Looking for advice or opinions about a girlfriend.

aibiet150204 wrote:

I was actually being sarcastic (you know, Howie is not on this blog for funny stories any more!). Anyway, many thanks for your clarification. Don't get me wrong, and I'm not rich (in term of money!) but if a guy can ONLY offer me $1,000 per month and ask me to stay at home to take care of the house, I need to think twice to see if I can agree. I believe in (although very) few circumstances, money cannot buy things, especially enjoyment & hapiness. I have to admit that $1,000 can buy a lot of thing! Oh dang, maybe if a guy offer me $1,001, I would accept - lol

Glad we got all that clarified. As I said before, I'm not recommending any certain amount. Everyone is different, and I've known guys who allowed their girl as much as $3000 / month or more. Personally, I think that's crazy, given that many expats here don't make that much in one month, but hey, to each his own. I guess if I was filthy rich and had a great girl I really love, maybe I'd give her that much also.

saigonmonkey wrote:

aibiet150204 wrote:

I was actually being sarcastic (you know, Howie is not on this blog for funny stories any more!). Anyway, many thanks for your clarification. Don't get me wrong, and I'm not rich (in term of money!) but if a guy can ONLY offer me $1,000 per month and ask me to stay at home to take care of the house, I need to think twice to see if I can agree. I believe in (although very) few circumstances, money cannot buy things, especially enjoyment & hapiness. I have to admit that $1,000 can buy a lot of thing! Oh dang, maybe if a guy offer me $1,001, I would accept - lol

Glad we got all that clarified. As I said before, I'm not recommending any certain amount. Everyone is different, and I've known guys who allowed their girl as much as $3000 / month or more. Personally, I think that's crazy, given that many expats here don't make that much in one month, but hey, to each his own. I guess if I was filthy rich and had a great girl I really love, maybe I'd give her that much also.

Sorry for off-topic, Saigonmonkey, $3,000 sounds a lot if the guy gives his girl just for her own expenses and I doubt if that girl is just only his girlfriend, you know, a WIFE is totally different, at least in my thoughts; but hey, you can introduce me to these guys just make sure he's not "mentally sick" - well, again, metally sick because of love is different to me.

Ayden's_mom wrote:

So much to read 

For me, 20 yrs old is just too young to keep their mind & heart for one person if there are plenty flirting guys around and of course they have more chance then you who live abroad and not really know the very "common" behavior of ladies, girls here in general.

Re-reading you post and here are 2 questions of the day:
Would you really trust 100% of her words, how was her react when some other guys involved between you two?

Take some days off and recall all the texts, mails between you guys and try to find one good reason that makes you want to visit her in Dec, if not then no hurry.

The word "i love you" is easy to say and it could be said 10 times a day BUT whether they meant it or just feel like saying to make you happy. Its needed to be proved by act as well.

I'm not sure how long you've been in this online relationship but i hope you will keep your eyes wide enough to see though herself by her acts.

Cheers.

Thank you. Good questions. In the beginning I would have trusted her close to 100%, but now I am not sure. Trust is very important in any relationship including friendship. It's hard for me to really know anything about her true reaction when other guys are in the picture since I am not with her every day.

In the end I know it is not a good idea to meet her and I am not sure if she really would have met me in December. When she first asked me to give her an allowance she told me I could trust her and she would not run away or hide from me. This made me even more cautious. So it's time for me to move on. Take care.

I would like to give a big heartfelt thanks to saigonmonkey, eodmatt, WillyBaldy, MIA2013, and most especially to bclindsey for 43 years of marriage. It is really nice to read about the good experiences too.  Thank you, Dejavu.dot for suggesting it. I also like the idea of an allowance for both. One thing I noticed is that everyone had met and spent time dating their girlfriends first. So trust was built up during the beginning of the relationship. It sounds like the men were the ones who offered to give their girlfriends an allowance and not the other way around.

I realize it takes time to build up any relationship. It takes even longer when two people live in different countries. It will require lots of time meeting each other and spending time together for both people to get to know more about each other. As of now, I would rather make friends to meet and get to know. If anything more happens great and if not I may just have a really good friend.

So please talk about your positive experiences too. Thank you.

Heres an update to my situation. I still kept in touch with her, but not as much as before. Maybe I was hoping she would prove me wrong about what I felt was going on. Previously she told me she had posted my picture on her facebook page and wrote she was in a relationship. She said she received some good comments and some bad comments from her friends. One of the bad comments had something to do with me having money.

Yesterday I received a message from her asking me if I could send her money by 8/24. So I asked why she needed it by that date. I also suggested we should add each other on facebook. I did not hear anything back from her. I chatted with her for a little and nothing else was mentioned.

This morning I received another message that she had created a new facebook page and wanted to add me. She said she had deleted her relationship status on her other facebook page and also unfriended 20 people. I dont really understand the need to have more than one facebook page unless you have something to hide.

Dejavu.dot wrote:

If so we shouldnt apply our standards on the other people like " All Viet men get married with ladies who have a job". Have you made any survey to prove what you said? I strongly feel you considered jobless ladies cheap. Housewife is a job! You think if it's easy? Dont you know that Japan government has to pay for housewives by extracting their husbands'tax payment? If they go to work like you, do you think you will be more successful and earn more money?

1. I dont know how long have you been here, if I am not wrong, just some years! I've lived here for 32 years , and I have many friends here .

2. I was housewife in 3 years, while I was studying to get Master degree. So, I knew already about this job!

3. Do you know, nowadays, many Korean and Japanese women dont want to get married soon?

I think if someone has a job before she get married, it means she is quite independent. After getting married, she can stay home to take care family. It's her choice, noone has the right to judge her.
Unfortunately, once day if her husband had problems with his health, and he could not make money anymore, she can back to work easier than the one who never work. Nobody is sure about the future...
That's what I though, maybe it's not like you .

robert_jpop wrote:

This morning I received another message that she had created a new facebook page and wanted to add me. She said she had deleted her relationship status on her other facebook page and also unfriended 20 people. I dont really understand the need to have more than one facebook page unless you have something to hide.

If I were you, I dont need to think so much to stop this relationship! You waste your time, dear...


.

robert_jpop wrote:

Yesterday I received a message from her asking me if I could send her money by 8/24.

Tell her you have USD$5000 for her but you are stuck in transit in Singapore, that you don't have access to your bank account from Singapore and that she'll need to send $200 to you through Western Union to allow you to get to Vietnam to give her the $5000. Scam the scammer!

PS: This is based on a recent true story, happened to a female friend in Saigon... she was dating this "English guy" (with a suspiciously Indian accent) online for a few months, he was then supposed to visit her and she got this call from Singapore... he was stuck in transit, needed money...

Thank you ngattt and WillyBaldy.

I had already decided what to do, but I didn't tell her. Now she knows. I just wanted to see how far it would go and now I know.

WillyBaldy, it was a nice idea. I rather take the high road. It's sad these things have to happen. I am happy it's over and done with.

Thank you to everyone who posted here. Take care!

robert_jpop wrote:

WillyBaldy, it was a nice idea. I rather take the high road. It's sad these things have to happen. I am happy it's over and done with.

I was just being sarcastic, that's a good thing you didn't do it! 

robert_jpop wrote:

Thank you ngattt and WillyBaldy.

WillyBaldy, it was a nice idea. I rather take the high road. It's sad these things have to happen. I am happy it's over and done with.

Omg, dont do it ! You want some girls go to this forum and post something like this: a cheated girl with foreigner.
And maybe your picture will post here or it is shared on FB (if she already had your pictures!).
Pls, spend your time to find another girl! If you want, I will introduce to you some young girls , they are my students, cant speak English, dont have any experiences with man , not beautiful but pretty

Why would anyone give a girlfriend an allowance? The first time a woman suggested that I give her money the relationship would be over. People are fooling themselves by thinking giving money is part of being in a relationship here. Do you think Viet guys give a girl an allowance when they are dating? Now, if you're an older guy dating a younger girl and have an  "understanding", that's a little different, and not a true relationship either. In my 15 years of living and traveling here I seen very few relationship work out between a foreigner and Viet girl. Mostly because there was no real love or attraction there to begin with, just one desperate person wanting companionship and one wanting money.

Adhome01 wrote:

Why would anyone give a girlfriend an allowance? The first time a woman suggested that I give her money the relationship would be over. People are fooling themselves by thinking giving money is part of being in a relationship here. Do you think Viet guys give a girl an allowance when they are dating? Now, if you're an older guy dating a younger girl and have an  "understanding", that's a little different, and not a true relationship either. In my 15 years of living and traveling here I seen very few relationship work out between a foreigner and Viet girl. Mostly because there was no real love or attraction there to begin with, just one desperate person wanting companionship and one wanting money.

Agree,  I can't believe some of these guys.  IMO it's an old guy paying "don't leave me sweetie" money.  Turn it around......If you met a girl back home and she moved in with you , and you pay for everything. THEN she expected an allowance that was 10 TIMES what she used to earn ???WTF , and she has nothing to spend it on, since you are picking up the Tab on everything .  Crazy stuff

Amazing what a pretty smile and nice ass will get.  And that's all it is.   These old dopes say they are here for the cultural exchange.....ha ha ha.. You don't see too many guys in the depths of Africa marrying short fat Pygmy woman with a bone through her nose., and throwing cash at them...huh .  That's culture. Wonder what the difference is?????

Yogi007 wrote:

Adhome01 wrote:

Why would anyone give a girlfriend an allowance? The first time a woman suggested that I give her money the relationship would be over. People are fooling themselves by thinking giving money is part of being in a relationship here. Do you think Viet guys give a girl an allowance when they are dating? Now, if you're an older guy dating a younger girl and have an  "understanding", that's a little different, and not a true relationship either. In my 15 years of living and traveling here I seen very few relationship work out between a foreigner and Viet girl. Mostly because there was no real love or attraction there to begin with, just one desperate person wanting companionship and one wanting money.

Agree,  I can't believe some of these guys.  IMO it's an old guy paying "don't leave me sweetie" money.  Turn it around......If you met a girl back home and she moved in with you , and you pay for everything. THEN she expected an allowance that was 10 TIMES what she used to earn ???WTF , and she has nothing to spend it on, since you are picking up the Tab on everything .  Crazy stuff

Amazing what a pretty smile and nice ass will get.  And that's all it is.   These old dopes say they are here for the cultural exchange.....ha ha ha.. You don't see too many guys in the depths of Africa marrying short fat Pygmy woman with a bone through her nose., and throwing cash at them...huh .  That's culture. Wonder what the difference is?????

If they were smart they'd get a gf that had a foreigner sending her money. I had one a few years ago and we traveled all over the place on his dime. If the guys only knew what was going on when they're not here. They think by visiting here a few weeks a year and chatting on the internet they're in a real relationship. Meanwhile the girl at bragging to their friends about how stupid they are and spending their money on junk. You'd think they'd feel quality or at least appreciative, but they don't. They just think some old stupid foreigner has more money than smarts.

Yogi007 wrote:

Adhome01 wrote:

Why would anyone give a girlfriend an allowance? The first time a woman suggested that I give her money the relationship would be over. People are fooling themselves by thinking giving money is part of being in a relationship here. Do you think Viet guys give a girl an allowance when they are dating? Now, if you're an older guy dating a younger girl and have an  "understanding", that's a little different, and not a true relationship either. In my 15 years of living and traveling here I seen very few relationship work out between a foreigner and Viet girl. Mostly because there was no real love or attraction there to begin with, just one desperate person wanting companionship and one wanting money.

Agree,  I can't believe some of these guys.  IMO it's an old guy paying "don't leave me sweetie" money.  Turn it around......If you met a girl back home and she moved in with you , and you pay for everything. THEN she expected an allowance that was 10 TIMES what she used to earn ???WTF , and she has nothing to spend it on, since you are picking up the Tab on everything .  Crazy stuff

Amazing what a pretty smile and nice ass will get.  And that's all it is.   These old dopes say they are here for the cultural exchange.....ha ha ha.. You don't see too many guys in the depths of Africa marrying short fat Pygmy woman with a bone through her nose., and throwing cash at them...huh .  That's culture. Wonder what the difference is?????

Sorry guys... I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. I was married in the States for 20 years to a white woman. Never gave her an allowance, but I'll guaran-damn-tee you she spent more of my money every month than any amount of allowance given to women over here. The purpose of the allowance is to keep the spending under control, while still making the girl think she's being "taken care" of.  You cannot apply western standards and customs here. Yes, there are many girls here who want to be independent and not need an allowance, but those same girls also have jobs 99.9% of the time. If you meet a girl who's not working and doesn't ask for money, she's likely a player who has an overseas boyfriend sending her money. I want my wife to stay home and take care of the house and the family. That's a legitimate job in my book, and should be compensated as such. And I have no doubt my wife really loves me.

ngattt wrote:

1. I dont know how long have you been here, if I am not wrong, just some years! I've lived here for 32 years , and I have many friends here .

2. I was housewife in 3 years, while I was studying to get Master degree. So, I knew already about this job!

3. Do you know, nowadays, many Korean and Japanese women dont want to get married soon?

I think if someone has a job before she get married, it means she is quite independent. After getting married, she can stay home to take care family. It's her choice, noone has the right to judge her.
Unfortunately, once day if her husband had problems with his health, and he could not make money anymore, she can back to work easier than the one who never work. Nobody is sure about the future...
That's what I though, maybe it's not like you

I am sorry Robert for not discussing sth not the topic you want!

1. Age isnt anything for me. It is just a number. From your comments, I understand you are still younger.
2. you used to be a housewife but you doesn't understand it
3. You didnt understand what I mean
You are just trying to win the discussion instead of discussing about it.

saigonmonkey wrote:

Yogi007 wrote:

Adhome01 wrote:

Why would anyone give a girlfriend an allowance? The first time a woman suggested that I give her money the relationship would be over. People are fooling themselves by thinking giving money is part of being in a relationship here. Do you think Viet guys give a girl an allowance when they are dating? Now, if you're an older guy dating a younger girl and have an  "understanding", that's a little different, and not a true relationship either. In my 15 years of living and traveling here I seen very few relationship work out between a foreigner and Viet girl. Mostly because there was no real love or attraction there to begin with, just one desperate person wanting companionship and one wanting money.

Agree,  I can't believe some of these guys.  IMO it's an old guy paying "don't leave me sweetie" money.  Turn it around......If you met a girl back home and she moved in with you , and you pay for everything. THEN she expected an allowance that was 10 TIMES what she used to earn ???WTF , and she has nothing to spend it on, since you are picking up the Tab on everything .  Crazy stuff

Amazing what a pretty smile and nice ass will get.  And that's all it is.   These old dopes say they are here for the cultural exchange.....ha ha ha.. You don't see too many guys in the depths of Africa marrying short fat Pygmy woman with a bone through her nose., and throwing cash at them...huh .  That's culture. Wonder what the difference is?????

Sorry guys... I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. I was married in the States for 20 years to a white woman. Never gave her an allowance, but I'll guaran-damn-tee you she spent more of my money every month than any amount of allowance given to women over here. The purpose of the allowance is to keep the spending under control, while still making the girl think she's being "taken care" of.  You cannot apply western standards and customs here. Yes, there are many girls here who want to be independent and not need an allowance, but those same girls also have jobs 99.9% of the time. If you meet a girl who's not working and doesn't ask for money, she's likely a player who has an overseas boyfriend sending her money. I want my wife to stay home and take care of the house and the family. That's a legitimate job in my book, and should be compensated as such. And I have no doubt my wife really loves me.

I looks like you paid for your white wife the same as you're paying your Viet wife, just in different ways. Same/same but different. .

Adhome01 wrote:

I looks like you paid for your white wife the same as you're paying your Viet wife, just in different ways. Same/same but different. .

First of all, if you read all my posts, you'll see that my current wife isn't even Vietnamese - she's Chinese. Secondly, my point is we're all "paying for it", one way or another, one amount or another. Why not formalize the situation with a fixed allowance, so we know exactly how much we're paying? My current wife is a bargain, compared to my former wife, whose spending was out of control to the point we were severely in debt and living paycheck to paycheck. I have zero debt now, plenty of money every month, and saving the leftovers from the "Ours" pot.  So yes, maybe "same/same but different". Whatever... It works for me.

Dejavu.dot wrote:

I am sorry Robert for not discussing sth not the topic you want!

1. Age isnt anything for me. It is just a number. From your comments, I understand you are still younger.
2. you used to be a housewife but you doesn't understand it
3. You didnt understand what I mean
You are just trying to win the discussion instead of discussing about it.

Ok, pls talk to me, what did you mean? Today I have class at noon and I have Toeic exam in evening, but I still read this topic .

I never argue with anyone, so maybe I dont have many experiences. I was reading in many Vietnamese forum, I never comment to argue with anybody . Just read to understand what people think about life. But when I come here, I'm trying to improve my English, so I want to write something (although it takes more 3 times to write). And I really want to understand what you guys mean! If I can not understand, it means I must study harder and harder.

I think there's a big difference between giving your wife an allowance versus your girlfriend.  First off, the money you "give" your wife is technically hers to begin with, at least partially.  Second, presumably a wife is using the money for the betterment of your home life, even if that means some personal item for herself.  If she's not, the allowance isn't the issue.

On the other hand, perhaps a girlfriend does so much for you that giving her an allowance may seem like a bargain (as opposed to hiring a maid, cook, secretary, and other (use your imagination)).  Nothing wrong with that either.  Giving her money strictly because she's young and sexy and you're not?  Yeah, no thanks.

As I recall, my dad used to give my mom money from his paycheck, based on the budget.  After all, she stayed at home and took care of three kids.  What was she supposed to do if she needed to buy things?




.

DanFromSF wrote:

On the other hand, perhaps a girlfriend does so much for you that giving her an allowance may seem like a bargain (as opposed to hiring a maid, cook, secretary, and other (use your imagination)).  Nothing wrong with that either.  Giving her money strictly because she's young and sexy and you're not?  Yeah, no thanks.

This is exactly where I'm coming from...

And if she's doing all those things AND is young and sexy, well, that's just a bonus, isn't it?

Dan is right - anyone who gives a girl money who is only young and sexy but otherwise does absolutely nothing but sleep, eat, and provide the occasional sexual favors doesn't have a girlfriend. He has a live-in prostitute.

@ Yogi007

You posted: "Amazing what a pretty smile and nice ass will get.  And that's all it is.   These old dopes say they are here for the cultural exchange.....ha ha ha.. You don't see too many guys in the depths of Africa marrying short fat Pygmy woman with a bone through her nose., and throwing cash at them...huh .  That's culture. Wonder what the difference is?????"

What you mean is that you have no experience of guys in the depths of Africa. In fact i know many people who have married African women. Not necessarily short fat pygmy women with bones through their noses. But then there are actually comparatively very few of them and they usually come from small tribes which do not interface much with the outside world. I have travelled extensively in Africa and have never seen a woman with a bone through her nose, except on TV and if I remember correctly the one I saw on TV was actually from a South American pygmy tribe.

You can hardly compare such small tribal resources, where very few westerners have any need to go unless they are NGO workers or anthropologists, with the whole of Asia where many westerners live and work!

Matt, I'm guessing Yogi007 was using hyperbole to express his point.

saigonmonkey wrote:

DanFromSF wrote:

On the other hand, perhaps a girlfriend does so much for you that giving her an allowance may seem like a bargain (as opposed to hiring a maid, cook, secretary, and other (use your imagination)).  Nothing wrong with that either.  Giving her money strictly because she's young and sexy and you're not?  Yeah, no thanks.

This is exactly where I'm coming from...

And if she's doing all those things AND is young and sexy, well, that's just a bonus, isn't it?

Dan is right - anyone who gives a girl money who is only young and sexy but otherwise does absolutely nothing but sleep, eat, and provide the occasional sexual favors doesn't have a girlfriend. He has a live-in prostitute.

Heh, you just reminded me.... 14 years ago in the bar of the Rex hotel, Vung Tau, a hoary old Texas oilfield engineer gave me some advice regarding the local bar ladies (of which there were quite a few). He took a long swig of his beer and said "My advice to you, young Matt, is to keep it commercial".

eodmatt wrote:

He took a long swig of his beer and said "My advice to you, young Matt, is to keep it commercial".

That's great!  I LOL'd!

DanFromSF wrote:

Matt, I'm guessing Yogi007 was using hyperbole to express his point.

I guess so too, but some Vietnamese who read his post may well be scratching their heads and asking Gi? (sorry cant do accents on this machine).

Are you crazy, they havent even met yet and this girl is telling him that she loves him. Its fantasy. Most Vietgirls say that they love you after 5 minutes together. Its pure ribbish and forgiener should know this, unless his compleatly stupis.

Tom mac loan wrote:

Are you crazy, they havent even met yet and this girl is telling him that she loves him. Its fantasy. Most Vietgirls say that they love you after 5 minutes together. Its pure ribbish and forgiener should know this, unless his compleatly stupis.

The course of true love often does not run smooth 

zanchun wrote:

In my opinion, i never believe in online-love. You cannot know each other clearly just via chatting, emails. People can hide their bad sides, only show you good sides.

In your story, I think the girl is still too young to know really what love is. If it is possible, I think you should fly to Vietnam to visit her. 

I'll second that with txting, it all sounds so familiar I thought i had met the girl of my dreams, the last time we met she comes out with " I could hurt you" WHAT? right back in the beginning, when I told how I felt, she said she wasn,t even thinking if having a boyfriend, especially a foriegn one, BUMMER oh well at least I found that out before I got there and decided to have a good time anyway. In our latest email, she tells me she's been in a relationship for a while the next mail has her smooched into some dudes chest and guess what ..... yup, he's a westerner, This is one dude who is going to be VERY careful with VN girls, just so much jealousey,envy snooping, spending and mis-constueing the truth and playing games, having said this I still love the people and country

A viet girl saying i love you is so cheep. It dont mean i love you, it means can you spend some money on me. Talk is cheep, if you had to pay for it , there wouldent be a lot said. Im surprised that this girl dident have the sence to waite untill December untill she met him, played her role as she has fallen madley in love with him ( oscar winning performance ) then hit him right between the eyes, when his all loved up and then asked about some monthly up keep. Shes not a pro yet, but give her time.

Tom mac loan wrote:

A viet girl saying i love you is so cheep. It dont mean i love you, it means can you spend some money on me. Talk is cheep, if you had to pay for it , there wouldent be a lot said. Im surprised that this girl dident have the sence to waite untill December untill she met him, played her role as she has fallen madley in love with him ( oscar winning performance ) then hit him right between the eyes, when his all loved up and then asked about some monthly up keep. Shes not a pro yet, but give her time.

I'm guessing he was one of many men she was talking with. She probably has one or more already hooked and sending her money. It sounds like she didn't have much time to mess with this one and just flat out asked for the money just to see what would happen. She definitely sounds like she knows what she's doing and could have easily milked this one for all he had if she took her time.

The vast majority of Viet girls on dating sites are looking to scam foreigners. I don't blame them, look how easy it is for them. You have guys on there rationalizing how it's ok to give money to their Viet girlfriend they hardly know. Some have never even met them or only spent a few weeks with them. Not to mention they know little of the actual culture and nothing of the language. The girls speak their "baby talk" broken English and the foreign men think this equates to innocents. The truth is these girls are very smart and know exactly what they are doing. They've learned from watching other girls doing the same thing and have honed their skills practicing on men of their own. Like I said, I don't blame the girls, they've found an easy way to make a lot of money.

Lol. It all happened when I was feeling lonely and desperate. One day I found my soul mate online. I knew she was the one. Who needs to meet?...

Are there really guys who would give money before meeting the girl? Do these girls ever have to provide additional services (use your imagination here) to these guys when they meet or do they find an excuse to avoid the physical contact? I mean the ones who do eventually meet or maybe they just might disappear on those guys.

robert_jpop wrote:

Lol. It all happened when I was feeling lonely and desperate. One day I found my soul mate online. I know she was the one. Who needs to meet?...

Are there really guys who would give money before meeting the girl? Do these girls ever have to provide additional services (use your imagination here) to these guys when they meet? I mean the ones who do eventually meet or maybe they might  disappear on those guys.

Some don't provide anything when meeting. They claim they are waiting for marriage or until they get to know them better. Some do get closer just to bring them in deeper. It's also common for girls to give their phones to other girls or their boyfriends to continue texting while they're busy. They can do this because there is usually nothing specific being talked about. Just a bunch of high school lovey-dovey stuff over and over again. I mean, what can you really talk about with someone that doesn't speak your language and you have nothing in common with?

Adhome01 wrote:

robert_jpop wrote:

Lol. It all happened when I was feeling lonely and desperate. One day I found my soul mate online. I know she was the one. Who needs to meet?...

Are there really guys who would give money before meeting the girl? Do these girls ever have to provide additional services (use your imagination here) to these guys when they meet? I mean the ones who do eventually meet or maybe they might  disappear on those guys.

Some don't provide anything when meeting. They claim they are waiting for marriage or until they get to know them better. Some do get closer just to bring them in deeper. It's also common for girls to give their phones to other girls or their boyfriends to continue texting while they're busy. They can do this because there is usually nothing specific being talked about. Just a bunch of high school lovey-dovey stuff over and over again. I mean, what can you really talk about with someone that doesn't speak your language and you have nothing in common with?

Adhome, you may be surprised I'm agreeing with you, but you're absolutely right. Those who read this forum who have zero experience with Vietnam and Vietnamese girls need to follow your advice more than mine. I do not recommend for anyone to do what I do (the monthly allowance thing) until they are experienced with many different women, and know they can trust the one they're currently with.  We could actually start a whole 'nother thread outlining the tell-tale signs of trust or non-trust to watch for. Watching their phone behavior is a good place to start, and it's not hard to do, if you know what you're doing.

By "before meeting the girl" you mean meeting "in person" right? Because nowadays many people often "meet" each other via skype/facetime. Once there was a guy in Canada offered to send me money for our trip together in Vietnam after we skyped a few times. And fyi, I didn't provide any additional services. Video chat is a good way to figure out if the other person is "real" or not, if you're both available at the same time that is. I suggest you should ask for their skype id after exchanging the first few messages and plan a video call sometime later. Just to clarify. Remember to keep it nice and polite, don't "Lemme see you! Lemme see you!!!" ))) And then if you're still interested, you can continue chatting/texting/whatever.

Okay so I've been reading another Vietnamese forum where good girls (if that's how you call non-bar girls) are discussing how to get Western boyfriends and this is how I would summarize them:
- They're employed and have a decent job, sick of Viet guys who are couldn't take care of themselves and don't treat women right. Tho the group of girls who speak English fluently appear to be busier; hence, less time to socialize.
- Many of them choose dating websites to get to know foreign guys because they think most foreigners in town are all back-packers, only look for sex-partners/ short term dating, don't plan to have a serious relationship.
- The older ones are more ready for a marriage, while the younger ones only need a boyfriend. I guess this is true anywhere XD
- It's quite common that some people bring pens, notebooks, dictionary to their dates because their English is not good enough for conversation.
This is just my personal observation. Hope this helps.

msanh215 wrote:

Video chat is a good way to figure out if the other person is "real" or not, if you're both available at the same time that is.

Be careful with video chat if you use mobile ! When you use camera 360, you really more beautiful . Sometime I took a picture by camera 360, many my friends always say: I look like 20 years old , in fact, I looks like 35, kaka. And in the (normal) photo, I am really more beautiful than I am .

msanh215 wrote:

- Many of them choose dating websites to get to know foreign guys because they think most foreigners in town are all back-packers, only look for sex-partners/ short term dating, don't plan to have a serious relationship.

I dont use dating website, but this is right for me. I have some chances to flirt with foreigners , who live in Vietnam, but I always afraid. I dont know why, but when I see many (bar) girls want to have them, try to seduce them because of money, I dont feel safe at all . I talked to my friend: "Because all of you can earn so much, so many girls love you because of money. Pls be poor, you will find a woman love you by yourself, kakaka" .

Adhome01 wrote:

robert_jpop wrote:

Lol. It all happened when I was feeling lonely and desperate. One day I found my soul mate online. I know she was the one. Who needs to meet?...

Are there really guys who would give money before meeting the girl? Do these girls ever have to provide additional services (use your imagination here) to these guys when they meet? I mean the ones who do eventually meet or maybe they might  disappear on those guys.

Some don't provide anything when meeting. They claim they are waiting for marriage or until they get to know them better. Some do get closer just to bring them in deeper. It's also common for girls to give their phones to other girls or their boyfriends to continue texting while they're busy. They can do this because there is usually nothing specific being talked about. Just a bunch of high school lovey-dovey stuff over and over again. I mean, what can you really talk about with someone that doesn't speak your language and you have nothing in common with?

Thank you. I never knew about girls giving their phones to someone else to continue texting. It makes sense now. It's like when you get the feeling you are texting or chatting with a different person.

The way they write is somehow different. Getting one word answers like yep, nope, ok and thirty minutes later you are getting more normal friendlier responses.

They may ask you a question about when your birthday is when you have already talked about it before. They do not understand a certain word, but the day before they understood it and answered appropriately.

So you have to pay attention with how the conversation goes.

I have been associated with Vietnam since 1998, have property in the Delta Region, couple of houses, farms etc etc - one thing I can say is - if a Vietnamese woman really loves you, she is a "One man woman"  on the other hand, if she was brought up in non-traditional way, e,g,. modern Saigon, Dan Nang, Nha Trang or Hanoi arounbd a lot of tourists and ex-pats, then the 'one man woman' is out the window.   I married a country girl, she is that one man woman...............true story..........I had a Viet Kieu working with me in Indonesia - when in College, he and four other Viet Kieu's went to Vietnam to find the love of their lives they met on-line - four married Vietnamese girls, he married a Fillipina (what she was doing in Saigon is beyond me)- they all brought their wives back to the states, the other four are still married after 12 years, he is not.That is only one success story.  I see you are already questioning the relationship,  The only way you are going to find out for sure is Go to Vietnam yourself, don't tell her you are coming, by now you should know where she lives and just show up, knock on the door  -  if her "Brother" answers, then just excuse yourself and move on.

Maybe she is not a 20 year old Vietnamese girl...maybe you are slowly being scammed by another NIGERIAN money scammer. LOL Be careful. If you want to find out her true intentions tell her you are very poor, and will try to save up enough for a flight to Saigon.........then check her real intentions and thoughts for you.

tunnelrat69 wrote:

I have been associated with Vietnam since 1998, have property in the Delta Region, couple of houses, farms etc etc - one thing I can say is - if a Vietnamese woman really loves you, she is a "One man woman"

You meant "she is very strong and independent"? Maybe you are right.
Some of Viet men dont want to have a wife who is very strong and independent, make money more than them. They dont feel comfortable with intelligent women .
But many my friends, they always said they like intelligent women. They said "these women are very interesting". And they are really good/nice husbands in my option. They always ready to cook, take care children, not go to drink ("nhậu") after work.