Thai- Farang relationship--- some advice please

Hello tarzan7,

I am a Thai woman who was originally born in BKK. After reading all the comments, I agree with all the comments. There are always good and bad people everywhere. If you look for a gf/wife from bars, it will be hard for you to count on her later. I have many foreign male friends who were hooked with bar girls, educated/upcountry girls, etc. Some are bad and some are good. Even though I gave them some advice, they were fooled by those girls. For example, one of my male friends had a Thai gf. She was early 20s, but she went to my friend's office (he works in BKK) to see him/pick him up from time to time. She did that for almost 2 years, and she firstly told my friend that she came from Chonburi but moved to live in BKK since she was very young with her sister. She even lied to my friend that she studied at RU and had to go back to Chonburi to see her parents every weekend. I told my friend that I couldn't believe this based on what many stories he told me and her look. Later, my friend followed her to Chonburi after my last advice and hecaught her living with a German business man there. He was completely fooled for nearly 2 years by that girl.

What I am telling you about this story is you sometimes can't judge or look at people based on their status, races,religion, education,etc. Each person is unique and completely different. If I were you, I would not look at bar girls. Kinda risky and might break up after marriage later.

To find good ones, there are lots if you walk somewhere such as coffee shops, book shops, etc. You sometimes need to be able to differentiate with people and the areas.

Hope this helps & good luck finding Ms. Right!

That is a very good reply Hollywood. Where you said: "I have many foreign male friends who were hooked with bar girls, educated/upcountry girls, etc."  I think you meant to type "uneducated?

Lancashire Lad wrote:

That is a very good reply Hollywood. Where you said: "I have many foreign male friends who were hooked with bar girls, educated/upcountry girls, etc."  I think you meant to type "uneducated?

Thank you for that. I meant "uneducated".

hollywoodbkk13 wrote:

Hello tarzan7,

I am a Thai woman who was originally born in BKK. After reading all the comments, I agree with all the comments. There are always good and bad people everywhere. If you look for a gf/wife from bars, it will be hard for you to count on her later. I have many foreign male friends who were hooked with bar girls, educated/upcountry girls, etc. Some are bad and some are good. Even though I gave them some advice, they were fooled by those girls. For example, one of my male friends had a Thai gf. She was early 20s, but she went to my friend's office (he works in BKK) to see him/pick him up from time to time. She did that for almost 2 years, and she firstly told my friend that she came from Chonburi but moved to live in BKK since she was very young with her sister. She even lied to my friend that she studied at RU and had to go back to Chonburi to see her parents every weekend. I told my friend that I couldn't believe this based on what many stories he told me and her look. Later, my friend followed her to Chonburi after my last advice and hecaught her living with a German business man there. He was completely fooled for nearly 2 years by that girl.

What I am telling you about this story is you sometimes can't judge or look at people based on their status, races,religion, education,etc. Each person is unique and completely different. If I were you, I would not look at bar girls. Kinda risky and might break up after marriage later.

To find good ones, there are lots if you walk somewhere such as coffee shops, book shops, etc. You sometimes need to be able to differentiate with people and the areas.

Hope this helps & good luck finding Ms. Right!

over 75% of Thai women I know are married or in relationships or being sponsored and STILL has a geek on the side
believe it or not

tarzan7 wrote:

Where do I find another my friend.

in another bar of course 
This time however just screw her without building up any "relationship".
"Relationships" in Thailand are just a waste of time and money.

blackjack2010 wrote:

yes if you shop in the wrong cheap charlie places you will get the wrong product

Pattaya is sin city
but with 1 million people in the Chonburi district you get the good and the bad

lets say there are 50000 girls working the bars etc

what do the rest do?

offer happy endings in massage shops and freelance in discos , shopping malls and along Beach Road 

Maybe my girlfriend wants to be bigamist then  because she wants to marry me asap  already booking the room etc lol    I put a stop to it and said a firm NO    i can't believe that every Thai woman is garbage. But who knows. All i know is that i will not over commit

Looks like she is pushing too hard. You could run into this type of women anywhere ( here in the States, Europe, etc.). I believe their are good and bad people everywhere. You need to be careful anywhere you are and when meeting new people, always have your guard up.

Hi Tarzan,
I read your post and I have sympathy for your situation.
From my work experiences with NGO and I have a lot of NGO friends who work with bar girls and prostitues I can say that NOT ALL of them are bad. No discrimination to all of them. But for your case, you are an unlucky man.
From my opinion, you can find a Thai girl for long term relationship in many occasions such as Couchsurfing group. They organize many activities and it is better chance for you to join and meet new girl.
Good luck for your love life and I don't want you to have negative attitude to all of Thai girl. Keep going.
Pern

blackjack2010 wrote:

hollywoodbkk13 wrote:

Hello tarzan7,

I am a Thai woman who was originally born in BKK. After reading all the comments, I agree with all the comments. There are always good and bad people everywhere. If you look for a gf/wife from bars, it will be hard for you to count on her later. I have many foreign male friends who were hooked with bar girls, educated/upcountry girls, etc. Some are bad and some are good. Even though I gave them some advice, they were fooled by those girls. For example, one of my male friends had a Thai gf. She was early 20s, but she went to my friend's office (he works in BKK) to see him/pick him up from time to time. She did that for almost 2 years, and she firstly told my friend that she came from Chonburi but moved to live in BKK since she was very young with her sister. She even lied to my friend that she studied at RU and had to go back to Chonburi to see her parents every weekend. I told my friend that I couldn't believe this based on what many stories he told me and her look. Later, my friend followed her to Chonburi after my last advice and hecaught her living with a German business man there. He was completely fooled for nearly 2 years by that girl.

What I am telling you about this story is you sometimes can't judge or look at people based on their status, races,religion, education,etc. Each person is unique and completely different. If I were you, I would not look at bar girls. Kinda risky and might break up after marriage later.

To find good ones, there are lots if you walk somewhere such as coffee shops, book shops, etc. You sometimes need to be able to differentiate with people and the areas.

Hope this helps & good luck finding Ms. Right!

over 75% of Thai women I know are married or in relationships or being sponsored and STILL has a geek on the side
believe it or not

I agree with you. Sadly these kind of women do not know the word "enough". I wondered this before why they cheated on their partners/husbands/bfs. Some women have Thai partners but have foreign men as their back ups. Some have foreign partners, but they also have other foreign partners and so on. I do not understand why they did this. It is really bad image for Thai women as a whole.

tarzan7 wrote:

Maybe my girlfriend wants to be bigamist then  because she wants to marry me asap  already booking the room etc lol    I put a stop to it and said a firm NO    i can't believe that every Thai woman is garbage. But who knows. All i know is that i will not over commit

I think you judge people based on what you meet. This is terrible. Even though you go find a woman in another country, you would end up the same way as long as you still want to find girls from the bars! It is just your social circle that takes you to see this kind of woman. Each woman is different even men as well. I think you should evaluate yourself firstly and think about what kind of woman you really want.

Based on my work/travel experiences in many countries, I found that western men seeing bar girls in their countries are different from seeing bar girls in Asia, Russia, Latin America & Africa. You could find a decent and good woman in your country if you could find one; however, it would be hard to find a good one in the countries mentioned above because they do that as their jobs. This means you mostly cannot rely on them. There are some good prostitutes who want to raise their status and help their families, so they do that kind of job then they hope that somebody would help them out by taking them out from bars to men's countries.

As I said earlier, you need to evaluate yourself what kind of woman you want including your social circle and even your friends.

Its not that they are bad people
its just that the girls see someone spending loads on money on their holiday and this money is enough for the girls to eat and drink and have some fun for months - so they want a slice of it

for them its like winning the lottery
scoring a foreigner so they can stay in nice hotels, eat good food, get a bit of pocket money,

but sadly many go to far
particularly if they drink and gamble

If someone come to Thailand, and want to sit on a bar (Pattaya) and drink every day.
Then yes, A Bar girl is a good match for that person.

A "Normal" Thai women are not coming there, and not want her Boy friend / husband to stay at a Bar 24/7.
I do think it is the same all over the world, i know it is the same in Denmark.

So if a person like the live at a Bar, learn the game, play and have fun, and never invest feeling into the game, when start feeling more for the bar girl, move on tho the next one, or change the bar girl frequently any way.

If one want more then that, i think try to understand Thai culture is a good thing, and learn a little about how thing is outside the bar area, Tourist Area.
There is so many good, nice Thai women in this country, but one is not going to find  them in the Bar that for sure.

I never see the Bar girls as evil, there doing the job, some are better at that job then others, and can "catch" more foreigner then others. It is because they understand the game, and can play it really good.

Totally true and you guys said it all!, blackjack2010 & Never done that.

Freelancers are great if you like to gamble, ...with your health, ... STD or HIV   or with your well being, ...getting drugged and robbed!

allenbenner wrote:

Freelancers are great if you like to gamble, ...with your health, ... STD or HIV   or with your well being, ...getting drugged and robbed!

can happen in any country

I realize this is an old post, but for those who read it or have a similar situation, here is some advice from a PI with 14 years of experience in Thailand (whois search our site creation date, 2003).

If you meet a girl in a bar, go-go bar, sex massage place, Lucifer, Mixx, Levels, Soi 7 beer garden, or any other place like this, DO NOT get into a relationship with her, period. Girls who work in bars and sell their bodies for sex are not "Bar Girls" they are prostitutes. Use common sense, you probably would not go do to the local red light district in your home town and start up a relationship with a hooker there. The same logical applies here.

We have handled thousands of cases over the last 14 years and I can tell you from cases file statistics that 90% or more of men who get involved with Bar Girls lose. Plain and simple. You will lose in the end.

Have fun with them, go to the movies, a walk in the park, whatever. But under no circumstances should you ever start a relationship with a Bar Girl, unless you want to lose everything. That is the best free advice I can give anyone.
****

I know many couples where the girl came from the bar. Many are happily married and living in another country.

I also run a successful business that deals in foreigners getting into trouble and most of the time the bring it on themselves.

UFC rule is protect yourself at all times.

Most dont.

And the shoe must go on the other foot sometimes - a nice man goes to a bar to finds a nice girl or a quicky - so why is the nice man in a quicky bar. The quicker man takes the nice bar girl home and wants a relationship but the quicky man soon gets bored of her and wants to go back to the quicky bar.

Som nom nar - reap what you sow or what goes around comes around - 17.6 years here.

Run and stop finding excuses - are you really that desperate for companionship. Relax and enjoy life and the right lady will come along.
You do not need to look at bar girls as pretty as they are.

Recent events in my life prove that life is very short.

So if it makes you feel good then do it.

I remember reading some advice about Thai relationships. One item was that the Thai women have a different concept of relationship or marriage then the "western way". I'll stop there.

I remember another piece of advice from a friend in the states, relative to an American woman, if it feels good fine, if it doesn't don't make it complicated and leave.

I have been Married to a Thai woman for 12 years, been many ups and downs.

Best option Run like hell.

tarzan7 wrote:

Where do I find another my friend. Hear the same stories about girls from internet websites. Seems like the whole thing is a nightmare.

First off, I wouldn't recommend looking for a long-term serious relationship in a house of prostitution or anything like that.
Secondly, remember that women like men as much as men like women. There's a woman out there (in fact many) looking for a guy like you. You just have to look for her.

I to have fallen head over heels for a bar girl she has never ask me for a penny but I have given her money not to go back to the bar iam going back for a month to be with her and take her to Phuket for 2 weeks to see how things go I really believe she is interested in me we talk every day but after reading the comments doubts are creeping in iam going to see how it goes she to has children and  family back north ? confussed

A little doubt can be a good thing when dealing with a professional prostitute who has bills to pay and children to feed, especially when you are not here to keep her occupied.

Recently I heard a comment that could shed some light. I was talking with a Farang woman who had been talking to a Thai woman. The Thai woman said that she didn't love her Farang whatever, but his money was supporting a village.

Almost all Thai woman would love the financial support of any Farang. A Farang who has lived here for over 20 years gave me a piece of advice when it comes to Thai women. Tell them that it takes time, and use that time to TRUELY understand if this is the Thai woman for you. If not there is a long waiting list for your affection and financial support. I am not cynical, just a pragmatist.

Tarzan you are beginning to listen, if you manage to hookup with one that has only just started you may be able to have a good relationship but what they have been telling you is the truth, it hurts to read it but when you have been sucked in and blown out it hurts a damn sight more. Go onto the sites where the girls are generally more educated in what they want out of life, spend time with them but don't commit yourself until you are sure it's not just your wallet they want. In the same circumstances Would you commit to a woman in your own country the way you have with this bar girl?

People come here with a compass in their pants which they are sure points true north, toward true love.  What they don't know, is that everyone else is carrying a magnet with them so their compass does not work, pointing in every direction except north.  Until you get your bearings and recalibrate your compass, don't do anything stupid.  A few sex partners and a couple of failed marriages does not prepare you for the sex industry of Thailand.

I had another after thought. I readily admit that I spent too much time in the bar business, street bars and casino bars. I broke away and enjoyed a professional life after awhile. At one point I had a staff of about 125 cocktail waitresses. Now that is a job managing that many cocktail waitresses. With every single cocktail I met, over a long time, they all had the choice of what to do with themselves. There are those who used that time and money to further themselves. In all cases the income from that kind of job is very seductive. It is so seductive that many women begin to focus on the income rather then there own future. In addition to the money that life style can be "addictively" enjoyable. So when looking at a bar girl she has to over come two obstacles. As I have said here, there are those who are ambitious and focused enough where they work themselves out of the business, often taking college courses when not working. However a large majority lose focus and only look at the money and good times.

As a suggestion why don't you ask her what she does with her free time. Ask her about any education ambitions. Up to you.

I'm reading through this thread and shaking my head At the ongoing damnation of the Thai girls who work Bars

As I write this my 26 year old TG from Loei is getting herself ready for dinner out With our friends, most of them farangs who married ex Bar girls who in their considered opinion were worthy of trust and love.  Most of them have been married happiy for a decade or more.

My first marriage to a TG was in 1980, she had been a Bar girl in Udon where I was based for 2 Years, we had 7 years of happiness until I lost her and one son while she was giving birth to twins.

I'm ready to marry my Thai lady late this year,  she's passed all the tests over time and comes from good Issan stock, neither her family or her ask for anything.

We hardly ever hear from those farangs who have married Bar girls successfuly, simply because they're tired of defending TGs who are decent loyal women  who've had to work the Bars for all the right reasons.

Thank you for this post. In my point of view you can't overgeneralize and need to take individual differences into consideration. Not all stories are failures.

The successful couples I have known tend to limit their social interactions to people with a similar background, have concocted elaborate back stories or have grown a very thick epidermis.  Moving to another country helps, as well.  Prostitutes are not necessarily bad people, nor are the men they marry, but throughout history being a prostitute has always been frowned upon and comes with a great deal of negative baggage, whether one likes it or not.

Would it be better to start a relationship with a decent people who would have the same goal which is have a family together? I would like to have a family and stay here. I love culture and people here. I saw my friends using dating service and it's quite good. Any suggestion?

I met my soulmate on Thaicupid. I read an article a year or more back that referenced this site the best in Thailand. I do not know that to be true but it did work for me.  Good luck

thanks Anchorman69 I'll check it.
my friend also tried this [url][link moderated]
he said they help him find a good match

Good luck to you

thaifriendfinder.th      was suggested to me

Wow, after reading everyone comments on finding the right women. I feel very Lucky to have been married to my Thai wife for 35 years, 30 of those years in the USA. Our marriage just keeps getting better. Not lucky in Business but Lucky with wife & friends. We met in California & had a very happy life,now we live inn 2 countries. Looking for something special to do for her 70 th Birthday. Any suggestions.

meetnlunch.com