To marry or not to marry? that's the question

The Loner wrote:

stumpy wrote:

Loner
Your post is full of generalizations regarding marriage.
You are assuming that you are marrying for sex.
You are assuming that the wife will have an affair.

Whilst your remarks may apply to a very very small percentage of marriages, most marriages are far from how your perceive them to be.

Since obviously you are older and more experienced than me I'd expect you to agree with me. You better than me, have seen how things have changed along the generations. I don't need to quote how superficial women are nowadays and how is it so common that most marriages end up in divorce. I've read many forums about dysfunctional marriages,love not corresponded or mutual..etc. That's the basis of my views.

There is no way I would agree with you. You seem to be set in your perceptions, will never change your point of view and unless you learn to adapt and see things from a different perspective  you will always be a loner.

HaileyinHongKong wrote:

The Loner wrote:

If you imply that there's someone out there then why I haven't met her yet? And why don't they approach me either?

Why don't women approach a boy who clearly hates women?  I can only think of a million reasons.  You probably already met her, but she wasn't as stupid as you think women are and she ran away as fast and as far as she could.

May God bless you

For Mr Woodward, [Moderated: inappropriate] (and who knows how many similar situations are happening worldwide?) It doesn't sound right for him to strongly oppose to my views,maybe you know I'm right you just don't want to admit it may be because you seem to have a fairly good reputation in the forum and you don't want to lose it by agreeing with me, "the bad guy". The same as other men who disagree with me, they defend women to be seen as good and fair.

wjwoodward wrote:

Do you think MEN are any less judgemental?????

Oh I forgot but can you not get enough on how the the society perceive men as evil, responsible for bad things, rapists, pervs but perceives women as innocent as a white dove, delicate, fairer sex,and caring?

This topic has been debated for so long yet people need to realize that even if we have experienced a negative marriage it is our responsibility to heal our hearts before seeking another relationship.Broken hearts do not have to lead to bitterness or the cycle is ongoing. There is no person breathing today that has not felt pain, on one level or multiple levels..it is part of our humanity.But it is important that we learn to heal so we do not carry scars within our soul. Learning to accept ourselves and better who we are is a gift to ourselves that is worth the process..only a healthy soul is free to love again..dream again...feel again.

faithandHope wrote:

There is no person breathing today that has not felt pain, on one level or multiple levels..it is part of our humanity.But it is important that we learn to heal so we do not carry scars within our soul. Learning to accept ourselves and better who we are is a gift to ourselves that is worth the process..only a healthy soul is free to love again..dream again...feel again.

Curiously you are the fewest person on here who don't judge me or ridiculed my opinions. I used to be a different kind of person, the reason I am what I am today is the result of my experience the opposite sex, they corrupted my conscience, my innocence, my virtues,they abused my kindness and goodness, they stole my joy and scarred my soul and heart beyond repair.What kind of evil creature does that? I learned from my and other people's experience and I avoid the opposite sex like the plague.

if you have decided not to marry, it is okay, but you always have the right to change your mind...

Loner I am grateful that my words made you feel comfortable..I can not judge you bcz I understand the pain you feel..Being hurt by someone is such a difficult thing to heal from. I have known much hurt..had many scars to heal from but I realized if I carried this pain within my soul I would still give power to the one that tried to darken my heart. Your heart was once free to believe in goodness and you are worth fighting for who you really are. We can't allow bad people to change us. The fact that you say your heart is scared means you do not have open wounds...healing has already begun. Don't allow any woman to take your future from you..Try to realize that there are both good and bad people in this world. As your heart is healed you may find a woman that is perfect for you...don't let your future be consumed by your past..Many times in life we all spend much time looking behind us, into our past. Yet, we need to learn from our experiences and push forward. Human emotions are so powerful but we must learn to put them into perspective and not let them cconsume us....I believe in time your heart will be free again.With more experience and wisdom, yet free to feel and trust again. We are all worth being free and my hope is that you find some peace in knowing that there are many good people in this life.

The Loner wrote:

I came to the realization that i don't want the burdensome weights of a relationship i don't have time for this triviality my life is short.

If you are realized... then what is the problem now??? I dont understand. Does anyone force you to get married??

If you need to ask the question, better pass up and wait for the partner where such question never comes up.

I thought I was being paranoid about marriage, that's  why I created this thread so you "marriage-lovers" could prove me that marriage is what you claim to be but so far I get no valid reason, maybe because there's no valid reason at all...

If you have never had a female friend or girlfriend, how can you know if you are happier with out? You have no comparison.

Relationships are hard at times and yes occasionaly they do have to be worked on. "LOVE" is a hard thing. Probably one of the more painful things in life, if and when you fall out of love.

Till you have experienced a realtionship, how would you know?

At the end of the day wealth in general is material. There is a whole different meaning for wealth out there and it isn't the currency in your wallet. Its life, how you experince oppertunities and live.

i m agry with you
but the relation it also important to know many people
..

You are being paranoid about marriage and to say you have no time for such a triviality shows that you are surely set on the idea of not marrying. To each his own.

Marriage is not for some and I have friends who, initially chose not to marry, but later in life have decided to get married. Those friends who have gotten married later in life are in successful, fulfilling relationships. 

Their reasons for late marriage were love and companionship. Someone to share life and love with.

I can think of nothing worse than living out your twilight years alone and friendless.

Helen070891 wrote:

If you have never had a female friend or girlfriend, how can you know if you are happier with out? You have no comparison.

Hello Helen,

The best, the most ideal love is the one where no comparison is allowed to come in between a man and woman.

Love is not a competition, and even if it were, you cannot go back in time to choose the one you pushed aside to move on to the next one.

Do you want to be my girlfriend and after two months I tell you that I must try three more other ladies before I make up my mind and that it might not be you?

Remember: you must always be honest, even if honesty works momentarily against you.
No comparisons please.  Love is about humans, not horse breeding.

stumpy wrote:

I can think of nothing worse than living out your twilight years alone and friendless.

Not so much than being trapped in a marriage where you have to work your whole life to support your family.Leaving no time for travel or do anything that interests you.
Wife torment you day and night and question your authority, she  may cheat on you or ask for divorce and obtain half of your hard-earned assets thanks to the divorce laws that benefits women.
who has never heard one of these stories before?
You never even mentioned to me if you are happy and why,to help me to understand.

@ The Loner 

You are correct in what you say about being trapped in a marriage, but those of us who are married do work to support our families. 

Although you are correct to a degree,you are still generalizing about being tormented by a wife etc.

Divorce laws differ from country to country. Some do favor women but this may be due to children who need to be looked after.

I am very happy in my marriage. I work away in different countries and come home to Laos on my leave breaks. On some jobs I work 4 months on 2 weeks off and I have worked 8 months on 10 days off. 

Communication is the big thing for myself, my wife and our 3 children. Even though I am away for long periods of time working in places like Afghanistan etc,my wife can contact me or I phone her each and every day to discuss any problems and talk to the kids. This helps enormously. 

Communication and understanding to me are paramount in my marriage. My wife, being Asian, has extended family around her and they assist her whenever she asks.

This a difficulty in Western marriages as everyone tends to do their own thing so families are left to sort out their problems without dad or family being there.   

A lot of wives also work which puts pressure on the children as neither parent is home when they get back from school or no one to take them to different after school events.

This pressure is often released when both parents are home and dad wants to relax and mum wants to tell him all the bad things that have happened when he was away.

I am lucky in that I do not get that at all. Everything is positive whenever I get home and I put it down to communication and understanding of your partners needs.

To marry!!!!!! Only be shure that you realy Love.
I Love in Paradise with my Sandra, my Juliet,
that I use to say "my Juli". We have four
childrens that make our Love bether, Day by
Day. To marry is to have a real partner forever.

to marry and have kids... to experience parental love...

Muhammad Arsalan wrote:

Just go for arrange Marriage and I believe you will live good life...

I personally could think of nothing worse than an arranged marriage.
How to know you are compatible 
How to know if you actually love the person 

You have had, at the most, minimal interaction with that person so how can you assess whether you will both get on together.

In this kind of marriage, the love comes with habit ... or not... and some others can be lucky

sarith wrote:

In this kind of marriage, the love comes with habit ... or not... and some others can be lucky

So you are saying that love is a habit ??

Hi there,
I guess it's alll depend on who, if ever, you are gonna have a relationship with.  Im a single parent, not by choice, never been married not that I did not want to when I was your age.  At this point, do I ever wanna get married?  I would rather be in a happy and fulfilling relationship with a person who I care about, but then again that is just me. Being married is important to a lot of people, some would rather have a meaningful relationship without being married.  Being in a relationship or marriage isn't always smooth sailing but that's how life is anyway.  Goodluck, hope you'll find the answers that you are looking for and once your there, I am pretty sure you will make a sound decision :-)

Hi,
actually being a muslim we believe that to avoid self from commiting sins better to get marry.Lucky are those who are in happy relationship with their wives o husbands and they are enjoying a happy marriage life.Like a best partner will be always there fr u to care,to love,to co operate to support u, but now adays its really very difficult to find someone like that, usually marriages are in risks nowadays , increasing the rates of divorce and seperations , and kids suffer the most....individual suffers....i cant say marry o dnt marry but i would suggest u to choose ur partner very carefully than the world will be a better place.,

but plzzzzzzz respect each other and stay away from these fake relationships in a way by being in relationship with ur boy or gal frnd......

marriage is where u should start thinking from, not to!!!
their are some responsibilities u have, away from (enjoying), and for kids to have a NORMAL life.

Relationship is never a burden if you have genuine feelings for that person. No matter how busy you are and how ambitious and focused you are in life , at some point in life you realize the need for companion.