Is this real? Straight men think women have an expiration date?

This should come as no surprise to you! It has been like this almost everywhere in the world for many years.

On the bright side, there are probably lots of younger men who look for OLDER women nowadays. They're looking mostly for the financial security that they might not otherwise be able to accomplish on their own, I guess. 

Haha, I know men love younger women, but I think they love younger because younger mean more sexy and more beautiful , not because expiration 

Some months ago, when I registered in Vietnamcupid, I saw many old men are looking for women that younger than them 20 years old or even 30 years old. Very surprise 

ngattt wrote:

"Although women tend to seek men around their age, men of all ages are by far looking for women in their early 20s, according to OkCupid data. While men often set their age filters for women into the 30s and beyond, rarely do they contact a woman over 29.

Definitely not applicable for all men. At least for me haha

It's ok if old men love younger women, because she is attractive, beautiful, sexy, blah blah blah. These women always attractive with any men, not only old one.
But I think, it's not ok if someone is always trying to look for younger girls. If I know someone likes that, I will never love him. Sure . Just my thought .

ngattt wrote:

Haha, I know men love younger women, but I think they love younger because younger mean more sexy and more beautiful , not because expiration 

Some months ago, when I registered in Vietnamcupid, I saw many old men are looking for women that younger than them 20 years old or even 30 years old. Very surprise 

i agree you. i think so.
men love younger girls who is beautiful and sexy. i think  he is rich to attract her. 

Do you like fresh or rotten seafood !? I think it's the point

I think it has more to depend on what people are wanting in life. Some men prefer younger women for different reasons just as Vietnamese woman are practical wanting to marry someone with money and disregard the age differences. Then people get confused over true love and the meaning of true love. Communication about each others wants and needs in a relationship is necessary for happiness. We can then call this true love.

zanchun wrote:

Do you like fresh or rotten seafood !? I think it's the point

Hmmmm, so from now, I will try to seduce some younger boys, kakakaka

ancientpathos wrote:

Some men prefer younger women for different reasons just as Vietnamese woman are practical wanting to marry someone with money and disregard the age differences.

I never think I will love someone because of his money. Because I only like who is intelligent, funny, caring, sharing... but if someone is rich and old, and intelligent,... I dont dare to love him, not because his age, just I am afraid that even he will think I love him because of money... Hmmm. And I need much more time to prove myself  ? It's so so so tired for me  . I am a lazy woman, I only like to spend time to do many things I like      .

ngattt wrote:

Omg, poor me 

1. Straight men think women have an expiration date.
"Although women tend to seek men around their age, men of all ages are by far looking for women in their early 20s, according to OkCupid data. While men often set their age filters for women into the 30s and beyond, rarely do they contact a woman over 29."

http://time.com/3302251/9-ugly-truths-b … upid-book/

How is the opinions of gay women? Have you studied that demographic?
And what is your question,really?
An internet dating site gave you a negative emotion,so you tell an expatriate dedicated forum that 'straight men think women have an expiry date'.

Are you stirring upset dissent,perhaps encouraging the majority Vietnamese readers to reject the older man?
How is this a positive feeling for foreigners here,men who search for a life partner online, or older women looking for love and happiness????

ngattt wrote:

Omg, poor me 

1. Straight men think women have an expiration date.
"Although women tend to seek men around their age, men of all ages are by far looking for women in their early 20s, according to OkCupid data. While men often set their age filters for women into the 30s and beyond, rarely do they contact a woman over 29."

http://time.com/3302251/9-ugly-truths-b … upid-book/

OkCupid data is really interesting.  The site was founded by a mathematician, and while it uses probability research to match people romantically, it also gathers data on users, and occasionally presents interesting tidbits like this one.  He used to post in a blog that was fun to read, but stopped once he realized he could make money by compiling the information into a book (which he has done).

About the over-29 thing:  I think most men, not all, are wired to seek women who are able to procreate, even if they have no intention of having children.  Probably not so coincidentally, a typical woman's ability to become pregnant falls off pretty dramatically once she's in her 30s.  It's not impossible, but it's more difficult.

The sad part about this is there's a faction of people in the US (and other countries) who encourage young women to pursue education and their career first before attempting to find a mate.  Many of these women find themselves single at 30 and beyond, with little hope of starting a family, as there is an abundance of women younger than them who are much more motivated, competing for the same financially-stable, successful men.  Those men don't typically place a high value on a woman's career or financial standing, when compared to their physical traits, personality, etc.  i.e., their career does these women almost no good in finding a suitable mate.

There was a recent article written by a female Princeton graduate who urged women to use their time in college to find a husband before they graduate.  People were OUTRAGED.  Her argument was once out of college, the chances of meeting a single man worthy of their Princeton heritage drops dramatically, and AS A WOMAN AGES the number of men available to her decreases.  Feminists totally flipped their lids over this.

Anyway, I've seen the following in my personal life:  Women up to the age of 25 often have no interest in a relationship, instead preferring to "play the field" and have fun while they're young, while also maybe getting an education and/or starting a career.  By 25, they may start thinking about having a boyfriend, but often they're having so much fun, they ignore the fact that they don't.  By age 30, when they are alone, a feeling of "oh shit" sinks in, and they start questioning if they're ever going to have kids.  That's not every woman I know, but I know quite of a few like that.  They tend to be quite attractive, have a good education, and are financially stable.  i.e., they don't "need" a man for anything -- and by 35-38, they are alone and miserable.

Women mature mentally faster than men. At twenty years of age the difference is pronounced.

By age 25, according to scientific investigators, both men and women are equal in maturity. Guess this means that women shouldn't marry any man under 25 - unless you want a good chance of being left to care for babies as a single parent.

Another thing, VNese woman appear to age much later (slower) than Caucasian women (20 year VNese women look so young). My around 40-year old wife is often taken for late twenties or early thirties.

ngattt wrote:

Haha, I know men love younger women, but I think they love younger because younger mean more sexy and more beautiful , not because expiration 

Some months ago, when I registered in Vietnamcupid, I saw many old men are looking for women that younger than them 20 years old or even 30 years old. Very surprise 

I think there is a difference between what people will say on a website questionnaire and, reality. In my case I much prefer women over 30 - I rarely bother with website questionnaires and I never look at dating websites, having no need.. Girls in their teens are easy on the eye (usually) but are just not my cup of tra da. Older women are, in my eyes, far more interesting.

eodmatt wrote:

I think there is a difference between what people will say on a website questionnaire and, reality..

The OkCupid data isn't based on questionaires, it's based on user behavior.  In other words, when the author says that women over 29 are rarely contacted, this is based on usage patterns on the website, not responses to questionaires.  That's what makes OkCupid fascinating, because it's really a sociological Big Data experiment masquerading as a dating service.  Its founder set it up that way.

DanFromSF wrote:

eodmatt wrote:

I think there is a difference between what people will say on a website questionnaire and, reality..

The OkCupid data isn't based on questionaires, it's based on user behavior.  In other words, when the author says that women over 29 are rarely contacted, this is based on usage patterns on the website, not responses to questionaires.  That's what makes OkCupid fascinating, because it's really a sociological Big Data experiment masquerading as a dating service.  Its founder set it up that way.

Dan, I defer to your superior knowledge!

DanFromSF wrote:

The OkCupid data isn't based on questionnaires, it's based on user behaviour.  In other words, when the author says that women over 29 are rarely contacted, this is based on usage patterns on the website, not responses to questionnaires.

On the dating web sites we are paid to Admin/Mod the actions of people are very culture based. For example, married men looking for 'spare tires' ranges all over the age spectrum. Married women looking for action are more discriminatory. Also more married VNese are looking for action on the side than most other nationalities based on our analysis.

Divorced VNese men, like Chinese males, look for unmarried/never married. Women know this so they claim they have never been married. Big surprise at the Registry Office!

Women, however, are less fastidious, they check out divorced and single men but skip married men more than vice versa.

Women also have a better idea of what they are looking for in their target goal, men are less discerning. However, men spend longer, and make more return visits, to profiles they are interested in.

Sexual preferences are also very cultural, few VNese seem to be into 'group' activities, just one on one. More southern VNese use dating web sites than northern VNese.

We cross-check our members against other dating web sites using facial comparison software and weed out the liars, but offer them a chance to 'update' their profile.

Other data points we look at are time of login, location of login, etc. We do this sort of analysis on most of our web sites.

Every field of a profile is searchable, along with combinations of all search terms.

And the Cong An claims there are very few gays and lesbians - but our web site says different, in a big number count.

The strangest web site is 'Plenty of Fish', at least as far as Asian users are concerned.

All that would make a good book!  Would you mind sharing which dating website you admin?  I'd like to check it out.

PoF is a strange website indeed.  It doesn't seem they vet people at all, and men report their most successful pickup line on there is "Do you drink milk with ice?"   

When I registed in VietnamCupid, I use a normal picture, not attracitve. Few men send "Care about you", both Viet and foreign ones. When I change my avatar, looked sexier than, people care about me more than before  ! But that time, I only wanted to have a foreign friend to practice English, so when I saw someone's profile, if it was like this "looking for a younger women...", I would skip all .

I have a class at 9:15am, so I can't talk more now . Thanks for your responses  !

Men want to breed, we may not always be aware of it, but it's in our subconscious and it isn't going away any time soon.
That in mind, we look at females as baby machines to pass our genes on.
Sorry to the older ladies, but you can't beat nature.

jimbream wrote:

How is the opinions of gay women? Have you studied that demographic?
And what is your question,really?
An internet dating site gave you a negative emotion,so you tell an expatriate dedicated forum that 'straight men think women have an expiry date'.

I think I knew many things about men , because I always try to understand men, to love, to share, to live happily. I  could be surprise with new things, but not disappointed. Because, I know, people are greedy, always want the best things! I just want to know men's thought about this, I don't think negatively at all ! I know who am I, where am I, what I need, what should I do to have happier life  .

jimbream wrote:

Are you stirring upset dissent,perhaps encouraging the majority Vietnamese readers to reject the older man?
How is this a positive feeling for foreigners here,men who search for a life partner online, or older women looking for love and happiness????

In above post, I said: I dont dare to love him, NOT because of his age, am I wrong here (with grammar)?
In this topic, I didn't talk about foreigner or not, just men! Why you think I want to do that? Can I have ability to make Vietnamese readers reject the older man? Hmmm, I think some girls who want to get married with old rich men, they know already what they shoud do to get their goal ! Noone can stop them 
Personally, if I know someone only looks for beautiful, sexy women, I never want to make friend with them . In this 4rum, sometimes someone sent msg to me and said something like that, I rarely reply .

Jaitch wrote:

Sexual preferences are also very cultural, few VNese seem to be into 'group' activities, just one on one. More southern VNese use dating web sites than northern VNese.

I think in the North, women get married sooner than the South. They are more careful with their actions. They always choose someone near them to date. They don't want to have some risks. When I was young, I knew many Vietname people who are studying abroad. I very liked a man, we just chatted and saw some times when he back to Vietnam. I didn't mind to wait him. But I always worried: when he come back to Vietnam, he has (PhD) degree, he would have sucessful career, he can get married with younger girl, I am not young anymore; he is Hanoian, I am a countryside girl,... Nothing is ensure...

I gave up then. I got married when I was 27, he said to me: I am not your fate! He came back to Vietnam 1-2 years later (I dont remember exactly!)... Finally, he got married with a countryside girl who is older than me 1 year. In Vietnam, we said "nhân tính không bằng trời tính"  (Man proposes but God disposes)

Hi,

You are over 30. I believe you have your own answer when you mentioned about men who love you in many threads. If so, what is your purpose when you open this thread? And what happens if your question is true, can you change your circumstance by waiting for response?If so, what are you hoping here?

ngattt wrote:

1. I think in the North, women get married sooner than the South. They are more careful with their actions. They always choose someone near them to date. They don't want to have some risks.

2. When I was young, I knew many Vietname people who are studying abroad. I very liked a man, we just chatted and saw some times when he back to Vietnam. I didn't mind to wait him. But I always worried: when he come back to Vietnam, he has (PhD) degree, he would have sucessful career, he can get married with younger girl, I am not young anymore; he is Hanoian, I am a countryside girl,... Nothing is ensure...

Sorry.. 1) and 2) dont relate to each others. What do you mean here when you mentioned about your story?

Regards

@Dejavu.dot: sorry if I made you not comfortable with my posts. But I read some posts here, when someone said "my friend" story, someone would wonder: it's really your friend or yours! Hmmm, I can't understand why people always wonder about this! Take it easy. It's just for fun. It's my life, and if it  doesn't make someone hurt, I think it's OK! If you feel something, you can ignore them all! I don't have much time to argue with people, so I always ignore if I feel it takes my time. But only this time I want to explain to you, I knew already you don't like me from first posts ! BTW, some my dear students know I post something here, that's why I only talk what I can talk.

And, (1) and (2) relate so much . I talked to Jaitch I am from the North already...

ngattt wrote:

1. sorry if I made you not comfortable with my posts.
2. But I read some posts here, when someone said "my friend" story, someone would wonder: it's really your friend or yours! Hmmm, I can't understand why people always wonder about this! Take it easy. It's just for fun. It's my life, and if it  doesn't make someone hurt, I think it's OK!
3. If you feel something, you can ignore them all! I don't have much time to argue with people, so I always ignore if I feel it takes my time. But only this time I want to explain to you, I knew already you don't like me from first posts ! BTW, some my dear students know I post something here, that's why I only talk what I can talk.

And, (1) and (2) relate so much . I talked to Jaitch I am from the North already...

1. 3. I don't hate anyone. I just wonder if you asked sth. But seems you need someone to share with you. Jim asked you the same question above. Seems you think wrong.

2. I didn't mention about this point. What do you mean?

A wrong thought will make people answer in wrong ways.

1. If Jim and I misunderstood, and if he really want me understand him, he will come here to comment. If he didn't say anything, it's ok.

2. When I read above link, I've just feel funny, didn't think anything. Yesterday, I must teach from 7am until 5pm, 12 periods, with about 300 students, and I was very very tired, because we don't have any air-condition in all 4 class . And last night I just came here to read and post something. I don't even have enough time to think anything, because while I post something here, I also was commenting in my FB with my students. Just ask for fun, like tag questions. But I'm very happy with everyone's responses. I learn many things from them, English and life experience!

3. I am sorry if I thought something wrong about you. But I felt that, you think I want to tell something about myselt to make some people love me? So I want to talk more about this.
If you read my posts, you know I'm not easy to love someone. I always think so much before doing anything. And if you want to know more, many people here sent messages for me, but I always ignore them, because I don't have much time to make friend with them. Even I said to an expat here (last Sunday), that I change my first avatar because I don't want to receive so many messages here. I have some beautiful pictures of my face (it's not real because it took by camera 360, if you see them, you will think I'm only 18 years old ), I can post them in my FB, and my students pay many compliments for fun, but I never use it for my avatar here. But when I took a new picture, if it's very beautiful, I always like to change my avatar to make me feel fresh sometimes, its same here and my FB. Some people knew me already .

I am a simple woman in life (to make my life happier), but I'm very strict when working, loving... Coming here to read and write English is my habit to improve my English. And discussing something with people here is my pleasure, because now I don't even have time to go out with my friends...

Can we PLEASE get back on topic???? I think the tit for tat is getting really silly. My college graduate daughter has more maturity than some of these VNmese females that contribute to EB.  Maybe because she is only a smidgen of VNmese?    Not all straight men think women have an expiration date. At least the ones I have met or known. For example myself.... the only thing that is 46 yrs old about me is my age.  ....

Dear Ngatt,

It is my last post here. Reply to what you said above, if I knew the answers I wouldn't ask you those questions and see a long replies but not relate to my questions. Sharing doesn't mean a bad meaning.Seems you are angry and apply a narrow mind of someone on me. That's why I usually ask " What do you mean?" to something I'm unclear.

However it is, I have to say sorry for making you angry.

Regards

Due to language barrier that makes Ngatt and Dejavu.dot misunderstand each other. Dejavu should invite her an eating out and make everything clear. 

MIA2013 wrote:

Can we PLEASE get back on topic???? I think the tit for tat is getting really silly. My college graduate daughter has more maturity than some of these VNmese females that contribute to EB.  Maybe because she is only a smidgen of VNmese?    Not all straight men think women have an expiration date. At least the ones I have met or known. For example myself.... the only thing that is 46 yrs old about me is my age.  ....

I just thought of a good experiment you can try:  You and your college graduate daughter both join OkCupid, and then you can compare which of you gets more men contacting you.  I think you said you're married before -- that's irrelevent -- this is purely for scientific research, not to meet anybody. 

To make it as scientific as possible, you should post the exact same information as far as education level, income, etc., but just differ in your age, and pictures (of course).  Then once your profiles are live, you can count how many men contact both of you daily.  Then we can see the ratio of men on OkCupid who do and do not believe in an expiration date.

DanFromSF wrote:

There was a recent article written by a female Princeton graduate who urged women to use their time in college to find a husband before they graduate.  People were OUTRAGED.  Her argument was once out of college, the chances of meeting a single man worthy of their Princeton heritage drops dramatically, and AS A WOMAN AGES the number of men available to her decreases.  Feminists totally flipped their lids over this.

Dan, I really wish this will happen. It's very good for Vietnamese women and some men (just some!). Because of our culture, most of us don't dare to have sex before marriage. So, if we get married so late, it's not easy at all. And I hope Vietnamese are more open-mind. When I know some young people they live with their parner before marriage, I only said to women: try to have safe-sex...
PS: I never dare to talk to any Vietnamese old people about sex .

DanFromSF wrote:

MIA2013 wrote:

Can we PLEASE get back on topic???? I think the tit for tat is getting really silly. My college graduate daughter has more maturity than some of these VNmese females that contribute to EB.  Maybe because she is only a smidgen of VNmese?    Not all straight men think women have an expiration date. At least the ones I have met or known. For example myself.... the only thing that is 46 yrs old about me is my age.  ....

I just thought of a good experiment you can try:  You and your college graduate daughter both join OkCupid, and then you can compare which of you gets more men contacting you.  I think you said you're married before -- that's irrelevent -- this is purely for scientific research, not to meet anybody. 

To make it as scientific as possible, you should post the exact same information as far as education level, income, etc., but just differ in your age, and pictures (of course).  Then once your profiles are live, you can count how many men contact both of you daily.  Then we can see the ratio of men on OkCupid who do and do not believe in an expiration date.

@ Dan
I don't need to conduct the so called scientific experiment....my husband can testify that after 2 1/2 decades that I can still make his toes curl should suffice.    My daughter....well other members here that I have share photos with already know that she doesn't need to lower her standards on OkCupid.  I was merely stating my opinion with MY experiences. I've known plenty of Westerners in the U.S. in all subcategories that don't fall under the assumption that older women have expiration dates. Are they are minority??? Maybe. I don't care and ngatt who originally posted this  question shouldn't put too much thought in it either. Like she said before "Vnmese men are not unique anymore". There are plenty of men fishes in other seas too ladies! 

Ok, I think I'll go by the statistics gathered and published from OkCupid, rather that your husband's toes curling.

OH DAN you are no fun. 

Me?  You're the one who won't put up a couple of fake profiles in the interest of science.  Talk about no fun!

ngattt wrote:

DanFromSF wrote:

There was a recent article written by a female Princeton graduate who urged women to use their time in college to find a husband before they graduate.  People were OUTRAGED.  Her argument was once out of college, the chances of meeting a single man worthy of their Princeton heritage drops dramatically, and AS A WOMAN AGES the number of men available to her decreases.  Feminists totally flipped their lids over this.

Dan, I really wish this will happen. It's very good for Vietnamese women and some men (just some!). Because of our culture, most of us don't dare to have sex before marriage. So, if we get married so late, it's not easy at all. And I hope Vietnamese are more open-mind. When I know some young people they live with their parner before marriage, I only said to women: try to have safe-sex...
PS: I never dare to talk to any Vietnamese old people about sex .

I understand about the Vietnamese reluctance to discuss or even acknowledge the matter of procreative activities, whether for recreational purposes or for increasing size of the family and thus for the continuance of the human race. And this is not just the case in Vietnam, most Asian cultures are similarly constrained in their discussions of the matter. An example:

About three years ago when I was working in Bolikhamxay province, Laos. I had to give a teaching presentation on "Leadership" to our team leaders of which there were four. I was presenting an introduction to Maslow's hierarchy of needs (five tier model) the first tier of which consists of: Biological and Physiological needs - air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, s**, sleep.

When I got to the word S** the person translating my presentation baulked and refused to continue, saying that this  was not a subject that could be discussed openly, especially since one of the team leaders present was a woman.

I found this rather odd, since Laos people  are quite happy to allude to sexual matters reasonably frankly when in social mode even with a foreigner present as long as the foreigner has been accepted and an example of this is as follows.

During a wedding celebration to which I had been invited, the female team leader made reference to the fact that she suffers from Rosacea (severe facial inflammation and spots). Another (male) team leader advised her to get married, since in his opinion, regular procreative activities would cure the matter.

DanFromSF wrote:

Ok, I think I'll go by the statistics gathered and published from OkCupid, rather that your husband's toes curling.

ERRR hang on Dan, are you sure that toe curling is not a scientific evaluation?  maybe there are degrees of toe curl, or the numbers of toes that curl?

Dude, I do NOT even want to consider MIA's husbands toes curling.  As it is I need to scrub my brain with bleach to remove that from my memory.

However, this is a good teachable moment for the Vietnamese on this forum:  This subject is an example of what we call "TMI" which stands for Too Much Information.  This phrase is most effective in one-on-one conversation -- like when your friend mentions how she makes her huband's toes curl -- by simply raising your hand and saying "Uh... TMI?"  Usually they'll stop at that point, but some people enjoy making you uncomfortable and will continue.  I have a feeling MIA might be that type. 

Dan, I couldn't possibly comment! 

Yes you can Matt, you're British eh?     What about men? Do you guys have expiration dates too??