Looking for advice or opinions about a girlfriend.

In summary, expats become old tigers -more experienced and wiser after having lived here for some years. But there is one thing I cant understand and want to ask.  From reading your old posts, I understand many experienced experts who are active in this forum got maried with ideal Viet women who dont care about your pockets and stay with you in worst days. If so, why do you keep on sharing about bad experiences instead of telling the OP how you could find your wonderful partners? It will be more interesting than complaining.

jimbream wrote:

I just realised that the OP posting lesbian dating information.
please correct if I'm wrong. She's 34? And her 'friend' is 20. And her friend says she loves her and wants to receive gifts?

Been drinking too much? Time to cut back, my friend. 

Yogi007 wrote:

Hi Robert,
Why are you looking for pretty young Asian girls on the Internet.?? 

I'm sure there are plenty of nice women in the US of A.  Well educated, probably have good jobs, maybe some assets and money.  Only trouble is they have an opinion and are educated and maybe too smart for you. Correct. ?

SO.....you come to the" last card in the pack " SE Asian dating sites.  Ha ha ha ha..... Love you guys. Another lamb to the slaughter.

I've been in VN a few years and guys like you are just what they are looking for. Your thinking with your Ego and your Balls.   They love guys like you.  I know several woman here that have bought businesses, houses, paid off family debts etc etc , all from the pockets of gullible foreigners.  And those guys have been kicked to the curb and a new sucker steps off the next plane to " play it again Sam".   These woman actually think we are stupid..why wouldn't they??  Given the dumb ass losers that come here and splash the cash ,then get made redundant for a new sugar daddy.  Ha ha ha ,can't blame them. In my next life I want to come back as a pretty VN woman. Knowing what I know now I'd make a fortune.

STOp PRESS...you've given her flick I see. Good work Robert. Another soul saved. 

I see your only 34.  I'm 55. 

Guess what Robert, young guys here are viewed with suspicion by women.  They'll think you have no money and only here for the party.  They much prefer gullible , lonely OLD men.  I see it all the time.  A group of young guys in a Bar are ignored by local girls in favour of the older weaker "prey"
They know the cash will come easily out of the pockets of lonely old men. I know several young guys here that say it's hard to meet girls.???  I've been to lots of weddings here, nearly always a 30 + year age gap.  A Vietnamese woman will think a younger guy will "trade" them in on a younger wife in the future. Rich VN men do that a lot as well.  They see the older "prey" as a safer bet.

Don't come here thinking about marriage. Live her for a few years , then assess your situation.

I admit I was probably a little naive. I usually trust a little too easily until that trust is broken. I have no problem with educated and opinionated women. A smart woman would be a good challenge for me in the long run.

I wasn't looking for someone who would be subservient and docile. So I hope that is not what you are getting at. I can never truly imagine what their lives have been like. If the roles were reversed I might have become the same way. Who knows?

I am not tight with money, but I know what is important. Having something for my future is important. I mean retirement. So I have to really know someone well, before I give them money. I don't mind paying for dinner or little things.

Maybe you are right. I don't believe anyone deserves to be used in their life. I am not expecting to be worshipped because I come from the US.

I posted here to get opinions and I received a lot. It helped me to really take a look at my situation and I was able to clear away any confusion I had. I really do appreciate what everyone wrote here. I guess I was lucky to have only lost my time and not money.

I am sure some of the negative comments have been from their own personal experience, so I don't mind the whining. 

Now I can't believe all VN women are like that. I am sure there are good and bad everywhere, including in the US. So I take it the ones to be careful with are the ones who are obsessed with western guys right?

Is there any correlation to having an education or not having one? Are they usually younger ones? You are correct. I need to come to Vietnam and spend time there.

What might help are some things to look out for which might not be so obvious. Not only for me, but for others who might read this. I found it quite amusing she asked me if I could send her money every month. It wasn't because of any real emergency. This was on the second to last time I talked with her.

I wonder if she is still an amateur and is perfecting her technique? Anyway I am not confused anymore. Thank you.

Dejavu.dot wrote:

In summary, expats become old tigers -more experienced and wiser after having lived here for some years. But there is one thing I cant understand and want to ask.  From reading your old posts, I understand many experienced experts who are active in this forum got maried with ideal Viet women who dont care about your pockets and stay with you in worst days. If so, why do you keep on sharing about bad experiences instead of telling the OP how you could find your wonderful partners? It will be more interesting than complaining.

Thank you! I would be happy to read about the positive experiences too. Take care.

Adhome01 wrote:

Yogi007 wrote:

Hi Robert,
Why are you looking for pretty young Asian girls on the Internet.?? 

I'm sure there are plenty of nice women in the US of A.  Well educated, probably have good jobs, maybe some assets and money.  Only trouble is they have an opinion and are educated and maybe too smart for you. Correct. ?

SO.....you come to the" last card in the pack " SE Asian dating sites.  Ha ha ha ha..... Love you guys. Another lamb to the slaughter.

I've been in VN a few years and guys like you are just what they are looking for. Your thinking with your Ego and your Balls.   They love guys like you.  I know several woman here that have bought businesses, houses, paid off family debts etc etc , all from the pockets of gullible foreigners.  And those guys have been kicked to the curb and a new sucker steps off the next plane to " play it again Sam".   These woman actually think we are stupid..why wouldn't they??  Given the dumb ass losers that come here and splash the cash ,then get made redundant for a new sugar daddy.  Ha ha ha ,can't blame them. In my next life I want to come back as a pretty VN woman. Knowing what I know now I'd make a fortune.

STOp PRESS...you've given her flick I see. Good work Robert. Another soul saved. 

I see your only 34.  I'm 55. 

Guess what Robert, young guys here are viewed with suspicion by women.  They'll think you have no money and only here for the party.  They much prefer gullible , lonely OLD men.  I see it all the time.  A group of young guys in a Bar are ignored by local girls in favour of the older weaker "prey"
They know the cash will come easily out of the pockets of lonely old men. I know several young guys here that say it's hard to meet girls.???  I've been to lots of weddings here, nearly always a 30 + year age gap.  A Vietnamese woman will think a younger guy will "trade" them in on a younger wife in the future. Rich VN men do that a lot as well.  They see the older "prey" as a safer bet.

Don't come here thinking about marriage. Live her for a few years , then assess your situation.

Amen! The problem is no one listens. They always believe they've found the one honest girl in VN, that just happens to love men 2 and 3 times her age. I can't count how many Viet girls I've known who have made a fortune conning foreigners. I can't blame the girls, it's easy money and plenty of suckers out there.

Hmm...is 32 now 2 or 3 times her age of 20?  Just joking.

On a serious note I took everything into consideration and I had to make my own decision. Thank you for sharing. Sounds like it happened to you before. Take care.

robert_jpop wrote:

because I come from the US

Haha. Sorry for off topic, I just feel funny everytime people remind me that they come from the US and living near the full of VNese community in the US ) just curious, were you born in VN or in the States? [again, not offensive]

So much to read 

For me, 20 yrs old is just too young to keep their mind & heart for one person if there are plenty flirting guys around and of course they have more chance then you who live abroad and not really know the very "common" behavior of ladies, girls here in general.

Re-reading you post and here are 2 questions of the day:
Would you really trust 100% of her words, how was her react when some other guys involved between you two?

Take some days off and recall all the texts, mails between you guys and try to find one good reason that makes you want to visit her in Dec, if not then no hurry.

The word "i love you" is easy to say and it could be said 10 times a day BUT whether they meant it or just feel like saying to make you happy. Its needed to be proved by act as well.

I'm not sure how long you've been in this online relationship but i hope you will keep your eyes wide enough to see though herself by her acts.

Cheers.

Dejavu.dot wrote:

In summary, expats become old tigers -more experienced and wiser after having lived here for some years. But there is one thing I cant understand and want to ask.  From reading your old posts, I understand many experienced experts who are active in this forum got maried with ideal Viet women who dont care about your pockets and stay with you in worst days. If so, why do you keep on sharing about bad experiences instead of telling the OP how you could find your wonderful partners? It will be more interesting than complaining.

A good point and one that I was going to make too. From previous posts it looks like some people got burned with local girls. Well hell that can happen in any country just about. Theres an old English saying "marry in haste, regret at leisure!" So before you make it permanent, make sure you know your partner well!

robert_jpop wrote:

What might help are some things to look out for which might not be so obvious. Not only for me, but for others who might read this. I found it quite amusing she asked me if I could send her money every month. It wasn't because of any real emergency. This was on the second to last time I talked with her.

It's indeed amusing that a girl would ask for a monthly allowance so early on, but it's actually not a bad idea in the long run. As has been said here numerous times, many VN women want a man who can "take care" of them and their families, and if the man does that, it's a sure sign to her that he loves her. (Money=Love) However, if the man agrees to go this route, he must assess his financial situation and decide how much he can afford to allow his girl every month. Once that amount is determined, sit down and have a discussion about it. Most of the time, the girl will readily agree and accept what is proposed. (If she seems overly excited, you're probably giving too much.  )  Occasionally, one may not be happy with the amount and say you don't "love" her.  If that's the case, she probably also doesn't love you either, (only looking for a sugar-daddy) and you should carefully consider whether or not to continue the relationship. If both parties agree the monthly amount is acceptable, then it must be understood that the amount will be the SAME every month - no coming back next month saying, "Oh honey, my grandmother is sick in the hospital and must have operation - will you give me more?"  This method has worked very well for me over the years. And just as with an employer/employee relationship, occasionally allow for a "raise" to be negotiated as well. 

Sounds as if you are being manipulated!

Smudgepot wrote:

Sounds as if you are being manipulated!

If you're talking to me, it's not manipulation if it's my idea - meaning I'm the one who suggests it first. Many of the young women here have no clue or concept of a budget. Putting one on a monthly allowance teaches them that concept very quickly. And it also ensures I stay within my monthly budget.

Note: For those of you who know me and/or read my profile, yes, I am married, and yes, my Chinese wife is on a monthly allowance and has been for many years, starting back when she was just my girlfriend. I also know many VN women who I've told about this and they think it's a great idea. Therefore, it should work here in VN with VN women also.

Why you guys dont find a girl who has job? She can earn money by herself, she can give money for her family if she want!
All Vietnamese men do that!

saigonmonkey wrote:

Smudgepot wrote:

Sounds as if you are being manipulated!

If you're talking to me, it's not manipulation if it's my idea - meaning I'm the one who suggests it first. Many of the young women here have no clue or concept of a budget. Putting one on a monthly allowance teaches them that concept very quickly. And it also ensures I stay within my monthly budget.

Note: For those of you who know me and/or read my profile, yes, I am married, and yes, my Chinese wife is on a monthly allowance and has been for many years, starting back when she was just my girlfriend. I also know many VN women who I've told about this and they think it's a great idea. Therefore, it should work here in VN with VN women also.

It does work here, but the bloke better be very sure of his g/f as it isn't all that unusual for a girl here to be taking money from two or three men at the same time. I have also seen a girl with three mobile phones - one for each man she is sponging off.

When I was working in Vung Tau ten years ago there was an internet shop with several girls using an English speaking girl to write emails for them to men that they had met on the internet - and of course to get them to send money.

I started paying my Vietnamese g/f some money every couple of months in 2010, she saved it and last year we bought our own apartment with the money she had saved, with a top up from me.

eodmatt wrote:

It does work here, but the bloke better be very sure of his g/f as it isn't all that unusual for a girl here to be taking money from two or three men at the same time. I have also seen a girl with three mobile phones - one for each man she is sponging off.

When I was working in Vung Tau ten years ago there was an internet shop with several girls using an English speaking girl to write emails for them to men that they had met on the internet - and of course to get them to send money.

I started paying my Vietnamese g/f some money every couple of months in 2010, she saved it and last year we bought our own apartment with the money she had saved, with a top up from me.

Good add to my post, eodmatt. As you state, it's not foolproof - the man really needs to know and trust the girl before proposing this. That's why, as I said in my original post, it's amusing that a girl who hardly knows a man would ask for monthly money, and even more amusing for the man to give it to her.  And your last paragraph shows how it can work in the man's favor, if he's got a good girl. 

must be careful with her

ngattt wrote:

Why you guys dont find a girl who has job? She can earn money by herself, she can give money for her family if she want!
All Vietnamese men do that!

Because this is an expat forum and there are no local Vietnamese men posting here (that I'm aware). Most western men want their wife/girlfriend to stay home and take care of the home and us. I'm speaking for guys like me, and am well aware that there are men here who don't mind their wife/girlfriend having a job. But the reality is, most VN girls who are interested in expat men usually quit their jobs (if they had one) once they become the girlfriend of an expat. Those who don't only keep working because they think it's boring to sit at home all day, doing nothing except housework.  I'm OK either way, but my wife thinks it's the woman's job to stay home and take care of the house and her husband.

As for your statement of finding a woman who has a job, even the better jobs a girl in VN could have (other than being an escort/prostitute) only pay at most about $300/month. Most are less than that. If a western expat gives his girlfriend $500 - $1000/month (I'm not recommending - just have an idea what most men like me allow), I'm pretty confident she'll quit her job and stay home, and still have more than enough to take care of her family.

Yes, Saigonmonkey, I knew already that you guys can earn much money here!

Many Viet men get married with a woman who has a job. When they have a baby, the woman stay home to take care family and children, even she has Master or PhD degree . Because her salary is very slow, it is not enough for rent a housekeeper! But, first, his wife must have a job. I dont know why !

ngattt wrote:

Why you guys dont find a girl who has job? She can earn money by herself, she can give money for her family if she want!
All Vietnamese men do that!

My g/f did have a job, a very demanding and responsible job working for a French company (she is an MBA graduate and has a masters degree in commercial management). However her salary was not so good and although she was entitled to be paid commission, the money often went elsewhere.

In 2012 the French company told all of its staff that from then on they would not pay salaries anymore and that staff benefits such as medical insurance would be stopped. The company said that in future all staff would be paid commission only. Given that she had already had problems with not being paid commission that she had earned previously, I advised her that it was time to stop working for that company, as I earn enough money to support us both.

saigonmonkey wrote:

if  a western expat gives his girlfriend $500 - $1000/month (I'm not recommending - just have an idea what most men like me allow), I'm pretty confident she'll quit her job and stay home, and still have more than enough to take care of her family.

Saigonmonkey: are you aware that $1,000 is not enough nowadays? If you are living in the centre of the city? A meal in district 1 would cost you about at least $2. I doubt that a girl going out with a western expat is willing to eat street food? They would rather go to "western style" restaurants which would cost about $5 at least. Also, expenses for clothes, for something to show off that they're going around with a western guy who is wealthy and willing to "sponsor" their "higher-standard" life? I would think that girl need more than 1k.

ngattt wrote:

Yes, Saigonmonkey, I knew already that you guys can earn much money here!

Many Viet men get married with a woman who has a job. When they have a baby, the woman stay home to take care family and children, even she has Master or PhD degree . Because her salary is very slow, it is not enough for rent a housekeeper! But, first, his wife must have a job. I dont know why !

But not this monkey, Ngattt! I live in Vietnam but I don't work here 

eodmatt wrote:

My g/f did have a job, a very demanding and responsible job working for a French company (she is an MBA graduate and has a masters degree in commercial management). However her salary was not so good and although she was entitled to be paid commission, the money often went elsewhere.

Now I know why she saved all money you give her . In Vietnam, if a girl has a Master degree, she must spend much more time for studying. She will understand money is not easy to earn . And she will appreciate (trân trọng) your money like her own money.

aibiet150204 wrote:

saigonmonkey wrote:

if  a western expat gives his girlfriend $500 - $1000/month (I'm not recommending - just have an idea what most men like me allow), I'm pretty confident she'll quit her job and stay home, and still have more than enough to take care of her family.

Saigonmonkey: are you aware that $1,000 is not enough nowadays? If you are living in the centre of the city? A meal in district 1 would cost you about at least $2. I doubt that a girl going out with a western expat is willing to eat street food? They would rather go to "western style" restaurants which would cost about $5 at least. Also, expenses for clothes, for something to show off that they're going around with a western guy who is wealthy and willing to "sponsor" their "higher-standard" life? I would think that girl need more than 1k.

It is true that some men like to have a "trophy" g/f to show off. But not all. Myself included. 1000 USD is more than enough to keep a girl here in a manner to which she would like to become accustomed. But personally speaking, I wanted a g/f to share things with, not someone just to waste money on.

If a man wants a girl who likes to show off that she has foreign boyfriends ......... He can buy them by the hour. 

ngattt wrote:

eodmatt wrote:

My g/f did have a job, a very demanding and responsible job working for a French company (she is an MBA graduate and has a masters degree in commercial management). However her salary was not so good and although she was entitled to be paid commission, the money often went elsewhere.

Now I know why she saved all money you give her . In Vietnam, if a girl has a Master degree, she must spend much more time for studying. She will understand money is not easy to earn . And she will appreciate (trân trọng) your money like her own money.

Absolutely right.

Hey Robert,
No luckily I always get out before the ship sinks.  I simply don't like being played for a fool. It's best to come here, sit back , watch and observe. Eyes and ears open.   Learn by watching those around you crash, and they do crash quite often.  I am in the process of turning my travel diarys into a book. I have over 240 entries involving scams on guys by mainly women. It's amusing.
There are lots of nice women in Vietnam. BUT generally they won't approach foreigners and don't speak English.  ### If you meet a girl that has good English and is comfortable around foreigners, RUN .  I have always  found them to be trouble .  Bar girls, don't even think about it.
The good women rarely frequent places foreign men hang out. A lot of guys here are big drinkers and struggle with that.  A good girl won't be found anywhere near swill pit shithole bars. If your a party boy , be prepared to get mixed up with party girls. Short term fun , long term pain.
So..looks like your off to the countryside for a good girl.  Brush up on your vietnamese ,you'll need it.

eodmatt wrote:

A good point and one that I was going to make too. From previous posts it looks like some people got burned with local girls. Well hell that can happen in any country just about. Theres an old English saying "marry in haste, regret at leisure!" So before you make it permanent, make sure you know your partner well!

I feel happy to hear your story. At least there is one noticed my post. Thanks for your sharing. Did you suspect her during 2010-2012 when you gave her monthly allowance? I hope your relationship is still getting well until now.

I also read saigonmonkey and Ngatt's posts.

I believe a good person doesn't depend on their education or a good job and love doesn't depend on those things either. We love without knowing why. Personality is the things that we see from our partners everyday,not certifications. The more educated a person is, the more complicated he is.

Some women like keeping on working because they like their job or support their family. Some women prefer taking care of their family and since they have a good finance which can come from their parents' family or from their reliable man. is just choices.

If so we shouldnt apply our standards on the other people like " All Viet men get married with ladies who have a job". Have you made any survey to prove what you said? I strongly feel you considered jobless ladies cheap. Housewife is a job! You think if it's easy? Dont you know that Japan government has to pay for housewives by extracting their husbands'tax payment? If they go to work like you, do you think you will be more successful and earn more money?

I've realized there are some trends we choose a partner:

1. Above us: not many men choose to get married with higher position ladies.
2. Equal to us: Just some can get married with equal position ladies.
3. Below us: Most men choose this cos it is quite easy. But there are some funny points as well:
a. "she shouldnt speak english or feel eager to talk with a stranger"=> being eager is also a sin.
b. Rather popular " should look for countryside girls and teach them what they should know and capture them at home like a housewife"=> buying a pet?
c. " She shouldnt go to the bars" or " her hair shouldnt be colored"=> what??

eodmatt wrote:

A good point and one that I was going to make too. From previous posts it looks like some people got burned with local girls. Well hell that can happen in any country just about. Theres an old English saying "marry in haste, regret at leisure!" So before you make it permanent, make sure you know your partner well!

I feel happy to hear your story. At least there is one noticed my post. Thanks for your sharing. Did you suspect her during 2010-2012 when you gave her monthly allowance? I hope your relationship is still getting well until now.

I also read saigonmonkey and Ngatt's posts.

I believe a good person doesn't depend on their education or a good job and love doesn't depend on those things either. We love without knowing why. Personality is the things that we see from our partners everyday,not certifications. The more educated a person is, the more complicated he is.

Some women like keeping on working because they like their job or support their family. Some women prefer taking care of their family and since they have a good finance which can come from their parents' family or from their reliable man. is just choices.

If so we shouldnt apply our standards on the other people like " All Viet men get married with ladies who have a job". Have you made any survey to prove what you said? I strongly feel you considered jobless ladies cheap. Housewife is a job! You think if it's easy? Dont you know that Japan government has to pay for housewives by extracting their husbands'tax payment? If they go to work like you, do you think you will be more successful and earn more money?

I've realized there are some trends we choose a partner:

1. Above us: not many men choose to get married with higher position ladies.
2. Equal to us: Just some can get married with equal position ladies.
3. Below us: Most men choose this cos it is quite easy. But there are some funny points as well:
a. "she shouldnt speak english or feel eager to talk with a stranger"=> being eager is also a sin.
b. Rather popular " should look for countryside girls and teach them what they should know and capture them at home like a housewife"=> buying a pet?
c. " She shouldnt go to the bars" or " her hair shouldnt be colored"=> what??

Dejavu.dot wrote:

eodmatt wrote:

A good point and one that I was going to make too. From previous posts it looks like some people got burned with local girls. Well hell that can happen in any country just about. Theres an old English saying "marry in haste, regret at leisure!" So before you make it permanent, make sure you know your partner well!

I feel happy to hear your story. At least there is one noticed my post. Thanks for your sharing. Did you suspect her during 2010-2012 when you gave her monthly allowance? I hope your relationship is still getting well until now.

I also read saigonmonkey and Ngatt's posts.

I believe a good person doesn't depend on their education or a good job and love doesn't depend on those things either. We love without knowing why. Personality is the things that we see from our partners everyday,not certifications. The more educated a person is, the more complicated he is.

Some women like keeping on working because they like their job or support their family. Some women prefer taking care of their family and since they have a good finance which can come from their parents' family or from their reliable man. is just choices.

If so we shouldnt apply our standards on the other people like " All Viet men get married with ladies who have a job". Have you made any survey to prove what you said? I strongly feel you considered jobless ladies cheap. Housewife is a job! You think if it's easy? Dont you know that Japan government has to pay for housewives by extracting their husbands'tax payment? If they go to work like you, do you think you will be more successful and earn more money?

I've realized there are some trends we choose a partner:

1. Above us: not many men choose to get married with higher position ladies.
2. Equal to us: Just some can get married with equal position ladies.
3. Below us: Most men choose this cos it is quite easy. But there are some funny points as well:
a. "she shouldnt speak english or feel eager to talk with a stranger"=> being eager is also a sin.
b. Rather popular " should look for countryside girls and teach them what they should know and capture them at home like a housewife"=> buying a pet?
c. " She shouldnt go to the bars" or " her hair shouldnt be colored"=> what??

Dejavu.dot,Thanks for your interesting post and I agree with much of it.

I met her in 2008 in the office building where we both worked then - we worked for different companies. I never had any reason to doubt her from the day we met until now and don't expect I ever will. She is a business woman and very well connected in Vietnam. She didn't and doesn't go to bars. I have met all of her close family who are all hard working, honest and reputable.

We got married last week in Dalat 

aibiet150204 wrote:

Saigonmonkey: are you aware that $1,000 is not enough nowadays? If you are living in the centre of the city? A meal in district 1 would cost you about at least $2. I doubt that a girl going out with a western expat is willing to eat street food? They would rather go to "western style" restaurants which would cost about $5 at least. Also, expenses for clothes, for something to show off that they're going around with a western guy who is wealthy and willing to "sponsor" their "higher-standard" life? I would think that girl need more than 1k.

aibiet: Unless your whole post is facetious, I'm going to assume you misunderstood mine. Allow me to clarify.  In my relationship there are 3 "pots" of money - hers, mine, and OURS. Her monthly allowance goes in her pot, and she's free to do whatever she wants with it.  I also have my own pot, which is roughly the same amount as hers. What's left is OUR money, and we use that to maintain the household, buy food, clothes, go out, etc. etc. So her allowance is not being used for any of that stuff, therefore, it should be more than enough for whatever she wants to do, and still have money left over to save.  If a man finds a VN girl who's making only $200 - $300 / month in her job and offers her a roof over her head in a nice expat apartment, covers all her living expenses, and in addition, offers $500 - $1000 / monthly allowance, HOW in the world is that not enough money for her???  Damn, I'm a western expat man, and I'd take that deal if I could find a rich VN woman to be my "sugar-mama" (and I wasn't married, of course) 

eodmatt wrote:

We got married last week in Dalat 

Thanks eodmatt! So your relationship lasts over 6 years before getting married? I believe both of you understand each other very well! congratulation! 

So there is one single active men in this forum! I hope he will find his ideal partner either. I like your thinking saigonmonkey!

saigonmonkey wrote:

aibiet150204 wrote:

Saigonmonkey: are you aware that $1,000 is not enough nowadays? If you are living in the centre of the city? A meal in district 1 would cost you about at least $2. I doubt that a girl going out with a western expat is willing to eat street food? They would rather go to "western style" restaurants which would cost about $5 at least. Also, expenses for clothes, for something to show off that they're going around with a western guy who is wealthy and willing to "sponsor" their "higher-standard" life? I would think that girl need more than 1k.

aibiet: Unless your whole post is facetious, I'm going to assume you misunderstood mine. Allow me to clarify.  In my relationship there are 3 "pots" of money - hers, mine, and OURS. Her monthly allowance goes in her pot, and she's free to do whatever she wants with it.  I also have my own pot, which is roughly the same amount as hers. What's left is OUR money, and we use that to maintain the household, buy food, clothes, go out, etc. etc. So her allowance is not being used for any of that stuff, therefore, it should be more than enough for whatever she wants to do, and still have money left over to save.  If a man finds a VN girl who's making only $200 - $300 / month in her job and offers her a roof over her head in a nice expat apartment, covers all her living expenses, and in addition, offers $500 - $1000 / monthly allowance, HOW in the world is that not enough money for her???  Damn, I'm a western expat man, and I'd take that deal if I could find a rich VN woman to be my "sugar-mama" (and I wasn't married, of course) 

I was actually being sarcastic (you know, Howie is not on this blog for funny stories any more!). Anyway, many thanks for your clarification. Don't get me wrong, and I'm not rich (in term of money!) but if a guy can ONLY offer me $1,000 per month and ask me to stay at home to take care of the house, I need to think twice to see if I can agree. I believe in (although very) few circumstances, money cannot buy things, especially enjoyment & hapiness. I have to admit that $1,000 can buy a lot of thing! Oh dang, maybe if a guy offer me $1,001, I would accept - lol

robert_jpop wrote:

I am sure some of the negative comments have been from their own personal experience, so I don't mind the whining. 

Now I can't believe all VN women are like that. I am sure there are good and bad everywhere, including in the US. So I take it the ones to be careful with are the ones who are obsessed with western guys right?

Hey, first of all I'd like to congratulate you for dumping that shady woman. I believe that if things are meant to be, things won't be that complicated. She was also smarter than your average one, suggesting to you that you send money instead of aggressively asking, she was playing a more subtle game.

This subject is very interesting and I could go on for hours, but I'm a bit limited in time so I just wanted to say that in my case, I've been married to a Vietnamese woman for three years now, after dating for about two years (including a one year stay in Saigon) and I can tell you that I know I found a good one. From my point of view, if you want a woman that's open minded you'll end up, quite often, with a woman who's dreaming of being with a Westerner and of leaving Vietnam. Through my Vietnamese friends here in Canada and other contacts I often find that Vietnamese women who don't speak English or a foreign language and have no intention of leaving Vietnam will have a harder time accepting the difference of culture between Asia and the West. There are many aspects of Western culture that are very difficult for Vietnamese women to handle and accept. All I'm saying here is that if you meet a Vietnamese woman who's dreaming of being with a foreigner, it doesn't automatically mean she's a gold digger. She might simply be a very good person who wants a better life. Just yesterday my wife and I were in the subway here in Montreal and she overheard two young Vietnamese guys saying that they were upset they needed to clean the room in their dorm, and that they could not wait getting married so that the wife would take care of all cleaning. I'm not saying that all Vietnamese men are like that, but it's sadly very cultural at the moment.

Anyhow, I guess that if you want to have "fun" with a Vietnamese woman without too many strings attached, the idea of getting a "companion" for $200 a month seems like a genius idea to me. But if you want something deeper, I'd suggest spending many months or years there getting to know the woman and also her family. You can then get a sense of her real values.

You are very smart beyond your age.  Keep the posts and opinions coming.  I have been married to a Vietnamese "girl" for only 43 years now and know how it goes.  You cannot help who you fall in love with but you must still know the person and not only through email.

My husband of 2 1/2 decades has been on an allowance. So, I guess it can work. If he overspends then I give him less food. 

That sounds mean!

bclindsay wrote:

That sounds mean!

It could be worse:  She could have said she gives him less sex.

Agreed.

DanFromSF wrote:

bclindsay wrote:

That sounds mean!

It could be worse:  She could have said she gives him less sex.

After 25 years he... never mind 

MIA2013 wrote:

My husband of 2 1/2 decades has been on an allowance. So, I guess it can work. If he overspends then I give him less food. 

If I were your husband I'd probably have to kill you and eat you then! 

There is always an emergency. $$$