I'm surprised there's not a single topic on dating in Ecuador

BobH wrote:

mugtech wrote:

In the Philippines you need church approval to get an annulment ...

And annulment is tough to get -- unless you're rich and/or powerful. Senator Legarda got an annulment after nineteen years of marriage and two kids.

Sorry for being off-topic, but that just annoys the heck out of me.

Bob

Bob,
The Catholic church is the same the world over. Look at Ted Kennedy in the US. He got an annulment after a decades long marriage, with multiple children. When my sister applied to the church for an annulment, they told her exactly how much it would cost her. She left the church and hasn't been back since.
Neil

and spanish is way more easier to learn than tagalog...

LOL...I have been told by some that have had more experience than me, that Ecuadorian women are the most sensuous women they have been with in their lives...and some of these guys have really been around the world...so, go figure!

samgeets wrote:

LOL...I have been told by some that have had more experience than me, that Ecuadorian women are the most sensuous women they have been with in their lives...and some of these guys have really been around the world...so, go figure!

I live with an Ecuadorian family. This morning, when I came down for breakfast, I had my iPad with me and saw your comment. I couldn't resist, and read it to the mother of the family. She made me laugh, saying, "Of course, but it is too bad Ecuadorian men don't appreciate that." It is true that Ecuadorian men just don't respect their women (that's what she meant), and that is the irony. But, men are most certainly captivated by the sensuous nature of their women because they are notorious for philandering. (No, I don't mean it is the women's fault). The interesting part is, this being a good catholic culture, the women are incredibly forgiving and will go to great lengths to keep a marriage together. This is done with amazing good will and generosity towards the men. I don't know how they do it.

I think the sensuous nature of the women here is more a reflection of their own kindness. In Spanish, the word that is used is bondadoso, which is goodness and generosity in a person that arrises from the purity of the heart, but often simply translated as "kind." This kindness is accompanied by an attention that is not common for woman in other cultures. Men certainly do not go for the want of attention or support, even when they really aren't deserving. Who is not flattered or charmed by such intense attention.

One thing one should understand if they are not familiar with this culture is that personal interaction is much more intimate here than one may be used to. For example, requirements for personal space can be alarmingly close for North American tastes. If a women stands very close to you and even touches you while talking, that is not an invitation for intimacy; it is just the norm. It does, however, mean that she like you. Just be careful how much interpretation you put on that.

Lastly, to counter a point that some have made previously and does, sadly, continue to annoy me. Generally speaking, women here are not gold diggers (although some may be). People here have evolved far from believing that money has to do with anything other than its utilitarian value. This culture fully understands that happiness is found in the sharing of basic human values within a family and close gathering of friends. If someone in that grouping is without, the whole group will come together to provide what is missing. This is hard to understood until you experience it. But, once you do experience it, you may want to go out and purchase a "I love Ecuadorians" button.

This was a beautiful reply.

Joseph K wrote:

Lastly, having a baby our of wedlock is not common.

Here in Quito, the city buses are now plastered with ads letting everyone know that 20% of teenagers in Ecuador are already parents. I doubt very many of those kids are married.

I should say that my impessions are largely related to my experience in Loja (or Zaruma). I can imagine things might be quite different in the Capital. Thanks for pointing that out.

Joseph K wrote:

I should say that my impessions are largely related to my experience in Loja (or Zaruma). I can imagine things might be quite different in the Capital. Thanks for pointing that out.

My impression is that the stats are country wide, not specific to Quito.

Speaking to locals, at least those that are willing to talk about such a topic, I am told that until very recently, out of wedlock pregnancies are kept very hush hush. Everyone knows about it, but no one talks about it.

It's the government that is trying to get things out into the open.

I don't know the actual statistics and usually am speaking from a personal observation or experience with those Ecuadorians around me. I certainly do not speak as an expert or with authority. In light of your comment regarding the Government's wish to quantify this issue, it is good that you bring this up. A cursory attempt to find the out of wedlock statistics for Ecuador yielded no results for me. For the U.S., no problem. Would you happen to know the Ecuadorian statistics. A comparison might be interesting.

How's your spanish? hoy.com.ec

Short version: 2,080 girls between the ages of 10 and 14 are mothers (1% of niñas in those age groups). 705,163 teenagers between 15 and 19 are mothers, 17.2% of that age group. The numbers are from the 2010 census.

The provinces with the highest numbers of teenage mothers are Esmeraldas, Los Ríos, Sucumbíos, Orellana, Morona Santigo and Zamora Chinchipe.

You must write some Ecuadorians!!! there are bad people around this planet who  cares money  American.. chinese... french... others... Don't write bullshit you are not in every brain or heart of each ecuadorian... you all come to live here... respect us

defuera wrote:

Short version: 2,080 girls between the ages of 10 and 14 are mothers (1% of niñas in those age groups). 705,163 teenagers between 15 and 19 are mothers, 17.2% of that age group. The numbers are from the 2010 census.

Thanks, that information was fascinating to me. As I explained, I have a very limited view here in Loja. What interested me most was the troubling information on sexual violence and abuse and teen mortality in pregnancy. Given the positive families attitudes towards children and the level of education here in Loja, I really would not have expected the abuse levels (even if they are more likely in other provinces). On the other hand, the areas where the problems (overall) were greatest, did not seem that surprising.

Regardless of my views, I can still appreciate how facts dispel any illusions around imagined perspective. Again, thanks.

[Moderated: No free ad on the forum]

Hi...well, here is my two pence on the issue.
1. Ecuadorian women are very passionate and loving/caring.
2. Ecuadorian men, as a general rule, have very low respect for women in geenral...and this is more cultural than anything else, because of the very steep authority gradiant in this clearly authotative patriacal Spanish society.
3. The diiference and discrimination starts with the language. Consider the following examples:
   Boy: Chico; Girl: Chica; Boys AND Girls: Chicos; Boys: Chicos
   Son: Hijo; Daughter: Hija; Children (including daughters): Hijos. Sons: Hijos.
   Father: Padre; Mother: Madre; Parents: Padres
   The wife takes on the family name of the husband, but unlike in other cultures where the new family name simple adds to her first name, here it is prefixed by "de" or OF, so after wedding she is Xyz OF Abc!

There are many other similar examples that create a minset of her being inferior or at least lower in status to him. So for a guy that grew up in this environment, it is natural to consider her then as his property and of a lower status than himself.
4. The above then results in a very disppointed female population, and the outcome is that almost 54% marriages are said to end in divorce in the first 3 years. I also read on some website that as many as 70% of children under age of 16 are being brought up in single-parent families, and as many as 90% of these families are the single mother who does not receive any child support! While there are laws for Alimony, I am told that Ecuadorian men are notorious for escaping this payment and the legal procedures are so complicated that often the lady gets fed-up and justs gives up.
5. Due to this, most Ecuadorian single women I have spoken to (in the age-group about 30 to 50) are seeking Europian men. Some do seek North American men, but the genral level of disappointment is so great that it extends to almost all Americans, including North americans and they are not willing to trust men from this part of the world.

So, in final analysis, I will say my friend you have better chances than an Ecuadorian at getting a date with a Hot Lady, but less chances than a European, So, go figure!!!

Steverdude > could you please share your experience on the forum ? that would be really appreciated thanks

It is so much cooler on the coast -- and so much less complicated!

We go out to places of common interest ...in small groups...couples...friends ...one lady always brings her dog but he's a cool date {oh that would be me} and we have fun -- we make sure word gets on on social media like facebook and twitter so new folks in town show up too and most important these places being that they are in Ecuador are not doing this in the expat community exclusively -- they broadcast the whole community.

Having fun is the point, not catering to a particular group.  So you get everyone.

They happen to be very welcoming locations to gringos who are interesting and interested in actually having fun like the Ecuadorians do. And you will learn the language too.

So -- if you are in Salinas on Thursday ...come to Karaoke at SINs ... in the San Lorenzo areas, easy to find, we start at 7pm to midnite ... you never know who might show up ...and i hear the dog sings really well!

Susan

defuera ~

Your statistics are very accurate and your concerns are right on point.  The young family that works for me and who I am training in the innkeeper profession who are with me now just over a year are a young man 24, his young wife 18 and their daughter who is 2 years  old this past week.  They are legally married and have a solid home in which to live and a job that supports all three, with legal wages paid and recorded.  They are the exception.

I think of it as a responsibility to create a job as my ongoing support for the opportunity to live in this country that has adopted me as a resident. I take that responsibility very seriously.

Susan

Why would anyone come to Cuenca looking for an easy lay. I would go to a beach area unless they think local girls are as dumb as the ones where they are now.

You are absolutley right. Respect women everywhere unless they show that they don't earn it. I have a wife of 45 years, 2 daughters and 2 granddaughters and I was raised  to respect women.

Hi Garick, I've dated some here but there are so many men who want to go out with me just because I'm american that I am very wary now of all ecuadorian men. Most people here think all american people are rich. If they marry an american they will get citizenship plus, in a divorce get 1/2 of everything you own. Most also think they will no longer have to work either and I'm not looking for people to support. I am asked out constantly by men from 18 and up (I'm 57). The few times I have dated ecuadorian men, they expect me to pay for everything. The majority of the american men I know here have had the same experiences but I guess, for men it could be a little different. Sometimes, the men want a woman who doesn't work and don't mind supporting them.

As a "future" expat, I can't help Garick find ladies to date in Ecuador, but perhaps I can help indirectly ...

Garick's inquiry is certainly not inappropriate for someone coming to a land with a very different culture and I'm not terribly impressed with the tenor and flavor of many of the responses from the expat community.

Whether Garick is a lonely/ugly old man, a fine catch, a pervert or simply someone doing research on a culturally significant issue before he ends up at the wrong end of a "shotgun" was certainly not exposed in his question.  I think the grief he was showered with exposed much more about each individual responder than about him.

What he was looking for were some tips on meeting people, not a lecture from someone(s) with "unclaimed" baggage.

When I come to Ecuador, I will also be packing my baggage.  I just hope I do a better job of leaving any emotional baggage at the airport in the US (where it belongs) before I depart.

Unless you have reason to fear he is a Bundy (Ted, not Al), as a US expat perhaps you could extend a common courtesy to your new (and/or old) fellow countryman and point him to appropriate places for appropriate dating activities.  Assuming you're not directing him to a playground or a brothel, you're not doing any harm to anyone.  If he is a "Ted" Bundy, he doesn't need your help.

Although I have no personal experience on the matter, I'm quite sure that a sex tourist will be able to find what they're looking forward on any number of websites that aren't populated by typical US expats and they won't find it at the appropriate dating venues you'd offer, if you chose to do so. 

   Carlos  aka  "El Gringo Bueno"

PS  I did learn a few helpful things about dating customs in Ecuador in the several less vitriolic posts and appreciated those authors' input.  I also chuckled a few times, but not at Garick's expense.

PPS  I still have a few more posts to read, but I'll save that for once I'm on my way to "The Middle of the World"

GringoBueno wrote:

Assuming you're not directing him to a playground or a brothel, you're not doing any harm to anyone.

Your posts (and your chosen name) indicate that you're very concerned about showing respect for the local culture, but you're not doing so here. What's your objection to brothels? They're legal in Ecuador, and therefore part of the culture you are embracing.

I believe they're called 'chongos' locally.

yes, I am considering moving to Ecuador.   I recently saw a blog entitled "sex trafficking in Ecuador".  I have worked in law enforcement, so I posted "whats up with sex trafficking in Ecuador"

I got a scathing response from an Expat telling me should move to Europe or Miami because all expats were happily married, and they had no use for people interested in such a topic.

Geeezzzz Im trying to learn about the culture I am getting into, and I get a response like that?   I am still interested in Ecuador and the culture, but I'm not sure I'm interested in the Expat community.  I'm trying to convince myself this was not representative of Expats in general.

If the jerk who posted to my blog reads this, you know who you are.  Surely you don't represent the Expat community in general.

                               Scubadooo1 (Dwayne)

No Scubadooo1. The person who sent you the scathing response was not representative of all expats. I've met many wonderful people here who have come from the U.S. and I know a few from several other countries. Most expats are just like people you find everywhere. You get the good with the bad. Ignore those bad messages and read the ones that answer your question. InterNations is also a good expat group to belong to. BTW, I don't know much about sex trafficking but I do know that sex is looked at a little differently here than in the U.S. There are many hotels here who think nothing about renting rooms for $10 for 3 hours of sex and it isn't illegal. There are also sex hotels along the roads. They have a carport at each room so people can just drive in.

ok..getting back to the topic...it is best to get on the Ec women feet, understand their predominant religion, their beliefs, their life goals and communicate in their own language, (not just speak Spanish, actually communicate the Spanish way) to understand their idiosincracy. I live among Ecuadorians, am a Latin born myself and bilingual. I hope to bring some ideas to consider:
Ecuadorians are chouvinistas. Males AND females alike. Their life goal is to find a breadwinner to settle down a raise a family. This doesnt mean they dont want to work. They simply prioritize the well being of the children and the service in the house to make the hubby happy rather than making money. It can also be added that such is precisely at the root of the characteristic kindness and happiness in kids and adults: the fact that they were looked after by mom until they were able to emancipate.
With all the explanation, I intend to show why the "dating" thing isnt common in Ecuador. The goal is clear: find a partner to have for life, support him in everything and have a family. The boyfriend changes are not seen with good eyes, because having a family is not a game. Dating is not a taboo, but is not in their favorite list of fun things to do. They dont waste time getting to now one and the next, they go straight into a relationship with the ultimate goal to marry and have a family.
Foreigners need to understand and consider that before starting to date because it may seem as EC women are trying to pin them down, but they are simply following the tradition. The dont think that being jealous, possesive and the like is wrong. They are not there to play games, they have a goal.
Think that the concept "dating" doesnt always register in EC women, and even if it does in some, the extended family (big part in the Ecuadorian women life) wont get it. Consider yourself a date only if you have not been introduced to the family and please respect the traditions, communicate your expectations before hand s they understand your foreign needs so no one gets hurt in the process. After all you will be in Ecuador and if you intend to "date" the foreign way, you will need to do it under Ecuadorian rules...oh, and remember that Lorena Bobbit is Ecuadorian!

Loving Ecuador,

My experience is consistant with what you are saying. But, any expat serious about a relationship here will have a lot of trouble with this. Dating is how expats get to know someone. Here, you can be told you should marry someone, or someone is told they should marry you (It has happend to me several times). Or, you may understand clearly that someone is more than willing to marry you. As open as I am, I do find this a bit disconcerting. Thankfully, I do understand that if someone wants to marry, they are very likely to work hard to make that marriage work. I am close to enough Ecuadorians to get how serious they are about commitment, even if it may have some selfishness in it roots.

From my perspective, I suppose I might want to marry if I found someone I really liked. But, as you have indirectly suggested, it will probably be because it is someone who I get to know because they are a friend of friend or family. It probably won't be by any effort to "date." In effect, I think I am saying what you are saying: an expats wish for casual dating may be hard to fulfill. It is still strange, though, for most expats to understand. Even the body-language takes some getting used to. BTW, I chuckled over you comment about "communicating your foreign needs." It never hurts to communicate and one might find Ecuadorians especially frank and open. At least, I have.

I could have had a date with a young Ecuadorian lady today, but I let her go.

I was walking along the Tomebamba river on my way to Fabianos to have a Stromboli. Actually, I didnŽt know I was going to have a Stromboli until I got there, and it was probably the first time I have ever had a Stromboli.

Here is it is on the menu:



I heard someone saying something behind me, and I turn around around and their was this young woman probably no older than 20 who came up and introduced herself and asked me if I was alone and where I was walking to. Needless to say I was quite surprised, since it was the first time in a long time anyone has hit on me.  Anyway, I blew her off, since I figured she was looking for a sugar daddy, and I am no more than a poor daddy.

Anyway, I continued on my way and ate a Stromboli which looked a lot like this one:

LOL Nards!

Did you tell her that Bob will be there soon and she should wait?

On really important issues: how was the stromboli? Looks good, but I'm a fan of calzones.

Be aware of the Ecuadorian meaning of the Spanish word "calzones". My humble suggestion is, dont just voice out loud among Ecuadorians that you crave calzones

At least there's one person who doesn't just quote 'sad old men with attractive young wives who just want their money!"

Small minded people should keep their small minded quotes to themselves!

Of course we all know about Yank guys who "buy" Phillipino/Thai brides, now l believe Russians are flavor of the month with American guys !!!

I have a question though, can a European guy ever expect to start up a legitimate relationship with a similar aged Ecuadorian woman who isn't out for his money & is also attractive & educated?

You don't say how old you are but this is my story.  I am 66 years young and not in the slightest attractive but I met a very attractive, intelligent woman who is 10 years younger that me.  She has a job, a beach house, car and probably more money than me.  I met her and a friend entirely by luck, as I was not on the hunt at all and neither was she because she was just finalizing her divorce.  All I would suggest is to be friendly and  courteous and maybe Lady  Luck will smile on you as well.  I talked to two other expats while I was there and they had similar stories.  Good luch.

I'm 62, but actually only look 61 & 1/2!!!!   
Also, l'm not looking for an Ecuadorian woman/gf/bride but it seemed like an interesting point that the OP brought up, & why on earth shouldn't it be discussed?

Ecuador does look like an attractive proposition to living in the "western" World which whether it's England or the USA, I can see that there is a steady decline in living standards (unless you're filthy rich!) & also social standards where immigrants are given more rights than the indigenous people, & youngsters think it's cool to be bullies & rude to their elders!

Of course l would be an "immigrant" in Ecuador, but l wouldn't belittle their religion, scrounge off their Social Security (if they have one!?!) or not follow the well known saying "When in Rome.................!"

I'm glad you found yourself a partner, & if she's everything you say she is, then you're a very lucky man, because not only do you live in your new found paradise, but you get to share the pleasures of it with a partner.

OK Ecuachic, that's an interesting story, but what do they do for the other 2hrs & 45minutes???

I am 66 and look every minute of it.  I do not live in Ecuador yet.  I went for a 10 week tryout and fell in love with the country and the people.  I am returning in October for 3 weeks and then in February for 3 months and hopefully have all the papers needed to get Pensionado visa.  As an added note, the lady and I have no strings on each other and right now that is now we both like it.

I was considering visiting Ecuador in October also, will you be staying in hotels or are you renting a place.
If it is the latter I could go halves with the rent, although I would probably only stay for 2 weeks.
l intend to do some motorcycling (renting) as well as general sightseeing & deciding if it could be a possible retirement venue for myself also.


Mick

I will be staying with my lady friend but if you like, I can put you in touch with two places that are very good and both managers are excellent people and speak English.  I do not know what area you want to stay in.  I can also try to put you in touch with a friend in Cuenca who just flew to Bogata, Columbia, bought a motorcycle and drove it back to Cuenca.  Of course, he is a crazy gringo.  There is some way that you can request to go private on here but have not figured it out.

I was born & raised in London (South London) but I go on holidays to Ecuador for months all my family are from there as I'm young me & my cousins share everything.Dating in Ecuador isn't easy you have to pick a decent looking latina.Thats quite hard as most of them look bad & the pretty ones are usually in a relationship with someone really good looking;after you found someone you can't just go straight to dating you have to become really close like her personal Bestie.But make sure you give her the right impression because she might then assume your her new Gbf (Gay Best Friend) that's not a really nice situation.after that you ask her out try be gentle & nice cuddle her buy her stuff take her out shopping,cinema or anything like that it don't have to be a big thing something small might be enough to impress her.Just like any normal relationships x

(Moderated: Expat.com is not a dating website)