Monthly support to Vietnamese GF a mistake?

AlexSarah wrote:

I'd happily talk to someone for $800USD  a month..

Tito12 wrote:

hELLnoi wrote:

christine thuy wrote:

Problem is we dont know hELLnoi. we can be right AND can be wrong too.

But we are prosecuting her without knowing what NashCat chatted with her, and ready to send her to the gallows without even knowing who she is.

We are just telling him what the possibilities are,this is SE Asia and this is how the things are here, especially when it concerns mixed relationships and money. Yes, innocent until proven guilty but you seem to wear a rose colored glasses too often

I'm not an expert in relationships but I think the best thing for you to do is to take some time to think about what you really want to do. Everyone on this forum has some input on your question. I am not saying that any one of them are right or wrong but listen to your inner self. The decision you make could be the right one or it could cost you a lot more than you have already spent. Either way, it seems that this bothers you a lot. Wish you the best outcome.

Regards

NashCat wrote:

Met a great Vietnamese girl a year ago online, went to Vietnam for 3 months to meet her. Everything was great. She was beautiful and nice. Not a bar or party girl, and we hit it off the moment we met. She had a restaurant at the time, but, because of disputes with the landlord she was forced to sell the restaurant and lost her savings. I helped her out with the legal fees and when we were together I paid all our entertainment and travelling expenses. When I returned home I agreed to support her monthly ($800), because, she just lost her restaurant and didn't have a job. I also did it, cause I wanted her to have the time to chat with me online. Staying at home for 4 months doing nothing is not for her, so she decided to work again, which I can't blame her. Lately, she been asking for more money to start her off a fresh in her new career. She's currently living with her family, but, she want to live on her own ... new apartment, furnitures, moped, etc. We don't regularly chat online like before because of her job and the time zones different, and it irks me that she's asking for more money. I'll be honest, can't help thinking about stories of Vietnamese girls cleaning bank accounts of their Western boyfriends. We have discuss marriage but I have yet to ask her. So mine financially supporting her is out of heart not through any obligations. Now, that she have a job, I am considering terminating the support. I am planning to return back again in 4 months to make a decision on the next step in our relationship. What's your thoughts and experiences?

My girlfriend never asked me for money. Met her my first trip to HCMC . Traveled back and forth to get to know her and the family and we talked on the internet when I was in the States. She is now my wife of 6 years and we live in Florida . She goes to work every day and is the perfect partner in life. 800 USD a month ! Holy mackerel ! You are a walking talking ATM ! Move on down the road . There are plenty of great sweet girls in VN who want someone to love , not their money . Good luck to you .

Vungtaudon's (with his revised post) and Laidbackfreak's posts are right on the money, based on my experience here, and my knowledge of average labor wages. I also sometimes ask a local about their working wages after I get to know them a little. Found out a few days ago that a mid-wife nurse with 10 years experience at FV Hospital makes 10,000,000 VND per month. Again, that falls in line with information from aforementioned posts.

Pal, I'm assuming you are not living in an insane asylum, correct?  This woman has got you, hook, line, and sinker.  Are you kidding me?  They will eat you alive, financially speaking.  So you go back, she dumps you after cleaning you out, you get pissed, and then one night, as you're walking along Nguyen Du Street at night.................

MichaelChan wrote:

No Money, No Honey.

Put this to the test !

I think my cousin bought me some bang trang tron???

You got that right!

jakejas wrote:

I'm with Tito on this one. There is no need to bash the USA or tell people to leave the country if they have any complaints about it. It isn't just Americans who go to other countries and complain; everyone does it, and it is not that big of a deal. Every country has some things that are legitimate to complain about. Vietnamese come to the US and complain about the food, over-use (in their opinion) of air conditioning, high price of goods, and visa issues. Do you think they should just shut up and go back to VN? I would never consider telling anyone to leave the US just because they have some complaints, so I don't think it is necessary to try and force anyone with a complaint out of Vietnam.

If you forced anyone with a complaint about VN onto an airplane and kicked them out of the country, all you would have left would be a few idealistic expats and a few party loyalists. The most vocal critics of VN I know of are Vietnamese, so they would all be forced to leave as well.

NashCat wrote:

Met a great Vietnamese girl a year ago online, went to Vietnam for 3 months to meet her. Everything was great. She was beautiful and nice. Not a bar or party girl, and we hit it off the moment we met. She had a restaurant at the time, but, because of disputes with the landlord she was forced to sell the restaurant and lost her savings. I helped her out with the legal fees and when we were together I paid all our entertainment and travelling expenses. When I returned home I agreed to support her monthly ($800), because, she just lost her restaurant and didn't have a job. I also did it, cause I wanted her to have the time to chat with me online. Staying at home for 4 months doing nothing is not for her, so she decided to work again, which I can't blame her. Lately, she been asking for more money to start her off a fresh in her new career. She's currently living with her family, but, she want to live on her own ... new apartment, furnitures, moped, etc. We don't regularly chat online like before because of her job and the time zones different, and it irks me that she's asking for more money. I'll be honest, can't help thinking about stories of Vietnamese girls cleaning bank accounts of their Western boyfriends. We have discuss marriage but I have yet to ask her. So mine financially supporting her is out of heart not through any obligations. Now, that she have a job, I am considering terminating the support. I am planning to return back again in 4 months to make a decision on the next step in our relationship. What's your thoughts and experiences?

So after all these replies, how are things progressing NashCat?

AlexSarah wrote:

CTVN wrote:

Vietnamese are the *BEST* women on Planet Earth... you will never find a more loyal, trustworthy, hardworking, and loving companion in your dreams, much less in this lifetime.

They can be. But they can also be deceptive, manipulative and cruel. Nationality is irrelevant. I'm just sticking up for my Western girls

AlexSarah,

Very true, western girls tend to get a bad rap but when it comes right down to it they are no better or worse than any other nationality.

CTVN wrote:

Ok, I stand corrected on Salary... However, since we are on the subject of finances: How do these people afford houses? I mean there is no such thing as a mortgage here and these houses cost anywhere from 600,000,000 VND and up. that's almost $30k USD... but how does someone making $250 per month *ever* save enough money to buy a house. Even stashing away half of that ($125) per month, it would still take them 20 years to save enough to buy a house. Everyone here owns a house or a lot, so my question is: at the salaries everyone is stating, how can it make financial sense the there are so many homeowners here?

Best Regards

A lot of them owned houses before the price went sky rocketing. Now a days most of the people that are buying houses are well off, buying with other family members, or are gifts from parents. Also a lot of people are buying land and building on it without papers.

Parmyd wrote:

AlexSarah wrote:

CTVN wrote:

Vietnamese are the *BEST* women on Planet Earth... you will never find a more loyal, trustworthy, hardworking, and loving companion in your dreams, much less in this lifetime.

They can be. But they can also be deceptive, manipulative and cruel. Nationality is irrelevant. I'm just sticking up for my Western girls

AlexSarah,

Very true, western girls tend to get a bad rap but when it comes right down to it they are no better or worse than any other nationality.

Basic salary of Vietnamese may be low, but, they have another income. As far as i know, the average income now is from $350, but the total income every month always above $500 for 2 years experience staffs. Salary of my manager is above $3000, not including bonus and commission. Besides, they also have their own business, small one but still collecting a lot of money. So, if you ask about their salary, they will answer with their basic salary.

But, money is not the problem of the relationship. If you dont trust your partner, everything's going to be ruined.
You've heard so many the bad stories about Vietnamese girls who digging in foreigner's money but there're still a lot of nice VN girls and maybe, you're not lucky enough to meet them.

International relationship is just a relationship between human & human. If you love someone honestly, you will understand it. If you're still counting, you will meet the person who also counting your money.

Such a gloomy day.

I am not sure, where those huge numbers are coming from, 2 years above USD 300 a month. This would raise the countries average income well above the average income of Hanoi (USD 2500, this years , seen just a couple of hours ago in a new (Vietnam) newspaper article today.

The countries average is not even really 1500 USD a year and for mathematical reason, at least 85 % will earn less and much less than this ( Germany it's 88% and there exists a strong middle class, which is virtually none existing in Vietnam). The remaining 15% are a few top earners, most like the Billionaires, Corporation owners ..... . This is not workforce or restaurant owner.

This income you suspect is not even true for Singapore, where  productivity and costs are multiple times higher.

l3ully wrote:

I am not sure, where those huge numbers are coming from, 2 years above USD 300 a month. This would raise the countries average income well above the average income of Hanoi (USD 2500, this years , seen just a couple of hours ago in a new (Vietnam) newspaper article today.

The countries average is not even really 1500 USD a year and for mathematical reason, at least 85 % will earn less and much less than this ( Germany it's 88% and there exists a strong middle class, which is virtually none existing in Vietnam). The remaining 15% are a few top earners, most like the Billionaires, Corporation owners ..... . This is not workforce or restaurant owner.

This income you suspect is not even true for Singapore, where  productivity and costs are multiple times higher.

Yeah, That is what I thought too. I have relatives over in VN and they don't make anything near those quotes.

My mistakes, that number's for people who living in big city like HCM city and i said " as far as i know" from reality not from the statistic of government.

Many people have multiple income from other sources that cannot see daylight. I was believe the real income of the general worker is about 3-5 million

The uncle of my fiance that introduced me to her makes about 40k/year. But he worked his way up the corporate ladder when I first met him 11 years ago he was living in Can Tho and would travel to his workplace in Saigon. Quite a travel back than when they didn't have bridges and they'd ferry your motorbike across.

But he worked hard and made some money to buy a piece of land in district 2 when that area was always heavily flooded and just developing. Now he's a manager at the same foreign oil company and drives a 7 seater car to work right in the heart of Saigon.

I think the big money is working for foreign companies.

My cousin on the other hand who holds a Masters in Electronic Engineering outside of Vietnam makes only $500 or so as a professor at a University while some professors here in Canada make a mil. He does outside projects though for extra money.

VN is so strange, the salaries are just a few hundred dollars, yet goods such as iphones, flat screen tvs, appliances, all cost the same as USA/Canada, meaning someone would have to spend months or years to save for such an item. Also I see a lot of young ppl walk around malls like vincom center, but no one really buys anything and i can see why cuz i cant see how someone could afford a $100 pair of shoes or a $200 suit with a low salary for example

mikeymyke wrote:

VN is so strange, the salaries are just a few hundred dollars, yet goods such as iphones, flat screen tvs, appliances, all cost the same as USA/Canada, meaning someone would have to spend months or years to save for such an item. Also I see a lot of young ppl walk around malls like vincom center, but no one really buys anything and i can see why cuz i cant see how someone could afford a $100 pair of shoes or a $200 suit with a low salary for example

Maybe that's why she needs an extra 800 a month.

khanh44 wrote:

This might sound bad but dude you have lots of money to give. Lots of Vietnamese girls go for guys with lots of money. You can afford to pick and choose. Take your time and find the one that honestly cares more for you than herself. Too many girls pollute the online dating sites looking for their money victim. They always have a sob story to tell. But if you have a choice fly to Vietnam for 3 months and find your girl. Get to know her family and how she lives.

khanh44 is giving you some good advice.  I'm 65 and have been around the block in Asia many many times.

cth wrote:

mikeymyke wrote:

VN is so strange, the salaries are just a few hundred dollars, yet goods such as iphones, flat screen tvs, appliances, all cost the same as USA/Canada, meaning someone would have to spend months or years to save for such an item. Also I see a lot of young ppl walk around malls like vincom center, but no one really buys anything and i can see why cuz i cant see how someone could afford a $100 pair of shoes or a $200 suit with a low salary for example

Maybe that's why she needs an extra 800 a month.

mikeymyke wrote:

VN is so strange, the salaries are just a few hundred dollars, yet goods such as iphones, flat screen tvs, appliances, all cost the same as USA/Canada, meaning someone would have to spend months or years to save for such an item. Also I see a lot of young ppl walk around malls like vincom center, but no one really buys anything and i can see why cuz i cant see how someone could afford a $100 pair of shoes or a $200 suit with a low salary for example

Vincom is the "wanna be seen hangout" very few people can afford to shop there. Which makes me wonder how do they stay in business. When a wealthy person does buy something it is always much higher than here in the states. Doesn't make good business sense to me.

The only reason they are able to make money is because people know that the products they sale are the real deal and not some cheap copy. There are plenty of well to do locals and expats who take pride (or want to show off) in being able to afford buying from them.

Although I still agree with several posts referring to the culture and why things are the way they are here, after giving this more thought, I'm starting to agree more with Nam's earlier posts. Nashcat, if you're one of these ex-pats who come to a developing country like Vietnam and wave your abundant cash around in the faces of impressionable young Vietnamese women with the intention of garnering their affections (I'm not saying you are - only you know that), you are contributing to the whole problem. I firmly believe that many of the women here have not always been gold-diggers. They were probably formerly good girls who have been corrupted by western (and Korean, Japanese, and Taiwanese) men who think they can just come into Vietnam and "buy" any woman they want. The aforementioned wealthy Asian men are probably the worst offenders, because they grew up in a culture that believes women are of a lower status than men, (my apologies to you guys who treat your women with respect - I'm referring mainly to men of my generation who are older) and the women here are aware of that so the Asian men offset that by flaunting more money in the faces of potential girlfriends. There are even bars around HCMC that have a predominantly Japanese/Asian male clientele, and any western men who go in are ignored by the girls because they know western men won't flaunt their money like the wealthy Asian guys do. I know this appears as if I'm bashing Asian men - I'm not. Just pointing out that they do more than their share of contributing to the problem. I'm talking about ALL of us foreign men who have above-average incomes, and apparently think the size of the wallet is directly proportional to the size of the penis. So.... Nashcat - if you're guilty of these shenanigans, as Nam said, "pay the lady". You probably made her that way. You deserve her.

VungTauDon wrote:

The only reason they are able to make money is because people know that the products they sale are the real deal and not some cheap copy. There are plenty of well to do locals and expats who take pride (or want to show off) in being able to afford buying from them.

I am sure there are plenty of wealthy people in VN. I am also sure that the merchandise that they sell better be authentic for the prices that they are selling them for. I was comparing the prices for high end merchandise here and in VN. I would know the prices because I live in Miami, Fl. and do own those items. I bought such items straight from the retail store not knock offs. I suppose that the import taxes are much higher than where I live and other contributing factors.

saigonmonkey wrote:

Although I still agree with several posts referring to the culture and why things are the way they are here, after giving this more thought, I'm starting to agree more with Nam's earlier posts. Nashcat, if you're one of these ex-pats who come to a developing country like Vietnam and wave your abundant cash around in the faces of impressionable young Vietnamese women with the intention of garnering their affections (I'm not saying you are - only you know that), you are contributing to the whole problem. I firmly believe that many of the women here have not always been gold-diggers. They were probably formerly good girls who have been corrupted by western (and Korean, Japanese, and Taiwanese) men who think they can just come into Vietnam and "buy" any woman they want. The aforementioned wealthy Asian men are probably the worst offenders, because they grew up in a culture that believes women are of a lower status than men, (my apologies to you guys who treat your women with respect - I'm referring mainly to men of my generation who are older) and the women here are aware of that so the Asian men offset that by flaunting more money in the faces of potential girlfriends. There are even bars around HCMC that have a predominantly Japanese/Asian male clientele, and any western men who go in are ignored by the girls because they know western men won't flaunt their money like the wealthy Asian guys do. I know this appears as if I'm bashing Asian men - I'm not. Just pointing out that they do more than their share of contributing to the problem. I'm talking about ALL of us foreign men who have above-average incomes, and apparently think the size of the wallet is directly proportional to the size of the penis. So.... Nashcat - if you're guilty of these shenanigans, as Nam said, "pay the lady". You probably made her that way. You deserve her.

I agree with a lot of what you wrote.

Parmyd wrote:

AlexSarah wrote:

CTVN wrote:

Vietnamese are the *BEST* women on Planet Earth... you will never find a more loyal, trustworthy, hardworking, and loving companion in your dreams, much less in this lifetime.

They can be. But they can also be deceptive, manipulative and cruel. Nationality is irrelevant. I'm just sticking up for my Western girls

AlexSarah,

Very true, western girls tend to get a bad rap but when it comes right down to it they are no better or worse than any other nationality.

Let's just conclude that women (and men) from each nation has good and bad points. Screw the bad points. Let's just talk about the good points and spread the loveee!

saigonmonkey wrote:

... I'm talking about ALL of us foreign men who have above-average incomes, and apparently think the size of the wallet is directly proportional to the size of the penis. So.... Nashcat - if you're guilty of these shenanigans, as Nam said, "pay the lady". You probably made her that way. You deserve her.

Sad but true. I think this happens everywhere and with all age groups.

VungTauDon wrote:

The only reason they are able to make money is because people know that the products they sale are the real deal and not some cheap copy. There are plenty of well to do locals and expats who take pride (or want to show off) in being able to afford buying from them.

Out of curiosity VungTauDon. What would your guess be of the percentage of locals/expats who takes pride/want to show off vs genuinely just buying when they buy at these sites?

OzOzOz wrote:

VungTauDon wrote:

The only reason they are able to make money is because people know that the products they sale are the real deal and not some cheap copy. There are plenty of well to do locals and expats who take pride (or want to show off) in being able to afford buying from them.

Out of curiosity VungTauDon. What would your guess be of the percentage of locals/expats who takes pride/want to show off vs genuinely just buying when they buy at these sites?

Well since you are thinking about opening a business in VN, I think that is a good question to ask him. 

MIA2013 wrote:

OzOzOz wrote:

VungTauDon wrote:

The only reason they are able to make money is because people know that the products they sale are the real deal and not some cheap copy. There are plenty of well to do locals and expats who take pride (or want to show off) in being able to afford buying from them.

Out of curiosity VungTauDon. What would your guess be of the percentage of locals/expats who takes pride/want to show off vs genuinely just buying when they buy at these sites?

Well since you are thinking about opening a business in VN, I think that is a good question to ask him. 

Shshh, don't bust me too early on.

Seems like NashCat is too busy preparing for his wedding to be replying on this post...

OzOzOz wrote:

Out of curiosity VungTauDon. What would your guess be of the percentage of locals/expats who takes pride/want to show off vs genuinely just buying when they buy at these sites?

I don't know but I would guess there would be a higher % of people buying from them because they take pride in buying authentic items and not cheap copies.
I tried to impress my wife before we got married by buying her a pair of Gucci sunglasses that cost around $400 and she got mad at me and said she could have bought 40 pairs at Ben Thanh market for that price.

VungTauDon wrote:

OzOzOz wrote:

Out of curiosity VungTauDon. What would your guess be of the percentage of locals/expats who takes pride/want to show off vs genuinely just buying when they buy at these sites?

I don't know but I would guess there would be a higher % of people buying from them because they take pride in buying authentic items and not cheap copies.
I tried to impress my wife before we got married by buying her a pair of Gucci sunglasses that cost around $400 and she got mad at me and said she could have bought 40 pairs at Ben Thanh market for that price.

LOL, congrats on finding a great wife mate.

It seems Nashcat has lots of money to give!

Hi Nashcat,

For your reference only what I think about your story. I guess you love her much truly, that's great ! What you have done for her, she should thank and love you more than that. If she does not realize that, what's a pity to her .
Now she herself can manage finance by working again, I agree that you should terminate the support and tell her directly, she will listen to you. As my opinion, this matter shows that how much she loves you or for another reason. By the way, it is convenient that you should come back first then talk to her about the termination matter. It will be easier for you to watch her real attitude at that time and make a right decision ^^.

Wish you and she have a mutual thought about this matter .
Xuan

OzOzOz wrote:

Seems like NashCat is too busy preparing for his wedding to be replying on this post...

Hopefully he doesn't take some of the comments to heart. Everyone is just concerned for Nash and some express it more direct than others. We all just want a positive outcome.

Nothing against you bro or judging/telling how you live your life. Only you know what's best for you. We are just the peanut gallery offering our experiences.