Getting married to a Dominican girl

@ MessageWiz Thank you for the kind words I appreciate it......and I am sorry for what you have gone through yourself...I do believe there are still good women out there....and hopefully one day I will meet one or maybe not...but it's my destiny I suppose...

@ Dua Dua Thank you for your reply...Yeah I've always looked for a good hearted person of course I am not the shallow guy who is into physical appearance but I'd prefer someone I could look at of course...and I've always been the same guy since I was younger...never a cheater, never a womanizer or machismo type....I am the sensitive type though and do get jealous...but that has to be because I've been hurt and don't trust a woman as much as I used to......and no way I would ever do those dating sites I've heard horror stories too and I'm not planning on meeting a psycho...thank you for your reply I really appreciate it..... P.S. I have always gone for the plain and quiet ones and they too can be pretty bad at times...it's hard to tell who's who..even a church girl can have some horns....

@ Thomas Cabrera Thank you for your kind words...Cheers!... And I'm glad you have found someone....

@Carlito,
Its true it is hard to always know. Time can be your friend but many times our heart is already attached.

But brother, if I may give you further advice....
Please be careful bcs dating women casually may make good women not interested.
Maybe they won't find out but it also makes a man more easily dissatisfied. You begin (without realizing it) comparing.
You meet a woman but she isn't as good in bed, or another doesn't cook, or hates to clean.
I also thinks on some level it desensitizes you and perhaps robs you of some of the joy you would experience when you do find the one.

In addition, I beg you to use protection if you continue on this path, but remember protection doesn't necessarily stop HIV, or many other diseases.

You are meeting women for dating so you must not be too shy.
Perhaps it is the place you are meeting women?

Dua Dua what part of what I wrote advocated playing games? The reason I reccomended the book and the video is because there is really a science to approach women, I don't personally endorse all the things that pick up artist do, but some of what they have to teach has helped countless men meet that special someone and also keep them.  I do not endorse playing games with women, but in reality, if you plan to keep her attention and win her over you must have some sort of strategy, why do you think women find bad boys so interesting???? While the nice guys get overlooked or are left in the corner watching the bad boys have all the fun??? All I'm saying is that in all things we do in life, we normally approach with some sort of plan or strategy, why would you not do the same with dating???? What surprises me with most guys is how much they know about their cars, computers, and sports, but how little they know about women, that is why they get so frustrated with them.

    Now there is a possibility you misunderstood or misinterpreted my use of the phrase: Game recognizes Game. I'm from the Big City where things move fast and furious, and to those who are hip, it basically means to see through a persons true intentions.  Whatever method has worked for you then great! There is nothing wrong  with being yourself, but that is the same old lame nonsense the average square spouts.  If you do wish to give some real advice, you have do better than: My name is Dua Dua what is yours??? You must have some sort of strategy beyond that my friend.  Women do want it all, that is why they are so confusing to the average joe. Yes they do want a nice guy, but not all the time, sometimes they want passion, sometimes a friend, sometimes a bad boy, and sometimes Mr. Sensitive. Women like to be kept interested and explore all your sides, and you must be able to step into any of those roles when she needs it or else bye bye. I learned my lesson after the divorce and have finally understood what I was doing wrong.  Women want a nice guy with an edge, plain and simple,  Flowers, Candy, etc.... Is cool, but every so often you need to change things up a bit my friend.

       Dua Duas advice is not all bad, but let me tell you Dua Dua, spend more time getting the real 411 from the ladies instead of that Vogue or Cosmopolitan magazine stuff they print.  Why do you think 50 shades of Grey has been such a hit???? Because another woman had the guts to write about a subject that most women would not dare talk about to their husbands for fear of being judged. Carlito as you can tell by my moniker, I'm a massage therapist, and If I could print most of the stuff women tell me about men during some of those sessions, you would be shocked.  No need to play games my friend, I advocate honesty 100% Pero Honestamente Papi tienes que agarrar confianza y hechar palante, si quieres resultados nuevos hay que tener nueva estrategia. Tienes buena imagen hermano, sigue mi consejo y veras que encontraras esa chica especial Buena suerte hermano. Now Dua Dua sorry the advice I gave Carlito turned your stomach, but then again a little Peptobismol can take care of that 

@Dua Dua I don't go on dates it was just me saying that maybe I should be that way because I've been hurt a lot....I barely go out since I've been living in Puerto Rico, I have no friends here and don't know anybody I am living in a house with my parents at the moment it's a long story and it happened after my wife left me etc...I had lost my job and apartment all at the same time I hit rock bottom and could not find any work, my mother called one day and heard my situation and asked me to come here to get back on my feet..in which what was supposed to be 3 months turned into 4 dreadful years....the jobs are terrible here...if there are any openings they go to families of the workers and they don't want outsiders getting their jobs...so on top of that the crime here is bad so no one ventures out at night..etc..So that's my situation at the moment... Not so good. I've been single for 2 years.

Ohhhh I almost forgot Carlito. You are welcomed my friend.  My advice Carlito is tried and tested in the field amigo.  The advice I gave you is to use as you wish, some might not endorse or disagree with my methods and that is cool, different strokes for different folks.

         As far as the not look too desparate part when approaching, has nothing to do with the woman being shallow, If Dua Dua would have asked me to explain further rather than reaching for the Tums! I would have explained to him that women get approached everyday unlike men, so for the most part they have their guard up. It usually takes a few minutes to get them to lower that guard and possibly give you the chance to stick around and rap a bit more.  Now if she thinks you are desperate, that shield only gets stronger, since she is assuming your intentions might not be noble and henceforth....rejection. It had nothing to do with being shallow.

        As far as you being more attractive after the initial rejector now sees you talking with someone else, that is simply human nature my friend, now I'm not saying she is going to go gaga over you or anything extreme, but what it does is make her think that perhaps she misjudged you and in reality you are a great guy afterall.  If you want to test me on this Carlito do the following. Next time you go to a club, invite a female coworker, or a cousin, basically a nice looking girl who you are not interested in, a friend persay.  Once you are there simply chat, have cocktails and have a great time, but be sure to look around and see how many more looks you get from women as opposed to if you went to the club alone.  Test it out if you can and let me know what happens. Now I'm sure some folks will say the women who are looking are shallow or bad girls, but in reality all they will want to know is: who is that guy having all the fun and the lucky girl with him??? Ever notice as a child where there was a toy in the house which you no longer played with, but all of a sudden your neighbor came over and picked it up and then became interested in it again???

        My advice is based on behavioral science and psychology.  I'm not here to sell any books of my own, I'm not planning on giving any seminars and there will not be a DVD LoL.  I have been in a long distance relationship for 3 years and I'm very happy and hope to be spending longer terms in DR soon.  Guess how I keep my long distance relationship going???? By keeping it interesting my friend along with other strategies.  Don't come to the playing field without training.  Age is just a number, I have seen couples married 50+ years and still in love and how is that possible??? They keep things interesting and that gentleman adapts to whatever that sweet lady's needs are at the required moment.  Use the advice as you wish, I don't know why some folks might be upset at you dating multiple women??? How else would you know which one is right for you???? Dating and sleeping toguether are 2 different things, but you will have to go on a few dates to figure out who is right for you and who is not.  As far as dating sites, it is the same deal.  Thomas on here met and married his wife and seems happy to me, I'm sure Thomas had his share of good ones and bad ones, but that is the process to finding a good one.  If it was that easy, then there would be no need for what I have learned and what I'm sharing.  Take it slow, don't be afraid of rejection, and most of all lead with your mind first then your heart Carlito and you will do just fine

@ Massage Wiz  Muchas gracias por el consejo si es verdad yo no soy tan timido yo pase eso cuando joven digo que aveces no me pongo hablar o tirarme a las mujeres por que como te dije que si me dicen que "no" me siento abochornado o me voy y me olvido de ella......but I appreciate your advice again...

You got it Papa anytime I wish I had someone to advice me, but I had to go on some deep soul searching and schooling to get me to where I'm at now. Be sure to watch the series and you will see there was one guy so worried about getting rejected that he left the training camp on the first day! but let's keep it English before Planner the expert catches us  Love You Planner   LoL that little spanish bit was entre hermanos.  Check out the book and the Videos, it helped a lot to find the girl I'm with now.  The info contained in that book is like the Force in Star Wars, you can use it for Good   or Evil    JaJaJa use it for good my friend. Welcome to the Forums
Here is a link on Amazon. http://www.amazon.com/Sneak-Peek/dp/B00 … +up+artist

Project Free Tv no longer has it, but youtube, Netflix, or some online websites might have it available.

Wow Carlito just read your post on what hapoened after marriage and the situation in PR.  The same thing happed to me my friend. Either way, if you cant go out at night, there is plenty to do in the day.  I know just how you feel amigo.  I was in a dark place, but as they say in spanish: Un Clavo saca otro Clavo.  Trust me, one thing I learned from the book and the show is that almost everything a man does or achieves in life is  tied in to winning or mantaining the affection of a woman, that is why they say: Behind every successful man there is a woman. 

       Once you get back into the dating game, your entire outlook will change.  You sound like a great guy with a big heart, but you must also be careful with it.  There lots you can do during the day, my favorite place where I used to meet women was the library and the supermarket.  The reason Thomas and I suggested the dating sites was in order to get your confidence back, there is nothing better than a good dose of female attention to make you feel great.  Now don't send them money if the ask and don't give out your personal info.  They will give you all kind of sob stories in some cases, just tell them you don't have it to give and if they are true blue, they will stick around, if not they will move on and that is good.

         Once you realize that rejection is not such a big bad wolf, you will see a whole new world open up.  After a while I made rejection into a game, If I got rejected I would fine myself $10 dollars each time and put it away in a jar and not touch it til the end of the month, so the challenge was to not have any cash in that jar at all. Later on I made it more challenging by upping the stakes, that gave me the incentive to go out and give it a honest try.  Rejection is never personal, is simply that person not connecting with you at that moment, sometimes it could happen in a future meeting.  To be honest while here, have you said yes to every girl that came your way? Of course not, you simply did not connect with her and that is cool, not everyone will connect with everyone.
     
           So Carlito get out there and meet some ladies or online if possible and you will see your confidence grow in many ways and solely with women, once you start to give off that air of confidence, you will see a big turn around my friend. What does not kill us, makes us stronger. Grow Strong my friend.

@ Massage Wiz Jajaja  thank you man, you sound like a great guy also...I could tell man...and again I really appreciate everything you have told me...... Thank you my friend...

I just noticed we are all online but I need to sleep so I'll leave you to your guy talk.

@massage
I'm trying to function on a very tired brain so forgive me if I'm not making sense or fail to be polite.
Playing games-
In my opinion, taking a nice looking female friend out with the intention of getting noticed by others is a game.
Emphasis is on a persons intention.
If you are being told to do it and its not something you would do, your playing a game.
If you have a great time going out with your best friend and she's ugly, I'm guessing you would advise this man to leave her at home.
I have a female cousin that wanted to go to a gym supposedly to exercise.
I told her I have a male friend that would let her go as his guest.
She then asked what he looked like because she didn't want to be seen with a less than hot man, for fear that the hot guys would not approach her.
Sigh, my cousin is pretty and is also a horrible human being that uses people.
I didn't know how bad it was at the time but fast forward many years and after stealing from my dying gma that adored her, and rumors of prostitution so she could keep up her fancy clothes and finally get a man, and she did get a man that is 20some years older who I'm sure thinks she is great in bed since she had so much exp., and she will be nice enough until he gets old so she can have everything he owns.
Its true if your having fun people may notice, but just enjoy life and have fun, whether it be with a guy friend, your mom, or an ugly bff.
Now, for those that are like the male version of my cousin, looking for women way younger, that are hot, and wild in bed, then yes...do exactly what he says, and don't be sad if you discover she was using you.
Both are shallow in that case.
I love how men say age doesn't matter when they date a girl 20 years younger, but watch their face when you mention dating a woman 20 years older.
Everyone thinks younger is more attractive so women that are dating men that are way older are tolerating it because they want to be pampered.
Men don't seem to care too much. Die happy is the thought, I suppose.
I'm rambling. Sorry. I'm so sleepy.
Not appearing desperate-this again sounds like advice along the lines of don't call right away, wait x amt of days before you call.
If she's a nice girl with a good heart and she had a good time, she won't care if you call the next day.
Good girls do like nice men!
I don't want it all as far as material things go but to me a nice guy will be my best friend (if we are a couple), and who says a nice guy can't be passionate? But you can learn how to be what the other needs as the relationship progresses.
Yes, I find the men who party a lot amusing and entertaining at times but much like I have friends that drink and smoke, I keep them as friends, and would never consider them for a relationship.
I believe your advice works but I think its still bad and will attract the wrong type of woman.
However, based on what Carlito said, I got the impression he wanted a family and was done with clubbing.
No hard feelings, Massage. To each their own.
But I don't read those magazines.

@Carlito
Brother, you are blessed. Look at all these friends supporting you in your desire to find a lady.
2 years may feel like a long time but you needed that time to recover.
I'm so happy you are with your mother. No one loves you like your mother.
Do your best to take care of yourself and spend time doing things that make you happy, even if its just a "feel good" song.
Church maybe?
Or a nice walk or jog in a park
Volunteer work might be good.
You would think ppl doing volunteer work would be less likely to be gold diggers, but who knows in today's world.
:-)
May I pray for you?
Lord God,
My brother Carlito's story has touched my heart. You know his heart and the pain it has endured and you know his desires. Lord, it is becoming less common for a person to want marriage and to commit for pure reasons. I ask that you bless Carlito for desiring a good woman. Bless him for not taking advantage of women and for treating them kindly. Lord, heal his wounds. Give him the comfort that can only come from you. Remind him that You are in control, and that you are good. Give him hope and then guide him to a woman that will love him for who he is, will treat him and his mother well, and will be faithful to him. I pray that his wife will be his best friend.
Amen

@Dua Dua Thank you so much you're right I'm looking to settle down and I'm going to sleep myself...I wanted to say that prayer was beautiful and it touched my heart god bless you for even doing that for me...and I thank you so much for giving me great advice as well..I really wish you the best in all you do as well....thank you...

Buenas noches

Igual...

Yes Planner is back, small hand smack for the Spanish hombres.

And a lrage reminder this is the DR forum not about dating.  Lets stay on topic and relevant please.....

Later i will tell the story from a female expat point of view!

By the way, I find it interesting that Dua Dua is not from here nor lives here. So lets keep this on topic, about the DR, about dating here if you want but not about dating in general!  This is not a dating site...... ok.  carry on....

Ok Planner! We got the hint no need to be so rude, with the smacking comments and hombre crap...I was new here and people were just being nice to me...don't worry this will be my last post. I only came to make a comment anyway.

Good Morning Dua Dua it seems we will have to agree to disagree and as per planner this is not a dating site, now as far of taking it personal I'm not, I just don't like people taking my words and putting their own spin on it as you have done twice.  If you are not clear on something I wrote, then just ask me to elaborate.

             Now let me clear up once again what I wrote to Carlito.  The experiment on taking the female with him to see what happens, was simply a test in human behavior, I did not advice him to pick up anyone by doing this at no point in time.  As far as age being a number, did you stop to consider perhaps these older gentlemen might want kids of their own??? You mentioned you did not have kids, and you are 40 something as per your post, are you meaning to tell me you are going to look for a 60!year to bear your children???? It seems you are making lots of assumption on my words without really knowing where I'm coming from. Now as far as the desperate thing and calling, once again you are throwing something into the mix which I never even advised, where in my post did I tell Carlito to wait 3 days to call someone??? I would never do that.  All I said was, women get approached a whole lot daily and at times do put up the: The I do not want to be bothered shield.  You are more likely to get a chance to sit and chat a bit more, once she does not feel threatened by your initial introduction, it is as simple as that. 

         For the sake of keeping it real as I like to say Dua Dua, when you are looking to meet someone, what draws you to that person initially??? Is it not something you see about them which draws you in first? You will not know anything about the heart until you begin to spend quality time with that person, but you cannot sit here and honestly tell me you sat in your pew and was drawn to her heart??? If that is what you are saying, then I must call you out on that one.  As humans we are initially drawn in by what we see, plain and simple, that is what sparks the initial meeting, from there on depending on how things play out, something greater might ensue or not. Nice women come in all shapes and sizes, what is beatiful to one person, might not suit someone else, ask anyone who initially met their mate face to face as opposed to a computer, what drew them to that person?  Heck even on the pc people post the most flattering picture they can in hopes to get some hits on their profile, I did not make the rules amigo, it is what it is.  99.9999999999 times you will get something visual as the initial factor which sparked that meeting, later on you will get all the other elements which down the line which contribute to falling in love.  Looks are not everything, I will agree with that 100% but in most cases we make our initial choice on the person's appearance or how they carry themselves.
       The prayer you wrote for Carlito is a good thing and prayer is always welcomed, but even prayer without action is tantamount to wishing on a star and waiting for something to happen. The good Lord said he will help those who help themselves.  I can pray to get a good grade on my math exam, but if I did not study.............well we all know how that one ends.  I guess we do agree on something afterall.  The prayer was solid, no argument from me on that one.  By the way Dua Dua since you stumbled on to this post by accident as you said.......   you should introduce yourself on the introduce yourself post for all of us to get to know you.  No hard feelings, but if you are going to comment on something I wrote, ask for clarification first before spinning what I wrote and we will get along just fine.   Good day Ladies and Gentlemen.  I will leave the topic here since I do not want to risk the wrath of the planner 

Now how do I delete myself from here...instructions would be helpful thank you..

Carlito, planner was just playing, she has a great sense of humor, that was not personal at all, she is a good Soul.  No need to go my friend, please stay and learn, there is a good bunch of folks here.  Hang out and if you feel like posting or simply being an observer you are welcomed 100% as you spend time you will see some fun banter between some of us.  As you see, I like to mention her in many of my posts She is the mama Bear that keeps all the naughty boys on the forum in line! She is a really good person, so I welcome you to stay and contribute. Your advice was probably helpful to someone else.  Me and Dua Dua are not battling at all, he is obviously coming from a different place than I am, but I can't sit and let someone else explain what I wrote especially if they did not get it right.  Hang out Carlito and get to know the folks here,

Thanks Massage, I was about to respond. Sorry honey, I have a dry sense of humor and I was playing. Please do not leave.  You seem like a nice guy, we really do want to help.

Well now I want to respond but am not sure if I can.
I'm still working on very little sleep so forgive me.
@Carlito
I rushed off last night but I wanted to say you are welcome. Any time you are struggling, please feel free to contact me and even if my advice is wrong, my prayers are good 
And I agree with MW (massagewiz)-stay.

@planner
I just accepted your contact request and now I read this.
Are you insinuating I'm here for dating?
Well people will believe what they want but let me say I joined expat to get info on another country.
That forum is quite dead and few really talk vs. just give a quick answer.
When I log in-i get a listing of the happenings in the USA.
I saw someone's post on this topic highlighted, found it interesting and since I couldn't sleep, I joined in.
I was actually pleased that you allow topics to veer off into other helpful areas since the original poster got the info he needed and has moved on.
I'm sorry. Should I only be posting in my state in the USA, or my future location?
Can't wait to hear your story.

@MW
You are right. I thought your "experiment" was to help him meet a lady.
I thought that was the point of your post.
Am I the only one that thought that?
I didn't ask because it did seem clear.
I thought I was careful to indicate that your comment about desperation seemed to be along the lines of not calling right away.

I don't know-its an act to me.
My opinion only.
I think if you have something you are insecure about and want to change, then work on it but in a honest way.

As far as what draws me...i don't know that I'm drawn in until I see their heart.
I meet people throughout my day/life and talk to them because this life is about our experiences with others.
I see pretty people, plain people, and some that aren't as blessed as others.
I give everyone a chance that approaches me a friend unless they seem straight up cray cray.
The relationship develops after I know them.

And I'm not catholic so maybe its in the catholic version of the bible but I don't recall God ever saying that.
I would love to have a reference.
It sounds like human logic to me.
Humans also tend to believe you need to drive a car before you buy it.
Its true you should study for a test but this is a different matter.
Sometimes prayer and belief are all you have the strength for.

Now let me end by giving you well deserved compliments.
I think its wonderful that you take the time to give such caring and lengthy responses to our brother.
I applaud you for encouraging him, building his confidence and letting him know he has value.
This forum, and your posts have impressed me, even if I don't agree with everything.
I'm happy to know you, brother.
I will introduce myself but I really don't belong here so it may be removed.

I am the moderator of the forums for the Dominican Republic. As such one of my jobs is to keep this ON topic of the Dominican Republic. I don't apologize for that.

You did make a comment regarding being single and available for him. So, I extrapolated.   

As you do not live here, nor do you date here,  then I have to question how much you understand about expats dating Dominican women! 

In addition, we don't allow religious discussions,  just so everyone knows.

You are more then welcome to stay, to participate etc as long as we all understand the rules! 

Ouch!
@planner
I'm tired so perhaps I missed it.
When/where did I say I was single and available for him?
I mentioned he could contact me after your post, so you couldn't have been referring to that.
Many people on expat tell me to contact them by pm if I need anything so I'm not sure why you would make assumptions when I offer help.
I also called him brother many times and advised him to find someone local.
I don't understand why you are getting on me?
Many ppl shared exp. of dating with Vietnamese, Venezuelan, or even exp. of clubbing in the states.
So my advice was no more inappropriate than others.
As far as the religion- I didn't know that rule.
God is everything in my life so it comes out in my speech but until now no one has told me it wasn't allowed.
I will try to watch that.
Why did you send me a contact request?
So much for feeling welcome.

I think the solution lies within massagewiz and duadua. Its a sweet combination.

Massagewiz's advice - you will get a better understanding of human behaviour. It will help you relate to people. It will make it easy to meet people in general. It will show you a side of you that you knew was there all along.

Dua dua's advice - Just adding to it. "Be yourself". I say be your be your best self. We all have failts and insecurities. Knowing your strenghts and weaknesses will point us in the direction we need to go.

Overall, develop yourself. Be the best you. Give your gift to people and live life on your own terms. Become the person you want to be with. Enrich the lives of people you interact with even if it is for a short moment. Leave them better than what they were before they met you.

People can sense the real you no matter what you do or how you portray yourself. We can never hide from that.

By being the best you, people will always see the real you.

Do the things that excite you, without hesitation. Women will be there. They're everywhere. Its an instant connection when you have something in common. You'll be talking about the things you are passionate about. You will never run out of things to say.

Dua dua I will respond to you in private.

No hard feelings Dua Dua you are definitely welcomed here on the forum and as Haroldiño said, the combination of both our advices creates a balanced scenario.  I say let's shake on it and call a truce Thanks for introducing yourself.  I think Carlito saw it the same way, he probably took some of what you offered, along with my offerings and I think he will take it from there. I must say I'm also impressed with you taking the time to offer some counsel, that means there are still plenty of good people out there willing to help others, and that is a good thing.

@wiz
Agreed brother

Sorry but I'm too outspoken to let this go:
@planner
I know you apologized in pm to me but did i seriously just read a post from you that said YOU are
"single and taking applications"?
As well as one in response to a man that was clearly seeking a woman to date, that invited him to cook for you?

And you have the audacity to remind others its not a dating site, to stay on topic, and tell me I said I was single and available..
Which was false.

If that's not being hypocritical, I'm not sure what is.
I was so vague even my gender was not clear to all, and I don't post my pic for a reason.

I was touched by your pm with apology and your reasoning of being hard on the new members but what am I to think now?
After all, I wasn't the only new member making posts that were off topic or inappropriate.

Sigh

Hello all

We are falling off track on this thread! I kindly invite all to come back to the initial post - Getting Married to a dominican girl, what are the rights of the foreigner man?

Do not hesitate to create a new thread if all has been said on this one, and you need other clarifications.

Regards
Kenjee
Expat.com Team

Snd they have been dealt with. This is all about context. I am done with this conversation.