Vietnamese wife?

I had no idea you could meet women at the monkey bars.  Wouldn't they be way too young though??

saigonmonkey wrote:

Adhome01 wrote:

atpcliff wrote:

I met a girl in a bar. We liked each other a lot, and spent the weekend together. Later I told her I was interested in marrying her. She told me I was crazy, and did her best to talk me out of it. Now we are in love and thinking seriously about getting married.

Not all bar girls are "bad girls" or "gold diggers", or whatever. This girl had wanted to get married, but assumed it would never happen for her, and was not looking at all.

Anyone, especially in Viet Nam, would be crazy to propose to a girl they just met and slept with. And, as you can see, even a bar girl knows that. No one can say they know someone after a few days let alone love them.

I know a woman who used to own three bars on HBT. They are closed now and she had her 15 minutes of unwanted fame a year or so ago. I got to know dozens of girls who worked at her bars and can say most of them are extremely intelligent. I watched them play short and long cons on otherwise savvy men. The thing that always got me is how different they were in real life compared to when they were talking with a mark. In regular life they were pretty much like any other girl, most of the time. But when talking to a mark they were so convincing that it was hard to believe. Even if I were to tell these guys they were being played they won't believe me. They all thought it was true love and they were the only one. I did see a few get married, never for love though.

I'd caution you to be careful, don't make any life altering changes, and no financial comments.

There are "bars" and there are bars. Atpcliff didn't say where exactly he met his girl. Adhome01, you are referring to "monkey bars", where the girls provide "services" in exchange for money. Yes, you are correct - it is highly unlikely any girl who works in those places will be a legitimate life partner.  But there are quite a few very lovely, nice girls who work in the conventional bars (places where you go with your buddy to sit and have a few beers). I'm sure there are a few "players" in those places too, but not like in the monkey bars.

Agreed, but I've never heard one of those girls called a "bar girl". If she isn't a true bar girl I'd love to see the look on her face as he introduces her as one.

DanFromSF wrote:

I had no idea you could meet women at the monkey bars.  Wouldn't they be way too young though??

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Dan, you're hilarious.

For those not familiar with my terminology, it "monkey" as in the girls in those places climb all over the customers like the small monkeys people keep as pets.

Ahhh... makes perfect sense now.  I'm digging the monkey vibe, SM.  Maybe because I'm a monkey, in the chinese zodiac (there you go, Nga, you can figure out my age, plus or minus 12 years).

As for marrying girls like that, I just don't get it.   I have nothing against their profession, but how could you ever trust them?  Plenty of more "boring" girls in Vietnam that you don't have to worry about nearly as much.

saigonmonkey wrote:

Dan, you're hilarious.

For those not familiar with my terminology, it "monkey" as in the girls in those places climb all over the customers like the small monkeys people keep as pets.

Is that how you got your name? 

Adhome01 wrote:

saigonmonkey wrote:

Dan, you're hilarious.

For those not familiar with my terminology, it "monkey" as in the girls in those places climb all over the customers like the small monkeys people keep as pets.

Is that how you got your name? 

My wife gave me that name because I'm a very hairy (except my head, unfortunately) western guy.

I couldnt read all posts before giving a idea. Im Vietnamese woman, 25 years old and i got married already. I do have so many foreigner friends, some of them are working under me, some are my friends, some are my working - parners....i have known so many Vietnameses same my age have boyfriends(foreigners) are much older than them. They do told me  foreigners are much richer than Vietnamese men.....One of the girl who i knew she left her boyfriend (they have been for almost 3 years and decided to marry) to marry with an American man. I was sad for the boy....and i really dont know why people love money so much? why dont they do something better than do something like that ? dont they feel dirty in their hearts? .....
Im not beautiful but i can say that im not stupid. Im director of a company and my company is working so well but everything i have to do at home as housewife. I come home and start prepare foods, lessons for my child but im still happy because i do all my best for living....

Similar to many people i could marry with a rich young westerner but i met a man who is my husband right now, he is having a heath problem and he is quite poor...i couldnt leave him. I thought that without me my boyfriend can find someone who is better than me but without me i dont know if my husband would be. i know im not good in this!

Last thing i want to say there are so many problems. For understand her u should know vietnamese very well but dont let her know that u can understand vietnamese language that much so u will know what she is thinking about you (i mean love or money)


Some are nice and some are funny, all of these creat this world. Be good in any situation

Ok, Dan, now I know your age . I thought you want to live here after retiring.
Reading all this topic, I know age of some people who were discussing with me. I remember all of you. And want to say thanks to all. Last Friday, I took a Toeic test, and I did all the test in 114 mins, 6 mins to relax (having free time to look at the handsome supervisor, ha ha). The first time I took a Toeic test, 2 years ago, I didnt enough time to do. So, my reading skill is improved, because I read many topics in this forum everyday.

About age: maybe because in Vietnam, we have many ways to call a younger/older man: em (younger) ==> bạn (same age) ==> anh (little older) ==> chú (about 10 years old older) ==> bác (more older than my father) == ông (about twice my age). And because my mom is very strict woman, she would punish me if I had joke (overdo) with older people. So, I always very respect who is older than me. But when I came here, I dont know age of many people, so I can discuss easily . Or because all guys here are funny men, so I feel you are younger than your age.

When I was 22 years old, just graduated from university. My friend (not exactly, she is like my mom, always takes care me so much) introduced me to a successful man. He is very rich. He has a company, big house in Hanoi, and sure, modern car, motobike... He is handsome, very gentle, although he does business, but he doesnt drink beer or smoke. She likes him so much, and she likes me too. So she want we love each other. But, the problem is his age. He is older than me 13 years old . At that time, I only want to have a boyfriend who is older than me 12 years old, at most. I respected her (she was very kind with me), I didnt want to make her disappointed, so I accepted her suggest. But, I had a plan. I told to her daughter (this girl is older than me 2 years old), and her sun: pls help me, tonight you dont go out, when he comes, I need your help... And the first time is the last time . My friend was very angry with me. Omg, I felt guilty with her, so so much...

Time flies, about 4 years passed, my friend said "Still he doesn get married. He wants to meet you again". At this time, I was more mature, I dont think about his age anymore (just more 13 years old ). Yes, we met, but I dont know why, we even can't be friends... I dont know how is he now (hope he has a happy family)...

In my life, there are some men love me, they are same age as me, and some of them is younger than me. Because I look older than my age, so I dont feel confident with younger/same age men... Rejected all, give up after having much time to think! When I got married, my husband (ex) is older than me 4 years old, it's perfect for me. But poor me, he is younger than me (maybe because he is shorter than me), even he looks younger than some my younger friends. It's my fate ???

Until now, age is still important with me .


.

" Love is never present at the beginning. The first phase is physical attraction or infatuation".
It's correctly.

i'm now starting to get a picture of Saigonmonkey's family tree

a chap i  new had a very cynical view, that nature is the biggest con artist, it's with LUST that we are driven to procreate, love develops later as we see how devoted and interesting our partner is.

Well, I met my girlfriend on a dating site about a year ago.I am a 66 year old Disabled American veteran and I can not fly to Vietnam for medical reasons. We are going to have a challenge to get her here to America...Oh for the record she is 39,and beautiful... Anyway, I have money and I give her money to help her with her mother's medical bills. I plan to bring her here for a visit very soon. I have made it a point to be very, very respectful of her feelings. Vietnamese women seem to have more honor than American women. I am in a position to change her life and we both can benefit from a marriage...If she is real, she can have a good and secure life... She will have to remain married to me 10 years to be vested. And after my death she could return to Vietnam and live out her life on 50 million dong each month. Or she could reside here in America...I own a older house free and clear 4 bedroom with a pool. But I will buy her a new house whatever she wants. With in reason and my financial abilities... We have a house and I will give her 4,500 USD to run the house and spend. I will give her all my savings upon my death... I plan on living another 30 years... Gentlemen there is nothing on this earth better than the LOVE of a beautiful woman...

1stewart wrote:

Well, I met my girlfriend on a dating site about a year ago.I am a 66 year old Disabled American veteran and I can not fly to Vietnam for medical reasons. We are going to have a challenge to get her here to America...Oh for the record she is 39,and beautiful... Anyway, I have money and I give her money to help her with her mother's medical bills. I plan to bring her here for a visit very soon. I have made it a point to be very, very respectful of her feelings. Vietnamese women seem to have more honor than American women. I am in a position to change her life and we both can benefit from a marriage...If she is real, she can have a good and secure life... She will have to remain married to me 10 years to be vested. And after my death she could return to Vietnam and live out her life on 50 million dong each month. Or she could reside here in America...I own a older house free and clear 4 bedroom with a pool. But I will buy her a new house whatever she wants. With in reason and my financial abilities... We have a house and I will give her 4,500 USD to run the house and spend. I will give her all my savings upon my death... I plan on living another 30 years... Gentlemen there is nothing on this earth better than the LOVE of a beautiful woman...

Can I be your wife? 

Seriously though, I wish all the best. I looked for many years for someone whom I could trust and rely on and I found her in Vietnam.

1stewart wrote:

Well, I met my girlfriend on a dating site about a year ago.I am a 66 year old Disabled American veteran and I can not fly to Vietnam for medical reasons. We are going to have a challenge to get her here to America...Oh for the record she is 39,and beautiful... Anyway, I have money and I give her money to help her with her mother's medical bills. I plan to bring her here for a visit very soon. I have made it a point to be very, very respectful of her feelings. Vietnamese women seem to have more honor than American women. I am in a position to change her life and we both can benefit from a marriage...If she is real, she can have a good and secure life... She will have to remain married to me 10 years to be vested. And after my death she could return to Vietnam and live out her life on 50 million dong each month. Or she could reside here in America...I own a older house free and clear 4 bedroom with a pool. But I will buy her a new house whatever she wants. With in reason and my financial abilities... We have a house and I will give her 4,500 USD to run the house and spend. I will give her all my savings upon my death... I plan on living another 30 years... Gentlemen there is nothing on this earth better than the LOVE of a beautiful woman...

I only read MONEY, MONEY, MONEY, SHE MUST ... , MONEY and MONEY. You gonna get what you pay for and how long for but not love.

Outstanding...I am happy for you! The love of a beautiful woman is everything... Life is about sharing...

Thank you for the warm wishes! Life is a chance...I am not taking any money with me when I pass and I view money as a tool.She has the money and I have HER...Life is about what you choose to feel...Love is about shared feelings. One woman one man...I just want one GOOD one...

1stewart: As long as you are feel being best for you and her. I known a man from US. He is 44 years old and I am 29 years old. We are friendship only. Sometimes send message say hello. I met him into room chat yahoo since 2010 when I was poorly English until now. This time, he told me give his money. He wants send for me about $100 and do not wish money come back. I said thank you so much to him. I told him: my money is okay. I can't get your money because we are friendship only. I only get money from my husband. Let keep your money making big work and Let know save money. I know he is a kind person. Talking kindness and that make me would like touch in keep.

ngattt wrote:

... When I was 22 years old, just graduated from university. My friend (not exactly, she is like my mom, always takes care me so much) introduced me to a successful man. He is very rich. He has a company, big house in Hanoi, and sure, modern car, motobike... He is handsome, very gentle, although he does business, but he doesnt drink beer or smoke. She likes him so much, and she likes me too. So she want we love each other. But, the problem is his age. He is older than me 13 years old. At that time, I only want to have a boyfriend who is older than me 12 years old, at most. I respected her (she was very kind with me), I didnt want to make her disappointed, so I accepted her suggest. But, I had a plan. I told to her daughter (this girl is older than me 2 years old), and her sun: pls help me, tonight you dont go out, when he comes, I need your help... And the first time is the last time. My friend was very angry with me. Omg, I felt guilty with her, so so much.

My wife is Vietnamese and frequently she has 'hen' parties in the basement where her married friends gather together, drink tea, and chat/complain about their husbands. It's interesting, I find, how many are on the lookout for better deals (marriages). Like trading up. And they have roving eyes.

Many VN mothers push their daughters to get married, usually far too young. I have a 19-year old student who is a very beautiful woman, presents well, speaks excellent English yet she complains her Mother is always pushing her to get married. We have now a push-back strategy: No marriage until she completes her education and settles on a career - which should mean she has until about 25 years of age of peace.

I always advise my students to put off marriage until after 25 years of age so they complete their educations, get started in on a career, with money in the bank. I also keep on telling that these days they should regard their needs as a priority given the escalating divorce rate.

It is fairly accepted fact that men mature later than women but by age 25 they are about equal. Added to this is the light-hearted way many VN men approach marriage - the difference between married and bachelor states is that they almost guaranteed to get lucky every night when they are married. The partying, beer drinking with male friends, continues unabated. Hardly a solid foundation on which to build a marriage.

My employer has three dating web sites under contract for paid moderation and it's sad to read the wreckage from these unions. As of this time there are 361 married men  between 20-15 looking for 'spare tires' - girlfriends.  Those married men aged 25-30 have 409 posts looking for girlfriends.

But they are not alone. Married females 20-25 have 87 posts and between 25-30 years they have 194 posts - all looking for relationships 'on the side'. These people can't have been married that long.

Looking at the divorced females I see around 60 odd under 25 with children. One is 23 with TWO children!

Adding to these problems is the fact that VN has pitifully few education programs for marriage preparation or sex education, unlike the West (in many countries). My employer had a sex education web site in Vietnamese but the VN government refused a web site licence saying it would encourage promiscuity notwithstanding large sections addressed risk prevention and was 'conservative in tone'.

And divorce costs society a lot of money, especially women who usually get to keep the children and the absent fathers give little in support. I have 34 single-parent colleagues at work.

Some ethnic groups in VietNam make married men stay with their in-laws, which is good way to reduce the single habits of husbands. They get to move out when the daughter (wife) gives birth.

I like the term the VN government has adopted for common-law relationships. They call them 'de facto marriages'.

Jaitch, you are right about Vietnamese mothers. Being a Vietnamese woman, its not easy at all. We must face with not only husband, his family & friends & relative but also, our family & relative & friends. After making a divorced decsion, I couldnt share with anybody, even my family. Until 6 months, I had all the paper from the court, I just told to my parents, not by talking directly, I only sent some messages, because I was afraid of facing with them. And my mom cried some days long, she wanted to go to Saigon immediately to know how my life is. She called me many times, but I must ignore . She sent some messages, she said: I respect your decision, but you must think deeply, you are woman, if you aren't happy in the future, you will regret all your life...This time, I had all paper from the court, but she still want I come back to my ex-husband, even now, about 6 months she knew everything. I dont dare talk to her, just send msg and talk to my father. Even now I cant come back to my hometown, though I havent visited for near 2 years... Maybe I cant come back to my hometown in next 1 year, until everything is calm...

Its very hard to make a divorce decision, but its harder when facing with family, especially mom...

About education programs for marriage & sex: I agree with you. Thats why now I always talk to my friends, who just get married about this. Sometimes I will try to talk to my students too. But it's not easy to change...

Maybe I am pretty lucky compared to some.
I'm 65, she 34, and we have 5 year old boy. She takes great care of him and of me. Knows I have no significant money.
Boy recently had very serious health challenges but has pulled through, and we are both so happy about that.
Currently in Australia and although she misses Vietnam (so do I), she has no family here, so just gets on with life the best way she can.
Before I met her I had 2 previous Viet girl-friends, one talked constantly about money, and still does, believing I am required to support her for some reason, the other used me to get visa to Australia, knew the law well, and used it to convert it to citizenship at my expense very quickly, then claimed Social Security benefits and I was out of the picture quick smart. Lucky I didn't marry her- It would have turned into a nightmare.
My present lady is interested only in working hard, taking care of my son and me, and living within our means. I may be lucky!

Hello, I am very happy for you! And thank you for your post. It may help me. I am in the process of acquiring all the necessary documents from the Vietnamese Government for my girlfriend to come to America. My girlfriend expects me to help her with her medical bills. And I do, I have provided her with about 2,500 USD since I met her last year! She felt her life was so hard and if I had any feelings for her I should help her. I do have a lot of wonderful feelings with her and want to marry her and provide a secure life for her. I am in a situation where I am forced to trust her, and at worst it will cost me a few thousand dollars, but the risk is worth taking…She is beautiful and appears to be a Christian and attends church on a regular basis… My concern is her up coming application for a visa. She is applying for a B-2 visa to come and visit me! When she arrives here we will make the final decision about marriage. I just hope I am not required to provide a major cash outlay, because I am not sure, I would trust anyone with that much money…that could be a deal breaker! There is some indication this Lady may be extravagant, because I provided her with 750 USD to renew her passport, buy a copy of her birth certificate, and pay for a copy of her divorce… And travel expensive by air to her hometown and Dalat… I offered her 100 USD for her mother to go with her and she said that was not enough for a hotel room… And said, You want me to rent a cheap room! I told her No! You rent the room but you pay for it…I told her the name of the game is to keep your money and do not get the cheapest, but something affordable… We then understood We are going to have to adjust to each others thinking… I spend about 50 to 70 USD for a room myself. Those numbers seem high for Vietnam…I just hope it does not come down to a trust issue… She is Vietnamese and I am sure she will be insulted if big money gets in the way. I love this woman and I hope I am not forced to walk away… I want this badly…I would hate to get a request for 5,000 USD for a deposit in a bank account and I expect this will cost me about 7,500 USD which is okay….I just do not want to be scammed. I want to protect the honor of my lady and have her ride off into the rising sun! Smile… Smile…Any suggestions on how I may pay for her visa and airfare to Orlando, Florida USA.. I think this is a B-2 visa…If she is a winner we will marry and she will return to Vietnam and apply for a K-1 or maybe a change of status I-130…I think someone is going to have to post a bond for her return? Oh this is a world view of solving issues…

1stewart wrote:

Hello, I am very happy for you! And thank you for your post. It may help me. I am in the process of acquiring all the necessary documents from the Vietnamese Government for my girlfriend to come to America. My girlfriend expects me to help her with her medical bills. And I do, I have provided her with about 2,500 USD since I met her last year! She felt her life was so hard and if I had any feelings for her I should help her. I do have a lot of wonderful feelings with her and want to marry her and provide a secure life for her. I am in a situation where I am forced to trust her, and at worst it will cost me a few thousand dollars, but the risk is worth taking…She is beautiful and appears to be a Christian and attends church on a regular basis… My concern is her up coming application for a visa. She is applying for a B-2 visa to come and visit me! When she arrives here we will make the final decision about marriage. I just hope I am not required to provide a major cash outlay, because I am not sure, I would trust anyone with that much money…that could be a deal breaker! There is some indication this Lady may be extravagant, because I provided her with 750 USD to renew her passport, buy a copy of her birth certificate, and pay for a copy of her divorce… And travel expensive by air to her hometown and Dalat… I offered her 100 USD for her mother to go with her and she said that was not enough for a hotel room… And said, You want me to rent a cheap room! I told her No! You rent the room but you pay for it…I told her the name of the game is to keep your money and do not get the cheapest, but something affordable… We then understood We are going to have to adjust to each others thinking… I spend about 50 to 70 USD for a room myself. Those numbers seem high for Vietnam…I just hope it does not come down to a trust issue… She is Vietnamese and I am sure she will be insulted if big money gets in the way. I love this woman and I hope I am not forced to walk away… I want this badly…I would hate to get a request for 5,000 USD for a deposit in a bank account and I expect this will cost me about 7,500 USD which is okay….I just do not want to be scammed. I want to protect the honor of my lady and have her ride off into the rising sun! Smile… Smile…Any suggestions on how I may pay for her visa and airfare to Orlando, Florida USA.. I think this is a B-2 visa…If she is a winner we will marry and she will return to Vietnam and apply for a K-1 or maybe a change of status I-130…I think someone is going to have to post a bond for her return? Oh this is a world view of solving issues…

Yes it sure is a world of solving issues and Vietnam has lots of issues to solve.

Vietnamese women are very money conscious and thats a fact. You will find that she will scrutinise every bill minutely and question every cost. My wife checks hotel and restaurant bills in particular very carefully and has saved me a fortune over the last few years. You can simply transfer the money for her air fare and visa by bank transfer from your account to hers. It helps if she has a dollar account.

She will have to post a bond in order to travel to the USA I don't know what the current cost is though. My wife came out to meet me in Dubai before we were married and she had to pay a couple of thousand dollars into a bank account, which she got back when she returned to Vietnam. We do know some people who have managed to travel to the USA without posting a bond but I dont know how this is done.

As for hotel bills, when we got married we stayed in a perfectly reasonable hotel in Dalat for the equivalent of 20 USD per night per room. And you don't have to fly to Dalat, there is a very good coach service with air con and reclining seats that runs several times daily from HCMC, the downside is that it takes around 7 hours.

And do get married in the USA and not Vietnam because it's a PITA getting married here - I have just done it. Before you get married in Vietnam you have to have separate rooms in hotels as it is illegal for a foreigner to bunk up with a Vn girl in Vietnam. Prolly the easiest marriage route is to get married in Thailand, where you have to be resident for only 5 days prior to the event.

Good luck! Vietnamese women are like women anywhere - if you get a good one it is sublime. If you get a bad one it's hell.

Hi 1Stewart,

B-2 Visa is a working visa; she needs a tourist visa. Should you decide to get married, before sending her back to VN, I think you should go to an immigration lawyer in Florida and ask for his advices. I think she can stay in the US after the marriage and you can hire the attorney for about $3,000USD to file the I-130, prepare all documents and go to the interview with you. Before the final approval, they will ask you for your income (affidavit of support), be it from your employer or in your case from social security benefits and statements from banking institutions of all your accounts.
And NO you do not have to deposit any money into HER account! The immigration office only wants to know how much money you have to be able to support her!
I hope this answers your questions!
Good Luck to you!

@Stewart: I hope you will be lucky like Matt. If she is poor and she only ask your money for mother's medical bill, I think she still a good woman. I hope so.

But don't spoil your woman because using money for love/happiness exchange. Maybe she did not love you firstly, she needs your money for bill of her mom. Maybe soon after, if you always treat her well, I think she will really love you. But if you overdo money, you can make her love your money more than you. So, be careful, man!
And good luck to you!

DanFromSF wrote:

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Thank you Dan .

No idea-You are talking about visa for USA- I live in Australia. My wife's visa for permanent residence here is almost $6,000.
She was able to come on a visitor visa for 3 months and extend it once for 9 months. Now its coming time she must apply for the big one.
I have been happy to date.

Interesting thread at the beginning, I believe Vung's perspectives were true. I couldnt follow 7 pages of the thread though, does anyone know what happened to the original poster?

One comment, as its been said in here by the people asking the questions, western men look for love and eastern women look for security. A marriage can be made out of that if the people are willing to accept that both people will be marrying for different reasons and so the marriage will just be different compared to what they would have gotten when both were looking for the same thing. Can they really accept?

A western woman has security, has a career, she needs love, in that order. An eastern woman is still on first base, needing security, and has a long way to go when only love is the missing thing, as is hoped by a western man who continues to talk to an eastern woman as if she only needs love. Can a western man pull her through the steps to eventually get to only love remaining? Good question. It will take time. If you have the time and patience, and so does she, and something hard to bind you during all that, maybe you have something there.

I wouldnt have commented but at the beginning Vung said something good, that Viet (and I will say generally eastern) women will treat you well whether they love you or not. Maybe Vung didnt realize himself, or he did, that eastern and western love in different ways. I never met an eastern woman who had experienced deep love in the western sense, but i did meet many who experienced a form of love through the worship of home and family. When an eastern woman is safe in a home and family she adores and takes pride in, she is in reality loving you. Its not your love definition, but its hers and the best she can do which is a lot and hopefully enough--if you can just see it.

When I was a teenager, every time I saw a Vietnamese girl getting married or accompanied with a foreigner , I did hate ! I thought "why on Earth they want to marry a foreigner !? Why not a Vietnamese guy !?"

But later when I grow up, my mind has changed. It's better they get marry - in love with a nice - rich foreigner than to marry violent poor patriarchal Vietnamese guys. Their life will get better ! Because at least, a foreigner is not get drunk everyday, he will not beat her wife (His government's law doesn't allow him to do so ), more polite than a local guy and he can support her life later on .

It's sad to say so, but it's true. Everyday I usually read on online news about marriage troubles and violence. Most of Vietnamese men are greedy, violent, patriarchal ...
For eg:
1. If he has lots of money, he will find a way to get more girls.
2. If he doesn't have a job, cannot earn enough money to support family --> he will turn to be drunkard; get drunk all the time, often beat his wife / children.
3. If he has power, he will both find a way to get more girls and be patriarchal ...
4. And a lot of bad things about a Vietnamese guy...

So now I have opened my mind about marriage between young Vietnamese girls and foreigners.

Most unfortunately for Vietnamese women, your observations are correct.
It is on the backbone of Vietnamese women that Vietnam's very economy rides, while a lot of the time, as the women are in the market producing an income, the man is at home watching TV, smoking and drinking, scratching his balls, and when she comes home after a hard days work, he demands she make dinner, wash his clothes.

I have met Viet men who do NOT fit this mold, but sad to say, they are the minority.

It's little wonder women see a better future elsewhere.

Sorry OP for this question cause it may be out of the topic.
I'm a single mother & I'm tired of my life in Vietnam and want to give my son a better education as well as living environment. I want to go aboard and the best way to have citizen's right/welfare is to get citizenship, which marrying a men from that country is the best & fastest way.

But the problem is I don't wanna get married to someone I don't know & understand enough to respect & spend my lifetime to take care of as well as to be in his arms. And my career is much better here because my network is strong & my job requires a good understanding about culture/people/politic/... of where I work, which Vietnam is the best. 
Unless I'm in love with him, I'm not interested in his money/life/..., I can pay money for the visa to live somewhere in Europe, America but I don't wanna pay my life.
I heard that there's kind of paying money to get married to a men & go to live aboard. It's kind of real but fake marriage I'm not sure.
Anyone heard about it?

Scarletvn wrote:

I heard that there's kind of paying money to get married to a men & go to live aboard. It's kind of real but fake marriage I'm not sure.
Anyone heard about it?

Yup, there is a service for this , about $50.000 or more for a case . However, it is very strict nowadays because the US government will observe your life your your fake husband over 3-5 years when you live in US. And before that, they will have a very strict interview. Such difficult questions are " How many sex you have a week ? Which is his favorite position ? etc ... ".

I head there's a program in Canada or Australia that if you have at least 1-2 million dollars in bank account, there will give you a change to live in their country. But I'm not sure about that.

zanchun wrote:

Scarletvn wrote:

I heard that there's kind of paying money to get married to a men & go to live aboard. It's kind of real but fake marriage I'm not sure.
Anyone heard about it?

Yup, there is a service for this , about $50.000 or more for a case . However, it is very strict nowadays because the US government will observe your life your your fake husband over 3-5 years when you live in US. And before that, they will have a very strict interview. Such difficult questions are " How many sex you have a week ? Which is his favorite position ? etc ... ".

That is true.  USCIS will want to see documentation on how you met, your ongoing relationship, pictures together, etc. and may interview relatives of both sides of the family to determine whether the relationship is fake.  Immigration fraud is a serious offense in the US, so the risk for the US citizen is high, but most likely you'll simply be denied, and the woman paying for this will have wasted her money, and potentially a few years of her life.

As an aside, I was offered this type of arrangement by a Vietnamese woman who wanted to go to the US.  I turned her down immediately, so we never talked about how much she was willing to pay.  If people get away with this, I would be very surprised.

I worked in Australian Embassy in Hanoi, and this scheme does actually exist.
It is very difficult to fool the Embassy, and if you get caught, you lose your fee, which is quite a lot, and you get handed over to Viet police- What they do I have no idea.
To substantiate your case, you have to be able to document and prove your relationship is real. Even having a child together is not always considered good enough proof that the relationship is real. So tread carefully.
If you do this via an "introduction agency", you can get charged with people trafficking, and its a very serious jail time.
The Embassies are very well aware of the names of officials who are prepared to sign, shall we say, "suspect" documents, and one of their names turns up in your application, you can kiss your money and chances good-bye. Great care and honesty is the best policy.

Helloo at All, may I should say some words too; I'm a western man (german) & all I need is -at first- real true love!!! Financial security - sure I have to take care of my future wife & family & sure I love to do so & I'm willing to work hard & harder to ensure a nice future --- but: to me the main-question still is: a vietnamese woman says she loves me - how can I be sure if she really loves ME & not the "western man"??? All I heard here in Viet Nam is: can you support your wife & family she "loves" you... but if you don't own money (enough???) she will tell you: "no money - no honey"!!!
Honesty, my/our wedding is coming up soon, at 5 of october - and still NOW I'm not sure if she really loves me, if she really want marry me only because of love!!! So what to do now??? Support her & family - sure, I'd love to do this for my beloved wife & family...
But: if I really go marry I will do this ONLY because of true love!!! Otherwise our relationship would be a big lie - right?
Can anyone please contact me & give me his ideas & opinions?
Thank you very much,
Mirko (HCMC)

sailingholidays wrote:

Can anyone please contact me & give me his ideas & opinions?

What's the expression?  Oh yeah:  Marry in haste, repent at your leisure.

As for ideas, Paul Simon has some:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5--Sje98jI

Omg, when I came here, I know many interesting things that I never know in my real life.

I dont know why you guys must support for her family? I never think about this. After marriage, we must concentrate on taking care our own family, work hard everyday, save money to buy our own house. Our parents never ask about money or any support. I think many my friends are like me, they live their own life. Sure you can support her family, if you want! But its not your responsiblity!

My ex parents are quite poor in countryside, they dont have any pension, they still work hard (feed chicken, plant vegetables). They never ask money from us. Sometimes I said my ex send money for them, bought many things for them. But its my wish, not their wish or my ex's wish. And my younger sister-in-law is poor, but when I wanted to give her some money, my ex always said "dont spoil her because of your money!", so, we only bought clothes/milk/gift for her and her kids.

sailingholidays wrote:

Helloo at All, may I should say some words too; I'm a western man (german) & all I need is -at first- real true love!!! Financial security - sure I have to take care of my future wife & family & sure I love to do so & I'm willing to work hard & harder to ensure a nice future --- but: to me the main-question still is: a vietnamese woman says she loves me - how can I be sure if she really loves ME & not the "western man"??? All I heard here in Viet Nam is: can you support your wife & family she "loves" you... but if you don't own money (enough???) she will tell you: "no money - no honey"!!!
Honesty, my/our wedding is coming up soon, at 5 of october - and still NOW I'm not sure if she really loves me, if she really want marry me only because of love!!! So what to do now??? Support her & family - sure, I'd love to do this for my beloved wife & family...
But: if I really go marry I will do this ONLY because of true love!!! Otherwise our relationship would be a big lie - right?
Can anyone please contact me & give me his ideas & opinions?
Thank you very much,
Mirko (HCMC)

I can't tell because I don't judge someone when I've never met her. Just my opinion: an honor girl lives on her own & a husband can share his life with other things with her, not with her family, He can spontaneous help them, but it's not his responsibility,

Thanks ttrcornors, Dan and zanchun for your comments!

sailingholidays wrote:

Helloo at All, may I should say some words too; I'm a western man (german) & all I need is -at first- real true love!!! Financial security - sure I have to take care of my future wife & family & sure I love to do so & I'm willing to work hard & harder to ensure a nice future --- but: to me the main-question still is: a vietnamese woman says she loves me - how can I be sure if she really loves ME & not the "western man"??? All I heard here in Viet Nam is: can you support your wife & family she "loves" you... but if you don't own money (enough???) she will tell you: "no money - no honey"!!!
Honesty, my/our wedding is coming up soon, at 5 of october - and still NOW I'm not sure if she really loves me, if she really want marry me only because of love!!! So what to do now??? Support her & family - sure, I'd love to do this for my beloved wife & family...
But: if I really go marry I will do this ONLY because of true love!!! Otherwise our relationship would be a big lie - right?
Can anyone please contact me & give me his ideas & opinions?
Thank you very much,
Mirko (HCMC)

Gruss Gott Mirko,
I am a British man married to a Vietnamese girl and living in HCMC. I have read on here and elsewhere of the vietnamese (and Thai, Laos, Cambodian) custom of getting the foreign boyfriend to pay for the mother or father, brother, sister etc hospital treatment or some such, or to support her family because they are poor (but be carefll not to judge by European standards!).

The need for such payments may be real, or it may be a scam. But you need to tread carefully because if there is a real need, her family could be helped by means other than cash, which they come to depend on.

In the six years that I knew my wife before we were married she never asked me once for money. In fact her family sometimes sent us tea, coffee or fruit from their gardens and we sometimes sent them things from the city which they cant get in the countryside.

Occasionally her mum will come and stay with us, but she always brings fruit, vegetables and/or chickens with her to contribute to our family kitchen.
My wife and I were married only last month, after a six year relationship during which time we bought an apartment together. We are now looking to the future as a mutually supportive couple, which doesn't involve paying out for her entire family. Of course, in an emergency we will help them, but they don't rely on us for continual assistance.

And we help in other ways too. For example, her niece and nephew have stayed with us during the school holidays so that they can improve their English. I very much enjoy being a part of my wifes family, who treat me with respect and kindness as I do them.

If you want my opinion - and you have asked for opinions - I would take a very long and clinical look at your relationship with your lady friend.

As Dan said earlier, marry in haste etc.