Adapting

Yes we all go through the "honeymoon" phase where all is new and exciting.  Then reality starts to set in. Things are not like home, don't work like home, don't speak my language, rules and laws are different and some times enforced sometimes not, you feel like an outsider and on and on and on.

Sooooo  you need a good attitude, realize that things are different, understand that this is an adventure and a new chapter in your life. Realize that you need to adapt to your new country/city and not the other way around.  Make new friends both expats and locals, Understand how things work and how to work within the parameters.  It takes time but if you have the right attitude you will do fine.  This process took us 4 months to accomplish.

Remember being an expat is not for everyone and it is ok if it is not for you and you end up going back "home"

Bob K

The biggest thing I found in my many years of being an expat is being positive, not losing your sense of humor, learning the language ( or at least attempting to !!) and taking life as it comes.   

As Bob K states the expat life is not for everyone and if it does not suit you then head home rather than try to tough it out.

Read about culture shock to understand your feelings when moving to a foreign place.

The following excerpt from my posting on the Brazil Forum will probably help you better understand what you're experiencing... it is Culture Shock and it is quite common among expats.

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Culture Shock has four phases and three possible outcomes, which I will briefly describe here.

Honeymoon phase – This sets in the moment you arrive, everything is new, different, exciting and beautiful. This phase lasts for the first few months, but like all honeymoons it will eventually come to an end.

Negotiation phase – Usually anywhere from third to sixth month following arrival. This phase is typified by trying to make the mental negotiation between aspects of your old home and culture to your new home and culture.

Adjustment phase – Usually anywhere from six months to one year, this is where you actually have accepted your new culture and start making the adaptations to harmonize it completely with your old culture, traditions and habits.

Mastery phase – This is the phase where you have successfully adapted to your new home and you are integrated into the culture and society, you see yourself and interact with those around you as though you were one of ‘them'.

The three possible outcomes of the adaptation we know as Culture Shock are as follows:

Rejection – This happens when one is completely incapable of accepting and rejects the culture, traditions, ideas, etc., of the host country. These are the ones for whom going back home is the only answer and they usually do so quite quickly. Oddly enough, these ‘Rejectors' are the very same individuals who tend to experience Reverse Culture Shock to a greater degree following repatriation. Nobody can really determine why this is the case.

Adoption – This happens when one adopts all or most of the aspects of their host country's culture and incorporates them into his/her daily life, almost losing all trace of their ‘former' self. These ‘Adopters' generally end up staying in the host country for the rest of their lives.

Blending – This occurs when one accepts most of the aspects of their host country's culture and blends them with aspects of their ‘home' country culture. They become truly cosmopolitan.


Repatriation and Reverse Culture Shock

You will experience all or most of the same phases with Reverse Culture Shock that you went through with Culture Shock upon arrival. It may set in the moment you set foot on home soil or it may strike shortly afterward. You will feel like a ‘foreigner' in your own country – a fish out of water. In order to successfully repatriate and re-integrate into your ‘home' culture you need to understand six things.

You're Different – You are NOT the same person you were before you left home. Your experience has changed you and for that reason you may not be able to simply accept certain aspects of your home culture anymore. Your friends may not be able to accept the changes in you or they've changed in different directions too, so don't just assume you will go right back to the way things were before.

Your ‘Home' Country has Changed - Time moves on and everything changes. No matter how short a period of time you have been away it will never be exactly the same as when you left. Don't expect that or you will be in for a very big letdown. People you know have married, moved away, businesses have changed hands or ceased to exist, familiar locations have been changed to a point where you hardly recognize them anymore. That is usual.

Most People Don't Care About Your Experiences – That's very true in most cases, so save your story telling for your closest friends and don't make every conversation about your travels. Otherwise, your family and friends will become bored quite quickly and begin to avoid you. Don't ‘turn off' your conversations about your experiences completely, just find a suitable balance.

Re-Connect With People and Make New Friends – While it is very important to re-connect with family and old friends, it is equally important to establish new friendships upon repatriation. This keeps the experience ‘new' it helps you not to fall into a boring routine. You will find out shortly after your return home that some old friends have fallen by the wayside, so you need to replace them with new friendships.

Sensory Overload – Be prepared for the barrage of ads, commercials, sounds and sights once you get home. Perhaps you were living in a small town where it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop and you are returning to the hustle and bustle of a big city, or vice versa.

It's Okay to be Confused – You don't have to feel bad about nor do you need to hide your confused feelings for being back home. They are completely natural. You may find that you even dislike certain aspects of your home culture that you were completely comfortable with before or never noticed before. You do not need to feel like a ‘traitor' because you no longer see home as being PERFECT.

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I completely agree with everybody else who has posted here, expat life is definitely not for everyone.

Cheers,
William James Woodward, EB Experts Team

William,

Great post every new Expat to be or new Expat  to be should read it.

Bob K

You can always tell the new expats from the people who have been around a while.  New expats look up when they hear a sudden loud noise.  The rest of us just keep walking.

Hence the saying 'taking things in your stride'

Thank you all for the replies!

Bob K and Stumpy, thank you for the encouragement. Indeed, the expat life isn't for everyone. I find myself accepting many aspects of the German culture even though I don't necessarily believe that human beings in general should stick to a certain culture or tradition.

Beppi and William, I don't think it's culture shock, but maybe stuck at the negotiation or adjustment phase longer than I should and was wondering how to finally move to Mastery Phase.

William, thank you very much for your clarification. I have read about the stages before, but yours has the most accurate and informative description so far.

Hailey, I moved from a noisy city to a quieter one so I guess it's the quietness that makes me look up!

Cheers

Re, William's post - I'm a blender.
I've tried to take all the best bits of Indonesian ways (And there are a lot of best bits), and blended them with the best bits of English culture.
I open doors for ladies, but commonly eat rice with my hands.