Reservations about living in the DR!

Welcome to the forum.  As you have already seen by "lurking" there are lots of folks here with good ideas and opinions.

Yes depending on where you live it can not be the safest of places to settle in.  Many of us that are here on the boards have been living here for a while in many areas and have learned how to adapt to the country.  Me I start my 10 year here.
And yes it does take adaptation to live here.

Second and a big second and the gorilla in the room...moving here for a man is a VERY dangerous undertaking.  It usually NEVER works out and leaves you with a broken heart and lots of lost $$$$.  Does he have a job, kids, previous wife, bank account, own property?????  Read on www.dr1.com the thread on sankies.  Very informative.

Please feel free to ask questions of us.

Bob K

WElcome CJ.  Bob makes some very good points.   Let me add,  I am a single female and I've been here 11 1/2 years without major issues.  Safety is all about how we act,  where we live and how we live.  There are some bad areas with good pockets within!  That being said make sure you clearly understand the issues before agreeing to live in any area.

As Bob said, moving here for "someone" is a dicey proposition.  I suggest moving here for you.If it works out with him, great, if not......... oh well, there are many many other fish in this sea.

Do your homework,  read lots and come back with your questions!   We are happy to help when we can.

Hi Bob,

Thank you for your welcome and congratulations on your 10th year!

Re: your big second  , having read through other threads I knew this was coming! Lol. I have read a lot on sankie pankies as I was really concerned about this due to the fact that during my first trip to DR last year I came across my fair share of them (particularly whilst in Sosua and Puerto Plata), however after having spent 6 months travelling through central america and the Caribbean prior to arriving in DR (the last of my destinations)  I had become pretty seasoned at spotting them out and felt I was ready for them, although the Dominican ones by far out do all the others I came across in other countries. Saying that, although I have been extremely cautious due to all the horror stories I've heard, I do feel relatively confident that my fella is not one of them (at the moment). Although obviously there was some attraction between us, I don't think there was an immediate romantic connection. We started talking as friends who would keep in touch once I had returned to England, for the first few months we debated about World politics, the tensions between Dominicans and Haitians, and argued geography, it took about 2 months into our conversations on a Skype conversation one day for him to point out that he thought I was beautiful, whereas that was the first thing I heard out of the mouths of most of the typical Sankies I came across on my travels.

Anyway to answer your questions Bob, he is a lawyer, though he graduated some years ago he has only been practicing since 2013. His father also owns a couple of Banca Lotterias and rents a few apartments that he occasionally helps out with. He lives in a small house which I believe is his. He has never been married but does have 1 daughter who he has raised without her mother but with the help of his mother since the age of 3 months old, she is now 6. Because of the sankie stories I have heard, I have tried to be cautious and so sat back and allowed him pay for all the meals and activities we have had/done on both of my visits to see him. So far he has been a gentleman and has never asked me for anything so finger's crossed it will stay that way. But thank you for your concern, I do appreciate it and am trying my utmost not to go into this blindly.

CJ

Hi Planner,

Thank you for your welcome and for the good advice.

I agree with you that I should move there for me and and not for someone. In all honesty, prior to meeting him I took six months out travelling in search of somewhere in Central America or the Caribbean to call home for a few years if not indefinitely. Before arriving in DR I had my heart set on Nicaragua (Granada to be specific). DR definitely didn't even come into my top 3 choices, but I did enjoy my time there and as well as my now boyfriend, met some really nice people who helped to make my 7 weeks there safe and enjoyable. I would however be lying if I said I wasn't coming over there for him, as on a personal level i'm not yet sold on the country namely due to my reservations about safety etc., but you have done it for 11+ years as a single woman and I realise that as you said 'Safety is all about how we act,  where we live and how we live'. My attitude is that I will give it my best shot, and if I don't like it or things don't work out, I will move on.

But thanks again for your advice.

Take care

CJ

Sounds like you might have found one of the good guys CJC....I hope it works out for you, and at the end of the day, we have good and bad guys everywhere, DR does not have a monopoly on these types of guys, but do keep one thing in mind........

     The Dominican Republic is a very patriarchal type of society where women are expected to play a certain role and not question men about certain dealings. In NY we call that..... know your row. If you really want to get a good picture as to what to expect, do not focus on him, but spend time around his family and see how the males interact with their women.

       Latin men can be very charming, I should know since I'm Latino myself, but after marriage, things can change very quickly, especially if our mothers have played a certain role in the household; we will usually expect our wife to play the same role.  I see the same thing with Italian men and their Mama's, they will usually expect the same level of treatment they received at home, so unless you are prepared to play the dutiful seen, but not heard housewife type, then be sure to know what you are buying into. Just out curiosity, if you don't mind me asking.....what is the age difference between you? Is he older or yourself. Once again best wishes and best of luck. We could use more love and less hate all around these days 

CJJC: you will be fine...BUT.... maybe you should discover charms of this country to not come only for the charms of one person...as it is - RISKY. probably even more risky than these "safe issues" that you are so concerned about.

well thank god, this is not London and there are no milion CCTV cameras and drones to "make you safe"...but overall - I would say that if you dont act stupid , you will be totally fine here.

I'm here for around 1,5 year with breaks and the worst thing that happened to me was that somebody stole my 30 euros watch on the beach, as I went to swim - far away and left my things totally unnatended. And that was one little stupid mistake (to swim away that far) that costed me my watch that had more sentimental than real value for me :-)
When I was in Prague as a tourist it took a good thief just 5 seconds to steal my 100 euros photo camera that I had that time with me...so would you consider Prague as dangerous ? :-)

btw. if you travelled already in Central America I see no reason why would you consider DR "more dangerous"

CJ it sounds like you are going about it the right way.  This is a rare occurrence here so hence the concern about "moving for a man" thoughts.

I wish you luck and please keep us posted as well as asking questions as they come up.  I look forward to your participation on the board.

Bob K

Hi Messagewiz,

Thanks for the positive feedback and advice.

You are absolutely correct with regards to watching the family and the male female interaction. What I have observed so far is that on his way to work nearly every morning, he stops off at his mother's house for breakfast  which is always ready and waiting like clockwork. Once I felt comfortable enough to stay at his house, either I made breakfast or we both went to his mother's and ate there. He also, although he had his own washing machine, took his laundry to his mother's to wash, his brother would also turn up on the same day with his. I done my own laundry at his house and offered to do his but he only gave me a few things and insisted his mum would do the rest. This is definitely something that surprised me as back in England, in my family and many families that I know, both men and women are taught to be self-sufficient.

We actually discussed male and female roles in relationships at the beginning of our friendship/relationship and I told him although I like to cook, keep a nice and clean home etc. he still needs to realise that I'm probably very different from many latin women so he should probably lower his expectations a little if he is looking for the perfect little housewife. I expect a helping hand at times. I don't know whether he's just putting up a front for me or whether it's still because we're in the honey moon stages but he did help out (a little) around the house. After I cooked and we ate, he would help to clean up and wash the dishes. He'd even help me to cut up vegetables etc. whilst i was cooking, but as I said, it's early days so he's probably trying to win me over or impress me, because at his mum's he sits and waits for his meal like King of the Castle.

Anyway to answer your question, I'm 2 years older than him.

Thanks again for your feedback.
Take care

Hi Bob,

I will keep you all posted!

Thanks again.

Any further discussion on this, lets open a thread for it.............

Hi Dominicanfun

Thank you for your feedback.

You are all correct. I think what I need to do is spend a considerable amount of time in the country and make my own conclusions instead of allowing the horror stories and gruesome pictures I have seen on the internet deter me. I agree that crime and danger exists everywhere in different quantities. With regards to my travels through Central America, I was able to determine that every destination I visited had areas as bad or worse than DR, however i found these areas to usually be concentrated into the capital cities, San Juan in Costa Rica, Managua in Nicaragua, Guatemala City in Guatemala etc. when in surrounding towns there was generally a more calming vibe and you generally felt safer. All these places have similar issues to those of DR however in my opinion I found the people in many of these locations to be slightly more genuine and although also poor, were often more content with life than some of the people I came across in DR, they spent most of the time talking about how beautiful their country is and wanting you to experience it and see it's beauty, they were very focused on you having the best experience possible. Throughout my travels I kept telling myself that I was fortunate to always bump into random people who were so genuinely kind and helpful. However in DR (in my opinion as I hate to generalise) there more often than not seemed to be an ulterior motive for acts of kindness.  Just a slightly different mentality in certain places I guess. I arrived into DR with an open-mind and no pre-conceived notions, however it was actually the Dominican's I met that made me put up my guard. They constantly warned of how dangerous the country could be and that I should not go out by myself, that I should call them if I needed a ride to go anywhere, and if possible leave my handbag at home. I thought at first they were offering me rides so i'd pay them to be my personal taxi service, but when I did use them, they'd never accept any money so I know not everyone is out for a buck, I still keep in touch with many of these people to date, although one or two started asking me to send things over for them from England, such as mobile phones etc. Anyway I think the bottom line is I will remain vigilant of my surroundings as I should anywhere and try to accept the country for its good and its bad.

Thanks again.

CJ

PS. So true about London, we are without a doubt the big brother nation. Cameras everywhere and yet they still often can't solve crimes when they happen!

Oopps, Ok, sorry Planner. I think we're done now. Thanks again everyone for your welcomes and advice.

See you around.

CJ

generally speaking it is the same in Dominican Republic. only Santo Domingo can be really dangerous - the rest of the country not that much. there are also some "bad neighboorhods" in Santiago, but usually they are OK during the day - if you not act stupid, I will say it once again :-)
and all villages/ small towns are usually 100 % safe...unless of course - you dont act like crazy/stupid
as for the Dominicans - usually they are nice people...of course they see very often "opportunities", but these days - it rather makes me laugh than angry or something...anyway, they are nice, regardless if you give them money or not. so I see no problem here

CJJC wrote:

however i found these areas to usually be concentrated into the capital cities, San Juan in Costa Rica, Managua in Nicaragua, Guatemala City in Guatemala etc. when in surrounding towns there was generally a more calming vibe and you generally felt safer.

Thank you for your honesty and sharing CJC I look forward to reading future contributions on this blog from your experiences. Thanks for sharing and keep us posted. Enjoy the D.R.

dominicanfun Sorry but there can be dangerous places in any city, town, or hamlet you visit anywhere in the world.  Yes more people (bigger cities) then more crime.  You need to be careful where ever you are.

BObK

Thanks Messagewiz. Will do!

unless you go to buy drugs in some shady place in small town - I would say that most of them are completely safe during the day.
I never had a problem anywhere in DR and generally speaking - I live here "close to dominican reality".
I still say that Santo Domingo is the most dangerous place in DR, and thats all.

Bob K wrote:

dominicanfun Sorry but there can be dangerous places in any city, town, or hamlet you visit anywhere in the world.  Yes more people (bigger cities) then more crime.  You need to be careful where ever you are.

BObK

Santiago and Puerto Plata are not far behind!

true in some areas

MASSAGEWIZ wrote:

Santiago and Puerto Plata are not far behind!

True in some areas of almost all areas

Bob K

Hello CJJC,

Please note that a new thread has been created on the Dominican Republic forum from your post as you were off topic

This will also ease your interactions with the other members on the forum regarding your queries!

Thanks & Regards

Mishna

Thanks Mishna!!!!

Hello CJJC

Welcome to the DR forum, I'm glad that you found someone with good values. You can truly find genuine people here, not everyone here is a saltipanky or a sex worker as some use to think, making an inappropriate use of stereotypes, and based on the solely experience they have had by living in Cabarete and the surrounding areas.

I can perceive you are a very smart person. Just follow your intuition and don't hear at everything they say. I have been lucky enough to meet amazing people in DR, very humble and welcoming human beings always willing to share every thing possible, they make you feel like if you are home and part of the family.

It's a matter of good choices, the same way you choose what to eat, what you read, and a healthy life style for your well being , one also need to consider what kind of persons you want for your inner circle of acquaintances and friends. It's not rocket science  

Let me wish you all the best and hope you join us very soon!

Cheers.

Well said.

Dont move here, this place is too hot and undeveloped for what I bealive your standards are.

Santo Domingo Norte sucks big time.

Gee that is rather strong being as how you are basing that on  what..........7 posts or something.

CJ - one thing to learn early - culturally  they will tell you whatever they THINK you want to hear. IN the beginning it will all be what you think it should be then it will revert to cultural norms.  Men's and women's roles are clearly defined here and it is not likely an uneducated person is going to be different. When I say uneducated I mean more to international standards of education. Women are expected to cook and clean and keep care of their man, no matter if they work full time or not.  IF you cannot do it you are expected to hire someone to do it and even then you will need to do it sometimes......   

Safety - there are unsafe places in every city and town in this country.  IF you are going to live somewhere find out where those places are.  During the day it is fairly safe but at night you need to be aware!   I spent  4 years in Santo Domingo and did not have issues, but, I never carried much money, expensive  purse, wore expensive jewellery etc.  Under the radar is a great way to be......

RDE1000 hopefully you don't live here or plan on leaving soon.  I hate to see someone so unhappy.  For those of us who the DR "fits" we are quite  happy.

Bob K

Im Dominican.

Hate to see you guys say "oh yeah youll get use to the lack of electricity, corruption, insecurity blah blah.. but they are nice and humble you know, cause they are poor and thats how they are suposed to be" -_-

For some of you we are still tainos living in bohios eating cazabe all day. Sick of that.

They don't tell you how to live, reciprocate, don't tell them how to live.

RDE that is not what we say!  And if that is the impression then we are doing a lousy job of communicating OR English is not your first language.... maybe all of the above.

I can speak for me -  I compare the people here to the people where I am from.  Clearly the people here are far happier.  The people "there"  have much more and are far less happy!  There is something to this. It is a simpler life here,  that does  not mean people are simple, just life is simpler.

Do you adapt to electrical issues etc etc????  I hope so. IF you do not then it will be very hard to live here. I have adapted. DOes not mean  I like the electrical situation, but that I have learned to cope with it!   

RDE your insights and comments are very very welcome here!   IF we offend you - we do not mean to. So let us know  (I am sure you will)  AND if we can help you in any way, let us know......  Sometimes us expats are hard to understand too. It is a 2 way street!

Hey RDE

I like casabe and I have experienced living in a Bohio which is quite amazing and very cool when it's over 30 degrees Celsius outside. Perhaps you are talking by yourself and projecting those feelings on others because honestly we don't know each other.

Live is awesome

I will admit Casaba is one of those things I cannot adapt to.  But then there are other things here and in the US that I don't cotton to.

Bob K

DRTuttle, thanks for the warm welcome and for the advice.

Hi RDE1000,

Thank you for taking the time to respond and for sharing your advice. I do realise that many of the standards in DR will be different to what I am accustomed to here in England but having stayed in DR multiple times now, the latter occasions being in a Dominican household (not a resort), I am hoping that I now have a general idea about what the standards are that I would have to become accustomed to and so far it seems manageable.

In terms of the corruption etc. I haven't witnessed or had any first hand experience of that  as yet and I hope I never do, but I am definitely aware of its existence.

With regards to Santo Domingo Norte, yes I've heard similar opinions to yours from other Dominicans I have spoken to. So far I haven't found it to be too bad, however there have been some areas of which we've driven through that I have to admit I was grateful we were in a car and not on foot, but I guess there are areas like that in all major cities throughout the world. Obviously however I would like to live in as safe an area as is possible.

I think my general situation there is going to have to be one of trial and error. If I don't like somewhere, something or someone, I'll have to make adjustments until I feel comfortable, and if comfort never comes and DR and I never become a good fit, then at least I tried and we will have to part ways. I'm not entirely fragile so i'm hoping I'll be able to give it a good run before throwing in the towel.

You mentioned that you hate when (i'm assuming) expats refer to Dominicans as 'nice and humble'. Although I'm aware that any answer you give could be considered generalising, could you please give me your honest opinion of how you feel Dominican's (in general) should be regarded. I'm just trying to clarify whether you making that comment is because you feel they are the opposite to 'nice and humble' or because you are just offended by the generalisations that expats often unwittingly make.

I look forward to hearing more on your thoughts.

CJ

Hi Planner - darn, might as well give up and call it a day now then! I'm way too lazy to become a full-time housewife. 

No but thank you for those pointers, it's something I will definitely have to keep in mind. I think I'm naturally a good home keeper, however i've always been someone who likes to do things in my own time so any pressures and high expectations could become an issue, hopefully somewhere along the way he'll make some cultural exceptions, compromise and meet me half way.   We'll see how it goes.

With regards to safety and staying under the radar, thanks, Noted!

I  hate house cleaning and cooking......LOL I am definately not  good Dominican wife material......  LOL  NO wonder I am single.....

you are not Tainos. they were murdered long time ago. you are mix of the most adventurous (and brutal, too) Spanish blood with African blood ;-)
and who are the Australians ? hah....

RDE1000 wrote:

Im Dominican.

Hate to see you guys say "oh yeah youll get use to the lack of electricity, corruption, insecurity blah blah.. but they are nice and humble you know, cause they are poor and thats how they are suposed to be" -_-

For some of you we are still tainos living in bohios eating cazabe all day. Sick of that.

Tainos also disappeared as they likely had no immunity to European diseases of the time and many got sick (inadvertent biological warfare). 

It could also be a political identity as I think that at one point (the era of Trujillo's hispanidad and Operation Perejil?) people of African descent were classified as "indio". 

Ted

PS.  An interesting link to Dominican history: http://www.allempires.com/article/index … _dominican