Having a rough time making friends here in the Wurzburg Germany area.

Yes, while in some cultures it may be a bit more difficult in making new friends, it is never impossible and even the most remote individuals also need to have friends. Perhaps rather than looking at everyone around you and "analyzing" them in terms of whether or not they'd be suitable long-term friends, which sounds like you're actually excluding many potential integrants of your social circle. Why don't you change the strategy to looking for people you can get along with on the short-term and see if they maybe don't grow on you and turn into someone you really might want as a long-term friend?

Most often we set up our own artificial barriers to friendship or relationships, it is always conditional or at least so it seems. I'll like you IF..., I'll be your friend IF..., I'll love you IF...., and the list goes on and on. When we get rid of all the IFs and start making less (or more realistic) demands of those around us that's when things really begin to change.

You've got the perfect chance, you already speak the local language which is probably the major hurdle for any expat in a non-English speaking country or foreign expat in an Engish speaking country. You know where to go to find friends and you go there, so it seems relatively clear that your inability in finding new friends is not a problem with them, but rather that you're probably being too selective, setting the bar too high.

Think of making new friends like the same successful attitude necessary to overcome alcohol or chemical dependency.... "Just for today!" I really think that you're sabotaging your own chances with this idea that if they're not going to end up as life-long friends then you're not going to bother wasting your time with them. Lighten up, give people a chance... give yourself a chance to see what and who they really are. Save the decisions about long-term friendships for later. I'm sure if you do this you'll end up making many new friends rather quickly and who knows if some of them won't really develope into long-term friends?

Meet people, go out, have fun, mingle and so what if they don't all turn out to be your very best buddy? You've had some fun and enjoyment along the way! Also every new friend you make has their own social circle, you end up getting included in that circle and you may even find the long-term friends you're seeking there.

Don't expect everyone to be just like you, or just like you want them to be. People don't all have to be XEROX copies of ourselves to be compatible, in fact it is our differences that actually make us compatible because they add spice to the mix.

I guess I was not clear on that. I certainly dont try at all to look only for a certain kind of friend. It has just been my experience so far that the few people I have managed to meet, German or English speaking, dont manage to actually stay in contact for me long because I cannot keep up with the same activities or times of activities and such. I am always open to speak to or do things with just about anyone from anywhere and in English or German and never limit it to anything, it just works out that way that due to the different lifestyles, they go their ways and I go mine. It is just not possible to take a train into the city and stay out drinking all not for example when you have children even if it can be nice here or there. When I go to the playgroups for example, I often give out my email or info and offer to set up meet ups and am as open as I can be without being odd. I just find that most of the people in this small town dont seem to interested due to already being quite set up with work and friends. I literally have no bar lol!

Definitely not easy to balance one's work and family responsibilities and still find time to take care of themselves too. However I'll tell you a story that an old manager/mentor I once had told me that I found a life changer. It shows the importance of looking after yourself too.

Two burly lumberjacks go out into the forest with their great big bucksaw (the old hand operated kind) and they start cutting down trees. In the beginning they're dropping trees in nothing flat. Then it starts getting tougher and tougher, it takes longer to cut down each tree. The pair packs it in for the day..... Why? Not because they couldn't cut down one more tree, but because they needed to stop and sharpen the saw!

So despite your work and family schedule you've got to MAKE the time for yourself. Being a mom doesn't necessarily mean you've got to be a martyr too! Make the time to go out with your new-found friends on the weekend, try and work them into your schedule just as you do with work and your kids. If you're serious about it you'll find the time somewhere. You've got to stop and sharpen YOUR saw from-time-to-time too, or you're not going to be any good for work, your kids or anything else. Think about it!

The world isn't going to come to a grinding halt if you leave your kids with a sitter so you can go out once in a while to relax and make friends. The world certainly will come to a grinding halt if you don't do so, and you become so isolated and depressed that you can no longer function. You don't need to feel guilty about it either, because in the long run your kids and your employer are going to be the beneficiaries. You'll be a much better employee and a much better mom if you've always got a "sharp saw". Trust me on this one.

I have no problem going out and having a sitter or having my inlaws or husband stay with my girls. I just honestly am not the person who wants or needs to be clubbing into the middle of the night though regardless. If I could come across people who wanted to do meet ups in the city that were appealing in which I could talk or do activities I have and I will gladly do my best to be able to get to them. I have tried these things and I honestly do not think I have a problem with trying to work around my social life, leaving my kids, or having set the bar too high. I just have not met many people at all who have an interest in making a new friends or are interested in activities I would be interested in. Though I think you should be flexible, it makes no sense to me to sign up for a skiiing class, for example, if I do not ski and have no interest in it. So, you do have to be reasonable in that sense and try to meet people who are at least similar minded. I think I honestly am just not too aware of where to meet more open people in this area or am too limited on the times to get to them. (If I want to do a meeting in the city that doesnt start till 9pm but must take the train in and get there and then return in time to catch the last train home, it doesnt give me any real time to actually attend some of the events I have seen since I cannot simply drive home for example)

Hi

Well I cant say much about wurzburg, but u have been once and it has a nice palace.

You are a German speaker so should be easier than non German speakers though.
You may try to look at www.internations.org/   gatherings and activities.
Also look at http://meetup.com/    ,
Activities/ meets planned at wurzburg forum in couchsurfing .
or look for some activity classes like in abendakadmie or in dance classes...
also some wurzburg forum pages in fb


May be you found one long term , but here native people have their own local circles and quite busy in their life and yeah they want some time only for themselves .
And yes not all locals will invite you from their side or get closer .  they remain quite limited or might take too much time. 

keep trying though

ciao

Thanks! I know about some of those and some not, so I will certainly have a look at the new ideas.

hey there.... I know how you feel..alittle...I'm living at the moment in TBB with my boyfriend. I'm Irish and just started to I learn german but it is very lonely here...nobody speaks English...its terrible! I didn't realize how a person can't do anything here without the Language...work-read your mail...read anything..even live!! WOW!! I hope you are lucky with finding a friend!! Lisa

Thanks. Yeah, if you are in a smaller area you cant rely on English at all really and it does take time. Luckily I had a very good language school but it still took me a couple years before I got to where I felt ok to really be on my own speaking German. I have really been putting myself out there as much as I can do and I have managed to find people here or there over the years but it is just a lot harder work to maintain than in the USA especially as a mom. I hope you are able ot settle in as well and it does get better and better overtime.

Hi,
I dont have any easy answers for you but thought some encouragement might help anyway. The standard response I would give people is to join groups of people with a similar interests be it social, religious or a sport or take courses. Other than having grown up with people or working with them, this is how friendships get started here. I was in a sports group for 10 years and got to know a lot of people I never would have met otherwise. Even for kids, sport groups are independent from school like in the States. And such groups often do events outside of the normal training. The parents of your childrens friends are an obvious target group as well. Some events you might do as a family could be expanded to include the kids friends and (possibly) eventually their parents. Living in a small community without easy access to Würzburg is of course a problem. My wife is German and studied in Tübingen. After she had her son she ended up in living situations where she was also in villages a good distance away. She obviously had no problem with the language but rather the conservative mentality and you being a foreigner only compounds the difficulty. Thus, it might be worth the travel to concentrate efforts in Würzburg or eventually move somewhere closer with more convenient access. This is a BIG effort that sounds a bit nonsensical on the surface but might be the best in the long run rather than suffer from the depression that can come from a lack of social satisfaction. I think of an American woman I know who lived in a small community in Switzerland. Her husband was from there and still had family around. She learned good Swiss German and her two smart and pretty daughters were born there and fluent. Yet she said both her and her kids were always treated as outsiders and never really accepted. Somehow it seemed unreasonable that they would move 30 or 40 Km to a big town yet she got so depressed that they actually went back to the States. There must be some Americans around Würzburg and finding some might be a help as well although I believe that all (or most?) of the American military bases there were shut down in the last 10 years. I never went out of my way to find Americans here and think it would be a mistake to limit oneself to only meeting expats but I cant deny that the couple of American friends I have are a blessing. Just having shared points of reference can be meaningful even if one is not particularly nostalgic. This Expat site is a starting point to finding fellow Americans but there are probably also local groups like the Federation of German-American Clubs http://www.vdac.de/vdac/index.php?optio … Itemid=185

i have just moved here as well only 7 weeks ago and speak very little german, neither do the people i rent from but they are very nice and we muddle through together,, if we get really stuck we share google translator plus it helps you pick up some of the language, i am waiting for my wife to join me from abroad she does speak a little english but not much,,happy days,but you can say a lot without words ,and sure it will improve,i am quite old so maybe its harder to pick things up as you get older,but smile goes a long way anywhere,,so good luck you will be fine...

I wish I lived near you. I'm in Dusseldorf and lonely as hell.

i know the feeling well very hard especially as i speak about 5 words of German.. plus i live in flat where neither my landlord or his wife speak any or very little English,,having said that they are very kind and we muddle through,  how long do you intend staying here..i am hoping my wife will be here from the Philippines in the very near future,,at least she can kind of understand me lol...but please feel free to drop me a line just whenever, always about ,,trevor

Another idea of contacting English speakers is at bars although you already mentioned that you have kids and are not into the club scene which I can easily understand. How do people communicate at clubs at all anyway with the loud music? But I know from Stuttgart that there are a number of bars, mostly Irish ones, where expats and other English speakers like to hang out; mostly people in their 20's and 30's, a mix of people connected with the US military, students, opers etc. There tends to be such places in most middle sized German cities so Würzburg must have a few. A kind of hit or miss possibility but you never know!

@Awarreningermany,hie ,i myself live 15 minutes away from Wü and i know exactly how you feel,i have been living here for the past 3 years and meeting people with the same interests has been a real struggle for me,i am a member on this toytown group and i know that english speakers  hold a stamtisch every friday at different Restaurents around würzburg,i have never attended one though.if you would like to contact me please don't hesitate.I can drive so if you would like to meet up i can drive over to Wü .xoxo
Pam.

Thanks so much dear Pam.it good to know some people do care here,I am not yet in Germany,I will be coming next year.all I wanted is to have friends and to know more about the life and the hospitality of the people.God really bless you

Will be moving to Wurzburg with my Family this coming June, trying to find a place to rent. Need at least 3 rooms. Can somebody recommend a place that i could rent, most probably near Wurzburg city, not necessary in the city itself.

Hello Magikels,

While awaiting for infos, I suggest you drop an ad in the Housing section > Properties for rent in Germany to widen your chances.

Thank you and good luck!
Marjorie

Thanks Marjorie!