Is there a love between a foreign older man and a vietnamese girl

Seniordogsg46 wrote:

Lots of people confuse love with infatuation. But at a young age, its pure innocence and ignorance. Love, like someone said is pure action and commitment. Love when it lasts, should lead to marriage and not at other aims. The dating and courting parts are only the beginning. When you tie the knot, then only the journey of discovery begins. Many faults will then surface of which neither is aware, If you can stick through thick and thin, be tolerant and accept that no one is perfect,that is one formula for a lasting relationship. The other is constant communication, be on same wavelength and don't go to bed with anger. otherwise, like so many others, do not think of the divorce word so readily. Live and love each other for a purpose, like 'till death do us apart'. Best of luck..

Just to add to your comment that before any thoughts  of relationship ( BF GF ) there should be lots of open and honest discussions, many things are hidden in human mind, some are too big and best left alone

wind1989 wrote:

I have seen his real flat. He is a little poor and he tell me he will give me a green card and take care for me if I come his country but I am afraid. He say he will follow my chosen about what we live after we married. But actually, it is very difficult for my parents if I choose to live in Vietnam,they will shame if I married him, he is older than my father, if I choose to live in UK, Iam afraid he can not take care for me, he just have 500 pound for 1 month. Beises, I can live by myself in my country and do not need to marry any man. I do not sure I can agree to stand a big sacrifice to live with him. I am very confused.

He is much older than you! How long can he be able to follow you? Soon he will be in the end of life, you will need to take care of him, how much can he help you? If he's so poor, he won't leave you anything and you will end up with debts. At least, make sure he have a life insurance, no debts, and that he can provide for you, now and after he die.

About the green card, the authority won't accept to give you a green card base on marriage if the age difference is more than 20 years, they won't believe that it's a genuine relation. In any cases, he will need to prove to the authority that he has sufficient funds to take care of you to get the green card.

try asking yourself: DO I LOVE HIM?
if the answer is yes, you don't have to be worried about any thing. Because that means you do love him. If you find yourself hestitating, well, i suggest you keep staying as lover, friend and don't take more move until you know sure how you feel about him. Internet give us paranoid feeling all the time.
i hope you will find want you want and have the happiest life ever. ^^

Dear wind1989.
Will you marry with a guy whom teaches you English and gives you gifts?

"Yuli_nguyen" wrote;

<< Sorry if i think something wrong about him...but i'm not really trust him a lot...if i love a woman..want to marry with her..sure i will do it a.s.a.p...i wont let her waiting 2 years...And i know you wont get marry bcz money..but just buy a ticket is a bit trouble with him...so you are sure he can take care ur family in future. And when you live in his country....everything is not easy also. >>

It's so confusing! This is not right, on one side some say that nothing should be rush and on an other side others say that it should be done ASAP! Some silly people adapt their judgment to reflect their opinion! 

Me I'm about to think that this blog serves more for expressing frustration than to help anyone! What do you think of it?

I don't age is really a factor in this decision.  Is he a good man & can he offer you a good future?  If the answer is NO, then I think you best keep searching.

Is either..  YES You love Him Or Not I DONT !!

He has helped you a lot... OK..

Do you feel pressure.. Do you feel Guilty? because now he asking you to marry him? after all he has done for you... !!! ( YES )

JUST STOP PLAYING WITH HIS FEELINGS.....
AND TELL HIM HOW YOU REALLY FEEL. AND LET IT BE DONE.

GOOD LUCK

I would say you agree and receive his marriage proposal. His love may be genuine and deep

subhobratat wrote:

I would say you agree and receive his marriage proposal. His love may be genuine and deep

Well 'subhobratat', - I, for one, would have to respectfully disagree completely with your comment. 

There are far too many older 'white' males who see young Asian women as being in the position of needing to be grateful to being 'rescued' from their homelands. Also, a much younger, beautiful wife is more of a 'trophy', in a lot of aspects, than anything else.
Someone much younger to show off or have run around looking after them in their declining years.
Over the past decade, I've seen this attitude is VERY common in such countries as Thailand, the Philippines and Kampuchea, especially in areas outside of the main cities.
Viet Nam and it's people, culture and history are NOT well know or understood in western countries or by most westerners at all. Most of the new generations of Vietnamese are increasingly well educated and better off with every passing year.

His feelings of love, or whatever, might be genuine or not. They haven't even met face to face yet. BUT most paramount to both of them should be, MUST be her needs, her happiness, for her future life.
Can he provide that ? Somehow I don't really think so. SORRY - but that's IMHO.

I, along with hundreds of thousands of other foreign troops, spent two years in Viet Nam during the America war so I'm certainly no youngster. I'm not wealthy but no where near being poor either. (by western standards)
Went back to Viet Nam again several years ago - again like so many others, to put everything we'd been through behind us once and for all.   Like so many others, I ended up staying.

This time things where so different !  I'd already been chatting on-line with a wonderful young Vietnamese lady for some time. She offered, with no strings attached, to help me get an apartment, all the needed papers, permits, arrange travel, etc.within Viet Nam  if I ever wished to return and see her country again on a three month tourist visa, and to see all the changes that had taken place.

The one big difference that struck me was how, unlike in their neighbouring countries, the Vietnamese I've met and hang out with, are not so willing to move overseas and be away from their families, friends or their country.
Going overseas for employment and / or training, receiving different qualifications is one thing, leaving their homeland forever to live somewhere else is completely a different matter to most of them.

My wife, yes - I ended up falling in love and getting married to a truly wonderful Vietnamese lady. ( and I've NEVER been happier in my life ! )
We took our time to get to know each other. The differences in our customs, back grounds, beliefs, values of life amongst other things. From the start, I took the advice of other expats and their wives and did NOT 'hit' on her at all. The final choice was her's to make - not mine.
The one most important thing I've learned is that despite our visiting other countries over the past few years, anything over one or two weeks away from 'home' and that was enough for her. No amount of money could ever change that fact. 
She would become desperately unhappy if we where to move to another country to live permanently. She comes from a very conservative, old fashioned, traditional Bhuddist family back ground, is very well educated, intelligent, sweet, generous, kind and loves life. 
All her friends and family that I have met have the same outlook on life. They work very hard, long hours, family, friends and success is very important to them.  Family honor and not 'losing face' is part of their way of life.

So we made a compromise - I moved to Viet Nam to live and we are both very happy.

From what I've read, it seems to me that this young lady is caught between a feeling of obligation and the future she really needs to make her happy.  Obligation or the feeling of being personal obligated to another person for anything, especially kindness or love, has a very different meaning to most Vietnamese than it does to westerners.

@Flip465

I wholeheartedly agree with your post.
After 40+ years of coming and going from Asia, now married and living in Laos, I have come across this type of post on other forums. 
People often seem ignorant of what is needed to make things work in such a relationship. Ignorance of culture is the biggest stumbling block along with language a close second.

Hi all,

We have done some cleaning on the thread for info.

Regards
Armand
Expat.com Team

Ignorance on both sides I hope you mean.

Tito12 wrote:

danhask,you show a classic delusional thinking (right down to a "she doesn't even want to go abroad" argument) that a nicely described here:

https://www.expat.com/forum/viewtopic.p … 49#1382044

I think some young ladies like & respect the maturity of an older man

yes,sure,the usual excuse that such men use. You show your maturity nicely by dating so much younger girl and being unable to bond with (western) woman you age. Maturity is not guaranteed with age. Heck ,would you say your wife is childish? Or is she mature for her age? Mature? You see, young people can be mature too. More,I think I am mature more than you because I am thinking about future: What will happen to your young children once you die? What happens when you get sick due to your age? I don't know how old are you but the age gap will catch up pretty quickly once you get in your 60ties. If you love someone don't you want them to be with you for decades? Being in 60ties or 70ties there is not much time. You will shift all the burden on her. The girls get burdened by their parents all their life and what you did is exactly the same: for few years of caring for her you will then soon burden her with your own age related problems. Kinda sad isn't it, these girls don't get any break in their lives.YES, they do it voluntarily for their own reason but in reality,the are steered and taught to do this form the young age.

So first they get cared by parents and instead of having a chance to live their life they have to repay parents for what they did for her. So they marry a guy like you,sacrificing their youth. And the circle repeats. For few years she is taken care of and  parents are repaid but then it is all over again: taking care of you at old age,taking care of parents, taking care of the kids..and once you die it only get's worse unless you leave a lot of money.

edit:I found your video on net and you seem to be santa claus looking man in sixties playing with (your?) kid that is maybe 3 years old. Way to go, you sure are mature. Widowing your wife in decade maybe, fatherless child and who knows what. Just last week I met a young girl with small child whose old foreign husband died of heart attack and now she is left with nothing an a kid. Maybe she should think about this before she married such guy and maybe he should thought this out too?But you got your young piece of ass before you time runs out and that is all it counts ,right.Because all Vietnamese middle aged or women your age are not acceptable ...I would love to hear the reasons

I tell you what - go into any bar in PNL and I can assure you that older men are much less respectable to women (including waitresses) than a younger men. Groping and sleazy talking to women working there.  Read some stories here and you will see that lots of older men post stories that even young men would be ashamed to commit in west. I actually know a lot of male foreigners here that are not yet middle aged and more and they respect and treat their girlfriends and wives better than older men. Sex tourist are also much more likely to be middle aged. I have met tons of middle age married men who travel to SE Asia and the cheat on their wives. So much about maturity. Your arguments might be ok in west but not in SE Asia.

Whaaat??

dude,
you sure have got issues! Has some old foreign guy taken a girl away from you? Your generalizations and blanket accusations/ assumptions are seriously racist and flawed.
You seem to think that all old white guys are there to find some young and dumb girl.
YES there are a lot of sick old buggers I've seen all over Asia (Go see in Laos/ BK etc as well, some of which of given a good beating because I will not and can not ever condone some dirty bugger, no matter what race, groping the young girls the way they do)
Yes there are perverts that go to the discos and bars to slobber over the girls there,
yes there are Nigerians that con the girls into their slave trade
BUT,
to make statements like you do insinuating that ALL men are like that and that an age gap relationship is based on some sick perversion or lack of some sorts on the part of the older man show your utter ignorance and sorry to say, jealousy!
I have lived in countries all over the world and have seen from France (MY ex Commanding officer of 69 married to a 32 year old French girl, VERY HAPPILY) to Sierra Leone (another ex Special Forces mate married a girl 22 years younger than him and are also VERY HAPPY) so climb off your Asian/ white man routine and get a life.
Older men like younger woman for many reasons, mine,
1. because they don't have tons of baggage after failed relationships with men like you so that I have to always carry the costs of repair to their twisted minds,
2. because western woman have lost the old values and are on the whole, unfaithful and cheat while I travel (Which is part of my business-regular travel) No Asian woman I've ever known has cheated on me or any of my mates, both Asian and Western mates.
3. Western woman are often more interested in your bank balance and when you have a large supply of greenbacks then they are very happy to spend it as fast as possible Whether I gave my last 2 cars, a massive house, holidays where and when ever she wanted, weekly trips to the beauty pallor for the nails, massage etc etc she still cheated on me. Bugger that! And with a fat older guy????
4. Western woman will lie through their teeth to get what they want, they often do not respect your personal space, are insanely jealous (probably of your money) are totally SELF SERVING MOST of the time, throw childish tantrums for no reason at all, or when they know they are wrong (like spending $5000 on shoes in a single shop)
5. Western woman are even at my age often totally childish and immature and know little or nothing of the world around them

Now, the converse regarding younger Asian woman and even some African tribes:
1. ZERO BAGGAGE! So easy to get along with and as in my case where I live a very active life and enjoy extreme sports and fun stuff like jumping out of aeroplanes they have courage, honesty and are full of LIFE! They will suit up and jump, screaming all the way yes for sure but they wont sit on the ground under an umbrella doing their nails moaning about the heat etc ec etc etc.......
2. Asian woman ARE LOYAL! Utterly loyal! I've never heard of an Asian woman cheating, even when their husbands cheat on them as is the custom in Thailand.
3. Asian woman I've known and the wives of my mates are miserly when it comes to money. Especially the married ones as it is their culture to save. Western women? Unless they have kids will spend until the well is dry. My GF/ Wife to be has full control over my finances and even my business accounts and lo and behold any manager or client trying to rake off anything, weather they are a Sheik in Dubai or a miner in Mali, she tears a strip off them. She even makes more money with whats in the accounts because I've taught her about platforms etc etc. Brilliant business women is what most Asian women are, especially the Korean (South).
4. Asian women will never spend a cent without asking and will often complain when I buy them expensive gifts. Ask my girl "Do you want Mazerati for your personal car?" reply: "why, Its to fast and I prefer the Mazda with the big boot" Even though she has a Range Rover to drive.
5. Asian women are mature, by western standards, far beyond their age. My GF can have intelligent conversations about any subject, matches any of my friends intellectually, is independent, strong willed, very protective over me, cares for me as if I am the last man on the planet, loves me in ways I never thought possible and receives without any reservation on my part all my love and everything in my world is shared with her because I know without ANY doubt that she will always look after our interests.
She comes from a simple farming family like I did originally yet has an inherent elegance and sophistication when required in the company of the business associates she meets and can at home be a petite T shirt and bare feet wonder digging in the garden.
Our relationship is based on mutual respect for each others person and cultures. We don't try to change anything about the other and accept each others cultures by incorporating the aspects we both like and throwing out what we don't. She is fiercely protective over me just as I am over her, my little Asian Tiger (As i call her) always has her (African lion as she calls me)  there to care for and protect her.
Is it because I want eye candy on my arm? What for? I don't care what any one else thinks and can have any beautiful western woman I choose to because I am not a fat ugly old man, am a very likeable guy and very popular with any circle of ladies.  I don't want or need their looks or persons in my life.
I chose my Luu because she is Asian yes, because she is petite and lovely yes, but I chose her because she is the brightest, most gentle and loving creature I've ever met. We fit like a glove, laugh like kids, have fun like there is no tomorrow and take care of each other. She respects me and I respect her, without any ulterior motives.

Maybe you Tito should look inside yourself and look at why you are such a desperate unhappy person. I believe there you will find the reasons for your attack on people who you don not know and on situations that you have no clue of, just your assumptions  which are based on little of any personal experience or knowledge, otherwise, you would never say what you did.
Just to add, my GF's parents, both Vietnamese, are 23 years apart, her sister is 25 and her sisters husband is 56, both Vietnamese. Are they dirty old white men??

You have never heard of an Asian woman cheating, what bubble do you live in. There have been many cases reported in the news of women having affairs and then a act of violence has followed. I feel your too in love with Asian women to actually see whats really going on around you.

Please think about your family before you make a decision, they have many reason to do that. hope you will have the best choice. good luck!

The topic was posted 2 years ago, but still keep people interesting.
For my opinion, to decide to get married with somebody, its not just about love, you have to be mature and realistic, both man and woman.
and i think man have to be more responsible than woman in relationship, never tell me that having the equity in such this relationship, dont be so mean, man.
Its hard to tell, but the gap between love and get married is a big deal, and you have to fill it will your whole life's efforts: responsibility, love, loyal, money, sharing, caring, understanding, patient, listening...
“How do you look at someone you love and tell yourself it's time to walk away?” The hardest thing to do, but you can do it, walk away from the the weaknest moment and find your new love that you deserve for your life.

colinoscapee wrote:

You have never heard of an Asian woman cheating, what bubble do you live in. There have been many cases reported in the news of women having affairs and then a act of violence has followed. I feel your too in love with Asian women to actually see whats really going on around you.

entirely your opinion and your view Colin. Maybe thats in your circles but with my group of friends it is as I said. Possibly your reports come from the usual bar hopping/ dance hall crowd where the fat old foreigners go to pick up some young girl.
That is NOT my world as i find places like that p**s me off. Seeing the perverted morons with their fat guts and red faces lusting after young girls that OFTEN (Not always but MOST) are their for economic reasons and support their families on what they earn as dancers, makes my blood boil.

I and my friends stay away from those places as I have been in trouble once to often when I have reacted to some bloated yank pawing a girl who is on the 'untouchable' side of the clubs. I had my fair share of these places Like Soy Cowboy in BK when I first went the as the guy I hired (American) to investigate what I needed always arranged our meetings in such places. Only later did I in my ignorance realize that those places ARE NOT the usual BK.
There are in any of these countries issues on both sides. Western men find the easy sex attractive yes because yes many of them could not find the same at home. To ugly, to fat, to rude, to perverted. What ever.
That lot I personally dont have time for at all. I come from am old school background so of have old school values and ALL woman are to be respected. Regardless of race, age, profession etc. I have learnt in my travels around the world that one can not judge these woman by their work. You and I have no right to do so. Some examples, Russia,  The vast majority of the girls we have investigated come from smuggling bastards that kidnap these girls from all over the world, the new trend now, South Africa. Even young babies are snatched from their mothers arms. Animals and scum!
Mozambique: Desperately poor young girls become attached, fall in love with Italian aid workers who 'love' them, even take them home to meet heir families, have a string of kids with these girls, then when their contracts are over they run. Scum! Leaving behind a 24 year old girl with 2 or 3 kids with no home, no family to go to, thus on the streets with her kids. I bought 2 houses there and took the street girls and the street kinds off the streets and found a Christian organization to look after them, educate them and give them the skills to have normal lives.
India- this i wont even talk about., I find their culture of selling their own kids utterly disgusting!
Middle East, MANY Muslim countries - Same as India. Utterly no respect for woman. General comment yes, but the VAST MAJORITY treat their woman like slaves and sell them like commodities. Abhorrent!

So, fact is, Asian women are wonderful women in the right circumstances and from the right background and for the right reasons. Yes some will cheat, like any nation, BUT, compared to the west with the whole new age rubbish of "swinging parties" and wife swapping where it is now the 'morn' to cheat in many circles and many many cities, ---Asian woman are angels!
MY life's lessons,
don't judge a book by its cover
don't judge until you know the facts and history
Let not the bad memories of the past negatively influence today as you will never again have today
live this moment with tomorrow in mind as what you do today will influence your tomorrow
Love with your heart, your soul and your body, in that order. the mind should not have anything to do with loving or not loving. The mind is influenced by far to much clutter in today's world.

Take your reply, if everyone took what you to say as fact in all cases there would be no love, no relationships between cultures.
A sad though indeed!

PeterVanAardt wrote:

colinoscapee wrote:

You have never heard of an Asian woman cheating, what bubble do you live in. There have been many cases reported in the news of women having affairs and then a act of violence has followed. I feel your too in love with Asian women to actually see whats really going on around you.

entirely your opinion and your view Colin. Maybe thats in your circles but with my group of friends it is as I said. Possibly your reports come from the usual bar hopping/ dance hall crowd where the fat old foreigners go to pick up some young girl.
That is NOT my world as i find places like that p**s me off. Seeing the perverted morons with their fat guts and red faces lusting after young girls that OFTEN (Not always but MOST) are their for economic reasons and support their families on what they earn as dancers, makes my blood boil.

I and my friends stay away from those places as I have been in trouble once to often when I have reacted to some bloated yank pawing a girl who is on the 'untouchable' side of the clubs. I had my fair share of these places Like Soy Cowboy in BK when I first went the as the guy I hired (American) to investigate what I needed always arranged our meetings in such places. Only later did I in my ignorance realize that those places ARE NOT the usual BK.
There are in any of these countries issues on both sides. Western men find the easy sex attractive yes because yes many of them could not find the same at home. To ugly, to fat, to rude, to perverted. What ever.
That lot I personally dont have time for at all. I come from am old school background so of have old school values and ALL woman are to be respected. Regardless of race, age, profession etc. I have learnt in my travels around the world that one can not judge these woman by their work. You and I have no right to do so. Some examples, Russia,  The vast majority of the girls we have investigated come from smuggling bastards that kidnap these girls from all over the world, the new trend now, South Africa. Even young babies are snatched from their mothers arms. Animals and scum!
Mozambique: Desperately poor young girls become attached, fall in love with Italian aid workers who 'love' them, even take them home to meet heir families, have a string of kids with these girls, then when their contracts are over they run. Scum! Leaving behind a 24 year old girl with 2 or 3 kids with no home, no family to go to, thus on the streets with her kids. I bought 2 houses there and took the street girls and the street kinds off the streets and found a Christian organization to look after them, educate them and give them the skills to have normal lives.
India- this i wont even talk about., I find their culture of selling their own kids utterly disgusting!
Middle East, MANY Muslim countries - Same as India. Utterly no respect for woman. General comment yes, but the VAST MAJORITY treat their woman like slaves and sell them like commodities. Abhorrent!

So, fact is, Asian women are wonderful women in the right circumstances and from the right background and for the right reasons. Yes some will cheat, like any nation, BUT, compared to the west with the whole new age rubbish of "swinging parties" and wife swapping where it is now the 'morn' to cheat in many circles and many many cities, ---Asian woman are angels!
MY life's lessons,
don't judge a book by its cover
don't judge until you know the facts and history
Let not the bad memories of the past negatively influence today as you will never again have today
live this moment with tomorrow in mind as what you do today will influence your tomorrow
Love with your heart, your soul and your body, in that order. the mind should not have anything to do with loving or not loving. The mind is influenced by far to much clutter in today's world.

Take your reply, if everyone took what you to say as fact in all cases there would be no love, no relationships between cultures.
A sad though indeed!

Hahaha!
It seems your entire rant is as riddled with 'judgements' as an archers target-board!
No judgement here 

Someone is in need of a reality check.

People are the same all over the world there are good people and bad people (good women/men and bad women/men).
   
    Age is just a number so I won't go to much into that except to point out that a twenty-something-year-old girl  probably does not have a lot in common with a man two or three times her age.

   Other than that, the moral of this story is to "know the person before you marry them."

   This is coming from a 55-year-old men who married a 21-year-old Filipino when he was 38 - the marriage was over before he reached 48, so I have made mistakes and I like to think I have learned something from some of them. I'm just saying ...

True, as the 38 year old who married a 21 year old would now find that the 55 year old married to a 38 year old wouldnt be a problem. You girls in their twenties are just that,young girls with no life experience.

Is there a point of continuing this thread? The OP has not come back to comment and all I'm seeing is a back and forth between those who dislike seeing an older man having relationship with a younger girl. Or a younger girl making a bad decision. Frankly, I think this is a fake story and was created to arouse interest or emotion from everyone .

You just replied, which therefore has also kept the tread going.

Very true. The 55 year old man now has a 40 year old VN girlfriend