Mixed Marriages

To put mixed into perspective: the highest rate of marriage failure is experienced by people who marry but are of differing faiths.  Some 80% of these marriages end in divorce.

Marriages between people of different ethnicities but the same culture succeed or fail at a rate comparable to those of people of the same ethnicity and the same culture.

So "mixed" really depends on what sort of mix you are talking about.

67% of statistics on the internet are made up.

Perhaps, but this one isn't...

washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/06/04/AR2010060402011.html

In the end, when you say "interfaith marriage" you're really saying a marriage between two people of different backgrounds and different beliefs.  Put that way, it's not surprising that such marriages have higher failure rates.

I wish everyone who gets married all the best, but if you know you're in a situtation that's statistically less likely to succeed it's best to be that much more aware of potential problems and work to solve them  before they become serious.

The chances of a happy marriage without misunderstandings and conflict is much higher if both partners share the same first language, culture etc.
The children of non-mixed marriages also have an easier time with no identity problems etc.
Also in most mixed marriages one partner often does 95% of the adapting and the other null, nada, nichts.

The chances of a boring marriage without adventures and learnings is much higher if both partners share the same language, culture etc.
The children of non-mixed marriages also have a difficult time adapting to new social environs etc.
A good mixed marriage (and one that lasts) is one where both partners adapt and grow. I know many, so it is possible!

beppi wrote:

The chances of a boring marriage without adventures and learnings is much higher if both partners share the same language, culture etc.
The children of non-mixed marriages also have a difficult time adapting to new social environs etc.
A good mixed marriage (and one that lasts) is one where both partners adapt and grow. I know many, so it is possible!

Bebbi - That's a name I've heard a lot in Basel's recent Carnival activities.    It sounds almost Swiss to me.

Love goes beyond age, religion and races, what matters is the loyalty and respect

Italy + Russia

Welcome to Expat-Blogs............
I agree....but all the love marriage starts well and ends badly........

regards,
Anil

In my experience (and from what I have seen in others) a stable, long-lasting, meaningful marriage DOES include similarity in age, language, beliefs and culture. The more mixed a marriage is the less is its chance of long-lasting success.

El_Jost wrote:

In my experience (and from what I have seen in others) a stable, long-lasting, meaningful marriage DOES include similarity in age, language, beliefs and culture. The more mixed a marriage is the less is its chance of long-lasting success.

And so is the chance of a trouble free existence if you stay in one place that you know well for all your life.
(Even better if you never try bungee jumping, rock-climbing, skiing or crossing a frequented road.)
But you are here on an EXPAT webpage!

beppi wrote:

And so is the chance of a trouble free existence if you stay in one place that you know well for all your life.
(Even better if you never try bungee jumping, rock-climbing, skiing or crossing a frequented road.)
But you are here on an EXPAT webpage!

Part 1) Read my profile. Most of my life till now I was an expat.  (which also is the reason I offer advice to would be expats)
Re. Done most of the suggested activities except bungee jumping which did not exist when I was in that sort of age group.
Acc. to your timeline you are a German living in Germany so what was that about EXPAT?

Sorry, this was a general comment, not meant for you personally!
Yes, I am currently back in my home country, after a looong time abroad and with a foreign spouse and child.
I reserve the right to call myself Expat wherever I am now ...

beppi wrote:

Sorry, this was a general comment, not meant for you personally!
Yes, I am currently back in my home country, after a looong time abroad and with a foreign spouse and child.
I reserve the right to call myself Expat wherever I am now ...

Good for you, and no problems! 

El_Jost wrote:

In my experience (and from what I have seen in others) a stable, long-lasting, meaningful marriage DOES include similarity in age, language, beliefs and culture. The more mixed a marriage is the less is its chance of long-lasting success.

I see myself as the exception to the above post. Dissimilar in age, language difficulty when the wife chooses not to understand, I am still learning the culture and beliefs even after 40 odd years in the country. 
I am away for many months at a time so communication is by Skype or phone on a daily basis and we discuss any problems, have a laugh about things.

But I do know where you are coming from as some mixed marriages have not been successful, but I think due to one or both of the partners not embracing or trying to understand the other.

An interesting article on mixed marriages I have just read on faithfulandtrust.blogspot.co.uk/2014/05/what-people-don-understand-about-mixed.html?showComme

From my experience id say,

SAIL: 1) Thinking of what you have in common as being the center or core, (and that means starting with small things like food, habits, pleasures), you build outwards from there in small and patient steps. The core is where the foundation is. 2) Go slowly, build on good things, reinforce each others belief in the values and goals you intend to create as a couple. 3) Actively saying that at the very beginning and always.

FAIL: 1) Believing that the first focus has to be on the things you are extremely different about and somehow needing a cure before you can move forward. 2) Believing the other person is different and treating them that way. You think you are normal, so does the other person. This can only lead to fights before the foundation can be built up. 3) Focusing on what the families want or desire. They will be long gone when you two are still living a life. By then, who's life is it that needs to be led and fought for? 4) Trying to read the last chapter of the book first.

If you start at the core and build outwards, what happens is that over time the extreme differences lessen in severity because the space is taken up in what you now have in common--trust, loyalty, respect--and McDonalds, if you will. Now you are sailing and the fruitful years are floating by effortlessly. This doesnt mean you have escaped or neglected some horrible underlying evil or hidden truth, or for that matter somehow tricked or fooled the other person, it means now you can actually deal with it because you want to, not because you have to, and work it out in a kind of harmony that was never available at the beginning.

Is there more? Sure. But its just a post and you get the idea and direction here.

in general, whether marriage will fail or be successful is all
based on understanding.
and there is no exception to missed marriage.
if there is no understanding, it cannot work

lots of awsome advice here, but when there is little or no openness ( hidden issues) there will not be much chance for a future. I understand openness is based on trust but it is a bit chicken and egg, the issue of distrust by viet women could cause a lot of problems, ( also the attitude of many men to just sweep it under the carpet)  if it is the norm that is, I'm not too sure that culture is a big issue or faith for that matter, what matters is listenning closely to the other, if the alarm bells ring loudly enough for the hearer to discuss it on the forum or with friends, then run for the door because it is not likely to be fixed by Mr time On the matter of faith, my mate is jewish and his x was Thai Budhist,what ended thier marriage was that he is a sex addict (Proven in councilling) and his wife just would not accept that she was the only 1 for him

I think the the key to any marriage is trust, understanding and keeping things interesting. Whether it will fail or succeed has little to do with being mixed marriage or not.
My mom (bulgarian) has been married to an American for 4 years now and they're very happy, but it's not because they come from different backgrounds, but because they're a great match. Of course, differences in the culture add diversity to the relationship.

Excellent points ! Thanks all of you.

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Asiedupeter70,

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James
Expat-blog Experts Team