I've been talking to this Jordanian guy online

Hello AnnaHanna,
first of all welcome to Jordan and Jordan still safe.
please not that it is just my opinion,  it is sound good... he is (if he was honest with you) typical Muslim, who don't drink, no sex etc... about his living with his family, it really normal in Arab and Islamic worlds, not as in EU. I think also his family will not prevent him to marry you even if you have a son. About your Family, i think it is typical EU family, what they told you, the family of my wife has told my wife the same, and we live here in Jordan since 10 years.... so don't worry...

But what i advice you, that you have to think more about the place where do both of you live, you must have a target, not to say.... ok we want to live in UK... that's all, what do you want to do in UK?\

Could you please let us know more about his work? His family? Where does he live? If it is so private you can send me private message, so i can check it for you...

You will have a culture shock at first maybe
But u shld give it a try , think of it as dating

Aaww...where to start from ?

short answer: drop it like its hot.

long answer: you see Hanna, there are many such stories that have either started online or in person between a devout, handsome arab guy and a foreign woman.  but these stories ( from my experience ) all ended miserably for her once he reached his goal to settle abroad.  basically what happens is that you'll see a side of him that you never knew about and he'll start using religion as an excuse to argue and criticize how everything is wrong about you ( well then, why did he marry her ?!? ).  trying to appease him and changing your whole life for him will be useless; since personal interest was at the basis of the relationship.

now, from an arab / muslim point of view: no self respecting family would allow their son to marry a foreign women with a child born out of wedlock; it would dishonor the family and place the son in a demeaning ( questionable ) situation.  second, any arab man saying that he doesn't like arab women is lying through their teeth. 

do the chinese hate rice ?

i can understand you're feeling lonely and wish for a fresh start somewhere else etc ( like most of us ) with a handsome man; and its a perfectly reasonable thing to aspire to.  and obviously upon hearing from someone that they'll marry you at a drop of a hat and love your son as their own; will sound exhilarating.  yet, extremely unusual in the real world.

im sure it all sounds like gravy to him: meet a good looking woman online, she flies to him so he can marry, gets EU passport and then she takes him to live in the UK.

i wish you could talk to an american woman that used to be a regular on the libyan forum.  she married a handsome libyan cleric in philadelphia; and then he started mistreating her verbally, cheating on her etc and always scolding her that she was a bad muslim wife; even after she memorized the Holy Koran for him...he left her one day to go to libya and since then she's trying to go to libya as an english teacher just to meet him.  needless to say that we all discouraged her from doing so ( from the forum ) due to the nature of their relationship and obvious dangers in the country in general.

last word of advice; i'd suggest you take your time and search for similar experiences / stories and talk to the women involved and ask them how things progressed and how they ended.   

best of luck.

I think a visit to Jordan and meet him and his family can be a real eye opener.

Please, don't marry him while you here. If you still want to marry him after meeting in real life and experienced the culture and traditions of this country, then you have my blessings.
At least you deserve a nice wedding and you cant organize it in less then a week...

Hi AnnaHanna,

I'm sorry I have to agree with everything that gulfport has said. I think you're just setting yourself up for disaster at the hands of a man that (whether he may say he wants out of Jordan or not) is prepared to do ANYTHING to obtain a visa.

There are thousands of such horror stories, so many so that I have to seriously wonder why or even how any right thinking woman simply ignores them. Handsome and charming (in their nature) Arabic men promissing anything including a marriage and once they arrive in the foreign country they simply abandon the woman that gave up everything to get him there; and leaving a path of destruction, debt and heartbreak behind him.

Regarding your child, gulfport is absolutely correct NO SELF RESPECTING JORDANIAN (OR ANY OTHER ARABIC) FAMILY will ever accept your child or allow "their" son to marry a woman who has a child that is not "his".

Open your eyes please, before it's too late and you become just another of the many women who are part of this sad statistic.

Cheers,
James     Expat-blog Experts Team

Anna Hanna come to Jordan, enjoy ur time meet the guy then judge urself .. Don't listen to anyone 👍 wish u the best of luck

Hi Anna,
Do you have answers to below questions? Better be realistic and logical before you make a serious move.

* Did you spoke to his parents online or you are just believing his words? If NOT, speak to his parents on Skype, this will give you an idea of what's their opinion about you.
* Did your family spoke to the guy yet?
* Did he spoke to your son ? Is your son ready to adopt an Arab father? Bear in mind, your son is going to be teenager and father-son relation during this period is sensitive.
* If his English is not really good, how are you planning to communicate him after marriage? For sure there are serious issues which you want to discuss with him during marriage life.

Think of the situation with a fresh mind and make your decision.

I agree with most everything Gulfport said. But, I really do think a lot of Arab guys would rather marry anyone, other than an Arab woman. Marrying an Arab woman is often fulfilling the wishes of their mother. Or, they settle for a cousin after a failed relationship with another woman they loved.

A lot of the guys like being waited on and being able to do whatever they want, without retribution, which is a cultural norm. But, their hearts yearn for a woman that poses more of a challenge to them. I have not seen any of these marriages where the guy appears to be "in love". It's really sad for both the man and the woman to be involved in a functional relationship, rather than one based on romantic love.

Of course, this is never true for everyone. I'm only basing it on what I have seen of Arab men my husband knows in the US and Jordan. There are always variables, such as education, socioeconomic class, etc. I'm certainly not saying a lot of Arab girls aren't intelligent and challenging; you do see more and more modern families, with advanced ideals, functioning amongst the traditionals.

I don't agree with a lot of things in this thread..... Just I want to ask a question, yes we hear a lot of horrors stories about Arab men who married western women, but the question is: do you think that any happy family is interested to write about their happiness?

As I told before, I am a Jordanian man with a German wife with 4 kids living in Jordan since 10 years... I don't have German Passport, and I am sure it is my right if I apply for it.

So, I think there is a lot of families who lives in piece, but we don't hear about them, or we don't search them, or we don't report about them, or we don't need to hear about them, and seeking to hear horrors stories to prove something in our mind!

Welcome Anna,

its a very complicated issue so you must deal with it with an open mind and listen to the logic sound keeping your heart and emotions frozen when you wanna make a decision

i recommend reading this thread 10 Reasons WHY to Just Go For it (Marry a JORDANIAN Guy)

keep in mind she is talking about a Bedouin guy but the rest of discussion is about Jordanians in general so read it all.

best wishes

Thank you all for your replies! I just came back home yesterday after a great trip to Jordan. I was very nervous travelling there after so many msgs saying I should think twice etc. I was so happy when I arrived at the airport and saw this man's smiling face. All in all, the 9 days I had there were absolutely fantastic. We had so much fun we couldn't stop laughing. We had a few little arguments too (I'm not the easiest person to please) but nothing serious.

He introduced me to his parents and siblings. His father seemed a little skeptical at first but as the week went on I think he really warmed up to me. His sisters were really sweet, they liked me a lot. When I was told that family is very important to Jordanians I never really understood just how important!! I got to meet every cousin, uncle, aunt, grandfather, grandmother etc you can Imagine.They were all lovely people but meeting so many new people every day was a bit daunting actually. They asked me many questions, were very curious. Everyone told me what a great man my boyfriend (or whatever you wanna call him) is. Well, I got to know him better and he truly is the kindest person I've ever met. At times I felt guilty because I lose my temper so easily. This poor man tried so hard to please me and make me happy and there I was snapping at him. I guess I was a bit nervous and stressed.

He had many maaany friends that I also met. All said the same: he is the best friend imaginable. I find it hard to believe that they would lie or be asked to say that. He is a good person, that's that.

He talked a lot about his religion. It's very important to him. He prayed five times a day and told me what a great feeling he always got afterwards. I guess it's cool. There was no hand holding or kissing let alone sleeping in the same bed! I respect that. He obviously paid for everything and even got a bit offended when I gave him a few dinars and asked him to go get me a coke. Alcohol was a big no no. I'm fine with that. His cousin was really cool! He told us both how we have to try to understand each other's backgrounds and not ask the other person to change everything in their lives. He was like "Everyone needs a bit of wine very now and then. Go to a disco or whatever, have fun!" We obviously didn't drink but we did have a lot of fun!

I'm going back there in May and this time I'll take my son with me. My sister will also visit for a week. We will have a wedding and settle in Jordan for at least for a year. My son is very excited too, he has talked to my future husband on Skype and sees this relationship as a positive thing.

So, all in all, I'm very happy and things went a lot better than I expected.

Great !! Congratulations

Elf mabrook!!!!

Wish you all the best and I am happy for all of you.

i wish you all the best 

True

Well, that's terrific news. It sounds like you've found yourself one of the "good ones". The fact that you were introduced to all the members of the extended family speaks volumes. A lot of guys certainly would not do that.

Was the subject of your son brought up with his parents during the visit? I certainly do hope so, it's not the kind of thing that you want to spring on them upon your next visit. That could be a real game changer.

Congratulations, let's hope it all keeps going in this direction.

Cheers,
James    Expat-blog Experts Team

Thanks all James: Yes, everyone was really curious about my son and wanted to see pictures, know more about him and all that. Many of my guy's friends and relatives had kids the same age actually so I'm really excited about that. I feel like my son has friends over there already. Oh and my man's little brother at 10 years old is only one year older than my son.

Now I'm facing a new dilemma though. School. Since we're only planning on spending a year in Jordan I'm thinking it'd be a good idea to homeschool my kid. Yet, when I tried to get more info on that from Finnish authorities they told me to first check if that's something that can actually be done in Jordan. I mean, in some countries homeschooling is not an option, you have to attend school. Does anyone know how it is in Jordan? My son speaks English and Spanish  (and Finnish obviously) but no Arabic. Attending a local school is not an option I think.  I checked out the American school they have in Amman but it's veeeery expensive! If anyone has any info please do share!

Yes you cab go for home schooling for your kid while your stay in Jordan

Homeschooling is not recognized in Jordan. They have recently approved SOME online universities, though. If you will only be here a year and returning to your home country, I wouldn't worry about it. Just choose an online school that will keep your son "up to par" to return to school in Poland. In the US, there are online programs that follow the standards of specific states, so it is as though the child continues the same curriculum as when they attended the actual classroom.

If you think you are going to be able to return, with your husband, you need to talk with other people that have married here, then had to wait two to three years before their husbands were allowed to return to their home countries. Maybe it is different for Poland, I have only personally known American women that have dealt with this situation.

If your son speaks English, Brighter Horizons Academy has an American - Islamic program that is excellent, and the fees are no where near what American Community School is. There is also a remedial Arabic program to get him up to level in Arabic. My kids prefer it to school in the States. Good luck to you!

hello dear, I suppose when you received this email maybe you will be here in Jordan. for sure you are taking such big risk, since men here first of all they don't like to raise children who are not theirs, second if he says he is very religious it is difficult for them to accept a woman who is not virgin plus never has been married. if I you will take much care with getting involved and why he doesn't like here? it seems he is very conservative person? do you think somebody who is so conservative and religious would like to go to England? why? the live over there is so totally different. would you be able to cover your head if he ask you after married? for me and my personal advice it doesn't sound very normal for this kind of guys.

i think AnnaHanna has taken her decision, because she was in Jordan and looked everything there...

hello dear, I'm glad you came and visit Jordan. It is a beautiful country.
here people are very cordial with foreigners, they always give you the  best smile they have, they never tell you exactly what they think about you. and about family... yes always they say the same: you choose the best man of our family! all will say fantastic things about him! this is the normal thing here. the problem you don't know the culture and they will sell you the best! well after you will see the real they.
Did you know what they were saying about you? did you know what is the story he said about you? from which part of jordan those people are?
you have to be a person with very open mind, knowing other cultures to accept such a change, you don't know where you are stepping girl with all my respect.
wish you all the best

Just like the sayings, " If you follow the looks and sweet words, you will fail the exam".

Anyway,  Good luck!

Hello everyone,

It would be great if you could help AnnaHanna in her queries regarding her son's schooling in Amman.

Thank you.

there are a lot of private schools in Amman, and many have an international Program....

Don't rush anything. A bit too early to consider marriage and settling there for a year. Take your time. I'm sure you have lots of questions to ask, if not then come up with them. Ask, and hopefully the answers will make things clearer, and guide you towards making the right decision.

I'm a British expat living in Aqaba with my husband and children, and I home school. I'm only doing it for a year because the international school was just awful (definitely not worth a single Dinah of your money)! But it's no problem, I have met many people that home school here in Jordan, alot because they don't have access to a school, and some that are in the same situation as me. I follow the British curriculum, and so far, I have had a wonderful experience. There was no issue with the government's to school here. Now it's more common you can get really good packs online, that literally contains everything you need. If you have any other questions I'm happy to help.
I'm pleased to hear you had a good experience in Jordan. It's a magical country with alot to offer. I think coming back again to spend more time here will give you a better insight to the religious aspect of your boyfriends family.
Will you be converting your religion? I don't mean to pry, but your situation is rather fascinating. I have many fabulous Muslim friends that are a little taken aback that your boyfriends family was so accepting...but I guess it shows that they are modern in their thinking. I wish you all much luck for the future.

Homeschooling only becomes an issue if you try to enroll the student later, whatever years they were homeschooled will not be recognized. There is also the possibility that the government could become involved with your case, but I doubt that will happen. It's just a law that can be enforced, if they want to.

I hate to hear the international school in Aqaba is not good, I heard wonderful things about it.

Hi everybody,

Just want to inform you that some inappropriate messages have been removed.

Thanks

Priscilla

Hi AnnaHanna,

Speaking as an educator with a teaching career that spans over 29 years now, homeschooling can be a real sticky problem to deal with when abroad. In some countries, like Germany and here in Brazil it is against the law, and here can have serious consequences if you don't enroll your child in the public or private school system. In other countries it is virtually impossible because of restrictions; yet in others it isn't even addressed in law at all. Despite all of the valid reasons for homeschooling you must take the local laws regarding the issue into consideration and obey them. The risks involved with not doing so are significant.

If homeschooling is not recognized (or even legal) there I will tell you a simple solution that will keep you from running afoul of the authorities.

Nothing prevents you from homeschooling your child IN ADDITION TO his normal schooling. You should not just assume that you can homeschool INSTEAD OF regular classes. So enroll your son in a local school (if possible the one where some of the other kids you mentioned attend classes) and spend time homeschooling him outside his normal school hours using the material that you should be able to get from his school in Finland or from the Ministry of Education there. That will keep him up to speed with the system back home for when you return.

Don't worry so much about the fact that he doesn't speak Arabic, he's going to start to pick it up a whole lot quicker than you ever will... expat kids often end up teaching their parents the language of their new country. He'll pick up more language skills as he goes along and at his age the socialization aspect of formal schooling is going to be equally as important as what he is (or isn't) learning because of any language barriers. In subjects where you haven't the ability / experience / competence to school him yourself then arrange for a teacher who does.

I hope this advice gives you something to think about and will help make your decisions regarding his education a bit easier.

Cheers,
James     Expat-blog Experts Team

at the end , all in this story is too good to be truth

Hey,

Im a jordanian guy who met my wife when i was 16 in the UK, we were boyfriend and girlfriend for 6 years then got married, I come from a typical Jordanian family I'm not a practicing Muslim, anyways, gut married to my GF last year when I was 25 years, we go drink, we have fun we are BFFF (best f****** friends forever) we are 2gether 24/7 very faithful to each other as a couple and as BFFFs. She is from Argentina and I am Jordanian we are the same age we are the happiest and thinking of havin babies  Maybe at 30

The above is a response to the guy who said good stories are never shared so here I am sharing my story and btw my family loves my wife, my wife and I moved to Argentina after graduating from uni in the UK cuz I can't stand living in the Arab world there is soicj hypocrisy

Arab men are the biggest cheaters too, I was lucky that I went as a teen to the UK at the age of 15 and also was influenced since I was a kid by the west

Long story short Arabs and many Muslims would do unspeakable things to get out of their countries, and yes his family friends and even strangers would lie to you just to help him get out of Jordan you have no idea how sick this is

I am begging you to not be fooled by some lying traitor as this is very common and only 1% of western girls marrying Arab/Muslim men work out

Now there are 2 scenarios in ur case

First : u could spend 1 year and during this one year u will realize how jealous, religious  and possessive he is and run away - but if u get married to him there's a law that wife can't leave Jordan without written authorization from her husband so you are f***** up

Second scenario: he will be an angel until he gets out of Jordan to any EU country through u and then leave u

There's no third possible way for ur story to end

I know exactly how Jordanians think my own family thinks like this and they told me that I'm insane for falling for a South American girl and that this marriage will never benefit me and I would find a European girl or an American girl or such countries and I didn't give a **** and here I am happily married to my BFFF and we have an awesome life 2gether and living a dream and she is the bestest thing that has ever happened to me

Plz don't even think about it I really feel sorry for people who fall for these scams this guy is a fraud I promise you, my own family thinks that when u marry a foreign girl is mainly for benefit usually immigration related which is unfair

I know from a western point of view, u wants find ur soulmate and wana believe that fairytale a exist and they do but but with a Muslim Arab man trust me

;"For instante my Wife And i met when we were 16 and kinda grew up 2gethet of u things avout it and tus esa against my damg well until they gave up and accepted the reality and some of my brothers didn't speak to me for 3 yrs  cuz they believed I should marry a euro girl for citizenship benefits and look how it turned out I wax right for not following the sweet family that u r talking about

All Jordanian families are sweet and  they aren't bad people it's just a lack of culture, boundaries, and education, many Jordanian Los might respond no Jordan has a high number of educate. Pror everyone goes to uni but education is not just a certificate on the wall is way beyond that and westerners know what I mean

FYI all Jordanians here I am bani hasan BH so very typical Jordanian family

Best of luck

Hi all,

Again, thanks so much for sharing your opinions. Having just come back from Jordan I feel very happy and blessed. Things are going well. Obviously there are things that we just have to work trough. Luckily, practically all our past disagreements have something to do with petty little things like alcohol or me having male friends. To be honest, I don't give a damn about a good old glass of wine or having a beer with someone I barely know. I'm very happy finally being able to respect a man.In the past I was constantly unhappy and never felt good about relationships.Now, I feel peaceful.  I've learned a lot about Islam and I have nothing but good things to say about the religion.
To those who insist that I've lost my mind to get involved with an Arab...well, thank you for sharing your opinions. I do, however, believe that it is incredibly foolish and disgusting to put people in a box based on their race or religion.
A question to all of you who are sure I'm being played like a puppet. Does a person (who spends all his time practicing his religion, praying five times a day, stopping his car to give money to beggars on the streets, having saved himself to marriage, supporting his younger siblings, reading the Koran everyday) who is so strongly religious also believe it's ok in the eyes of Allah to lie to a person and fool someone?? I don't think so. Anyway, I'll take my chances. If someone's going to hell I know it won't be me and I'm pretty sure my husband (yes) will be okay too. Oh, we won't be moving to Europe either. We decided Dubai offers us a better chance for a good life. I don't know how a broke  European single mom can help him there but I'm sure one of you cynics will have something to say anyway.

Having scrolled past some of the comments here (again) I feel obliged to say something. Obviously I'm like any one of us, I want love just like all of you (I assume). Reading these desperately negative comments here has made me question my husband, many times. The thing is, you people don't know me. You have know idea what I've been through. You shouldn't automatically assume I'm some stupid, foolish idiot from the west who's never seen brown eyes before. I've seen it all. Oh yes, because I'm European I'm either an idiot or otherwise failed to make it here.
I choose to go with my gut feeling. I will ignore all your comments and trust what I believe in my heart.

Don't get upset dear. Wish you all the best for your future life. Folk's negative comments also is an indication that people care about you. Anyway your decision is to be respected.

With all do respect, I believe YOU came to this forum ASKING for opinions?! I married the same young man you described, over twenty years ago. I NEVER felt the need to go around asking the opinions of others, as to wether or not I should marry him. I think if people have to ask, they already know. Best wishes to you.

The responses you receive from other people about you, have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. Always remember this. It will help you to understand a lot of things that will be said to you in your life. Don't internalaize the opinions / comments of others. I personally have wasted a lot of time questioning why people make some of the "unsolicited" comments that they do.

BTW, women always asked me, when we lived in the States, if my husband had any brothers?! When we married, he was good looking, hardworking, and crazy about me. Plus, he cooked and helped me with the house. A good Arab guy, away from family / culture, is the best! (IMHO)