsy for your inputs as well.  Love is great and lots of fun, but if you are not familiar with the rules of the game in each territory, it can be a brutal experience! As far as it working out Bob......she ended it last Friday via written format. Will it be rekindled? that would take a whole lot of testing and assesment to go back down that road......Each relationship eventually has a teaching moment, and it is only the fool who fails to decipher what that lesson was....Well....In my Elmer Fudd voice: It is time to go hunting Wabbits again

By the way guys I have not been getting any follow up emails from the threads......I found it kind of strange that I did not see any new posts from Expat.com for the past 2 weeks.....am I missing something? I also wondered if there is an option to change my user name....thanks

The method & timing of her ending it tells you in no uncertain terms that it is indeed time for a new "wabbit".  Good hunting!

So true - us women can be guilty of not asking for what we want.  Sometimes we feel like we should not have to but I have learned men suck at mind reading.....LOL 

Sorry to hear its over honey.  Good luck hunting...........maybe take a break and just have fun......LOL

Not getting your email updates......hmmmmm  I need to ask someone.  And change your name........again I need t ask. But go to your profile and look for a place to change it.........

Hope you don't find a "silly wabbit" 

Bob K

Thanks planner. I went to my profile and was able to change everything except for the username. Actually I must say this little breakup has taught  me a whole lot and believe or not it has been a bit of a blessing in disguise    It has made me go back to the drawing board and review my relationship skills.....I will accept some blame as far as having become complacent and breaking some cardinal rules regarding relationship maintenance.  If it is meant to be, the sparks will ignite again, but this time I will be on my A game If I Choose to play on that court again   Gypsy I agree with you a 100%......the way someone breaks up with you tells you even more about them than anything else.....you really get to know them at that moment, that is why I have yet to decide If I will play on that court for a round 2.....but I like a good challenge   Thanks for the likes Bob and the rest of the crew   having fun watching the Cavaliers vs Golden State game.

LoL Bob........Hunting veryyyyyy carefully 

Sorry to hear/read that.

All I can say is that things happen not for a bad reason but for a good one. Life have shown me that many times, I just take it with a grain of salt and a positive attitude.

Best of luck

While I don't consider myself an expert in dating. I've dated and met many females from the Dominican Republic. I was born in Santo Domingo but was raised in NY. Many of my friends don't believe me when I tell them I'm dominican because they say I don't speak and act like one (Not into the clubbing, loud music, drinking all the time).

I'm sorry to say that most Dominican females are looking for someone to take care of them. Unlike most American woman who want a good looking guy and hopefully he has good job, if you are not good looking and you don't have and even better paying job than the good looking guy you don't have a chance. Dominican females on the other hand once she knows you are from US or Europe she will give you a chance as long as you are willing to take care of her and family not matter what you look like, as long as you have a job that pays in Euro or dollars. Like many have said taking care of her means her siblings, parents, cousins, grandparents. She may introduce you immediately to the family so everyone will be on board with helping her to make the "relationship" successful.  If she has children she will everything think you are their father and tell everyone how nice you with her kids. She will begin by asking for small things and stuff you wouldn't most likely to say no to. Such as her child is sick, baby father is not giving her money for her child to eat. Then she will move on to how she is sick or her mother/father. Then death in family cousin or grandparent and she needs money to go to the funeral.

Here is about 5 females I've known from over there. Each one is different, while some I though she could have been the one they are all ended up being the same. I've met them through social media sites. Some with jobs, some with college degree. I would have to say that out of 100 you may find one who is type you are looking for and she will most likely be taken.  I've met others but ended the conversation immediately, some even during the first conversation would talk about money (no food for her child, or she is sick) or will ask for money.  I once met a girl online from other there. I told her I was going and she told me how she wanted to meet me, I invited her to dinner and movie, she told me she needed 250 dollars, needed to go to salon, new dress, makeup,  transportation money to go. I told her that I will pay for the cab as soon as she got to the restaurant she told me no. Never spoke to her again. I remember one who was very beautiful, I invited her to a resort even her own room, she ask me for 10,000 dollars. lol you can't this up. Well here are the 5 who i started getting to know them but ended up like many here have gone through.


1.  Yajaira (2005-2007) - 1 year old child. Five months of chatting went to DR to meet her, got to know her.  Thought she was the real thing. Never asked me for money from the time we started chatting to first time we met. It was only after second time that I saw her in person that I started helping her and taking care of her son. I started the visa process but after the third time i went over there her entire family was either talking about needing money or financial problems. While I knew they were basically asking me for help, I pretended I didn't know. We would go out and I would end up paying the bill for everyone including guy friends of her sisters and she would just hang me the bill and while I pay half she would be like they don't have money. We got into heated argument shortly after returning back, she wanted to move to her own place even though she had 6-8 months left until her visa appointment. I refused because it was a waste of money, her son who I love and treated as he was my own she threaten to leave and never tell me where she was going. So I told her to do whatever she wanted but that she is not going to threaten me and think I was going to back down from me not wanting to give her money to move. We went about 6 weeks without talking, then her mother who treated me as her son (she lives in PA), spoke to me and agreed with me about her daughter not moving on her own. Yajaira through her mother found out I was heading over there on vacation, she wanted me to stay at her place since it was the xmas holiday of 2006. I told her it wasn't good idea since I already knew she had a boyfriend two - three months are breaking up, but kept insisting I stay at her grandmother's house with her and her son. She even used her son, stating that he would ask for me and wanted to see me. She didn't know that someone who knew both of us had already told me she was pregnant with the other guy's baby. When I then told her if her idea was that she would sleep with me and then a week or two later tell me she was pregnant and I was the baby's father, she hang up the phone. She called back about a week later, crying telling me how she wanted the baby to be mine and she never wanted to be with her current boyfriend. I only told her I wish her good luck and hope everything works out with her , the baby that was coming, and the father of the baby who was unemployed and living with his mother. I immediately canceled the visa paperwork. She was hoping I would continue doing the visa paperwork. Her mother called me apologizing her for what he daughter was planning on doing to me. Her mother is very religious woman.


2. Astrid (2008- 2010)- college girl wanting to have everything immediately. Instead of getting to know the person and see where the relationship was going to go all she wanted was someone who will pay for her education and take care of her and her mother. Her mother was a big part of the reason why it didn't workout between us, her mother would always be telling her things. I wanted to get to know her but was more careful since what happened before which was about a year ago. Every time I would go to DR we would go to the movies, eat and hang out, but whenever we would both wanted to be in a serious relationship some how the conversation ended up being about money, how she wanted a man to rent her an apartment, pay for her education, help her mother when she needed her. I kept telling her I wanted someone who wanted to be with me for the person that I am not because of my money. I was making decent amount back then but not to pay for my apartment here and hers over there. Her mother would tell her that if he is not willing to give you your own place then she shouldn't be in a relationship with that guy. Well she got what she wanted two years later the only problem was that the man was married and was never going to leave his wife. He got her pregnant and she left him because he wouldn't leave his wife. She left him until he made up his mind to leave his wife, but he signed paperwork stating his wife would get half of everything if he were to divorce her.  He then stopped paying for her schooling and apartment, she went back to her mother's house and he would only pay half of the baby's bills. We met up again about six months after giving birth, only as friends this time, after returning back in 2010 she would tell me how she wish she had listen to me and that if she just waited and work on a relationship with me, we would have probably been together with a child. She did say that she shouldn't have listen to her mother. She didn't listen to her own advice about getting to know someone well before committing into a relationship. She ended up dating another loser who she thought was going to give her everything. Open up a salon for her and her mother to run, but unknown to her he was involve in drug trafficking business and the salon was just to have some place to stash the drugs while they kept and eye out. He took her out once to make a pick up on their way back they were being followed, a chase through the mountains between santo domingo and Santiago occurred. They ended up falling down a cliff, causing her, her life. It was 6 months later after her death in 2011 that I found out from her mother about this loser she ended up with and his involvement in drugs (which I had gut feeling since who has money like that over there and only works 3-4 hours a day and always driving around from one city to another, but I kept it to myself, i did tell her to make sure was the real thing). I felt really bad because the last time we spoke in person she asked me when I was going to return and I told her it was probably going to be a very long time before we see each other again. The one who ended up losing here the most was her 18 months old son who will be raise without his mother and a father who can't acknowledge him as being his son because his wife will take half of everything he has.


3. Joady in 2013 - two kids, met her working at a resort, immediately I came back started asking for money for all these things such as her being sick and her not able to work. I immediately block her from facebook and all types of communication. She wasn't looking for a relationship just someone who can send her money.


4. Elizabeth (2013- 14) never met her, we would chat here and there, two kids from two men who didn't take of them. She wouldn't ask for money but would always talk about how hard it is for her with two young kids and to find work. How she wanted to this and that for her kids. After 1.5 years she started asking for money and every time I would tell her that I'm not sending money over there since we are not in a relationship. She will always say that after I show her that I could take her of her then we could have a relationship. Never wrote her back.


5. Orquidia (2015) - 6 months old child - we started chatting here and there. Three months later she asked me for money to buy food for her son. I told her to ask the father. She was that he was not working and didn't have anyone else to turn to. I was , 6 months since this child was born with no father and you made it so far and now you meet me and you are not going to make it. I told her that while I wanted to get to know her and if we do end up in a relationship and eventually marriage I would help her with her child, but until then that responsibility is hers and the father. If she knew that he didn't have a job then she shouldn't have given him a child in the first place. She was how he made promises to her but after giving birth she realized he wouldn't be able to keep them. Two weeks later she would ask me for money, her uncle visiting from NY was going to the beach and invited her and her sister, and she wanted to go but had to pay for herself and sister. I told her if your uncle knows your financial situation why would he invite you and ask you to pay. If he is inviting you then he must be willing to pay. I reminded her how we still only getting to know each other and we don't know yet if when we meet if there is going to be a relationship. She assure me that we will, in three months that we were talking she was already talking about marriage and her moving here without first meeting in person. I did tell her about the first girl and why it didn't work out and that if she only talking to me because I live here and have a job that pays well she is better off looking for someone else. She apologized and two weeks later, i guess she didn't paid attention to what I told her she asked me for money again this time because she was sick and didn't have money. Showed me a picture with no face of something rapped about her arm and according to her it was from an IV.  She would ask for specific amount in dollars, 100 , 150, 150.

My rule is a girl ask me for money with us not being in a relationship and not meeting in person, i say no. The second time I talk to her just like I did with the last one. Third time she ask and I wouldn't say no to her. After we are done chatting or talking I erase you from having any contact with me.  The only female from DR i sent money was the first one, I was young, inexperience, and it was only after more than 1 year of us getting to know each other and meeting in person twice and we started a relationship that I sent her money and there.

Again as stated before maybe 1 out 100 wouldn't be like any of the above females, but they are very very hard to find. Like most you will probably meet her through acquittance or gatherings of friends. She will be a professional with a job and most likely married. As an Hispanic male its very sad to see females from your country show that is what the women from over there have become, in love only with money. I guess that is why now that I'm in my 30s I'm hesitate to date hispanic women, imagine if you were to marry one and later on find out that she only did it was because of of your money.

Wow! Knight3136. First of all welcome, and thank you for contributing your insight, I most definitely enjoyed reading your post and learning from it.  I look forward to reading your future posts

Knight3136 let me add my welcome. And yes quite the story and so true in so many ways. There are some good ones but like you said 99% turn out the way you described them.

I do look forward to you contributing to the forum and good luck in your "search"

Bob K

Interesting post,  I read it with interest.  I see things from the "other"side of the fence so to speak.   Welcome to the forums and I look forward to more posts from you.

I have some female employees  (limited as they always have issues) and I listen to their discussions about men.   Even if they can afford it, they expect the man to "take care" of them, including paying for nails, hair etc.  For them it is cultural, for me its ridiculous.

Even if you are dating or married to one you don't want to be in a relationship where is all about money. If there is a big age different once you want to live a peaceful life not the partying type she will most likely leave you alone home while according to her she will be out with her friends.

As planner has stated most would want you to pay for everything even if the have their own job. She always wants to look for you so she is going to want to her nails and go to the salon. Imagine if a female wants flowers all the time from her man if the man were to ask her for money. She will probably tell you to forget about it then.  While it would be nice if your wife or gf to make herself look great for you, it takes out of the excitement when they are only willing to do it if you give them money.

Yes it is a give me mentality for sure. 

Bob K

But wait is it really that different then  North America 30 or 40 years ago when women were "kept" by their men? When everything was paid for by the men and it was expected? Just food for thought!

Thanks DRTuttle......I appreciate your kind words of wisdom   I agree with all that was mentioned above......The Funny part is that many of their Dominican counterparts take more from them than they give back, so you would think, why would I take from someone else since I don't enjoy it when it is done to me   That give me, give me mentality is such a turn off.....I'm a very generous person, but when it turns into unlimitted expectations That is where you start to lose me.  The giving all of a sudden does not feel so good.  I want a partner who is willing to share with me as much as I want to share with her.  A partner should add to you, not only take, take, and take The hunt continues one good thing I must say in praise of American, Canadian, and European women is that you are less likely to run into this sort of mentality.  If you don't mind being a sugar daddy, then play as you may

Knight3136 that was quite an interesting story. Thanks for sharing as this helps as a wake up call for some here. There is nothing like hearing the story from a Dominican that knows very well it's own environment. Your experience confirms my theory " Everything happen for a damn good reason", not a bad one. Imagine yourself being in an unhappy relationship with one of these individuals now? I still believe in authenticity, it's just a mater of good judgement and selection, and other factors. My advise to you is, don't give up so fast on your own people, this is a matter of personality and education, not nationality.

In north America and some countries of Europe by the other hand, you are more prone to get into a relationship with an abusive type of women with unreasonable expectations, verbal abusive, controlling, they use threats to get what they want, and so on. If we want to be successful in a relationship, we need to do our homework and redefine what qualities you would like to see in the person you choose as a partner, study the different individual personalities and determine which one goes better with your principles, or you don't want to go on a date with someone with a narcissistic personality that will make you feel miserable as long as the relation last. The fist weeks of dating someone are crucial to evaluate and study the other person, if you didn't know her before. Love at first sight only happens in fairy tales.

I know plenty of Dominican women also that are very courageous, they are the head of an entire family and they feel just fine this way. Dominican men in general are very violent and the femicide statistics in the Island talks by itself. I agree partially with Planner when saying that it's a cultural thing. Since under-education is very spread in DR, we cannot simply throw everyone on the same bus. There are great people out there with good quality and principles, in some countries more than others.


Cheers

#3 is very tricky.  That leads to the frustration of many and in some cases divorce or worse.  I am very thankful my wife did not turn out to be that way.  I was very careful from the get-go to make sure she wasn't a #2.  I just wouldn't tolerate that.  But what do you do if you get married and find it to be a #3.  Never asked for anything until you got married and then hit you with something every day.  Would not go over well with me if that were me.  Guess I am lucky it didn't turn out that way.

A relationships beginning is like raising a child or training a dog or horse.  The very first word to teach is no. This doesn't mean heartlessness, but an understanding of what is possible & what isn't for the person.  Only then give from your heart not from the request. You should be the one testing, not them.  Good luck with your quest.   I too, learned the hard way.

We all have I think Gypsy! Its all about boundaries!

You hit the nail right on the head, it is unfortunate, but true. 10 years of learning and adjusting has opened my eyes. My Dominican ex-wife was easy to please and didn't ask for much before we were married.  I brought her to the states on a visa, and after we were married, that was when everything changed. I was looked towards to help those family members who had nothing.  Unfortunately for her, I didn't fall for the game.  Eventually she grew frustrated, we separated and I divorced her.  Now she was here in the states and her family was expecting support money.  She looked for a new sucker, but no wise American man falls for a gold digger here, especially in New York.  Eventually she realized her games could not be played here and she requested to return to me. Obviously I had feelings for her still, I did marry her for love, but I was not stupid. I decided to help her until she could get on her feet, save some money and find an apartment.  Until then every dollar she sends to her family comes from her pay, and only after she has contributed to her share of the household expenses. Maybe this sounds too firm to some, or they have an old fashion frame of mind and think it is the man's responsibility to pay the household expenses. Well, life is tough and I ain't rich...there are no free rides.

You are a better man than I.  I would never have taken her back under any conditions.  I do hope she does move on so you can as well.

Bob K

I hope it works for you!

Yes, she will move on, that is the plan. Regardless, I have my own plans and she isn't part of it.  There are plenty of sad and happy stories. All women in the Dominican Republic are not equal. There are many good women who are just looking for a good man to be by her side.  I have found the key to be equality.  Speaking to people who are closer to your educational and economical level.  Although I also like to visit other Latin American cultures such Honduras and Panama, I love the people and spirit of the DR.

What really happens is that many men come here to have what they can't in US or Canada (BY LAW), now carry on and deal with the consequences.

Great thread MASSAGEWIZ !

I know RD since 3 years and I have been there 9 times. Needless to say I love this country.

I have known #1, #2 and #3. I think there are nuances of each of those cases as my #3.

Type #2
My first dominican GF, 22 and 2 children. I knew her in ressort on my 1st travel. I knew nothing about RD exept bachata..lol. I was 36 years old, she 22. She was animadora at the hotel and she was fired while I was there. Once back in Europe we kept contact and she started right off asking for money. I did help her for 4 months because I witnessed her loss of job.

Then I went to Higuey, RD to meet her again. There I understood I was beeing a fool and she was nothing close to my social, intellectual or whatever level. Behind the very cute face, she was simple, boring and immature. Her family was very poor. Once back home she asked for money for a surgery. I didn't trust her and cut her off (blocked all messages etc). The whole story ended in 5 months.  I learn quickly   

The only positive thing is that she was the pulse I needed to start learning spanish. Fast forward 3 years, I speak spanish fluently. And it is a whole different world when you see those girls and start the conversation in their own language.

#3 Girl, just ended relationship last month  2+ years LD realtionship.

I met her Online. 24 years old, decent, working and going to University. Never asked for money in 2+ years. Very household oriented. Doesn't like to go out and drink. Loves cooking, taking care of nieces, helping her family.
Her parents adorables, christians, both hard workers. They do like 50 hours a week. Received me evrytime very warmly.

Now for the less brilliant side of the story: she was not lazy but definitely laidback: started classes of English with my advice and dropped it. Never made an effort to learn french while was talking how would be life with me in France. Once she said that when she will be in France (understood as my wife) she would send some of HER money to help her mother and no one else. Her sister was married to a guy who was making good money.

She was insinuating marriage lots of times but she never pushed me until the last couple of months. Then I got cold feet. They say love vanishes in 2 years which is very true and you see people with their good and their bad.

There is not much I can blame her expect that I wasn't feeling it for the long run. She is a great person but I just had a hard time to imagine her successful in France. She was not that lazy but she was the kind of stay-at-home woman who would look after everything while I'd be the bread-winner. Some men are happy to have a beautiful traditionnal wife at home. The deal was very clear and I didn't take it.

My #1
Met last november at the airport las Americas. She was going to Paris for visiting friends. About 25 years old, white, VERY beautiful,  classy., very educated. Behaved like europeean and looked from a rich family..I was the one to approach her and she didn't show much interest but she left me her e-mail. She has answered only once, I don't think she is interested to anything long-distance but I keep hoping. 

After my 1st experience I established the "Zero children rule" . If they have children they will VERY likely look for a material support or a guy who will raise their children. While true most dominicana have children there are still A LOT who don't have until their late 20's. Those who have no children are way less needy and looking aftre support.

Also I think if you look for decent dominicanas you will find them ! The quality of the dominicana I have met has is being higher with the experience.

If you are too desperate and looking for ego-bust, for very cute and young brainless Bimbos you will probably stumble on a #2 and win  the sugar-daddy prize.

PS. I have had numerous flings in RD beside the official LDs here ..  It has helped me to understand beyond the relationship I had what I would expect with other persons.

Type 2, what was her name?

The topic should include:  What do you expect from the marriage?   Perhaps a clash of cultures is imminent.

Good post Eri.    Good point Gypsy,  clash of cultures is always imminent if you have not had enough time here (full time)  to really  understand it.  After 12 years I still shake my head at times. 

Many women are looking for a man to take care of them in life.  Eri your girl was not necessarily lazy but was not willing to put in any effort without that guarantee.....

Is there a question here? Or just some stories?

Is there a problem with "just stories"????   Stories are informative and based on experience. What is the problem with that?

knight3136 wrote:

Type 2, what was her name?

Hello Knight,

this is a public board and besides there are zillions of young dominicanas who can fit my type 2 gf.  What is the benefit if I tell you her name?

planner wrote:

Good post Eri.    Good point Gypsy,  clash of cultures is always imminent if you have not had enough time here (full time)  to really  understand it.  After 12 years I still shake my head at times. 

Many women are looking for a man to take care of them in life.  Eri your girl was not necessarily lazy but was not willing to put in any effort without that guarantee.....

I agree planner. She wasn't lazy because she was working full time to have her own money and going to University. I do think the same, she would not put more efforts, if I wasn't willing to give her more in terms of relationship. However she looked someone willing to work and to integrate other countries. Problem is when they come in USA/Europe they have no qualification so it is not easy to get good jobs.

The cultural clash is more important when the lady is a gringa and the guy a Dominican..You see the picture. The guy comes in USA/Europe, gets bored, drinks, goes out with other Dom firends, eventually hits on other ladies while married with her gringa. The Dominicans guys I know in Paris are not bad guys, they just behave like teenagers even when they are 35. As long as their wives accept it, that's fine.

The hardest part of the relationship IMO, is that you can hardly have a profound or any kind of intellectual conversation with a dominican partner unless they have studied abroad or come from an educated family. Most of the time it stays superficial, day-to-day  conversation. Some are naturally very smart and can have a lot of will to learn, but that is not the norm for what I have seen.

I agree with you,  I often ask expats -  and what are you going to talk about when you get out of bed????

Dominicans, many of them, are very very smart, just not educated!   They are street smart way beyond what most of us know!  They have just not been given the opportunity to really learn. And how do you learn when your belly is growling, when you are worried about how to get money for the next meal, when you live in basic survival mode?  It is a life long struggle for many here.

The cultural clash is huge.  It seems the relationships that have a better chance of lasting are the ones where the expat moves here!  On their on turf it is clearly easier for them but harder for us.  But many want to get off the island.....