How to make friends in Malaysia

People always say it's easy to meet new people, but on the contrary it's not. I've just recently moved back to Malaysia after being abroad for 16 years. I have no friends in Malaysia. What I find the hardest is trying to find something in common with others. For one thing not everyone can speak fluent in English. So when I speak in English, the other parties trying their hardest to understand, or vice versa. Another thing is that I find it hard to relate with others mostly I have no idea what they are talking about. I've been back for 3 months now, I still find it hard to meet new people. When I say hello to people, they sort of just stare. Sure there are people that are friendly, but not everyone is friendly. So with that said though, I'm currently accepting friendship. So who wants to be my friend? Lol

Kinnylaw, easy for me but impossible for you--something is wrong. A bad thing about malaysians is that they are highly prejudiced. Lets say it out straight here, a Malay doesnt seek out an Indian for friendship; a Chinese doesnt seek out an Iban, etc. Nobody seeks out a Pakistani or Burmese or Nepalese or Filipino. Each race tends to believe and trust their own and it takes special circumstances to break that. So which race are you? Then i can understand the specific problem better.

Aside from all this are white people and the problem is that the average malaysian is going to be attracted to whites for two primary reasons. One is, can I get something from that person I cant get from a local? Second, I can vent my problems to a white and they will buy it faster than a local will.

And aside from all of that is the workplace environment in which daily and constant contact allow any local to see one at a distance and slowly, slowly barriers are broken down and friendship can develop.

There are so many strata of this topic..............

It's like exactly what you said. The race makes a huge difference as well. I'm Chinese btw. And it's the same situation when I was in Canada. To the Caucasians, I'm interesting, because I'm different. And just like you said, I can offer something that local can't. Other than that, everyone else tend to stick to their own. I on the other hand try to reach out to everyone, all type of people. In fact I have more friends in Canada.

But when I come back it's different. Because I'm just like everyone else. I'm just another ordinary Chinese you see on the streets. After all said and done though. Workplace is probably the best place to develop friendship. After all, you will have something in common with that person.

Kinnylaw, yes i thought of it too, that you would blend in too well and nobody would think you are special, but its not polite to say so. But thats no bad reflection on you as an individual, just how malaysians are. I mention this because many malaysians have lamented the same to me over time. Its business as usual, thats all.

In US, i made friends but only in school or work. Americans are definitely unfriendly. Im an american but if i sit down and start talking to someone in a coffee shop they will think im weird or trying to scam them for money. They would never think im just being friendly and trying to get to know new people. They fear everything.

And strange, do you know those same people join clubs and even go to psychological counseling to get help because they say they are unable to make new friends! True! Thats why for me Malaysia was a breath of fresh air. So why is it that westerners are happy to be approached by a foreigner but not by their own? Makes no sense but its true. Maybe its because in a foreign place things dont count as serious. I can go to a foriegn place and be anything I want but on own turf I couldnt pass the lies and deception so well.

Chinese in Malaysia, and worse in Singapore, have a different problem. As Malaysians are so driven by perception, they judge a persons worth in friendship by their car, job, family, seldom the individual. How does a poor Chinese fellow have a chance? *I* didnt make that cultural rule but I wish it would stop.

Maybe this explains online relationships. People are willing to open up in ways they wont in person but maybe thats a way to break down barriers and create friendships in real, providing you dont wait too long to meet.

hi peolpe out there i need true friends here just contact me if u want ..

dear Sweet friend
we can be friend?

im coming for a visit to kuala lumpur on 20th of september to 11th of october. me too im from egypt and dont know malay i would be delighted if we could be friends when i come .

walidz wrote:

im coming for a visit to kuala lumpur on 20th of september to 11th of october. me too im from egypt and dont know malay i would be delighted if we could be friends when i come .

Thats probably going to be hard or impossible--unless you did your homework. Before I went to KL the first time I made online friends and was then able to start right off from the first day with people I was already getting to know and who could be helpful in explaining things and showing me around. Other people may have different ideas but thats how I did it.

I'm sorry to hear this, but trust me there are still a lot friendly Malaysian that willing to help and know more new ppl. Hmm.. Maybe you're not in Malaysia for long or new to Malaysia, there are a lot of cases happen in past decade, ppl get cheat, scam or even serious attack by the strangers or friends just met. You almost can found one or two cases everyday in the newspaper, that is the reason why people here are getting more protective to themselves nowadays.

Anyway, anyone need help to get to know more the culture here today or places to visit in Malaysia, I'm more than willing to help.

My English is not very good but I think shouldn't be a problem to communicate and explain things to you. Feel free to write me if you need help.

By the way, I'm Jazz, a local Chinese here. I do not mind to friend with anyone from any country.

Jazz
I think what ur saying is true when you start online by saying you are going to Malaysia. That announcement is taken as an invitation for quick scams because they know you are only there a short time. Scammers prey on visitors saying they are only coming for a week or two because by the time you see the scam and make a police report, you are already on the plane again. Its better to make friends online and say nothing, in fact say you are not coming at all, then just see how the friendship goes. If its going well, then you can talk about a trip. I had online friends for about 18 months before my first trip and had no problems.

Jazz Sin, when can we be friends then? lol

Id like to be a friend! Im new to Malaysia and I have only few friends here! Would like to get more good friends who I could hangout with

Aanash wrote:

Id like to be a friend! Im new to Malaysia and I have only few friends here! Would like to get more good friends who I could hangout with

Dont worry if you look like that you'll have too many friends by the end of the week. Then again, if you look like that why are you on a blog looking for friends?

hi jazz
well thanks for ur post about making friends in Malaysia . im their already only from 2 days and havent got much luck knowing anyone but i would be happy to be ur friend and get to know the country through you.
well, i just bought a mobile card and my number is [moderated: pls avoid your phone on a public forum]. i would love to hear from u soon as may be we go out and it would be very helpful .
by the way im was looking for expat recruitment consultants here...do u know a good one?
hope to hear from u soon.
bye

haha, yea, you are right... as our malaysia have more races group of people, have different kind of food, that 's really fun and cool. Other countries like asean countries won as same as Malaysia.

Hope you enjoy the life and living here...

Henry Lau
Best Regards

Hey
If u like send me ur contact number and we could discover this city together:)))

Hi their send me ur contact number and it would be a good chance to have a good friendship:))

New in Malaysia,  any suggestions what to visit?

Why do these foreign people think they can get work and live in Malaysia. Not easily possible. Niaive if you think so.

Gravitas wrote:

Why do these foreign people think they can get work and live in Malaysia. Not easily possible. Niaive if you think so.

Ive been on another malaysian expat forum since 2004 and all along it was the same story: "hi, im thinking of coming to Malaysia next Tuesday. I dont know anything or anyone, would it take me more than a couple days to get a job and apartment? I dont have much money to stay in hotels, you know. In fact, i dont have much money, period. So can one of you please get me the high-salary job and tell me which apartment is best to rent? It would also be good if you can work out my monthly budget for me because I have to send money home to family, too. Oh, and can you also get a job for my wife? She doesnt speak English, Malay or Chinese or anything but thats no problem, right? She is pregnant with triplets and i thought we could use her salary to save for the new babies. Oh, and can you also get an apartment for my two cousins? They kinda like the idea of working in Malaysia for a while. Well thats ok, please first get me settled, and then you can work on my wife and cousins needs. We all are so excited to start our new life. Did you know we sold our our house goods already too? So please get us all set up for our new life, we are depending on you! Well, forgive me, i have to go, im busy trying to win this stupid computer game and its making me so tired. Dont forget us and hurry to get everything. Bye!"

cvco wrote:

Gravitas wrote:

Why do these foreign people think they can get work and live in Malaysia. Not easily possible. Niaive if you think so.

Ive been on another malaysian expat forum since 2004 and all along it was the same story: "hi, im thinking of coming to Malaysia next Tuesday. I dont know anything or anyone, would it take me more than a couple days to get a job and apartment? I dont have much money to stay in hotels, you know. In fact, i dont have much money, period. So can one of you please get me the high-salary job and tell me which apartment is best to rent? It would also be good if you can work out my monthly budget for me because I have to send money home to family, too. Oh, and can you also get a job for my wife? She doesnt speak English, Malay or Chinese or anything but thats no problem, right? She is pregnant with triplets and i thought we could use her salary to save for the new babies. Oh, and can you also get an apartment for my two cousins? They kinda like the idea of working in Malaysia for a while. Well thats ok, please first get me settled, and then you can work on my wife and cousins needs. We all are so excited to start our new life. Did you know we sold our our house goods already too? So please get us all set up for our new life, we are depending on you! Well, forgive me, i have to go, im busy trying to win this stupid computer game and its making me so tired. Dont forget us and hurry to get everything. Bye!"

Got a laugh out of this post     
You are correct though.

cvco - my PM is also full of people "demanding" help - not reading what has already been written - not liking what they read - wanting to change all the immigration laws in Malaysia - in total denial that they have just wasted a huge amount of money on a ridiculous plan (without really having a plan). Never hear the end of the story - it all just goes quiet. No wonder the Malaysian economy is thriving. All these people (tip of the iceberg on Expatblog) are bumping up the tourism figures rather nicely.

@Gravitas.

I get heaps of mail too asking for help. Thank god for the 'delete'and 'block buttons.....

Hi
I read what u said but sorry I didn't laugh. I am en expat from Egypt . I got the PLAN u said about .. I'm an accountant I got 17 years experience I got MBA I got English , German , Arabic,French language I am in kl since 20th of sep and leaving on 13th of October. I read everyday what you and gravitas wrote. I sent my cv through Michael page,Robert waters, job street , Jen jobs ,...etc. I was ready to go for an interview I even brought a Malaysian tel. Number . I got some answers : Malaysians only, u don't speak Chinese , u should have a work permit...how I could get a work permit b4 I work!!! Ah.. Cause employers won't get on that for someone they just hired OR may be if I got a BRITISH PASSPORT OR EUROPEAN PASSPORT  it would be open for me.
U know what my wife has a PhD in English literature , she already working in university in Egypt .. She sent to ppl here In international schools they said they only want a UK CITIZENS to teach them English ..this country what I call...you say it ppl here I leave the comments for you.
So do you think ism an idiot to come here?
Man I can work shitty jobs here with 2000 or 3000 rm and without any right and breaking my permit and even stay illegal but I can't . I only came here cause I thought that this country hire ppl based on their skills and experience , education not based on their race.

Malaysia does hire people based on their skills. But there are only about 5 sectors open to foreigners. There are many highly educated Malaysians who have degrees and experience from overseas. Europeans, British, Americans have the same problems - its nothing about nationality - its about immigration and the government wanting to ensure Malaysians have jobs, careers etc. Is it really wrong to insist on mother-tongue English teachers in a high fee paying English education system? Not really, its about being able to compete in a world that has English as one of its main modes of communcation in business. Its all about supply and demand. Foreigners are not going to make this country rich and great. Its own people will do that. It is absurd to come to Malaysia looking for a job. But too many people try it out and learn the hard way. At least you did not buy a very expensive fake work permit, get caught, put in a detention centre, and be sent home and barred from ever returning.

Man I'm telling u facts but I believe that for any country that to hire a foreigner they should get benefit from him or her that it is not available in its national ones. But give a look at hire jobs for teaching English and they said uk citizens only and u will know what I mean . Go to the big companies and u will see who is hired not Malaysians my friend. It's a fact

An employer has the right to state who they want to hire. There are old connections to Europe in Malaysia, so of course the networks are strong as there are subsidiaries here, which are used for training purposes. If a person has a specialist and in demand skill, then the chances are higher. Many qualifications are not even accepted in Malaysia. It is also far better to come in the first 6 months of the year as companies staff up if they need to, in that time. Most companies face restrictions if they try to hire people. Not many have the ability to do so. Mostly its the MSC registered ones - and guess what there is no list anywhere.

Gravitas says it right (this time )

Walidz, your posts are making our case yet again! The first thing, the very first, is to drop some words from your vocabulary--stop using (should, would, could) because the words dont apply here as to foreigners. There are lots more words too. Im not against you but what we are talking about are people who go to Malaysia to look for something like a new life with no plan, no job, nothing secure, no preparation at all. "Just breeze in and take the country by storm" is not going to happen and furthermore the government doesnt give a damn what anyone thinks of its practices and rules and laws. Forget trying to reason out a problem in your own mind and then call that the new rule which the government is under some obligation to follow.

These days right now, its extremely hard for a foreigner to come here and those that are here have numbered days unless they have achieved permanent residency or something similar. Its a good place to retire but a terrible place to try to start something or get a job they didnt already secure before they got here.

Even 15 years ago when i came here i didnt feel the place was wide open and today its about 1000X less so. Ive been getting along by the skin of my teeth ever since and its tiring and I want to leave. Thats a huge difference to how things were once upon a time.

I have friend I havent seen in years. He is from the US and teaches. He came in 1976 and very soon got permanent residency handed to him on a silver platter. Thats how easy everything was then but today its the opposite. I wouldnt attempt to just show up here and expect to interview around and get offers, its not going to happen like that anymore.

cvco wrote:

Gravitas wrote:

Why do these foreign people think they can get work and live in Malaysia. Not easily possible. Niaive if you think so.

Ive been on another malaysian expat forum since 2004 and all along it was the same story: "hi, im thinking of coming to Malaysia next Tuesday. I dont know anything or anyone, would it take me more than a couple days to get a job and apartment? I dont have much money to stay in hotels, you know. In fact, i dont have much money, period. So can one of you please get me the high-salary job and tell me which apartment is best to rent? It would also be good if you can work out my monthly budget for me because I have to send money home to family, too. Oh, and can you also get a job for my wife? She doesnt speak English, Malay or Chinese or anything but thats no problem, right? She is pregnant with triplets and i thought we could use her salary to save for the new babies. Oh, and can you also get an apartment for my two cousins? They kinda like the idea of working in Malaysia for a while. Well thats ok, please first get me settled, and then you can work on my wife and cousins needs. We all are so excited to start our new life. Did you know we sold our our house goods already too? So please get us all set up for our new life, we are depending on you! Well, forgive me, i have to go, im busy trying to win this stupid computer game and its making me so tired. Dont forget us and hurry to get everything. Bye!"

Woaaaaa.....I like that one....it's so true what you said.

You mind if I copy / paste your post using same (or similar) for another forum ??

.

Do you all know about "Meet Up" ?

Upcoming event:

http://www.meetup.com/malaysianfood/eve … amp;rv=mc1

No, not so friendly, i visit Malaysia 2 times, they hardly talk, i tried to find friend to give some advice but no one at all.

Just a tip - if you go at people with your "agenda" i.e. "you are going to help me and this is what I want you to do" people will react negatively.  Networking is about being on equal footing where no party "wants" or "needs" something from another party.  Its just about communication and getting to know one another. 

Rule of thumb: dont ask anyone for help unless you have known them for at least 6 months to 1 year and have met up regularly during that time.

To translate: People get tired of "hangers-on"  and unfortunately a lot of the "job seekers" who come haphazardly to Malaysia for that purpose are only going to see the back of people. No-one owes you anything - so remember your social etiquette and manners - and dont waste your time, money, etc. by expecting others to save your **se or "blame" them because they are unfriendly and did not treat you properly.

It all begins "at home" i.e. with you as the foreigner, coming into a new society.

Its true, it is hard making friends in Malaysia, some of you say if your white it should be easier, but its not.. theirs a difference between friends and just being friendly... Locals are very friendly, but they stick to their own kind, as it is easier.. Ive been here for 2years now,and i find it easier being friends with foreigners than locals... Locals dont realize that speaking another language in your company is rude, So they kinda make me feel left out...

sad reality, in the beginning i though it was because most of them doesn't master English but i later realize that they don't just simply want it , they are like living in a circle and no one else than them should enter it , so sad

Beeshaw is 100% correct - dont try to get friendly with locals as you simply wont be able to break into a circle for many years (unless you work with a group). You might as well just stick to people from your own country as that works best.

Unfortunately there is also a subjective "league table" of nationalities.

I tots agree with Beeshaw! Currently thats the case here in this company *whistling*.
All you need to do is learn how to switch off, shake it off.

Moved to MY recently. Only trick that I have managed to find is to make friends with colleagues and hangout with them. The locals take load of time to open up. I reckon. I mostly try to avoid long conversation as I'm not sure if they get offended.. and of-course most of em are quite busy with their family, also don't get together for a drink. So there goes my chance to speak my brains out! 

Hello all,
Im Shila, local malay girl from Kuala Lumpur.
Im looking for new friends from around the world as I'd love to meet up people! Also if u need a Malaysian friend / tourist guide while u are here in Kuala Lumpur, I'll be more than happy to guide u! Just hit me up!

Cheers! Have a nice day!
Shila