Good manners

Primadonna wrote:

When I "walked" around on this blog I came across on a post from Missbeesy on the Germany forum about  how to make the first contact or how to seek help. I was blown away by her post and I asked her if I can copy her post to this forum. With her permission I copy her post below.
I know for sure it is a very useful post and I hope you consider her tips and advise as useful too and to follow these tips.
To many times I get messages from men without meaningful contents like : "Hi sweety" or "Call me on...." or requests without an introduction. To me it's very rude and impolite and I know that I am not the only one who experience this.

Regards,

Primadonna


Hi Everyone,

This is a post for new members. Lately I've been approached by people asking for help. Unfortunately, they seem to treat my email inbox like a chat window and I find that really irritating.

I thought I'd just write a post that people could refer to that explains a little bit about the etiquette of cold calling someone for the first time....

1. read the profile.
Don't contact someone whose profile you haven't read. If you saw a picture you liked and are feeling a little lonely, at least do someone the courtesy of reading their profile.

It makes a really bad impression to start a conversation with someone, and ask them all the questions that are answered in their profile-- you come off as lazy, and arrogant.

2. introduce yourself.
An email inbox on a service like this is not a chat window. Messages like "hello" are actually irritating to the point of being rude.

The polite thing to do is to introduce who you are, where you're from, and then indicate why you're making contact.

An example might be:

"Dear (xxxxxxx),

My name is (xxxxx) and I saw your profile while browsing the Frankfurt page. It seems we are in a similar area. I noticed that you're keeping a blog. I read a couple of entries and enjoyed them.

I am getting married later this year, and I would like to know......."

You've started the conversation politely with "dear"
You indicated where you saw the profile
You have done a little reading of the profile
And you introduced your question.

Questions that come from nowhere are almost impossible to answer. I can't tell you the application process for a Pakistani national for a German university, because I'm Australian and I don't know if its different. I can't talk to you about sightseeing in Berlin, because my closest city is Frankfurt (this is all information which is readily available on my profile... hence point number 1. read the profile.

3. explain why you're making contact
Unsolicited contact from men makes me uncomfortable. Men who only have female contacts makes me even more uncomfortable. Men who ignore points 1 and 2 will probably get ignored.

Remember that its not other people's job to find out how to solve your problem. They are helping you because they have the time, and might have some relevant experience.

Most of the people who have already found things out, found them out the hard way by researching online, making the relevant phone calls, and politely contacting people.

Consider these two questions:
a)"Can you tell me about studying in Germany?"

b)"I would like to know more about Australian nationals studying in Germany. Have you considered studying yourself? I'm interested in your local area. If you've made some inquiries and learned anything about the application process, I'd really appreciate if you would be able to share some information with me.

I am interested in studying teaching or engineering, and I noticed that you are a teacher and your fiancé is an engineer. I've got my undergraduate degree as a engineering teacher, but would like to do a masters. If you're not able to help me at this point I really understand."

There's just no information to go off with question (a). Its impossible to answer. I don't know where you're from, what you want. And chances are I'll probably stumble across your profile and realise you aren't even from the same origin country as me, so you're probably not subject to the same application process.

4. if you just want to make friends, say so!
I've contacted many people just to say I liked their profile, thought we had some things in common, and that I'd like to be friends with them.

This is the correct thing to do before friend requesting someone.

Its impolite to just friend request someone without any kind of contact. And its incredibly rude to friend request someone without having read their profile.

Just send a friendly, short email introducing yourself and saying what you think you'd have in common with the person. After that, ask if they would like to make a network connection. Its that easy.

Great pointers - thanks for posting!

Dear Primadona,

First of all i would like to say "Belated Ramadhan Mubarak"
secondly,i would like to pay you a visit if i get to Jordan early (I'm in Poland at the moment)
and Last but not least,i would like to copy paste it..this is sooo inspiring and sooo Useful info and it will HIT The target to those out there,Thank You...Permission Please !

You're welcome Kate!

hi every body,
nice post ,

@Primadona and Kate;

I second your opinions..

I found the post very useful ; some of the events mentioned happened with me ,, and its been like a week since i joinged the Expat-blo community ; i totally get the point.

Thanks for sharing!
Eman

Ahlan wa Sahlan Eman 

I whish that more of the male members read this post instead randomly contacting females without any explanation.
The only reason I can think of it that they have other standards of the meaning polite or descent than I (and you) have.

I love the Jordan forumn, I keep checking here whenever am free mainly coz of such random posts.
That's a very mind blowing post up there.Am into formal introductions, am actually drawn to people who send me well detailed messages. I love chatting as long as you dont stumble into my lane.

I hate such messages 'Hello, send me your number for further chatting".For the love of God, this person doesn't even know you and demands for your number in an introduction.yarabi.

I have had quite a few good introductions and I clicked well with those people

Mariamns wrote:

I love the Jordan forumn, I keep checking here whenever am free mainly coz of such random posts.
That's a very mind blowing post up there.Am into formal introductions, am actually drawn to people who send me well detailed messages. I love chatting as long as you dont stumble into my lane.

I hate such messages 'Hello, send me your number for further chatting".For the love of God, this person doesn't even know you and demands for your number in an introduction.yarabi.

I have had quite a few good introductions and I clicked well with those people

That's funny, but true about the silly messages, I had a rant on here not too long back about the same thing. I vividly remember one of the messages I received starting with something like "Hi I have been waiting for you all my life my dear, please call me so we may know each other better and maybe marriage will follow"     Of course I quickly blocked and deleted the idiot, but the funniest part was at the end (after his long drawn out declaration of his undying love) asked "are you female" haha. Makes me wonder what planet these type of people are actually from. I like to come on here to read posts, and join in some conversations. I have a wonderful husband and am definitely not looking for love. 

ladyluck13 wrote:

Mariamns wrote:

I love the Jordan forumn, I keep checking here whenever am free mainly coz of such random posts.
That's a very mind blowing post up there.Am into formal introductions, am actually drawn to people who send me well detailed messages. I love chatting as long as you dont stumble into my lane.

I hate such messages 'Hello, send me your number for further chatting".For the love of God, this person doesn't even know you and demands for your number in an introduction.yarabi.

I have had quite a few good introductions and I clicked well with those people

That's funny, but true about the silly messages, I had a rant on here not too long back about the same thing. I vividly remember one of the messages I received starting with something like "Hi I have been waiting for you all my life my dear, please call me so we may know each other better and maybe marriage will follow"     Of course I quickly blocked and deleted the idiot, but the funniest part was at the end (after his long drawn out declaration of his undying love) asked "are you female" haha. Makes me wonder what planet these type of people are actually from. I like to come on here to read posts, and join in some conversations. I have a wonderful husband and am definitely not looking for love. 

Hahahaha. Funniest post I have read hete, Hahahaha 'Are you female"

Mariamns wrote:

ladyluck13 wrote:

Mariamns wrote:

I love the Jordan forumn, I keep checking here whenever am free mainly coz of such random posts.
That's a very mind blowing post up there.Am into formal introductions, am actually drawn to people who send me well detailed messages. I love chatting as long as you dont stumble into my lane.

I hate such messages 'Hello, send me your number for further chatting".For the love of God, this person doesn't even know you and demands for your number in an introduction.yarabi.

I have had quite a few good introductions and I clicked well with those people

That's funny, but true about the silly messages, I had a rant on here not too long back about the same thing. I vividly remember one of the messages I received starting with something like "Hi I have been waiting for you all my life my dear, please call me so we may know each other better and maybe marriage will follow"     Of course I quickly blocked and deleted the idiot, but the funniest part was at the end (after his long drawn out declaration of his undying love) asked "are you female" haha. Makes me wonder what planet these type of people are actually from. I like to come on here to read posts, and join in some conversations. I have a wonderful husband and am definitely not looking for love. 

Hahahaha. Funniest post I have read hete, Hahahaha 'Are you female"

Yes - frickin' hilarious!

Shame on you all! Making of fun of a guy who was only trying to make sure you're, well, a  female.. Haha just kidding

Honestly, I had much better luck meeting girls on websites like this one than dating websites. On Expat-blog, I met an amazing American woman who had quite a story to tell. She was in her 40's but was so cool and joined my friends and I (We're in our 20's) at a bar one night.

I really like it when girls contact me. They're thoughtful and they almost always have a good reason to initiate contact, one girl who contacted me simply saying she thought my posts were interesting and that we should meet.. If you're reading this, I'm sorry I stood you up!

I'm baffled a little though. Why would any guy contact a girl with no photo and nothing written on her profile?

RoyalDuke wrote:

Shame on you all! Making of fun of a guy who was only trying to make sure you're, well, a  female.. Haha just kidding

Honestly, I had much better luck meeting girls on websites like this one than dating websites. On Expat-blog, I met an amazing American woman who had quite a story to tell. She was in her 40's but was so cool and joined my friends and I (We're in our 20's) at a bar one night.

I really like it when girls contact me. They're thoughtful and they almost always have a good reason to initiate contact, one girl who contacted me simply saying she thought my posts were interesting and that we should meet.. If you're reading this, I'm sorry I stood you up!

I'm baffled a little though. Why would any guy contact a girl with no photo and nothing written on her profile?

Personally, I do like and appreciate pple who are open to discussions and fun, regardless of success.open minded and adventurous, the kind dat wont Nod or shake to everything. We can argue, agree and disagree but that's what builds a strong friendship. I have a 65 yr old friend , and we have kept this friendship since 2010. We chat like sisters and agemates .so at the end of the day its all about respect and mutual understanding

RoyalDuke wrote:

Why would any guy contact a girl with no photo and nothing written on her profile?

For them its the one of the very few ways to contact a girl without being spied by others, at least here in Jordan.
By tradition, culture and religion wise, you probably know, that its not allowed to have any sort of contact by the opposite sex, until you want to marry.
And boys love to brag about how many girls telephone numbers they have and to talk with them.

I agree...

I thought to reply on this topic again as it might fade away a bit but unfortunately still actual.

Every week I receive a couple of new requests without any introduction. Yes, I am that popular 

I can tell you, without any proper introduction I ignore them all. No matter if you are female  (rare) or male  (major).
There's a reason why you want to be "friends" with me. At least what you can do is to explain why.

Sometimes out of the blue I get a message with the very inspiring text : " hi" or a bit more: "hi, how are you? "
By checking the profile I see absolutely nothing.
Who the hell are you and why you want to know how I am doing?

I promise you I always reply when you take some effort when you take the initiative.