Marital ransom..... Is it normal in VN?

When I broke up with my girlfriend she demand 100 million. Not sure if it is common practice to pay when leaving or returning. All I could do was laugh.

Vagabondone wrote:

Just curious if it is common practice in Vietnam if when there is marital discourse that ransom is demanded as a condition of reconciliation?
Have a friend who got sideways with his wife. She booted him to the curb. He is not allowed to return until he buys her diamond earrings worth at least 5m VND.
In addition he must buy her a new motorbike worth at least 50 m VND.

I thought it just happened in horror movies or fiction books. Unless your friend likes the way his wife treats him, I find no reason for him to accept her conditions or to live with her even. It is uncommon and unacceptable in Vietnamese community.
@ancientpathos: yes it is common for material girls

This is hilarious!

Sounds LIKE she is a gold digger. What's the price next time when she gets upset? He could always register a vehicle in his name (if he can) or that of a friend so she is not the owner.

Unless there is a child involved OR they are married he is free to walk AND SHOULD. Married/children come under the jurisdiction of the divorce tribunals.

This is another reason to hold your MONEY OVERSEAS.

They are married and have a child. I thought it sounded odd. Yet there could be some cultural thing involved so I thought I would ask.

During the course of my long-term relationship and marriage with a Vietnamese woman, a couple of times she has become convinced that "I've done her wrong".   She then demands cash as compensation.  So I don't think it is that out of the ordinary.  Whether or not you agree is obviously your individual decision and depends, among other things, on how badly you think you have behaved and how much you value the relationship.

There are two aspects to this question

The direct one: then no, even among Vietnamese it's not common. There's probabbly one or two cases like that reported on net news, with overwhelming criticisms aimed at the women in question. Reported, as in the woman directly ask for that gift. Nobody like gold diggers.

The indirect one: you probabbly should know the concept of "diamond is a girl's best friend", considering it's imported lock stock and barrel to Vietnamese,and direct translation the same meaning.Anyway, to bring reconcialation gifts to soften the woman's mind is nothing strange to westerners, and nothing strange to Vietnamese.

This is another reason it is good to have a joint checking account.

I see many expats get married with women/girls whom Vietnamese men are afraid to marry with.

Long story, short story....When I was meeting a distant relative in VN, my mother told me a funny story. Well, maybe not too funny.     Her cousin a (Buddhist), who was married to womanizer for many years decided after her father died and left his rubber tree plantation to her, decided to boot the bum to the curb. He spent a couple of years philandering back and forth from several of his mistresses' houses.  Eventually, all the women he romanced finally gave him the boot and he had no place to stay so he showed up at his wife's house. She let him stay in an extra bedroom out of pity for a while until he found somewhere else to live. Well, he had demanded $7000 from her and said with that money he would not return or ever bother her again. Believing him, she gave him the money. After a couple of months when the money ran out he returned. 

Might be a good idea to invest in a few silver-plated rings with cz's (cubic zirconium). Hey....they sparkle too.

It is easy to understand that the girl will ask for money as compensation because she loves you for it. No wonder.

Vagabondone wrote:

They are married and have a child. I thought it sounded odd. Yet there could be some cultural thing involved so I thought I would ask.

Of course!
Just put in the "cultural thing" aspect and everything's ok.
This is not a 'cultural thing'.
It's a gender 'thing'.
Geez.
You ever been married? Got any kids? Been living with a partner for more a year?

Vagabondone wrote:

They are married and have a child. I thought it sounded odd. Yet there could be some cultural thing involved so I thought I would ask.

If there is a divorce and they have a child, they have to divorce and handle support through a divorce tribunal. Quite cheap for the hearing, more expensive afterwards.

Some countries will enforce VN court support orders.

When I married my wife, who has a masters degree, she insisted we have a marriage contract using separate lawyers. As we bought property, every User Certificate contains a clause that states no sale or borrowing can be done against the Certificate with my written consent witnessed by my lawyer.

All the bricks and mortar are in my name (my money) with her consent.

Not all Vietnamese spouse' are gold diggers.

Don't be another one of those guys we all laugh about.  Piss her off.  BUT then again , if you were stupid enough to buy her a house and all the trimmings, well that's another lesson you will learn the hard way. " Fools and money are soon parted".  And especially in SE Asia, " there's no fool like an old fool".  Walk away, don't throw good money after bad.  What does she bring to the table that a $30 hooker can't.  At least the hooker won't sit there all day watching cartoons.

Yogi007 wrote:

Don't be another one of those guys we all laugh about.  Piss her off.  BUT then again , if you were stupid enough to buy her a house and all the trimmings, well that's another lesson you will learn the hard way. " Fools and money are soon parted".  And especially in SE Asia, " there's no fool like an old fool".  Walk away, don't throw good money after bad.  What does she bring to the table that a $30 hooker can't.  At least the hooker won't sit there all day watching cartoons.

"" How do you make a small fortune in Asia?""

""Bring a large fortune when you arrive.""

Gotta luv that.
I heard another quote from a Asian in Australia.  " how do you put an Australian into a small business ? ....put him in a big one and wait....

Just curious if it is common practice in Vietnam if when there is marital discourse that ransom is demanded as a condition of reconciliation?
Have a friend who got sideways with his wife. She booted him to the curb. He is not allowed to return until he buys her diamond earrings worth at least 5m VND.
In addition he must buy her a new motorbike worth at least 50 m VND.....


Tell your mate, to go back to where he came from... Tell him, that the word 'Gullible' is no longer in the dictionary...... Obviously, he's "like a lamb to the slaughter"..... I hope this VN lady, gets her earrings and a Honda Lead, or a Can-Am Spyder?? Fuck, that would be cool !!!

Panadol wrote:

Just curious if it is common practice in Vietnam if when there is marital discourse that ransom is demanded as a condition of reconciliation?
Have a friend who got sideways with his wife. She booted him to the curb. He is not allowed to return until he buys her diamond earrings worth at least 5m VND.
In addition he must buy her a new motorbike worth at least 50 m VND.....


Tell your mate, to go back to where he came from... Tell him, that the word 'Gullible' is no longer in the dictionary...... Obviously, he's "like a lamb to the slaughter"..... I hope this VN lady, gets her earrings and a Honda Lead, or a Can-Am Spyder?? Fuck, that would be cool !!!

Yes. The Op's 'friend'.
It's his 'mate'.
His 'friend' cannot find any Expat.com forum for Vietnam to join.
Anonymously,
But several hundred Vietnamese nationals can do it easily.

Errr, Correct.......
Besides all that...I hope she gets a Can-Am Spyder.... Fuck! I'd love one of those over here!... (But, the poor bastard Spyder, would never get out of 3rd gear, in VN), and, I hope she sells the diamond earrings, to buy a decent Shoei helmet. (Good Lord, this country needs them!)...
Marital ransom..... Pfft...... New Tourist, grow a brain!!!!

Panadol wrote:

Errr, Correct.......
Besides all that...I hope she gets a Can-Am Spyder.... Fuck! I'd love one of those over here!... (But, the poor bastard Spyder, would never get out of 3rd gear, in VN), and, I hope she sells the diamond earrings, to buy a decent Shoei helmet. (Good Lord, this country needs them!)...
Marital ransom..... Pfft...... New Tourist, grow a brain!!!!

Or even better....
A Morgan with a HD engine out front.

jimbream wrote:

Or even better....
A Morgan with a HD engine out front.

Why stop there?  Might as well get yourself one of these babies:

DanFromSF wrote:

jimbream wrote:

Or even better....
A Morgan with a HD engine out front.

Why stop there?  Might as well get yourself one of these babies:

http://britmovietours.com/wp-content/up … -530-1.jpg

That's a beauty!
If  it's rego number doesn't have a 3 or a 7,
then I'll have 2.

jimbream wrote:

That's a beauty!
If  it's rego number doesn't have a 3 or a 7,
then I'll have 2.

Not sure about that.  You might try tracking down this bloke and asking him...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTTzcXSLjhI

ancientpathos wrote:

When I broke up with my girlfriend she demand 100 million. Not sure if it is common practice to pay when leaving or returning. All I could do was laugh.

I thought she was your housekeeper, Ancient.  Have I missed something over the past few months? :-)

Time to leave !

Your friend should run away. Sounds like he married a bar girl.

You can rent a house here for ten life times cheaper than buying one. Youre right the guys who buys these girls hoysrs are fools

I'm vietnamse so I understand this situation.It is not random , but saving face. May be your friend is too frugal and his wife needs to show off !

crazy fuss wrote:

You can rent a house here for ten life times cheaper than buying one.

I think you're using the wrong metric.  Let's say a house costs $100,000 and you have $100,000 to spend.  If you invest that $100,000, you could optimistically get a yearly 8% return over the long term.  In order to hedge inflation, you could spend around 5%, or $5000 per year, which is $416 per month.  So the question is:  Can you rent the house for less than $416 per month?  If so, the rental house is a good deal.  If not, you should look at purchasing, and consider whether the property's value will track inflation.

I see Discovery TV are making a new gold digging series this time it's from Saigon
any tackers?

DanFromSF wrote:

... If you invest that $100,000, you could optimistically get a yearly 8% return over the long term.

This assumes you are not using a VN bank where interest is way below inflation, rendering your money worth less.

Jaitch wrote:

This assumes you are not using a VN bank where interest is way below inflation, rendering your money worth less.

Trying to make money on bank interest is for suckers.  Vanguard index funds are the most attractive vehicle, in my opinion.  Low fees, decent track record, reputable firm, etc.

All this demanding gifts and /or money seems very weird to me.   Or maybe I just got REALLY lucky.

My wife consistently refuses to take any money from me, except for some of household running costs.
Any gifts for her and I'm in BIG trouble for 'wasting money' ! The only exception is for TET.
(she even gets a bit mad at me if I get her something for her birthday !)

We had one argument years ago over a misunderstand caused by the Australia consulate staff.

M-i-L somehow heard and demanded she pack up leave me immediately and move back home with her family, which she did. 
She refused to take anything at all except her own clothing, make-up, personal, and other items. (plus wedding & engagement rings which she refused to take off)      ZERO money !   

The separation lasted a whole three days, during that time she had a bank card to our (my) bank Australian account and the PIN - not even 1VND was taken out.  Always trusted her implicitly with all our money matters. 

Reconciliation was super easy.  On the third day apart she made one phone call to the Australia consulate for a full explanation. Turned out there was some confusion about my existing duel citizenship. Some consulate pen-pusher got confused and upset. 
Her younger sister helped by spending two days and nights consistently nagging her about the difference of how she was treated by her VN husband compared to how I treated my wife.
Separation over and done with.  In the end, even the M-i-L was happy how everything turned out.

No problems since, and not once was there even the slightest hint of any money or gifts being required at any time.

Somehow my wife got exactly the same idea as Jaitch when it comes to anything material of real value be written down in detail. That was totally my wife's idea from the start, she Insisted that it was/is done. 
One copy of everything in a notarized copy in Vietnamese for her and a notarized copy in English for myself.

I tried hard to read this topic because I don't understand many words. But after reading all, now I know some foreigners are afraid Vietnamese women .

I talked to my foreigner friend, don't find a girl in a bar if you don't want to have trouble. Some older people said, go to market (not supermarket) to find a girl, try to observe them, because they are really themselves when they are buy something everyday. But this experience maybe isn't right nowadays.

When I talked him, love someone in my university, she is not beautiful but she works hard, takes care others very well. He looked at me: Nga, you know me, don't like that! I know him... like beautiful girl hic hic hic...

You seem smart and sweet

crazy fuss wrote:

You seem smart and sweet

Thank you.