Life of Viet Women -- Matchmaking --Video

Good video.  It all seems pretty realistic to me.  I don't think many Vietnamese women want to leave their family or Vietnam to get married, but they don't see many good options at home.  It seems to me that financially taking care of their families is probably their primary motivation, moreso than financial gain for themselves, but everybody is different.

Why do you think it might be a lie?

Lie? Just because the video, to me, is slanted/biased and a Viet may say, no no we are not like that.

Its one thing to come into a forum or chat and ply whatever you want to ply, and i think many foreigners have been fooled or at least not been able to see a clearer picture of Viet people. But its another thing to see people in more of a raw way which I think the video does. But if thats a wrong assumption a Viet can say so and I'll listen. This is why i havent commented yet. The people and story in the video, in trying to put their best foot forward may have shot themselves in the foot. If Viets can confirm, yes we are like that, then every expat on the planet should watch it and learn something. It may change their mind.

Cvco: some of Vietnamese women are like them. Especially women from the South.
They cant/dont want study, they want to earn money to help famlily. Nowadays, Viet men drink so much , many women are afraid of them. These women cant/dont have many chances to get married with well-educated men.

I have a friend  she is like the first woman in this video. She can earn much money, she is nice but she cant go to university. She loved a man, who has Bachelor degree. After 5 years love each other, she took care him so much , he continued study and got Master degree. He has a good career. He has just get married with a colleague, who is well-educated, his family didnt like my friend cos she is not well-educated. He didnt talk to my friend that he got married. She is very naive , she didnt know anything, just earn money to hope she will have enough money to give him buy their full house.

But this man after marriage, he often call/text to her cos he doesnot want to give up, he wants not only his educated wife but also the girl he loves...

Many stories are like this in Vietnam... Because there are many poor people here. If you can see some rich people here, they are so different...

BTW, Dan, you changed your avatar, you look like gangster hehe.

cvco wrote:

Lie? Just because the video, to me, is slanted/biased and a Viet may say, no no we are not like that.

Biased in what way?  The video presents a narrative from the perspective of several different people, all of them having their own self-interests in mind.  Is everything they are saying true?  Maybe, or maybe not.  Perhaps it's true to them, because they've convinced themselves of a certain reality to justify the choices they are making.

There's a Japanese movie called Rashomon, in which the same story is told from many different people's perspectives, and the lesson you learn from it is "the truth" or reality is based on who is telling the story, and their self-interests.  The same applies to this video.

Its one thing to come into a forum or chat and ply whatever you want to ply, and i think many foreigners have been fooled or at least not been able to see a clearer picture of Viet people. But its another thing to see people in more of a raw way which I think the video does. But if thats a wrong assumption a Viet can say so and I'll listen. This is why i havent commented yet. The people and story in the video, in trying to put their best foot forward may have shot themselves in the foot. If Viets can confirm, yes we are like that, then every expat on the planet should watch it and learn something. It may change their mind.

I don't think any Vietnamese person would claim there aren't girls from poor villages who wish to marry foreigners primarily because they see it as a better life for themselves and their families.  It's up to the foreigner whether to accept that, but in the end, I think everybody knows the score.  i.e.  you've got the looks, I've got the cash, let's do this.

ngattt wrote:

BTW, Dan, you changed your avatar, you look like gangster hehe.

That's not me -- I figure if Jaitch can be some sort of bug, I can be my favorite actor, and the coolest guy ever.

DanFromSF wrote:

ngattt wrote:

BTW, Dan, you changed your avatar, you look like gangster hehe.

That's not me -- I figure if Jaitch can be some sort of bug, I can be my favorite actor, and the coolest guy ever.

Yes I know thats not you .
But I like this guy .

Money is power 
People who run after easy money, thinks that it's easy to get from someone.
Nothing is free in this world. That they just ignore.
Sacrifice for family? With their life? 
She is the person who live with a strange guy for a long period (or they just want short period?), not her parents.
With their life situations, they can work little hard to earn and save something for future. But...
All they need is easy money...
Good marketing from the matchmaker. Why don't they interview girls who already suffer from this alliances?
Oh, this video is intend to encouraging...
We can see from this forum that how some girls trying hard to get some 'white' guys    to escape from Vietnam 
I never blame majority but more and more people interested in this kind of marriage and send their children abroad to get easy money not good life!
No need to discriminate by South or North Vietnam. People who want to jump from the compound wall, always jump. No one can stop them, even their parents. I know personally, in this forum, someone separated with their husband and trying to get some foreigner 
We shouldn't surprise when watch that video. If well educated (?) girls can, why not them, village girls?
This practice is not only in Vietnam but spreading...
Together with this I should say about other girls who work very hard and earn money then save for their future. I really admire that girls. 

charmavietnam wrote:

Money is power 
People who run after easy money, thinks that it's easy to get from someone.
Nothing is free in this world. That they just ignore.
Sacrifice for family? With their life? 
She is the person who live with a strange guy for a long period (or they just want short period?), not her parents.
With their life situations, they can work little hard to earn and save something for future. But...
All they need is easy money...
Good marketing from the matchmaker. Why don't they interview girls who already suffer from this alliances?
Oh, this video is intend to encouraging...
We can see from this forum that how some girls trying hard to get some 'white' guys    to escape from Vietnam 
I never blame majority but more and more people interested in this kind of marriage and send their children abroad to get easy money not good life!
No need to discriminate by South or North Vietnam. People who want to jump from the compound wall, always jump. No one can stop them, even their parents. I know personally, in this forum, someone separated with their husband and trying to get some foreigner 
We shouldn't surprise when watch that video. If well educated (?) girls can, why not them, village girls?
This practice is not only in Vietnam but spreading...
Together with this I should say about other girls who work very hard and earn money then save for their future. I really admire that girls. 

Well said, Charmavietnam! Only one thing makes me disappointed is that I'm not that girl you admire because I save money then waste it for travelling lol not my future. In VN, furture does not mean anything then haha

There are some facts that many Viet girls don't know. about 50% people who live in Singapore don't have Sing nationality. Many people live in government apartments. Just 20% has their own houses. Not many people have cars.

I don't want to think if it is right to wrong to get married with a foreigners and "have money" to give their family. But I feel tease for Viet countryside girls. They play gambles which depends on many factors and many of them lose in these games. And then they will  get strapped between the tragedy they chose and their family. I know many family stop working when their daughter gets married with a foreigner.

In this Video i don't think that's Destiny
that's them choice and they work hard to get it.

Singapore is a soulless country whose inhabitants don't have the same feelings towards their country as do Vietnamese. Guess that's why so many leave when they have the opportunity.

Marriage is complicated enough, inter-cultural marriage is even more complicated (my wife is Vietnamese). Having 'mixed' children adds to challenges (remember all the mixed children left after the American War in VietNam?) and tests the bonds of a marriage.

My employer administers web sites (for fees) one of which is a dating web site. Many posters are plain outright liars! Single doesn't mean 'never married' - it means not married at the moment, and, over 40, likely divorced.

Marrying for money, or creature comforts, is little different from prostitution. You make your assets available in return for another persons assets. It is not a recipe for happiness or a long-lived marriage.

Vietnamese claim they are 'different' from other cultures. Not very different, IMO. Problems in Vietnamese society are common to those in other societies - divorce, adultery, poverty, etc. My company employs single parents and we get to know their circumstances, only too well. VNese husbands are frequently unfaithful (46% having been with prostitutes post marriage).

Vietnamese marrying Chinese is against Vietnamese mores, the dislike/hate between the Chinese and Vietnamese goes back centuries. We saw this a month or two ago when VNese attacked Chinese (generic) owned businesses for no logical reason. The Cong An even went around ChoLon advising people to remove Chinese characters from their shop signage!

Chinese males favour male offspring, unlike VNese fathers who proudly walk their female children down the block. Not a fallacy, I have a friend, a teacher, in NanNing who fought like the devil to retain custody of her son as she knew the Father would not offer him a good upbringing. Female children are literally pushed away by their divorcing parents.

Another aspect of VNese life is where mothers encourage their daughters to get married at an early age, and not necessarily to the optimum choice, thereby assigning their daughters to a life of misery or divorce.

I always tell young VNese women I meet to get an education, and a career, to make themselves independent, should the need arise before getting marroed. I also say don't get married until they are mid to late twenties; don't get pregnant in the first year of marriage and don't be a slave to their husbands laziness. The first year usually shapes the rest of the relationship.

VNese men seem to treat marriage little different from single status, other than they can get laid without effort. They treat marriage as an inconsequential act, another reason to get married later.

VNese women have told me that they prefer Caucasian Foreigners as they treat women with respect, something they don't get from VNese husbands, these days, for very long.

So VNese women can be gold-diggers? Are they unique - NO! There are some instances where family members get 'kidnapped' for a Foreigner-relatives money, but these are the exceptions.

The video showed how some participants judged life in Singapore based upon TV programs. Singapore is a dictatorship; it's telephones are monitored as much as US telephones and ALL residential InterNet connections are monitored 100% of the time. They also have an extensive BANNED list. Business InterNet users have open connections, but their use is monitored, too, companies being responsible for 'abuse'.

We enjoy more 'freedom' in VietNam.

I overheard some Singaporeans in a pho shop talking amongst themselves, in English, about how 'free' they felt in VietNam. The video suggests a recipe for disaster.

What of those Vietnamese women who married Koreans and subsequently had tales of being beaten, treated as slaves, etc?

The trouble is, as with many things, people always think the grass is greener elsewhere. This is something they won't discover unless they can travel.

Some years ago I instructed at an English 'club'. There was a 13-year old girl, obviously from a wealthier family, and every week we had chat sessions. Her English was perfect, she had travelled (and nailed Singapore shortcomings dead on). She also knew what she wanted to do. This included NOT getting married unto her late twenties, concentrating on her career and building her bank balance.

We have kept in touch intermittently. Now, in her mid-twenties, she is a director of a large financial institution, has advanced university courses under her belt and has her own luxury apartment and healthy bank account to match. She is now in a position to move on to marriage without any pressure, financial or otherwise.

Marriage is not a panacea for problems in any culture, even worse for poor people. The women get dumped on be they single, married or divorced.

VN has a few good things going for it. Equality and equal opportunity is good - in civilian, military or government. Laws here also protect women - divorce and labour laws all have features that countries such as the USA don't have.

In reality, mist VNese women are better off remaining in VietNam and running their own lives.

My Dong's worth, anyway.

Thanks Jaitch!
You said what I really want to say! I hope next 1 year, I can write English more, and I will discuss more with all of you.
I think I have a little knowledge about Vietnamese, because I live in countryside when I was child, and live in Hanoi about 8 years, after that, I moved to Saigon, 6 years ago.

I have a foreign friend. He always want to get married with a girl from countryside, because he thinks that girls are simple person, they dont need anything from him (wrong!). Some girls here (in city), maybe bar girls, want to have Iphones, Ipad,... but no money!

Many my friends tease him, why you dont like Nga? He said "she is too modern, too independent, she doesnt need men". About me, I dont feel safe if I chose him, because I see many girls always try to get married with him because money.
That's why, the good person sometimes cant meet a good person... We are parallel lines, never intersect...

Jaitch wrote:

Singapore is a soulless country whose inhabitants don't have the same feelings towards their country as do Vietnamese. Guess that's why so many leave when they have the opportunity.

Marriage is complicated enough, inter-cultural marriage is even more complicated (my wife is Vietnamese). Having 'mixed' children adds to challenges (remember all the mixed children left after the American War in VietNam?) and tests the bonds of a marriage.

My employer administers web sites (for fees) one of which is a dating web site. Many posters are plain outright liars! Single doesn't mean 'never married' - it means not married at the moment, and, over 40, likely divorced.

Marrying for money, or creature comforts, is little different from prostitution. You make your assets available in return for another persons assets. It is not a recipe for happiness or a long-lived marriage.

Vietnamese claim they are 'different' from other cultures. Not very different, IMO. Problems in Vietnamese society are common to those in other societies - divorce, adultery, poverty, etc. My company employs single parents and we get to know their circumstances, only too well. VNese husbands are frequently unfaithful (46% having been with prostitutes post marriage).

Vietnamese marrying Chinese is against Vietnamese mores, the dislike/hate between the Chinese and Vietnamese goes back centuries. We saw this a month or two ago when VNese attacked Chinese (generic) owned businesses for no logical reason. The Cong An even went around ChoLon advising people to remove Chinese characters from their shop signage!

Chinese males favour male offspring, unlike VNese fathers who proudly walk their female children down the block. Not a fallacy, I have a friend, a teacher, in NanNing who fought like the devil to retain custody of her son as she knew the Father would not offer him a good upbringing. Female children are literally pushed away by their divorcing parents.

Another aspect of VNese life is where mothers encourage their daughters to get married at an early age, and not necessarily to the optimum choice, thereby assigning their daughters to a life of misery or divorce.

I always tell young VNese women I meet to get an education, and a career, to make themselves independent, should the need arise before getting marroed. I also say don't get married until they are mid to late twenties; don't get pregnant in the first year of marriage and don't be a slave to their husbands laziness. The first year usually shapes the rest of the relationship.

VNese men seem to treat marriage little different from single status, other than they can get laid without effort. They treat marriage as an inconsequential act, another reason to get married later.

VNese women have told me that they prefer Caucasian Foreigners as they treat women with respect, something they don't get from VNese husbands, these days, for very long.

So VNese women can be gold-diggers? Are they unique - NO! There are some instances where family members get 'kidnapped' for a Foreigner-relatives money, but these are the exceptions.

The video showed how some participants judged life in Singapore based upon TV programs. Singapore is a dictatorship; it's telephones are monitored as much as US telephones and ALL residential InterNet connections are monitored 100% of the time. They also have an extensive BANNED list. Business InterNet users have open connections, but their use is monitored, too, companies being responsible for 'abuse'.

We enjoy more 'freedom' in VietNam.

I overheard some Singaporeans in a pho shop talking amongst themselves, in English, about how 'free' they felt in VietNam. The video suggests a recipe for disaster.

What of those Vietnamese women who married Koreans and subsequently had tales of being beaten, treated as slaves, etc?

The trouble is, as with many things, people always think the grass is greener elsewhere. This is something they won't discover unless they can travel.

Some years ago I instructed at an English 'club'. There was a 13-year old girl, obviously from a wealthier family, and every week we had chat sessions. Her English was perfect, she had travelled (and nailed Singapore shortcomings dead on). She also knew what she wanted to do. This included NOT getting married unto her late twenties, concentrating on her career and building her bank balance.

We have kept in touch intermittently. Now, in her mid-twenties, she is a director of a large financial institution, has advanced university courses under her belt and has her own luxury apartment and healthy bank account to match. She is now in a position to move on to marriage without any pressure, financial or otherwise.

Marriage is not a panacea for problems in any culture, even worse for poor people. The women get dumped on be they single, married or divorced.

VN has a few good things going for it. Equality and equal opportunity is good - in civilian, military or government. Laws here also protect women - divorce and labour laws all have features that countries such as the USA don't have.

In reality, mist VNese women are better off remaining in VietNam and running their own lives.

My Dong's worth, anyway.

And pretty much put your finger right on the pulse there!

ngattt wrote:

Many my friends tease him, why you dont like Nga? He said "she is too modern, too independent, she doesnt need men". About me, I dont feel safe if I chose him, because I see many girls always try to get married with him because money.
That's why, the good person sometimes cant meet a good person... We are parallel lines, never intersect...

He was just polite to refuse you. Stop imagining and raising up yoursef!

Dejavu.dot wrote:

He was just polite to refuse you. Stop imagining and raising up yoursef!

Thanks , I will, I will. He just sent a msg, he want to say more with me, but he afraid my boyfriend doesnt like! Because, once time, when he was keeping my phone, my friend sent a msg to me "I miss you" via Tango, and he always think I have a boyfriend.

Today, sitting in cafeshope, observing some young girls, they wear shorts (it's very short!), and wear a T-shirt with a wide collar showing their (small) chest.
Suddenly, feeling worry for the future of Vietnamese women...

ngattt wrote:

Today, sitting in cafeshope, observing some young girls, they wear shorts (it's very short!), and wear a T-shirt with a wide collar showing their (small) chest.
Suddenly, feeling worry for the future of Vietnamese women...

And at which coffee shop was this........................?




Kidding!

eodmatt wrote:

And at which coffee shop was this........................?




Kidding!

somewhere near my house . Many young girls here. They are so hot!
If you want, I will send its address to you, use private message .

Guys!
Did someone here see a rhinoceros skin which  steal from hcmc zoo? 

cvco wrote:

In getting to know Viet people Id like comments on the video below, made about three women who were looking for husbands.
Is the truth?
Is this how Viet people figure out problems?
Is it representative of Viet life or is it all a huge lie?

In the video there are many things worth commenting about but I will hold off slanting the picture until Vietnamese can comment. The title of the video is Destiny.

See it here
https://www.viddsee.com/video/destinyduynn/4tlsu



Or here
https://my.entertainment.yahoo.com/vide … 00467.html

I haven't been to the Vietnamese city of Penang.
Can you tell me where it is?
How long have you lived there?



A Greek living in Penang comes to an expat forum for foreigners who live in Vietnam AND puts links to Vietnamese women on video so he can garner an opinion concerning what exactly????

What exactly do you hope to get?

Why are you posting anti Vietnamese misogynistic links?

Jaitch did an excellent job of explaining things and I agree with most of what he said.

The one thing I would say is that not everyone has the finances or the mental capabilities to attend university. Contrary to what we would like to believe, people are not created equal. So I can understand why a women with little opportunity would use her looks in order to achieve some kind of financial stability for herself and her family. I'm not saying this is right or ideal, but many young girls see this as their only way to a better life, and in many cases it is.

ngattt wrote:

eodmatt wrote:

And at which coffee shop was this........................?




Kidding!

somewhere near my house . Many young girls here. They are so hot!
If you want, I will send its address to you, use private message .

Thanks but I was just kidding   To be honest Saigon is full of hot girls - makes me wish I was a teenager again!

jimbream wrote:

A Greek living in Penang comes to an expat forum for foreigners who live in Vietnam AND puts links to Vietnamese women on video so he can garner an opinion concerning what exactly????

What exactly do you hope to get?

Why are you posting anti Vietnamese misogynistic links?

A man always has the dark side, and nobody is not easy to see it. So it's good to know more about someone. He is trying to know more about Vietnam, I hope he is able to see the good side and bad side of people here.
I had a simple life before. Some people just know study and study, around me. But now, I'm trying to learn about other complex human being. Athough, the more I know, the more I feel disappointed: D. But it also helped me understand a lot things, it make me more stronger, bolder to face with difficult life ahead...

Thanks to all good and bad people in my life... The bad ones make me appreciate the good ones more.

Hi all i would like to add to this im western from australia i have marryed a vietmeas woman. I was marred onley 3 years i have one boy i have never being marryed be for and no childen. My wiffe left me she never told me why she left when we have a fite she would just clam up and dint want to talk about our problems she just walk out i did not cheat on here i did not beat here i dont drink like vietmeas men do.  So in the end she can now live in australia she gets money from goverment  and now we are not to gether i have to pay money to here for upkeep of son but im happy to pay money for the boy so now noing all that werstern men should watch out im not saying that all vietmeas women are all the same. I think i just fell in love with the wrong person. Once bitten twice shy i hope i have not afended some one this is my life experence  and the funny thing is i still love here i would like to write a book about this  one day to help othere people last year 45000 brides went to australia alone just in one year and a lote of them from vietnam      wayne

I thought it was an honest and interesting video. Lived in Korea for seven years where we ran into more than one Vietnamese guest worker who had either overstayed their visa illegally or married a Korean. Also traveled to Taiwan where the wife had relatives who had married Taiwanese and met an entire community of Vietnamese wives. Also visited SIngapore, and find it both amusing and telling that a Canadian living in a single party dictatorship could claim that Singaporeans live under a more repressive regime. Especially when it is not about the politics, but the standard of living. 

Most Vietnamese 'picture brides' we met were fairly happy with their situation. Some had later divorced their husbands, obtained Taiwanese or Korean citizenship or resident foreigner status, and were earning wages far higher than they would have in Vietnam. A small but sad number were trapped in unhappy marriages. But compare that to a single mature lady from North Vietnam who lived and worked permanently in a factory near the Korean Demilitarized Zone, never venturing out when the factory was closed.Or to the life of young male Vietnamese toiling away in Taiwan's fishing industry.

This story us as old as the "Tale of Kieu" Good luck to all young Vietnamese, men and women, who dream dreams of living better lives. As the video showed, some have more realistic expectations and goals than others.