I'm a moroccan girl marrying a British guy,

Make sure he's earning over £18,600 a year. If he's not, you won't get in. This is a recent decision by the Supreme Court.

Here's the link:--

http://www.theguardian.com/law/2014/jul … -spouse-uk

Laduqesa, yes he is aware about this  rule of £18,600 a year and he is working hard for that

My question about the culture differences , backgrounds, if i really need to worry because we are staying with his parents for the very first while we're there etc

Thank u for the link, it was really helpful

Thank u for the link, this was really helpful

betysam wrote:

Laduqesa, yes he is aware about this  rule of £18,600 a year and he is working hard for that

My question about the culture differences , backgrounds, if i really need to worry because we are staying with his parents for the very first while we're there etc

Thank u for the link, it was really helpful

It's never ideal staying with mothers-in-law. They rule the roost! And when the mother-in-law is of a different culture and speaks a different language, I think you are going to have problems. And don't imagine that your husband will support you in any dispute/misunderstanding/problem in this department. He would be just the same as a Moroccan husband - the both love and are terrified of their Mums.

I have discussed the matter with him,but he was saying to me, at least try it, living with ur in laws, and if it did not work we'll find a way out and we'll move ,
But to tell u the truth ,it worries me a lot to live with my in laws, u just cann't take theml for ur own parents as sometimes when u're living with ur parents u get mad at them u express ur madness or anger, but gosh ,how shall I deal with the thing once i'm with mom in law or sister in law....?? I'm not worried about my dad in law, he is do understanding, but i'm worried the most abt the women.. Plus they speak a different language that I don't speak ( urdu) , it would be a disaster
but my husband to be keeps being understanding and wanting to do anything fo r me, that is my only release..

It is certainly going to be a disaster. As I said, he won't hear a thing against his Mum and probably not against his sisters either.

Are you sure he will be able to prove he is earning £18,600 a year? All of this is out of the window if he isn't. After all, if you can't live in your own place in the north of England where rents are cheap, you are not going to have enough to satisfy the requirements anyway.

Yes, I'm sure that he can afford that amount of money,he has a good work position and he is workin for that before he culd apply for my  spouse visa

Thank God that he has only one sister that I have to deal with , but what worries me the most is my mom  in law, she never hides a thing or keeps a comment for herself,but really she is so lovely and kept on hugging me so tight and saying that she likes me etc, But I still  have that concern ..

My husband to be has a good personality , he can handle things  , I trust he would

Do u know anything about the problems I would have to face once I'm inside that British society? Or I do not need to <worry abou="" that="" it="" is="" premature="" />

If he earns £18,600+, why is he living with his family? Or at least will continue to live there, when and if you arrive? I know some people do it to save on rent, but the majority of people tend to move out, to avoid all the awkwardness associated with living with the in-laws. You should first deal with this accommodation problem, before you consider other things such as your work/study.

There is definitely a cultural barrier. I can tell you that 100%. I've lived in Pakistani, Bangladeshi, as well as in Indian communities in the UK, and I certainly felt like an outsider.

Many people are struggling to find work, and hiring a non-Brit who has recently arrived, is very unlikely. They have to show that they can't find a British person capable of doing it. So unless you have a very specific skill/knowledge and/or high level of education, then your chances of finding a decent paying job isn't particularly high.

@GIO:,
He is living with his family  property to save money for us future, and about moving out, he asked me to try living with my in laws first and if it did not go well,  then we'll move out.. But ,  I really don't want to move when the things go wrong and leave a bad impact of me..and at the same time I want to prove to my husband that I love his family , i'm really torn, I can't just live separately without trying them and can't lead things to the extreem point by having complexities with my in laws..

"Is it really going to be a big adventure for me ? Please guys try to help me and make me aware of the problems I'll have to face"

A lot of people come here with huge expectations, and the reality is far from what they imagine it to be, and as a result, become disappointed.

It's an expensive country to live in. Finding work isn't easy. Things here aren't as rosy as people abroad think it is. Do your research, so you are fully prepared.

Put your foot down. As I said he won't go against his Mum - ever. This will lead to terrible ruptures in the home and in your relationship. This is probably her idea (as it might easily be a Moroccan Mum's idea) to see how you work out. Forget it. You will never match the ideal she will set for you. You can't start married life like this, especially if he has enough money to live away from home.

The previous poster spoke sense. It's very unlikely that you will get a good job, whatever your qualifications are. At a time when millions of qualified British people are out of work, it is extremely unlikely, for obvious reasons, that anyone would hire a foreigner with an accent and who does not have English as a mother tongue. In addition, they have to show that they could not have hired an English national for the job, a bit like the Anapec.

Yes Gio, I have a very specific knoweledge and I'm qualified, my husband also has been proving it to me  and asked me not to worry about the job ,coz it's not very difficult for me to find it with my actual qualification

betysam wrote:

@GIO:,
He is living with his family  property to save money for us future, and about moving out, he asked me to try living with my in laws first and if it did not go well,  then we'll move out.. But ,  I really don't want to move when the things go wrong and leave a bad impact of me..and at the same time I want to prove to my husband that I love his family , i'm really torn, I can't just live separately without trying them and can't lead things to the extreem point by having complexities with my in laws..

Having peace of mind is more important than saving money for the future. Living in your own property, and having your privacy, is more important than saving money, in my opinion.

betysam wrote:

Yes Gio, I have a very specific knoweledge and I'm qualified, my husband also has been proving it to me  and asked me not to worry about the job ,coz it's not very difficult for me to find it with my actual qualification

What is your qualification?

laduqesa wrote:

Put your foot down. As I said he won't go against his Mum - ever. This will lead to terrible ruptures in the home and in your relationship. This is probably her idea (as it might easily be a Moroccan Mum's idea) to see how you work out. Forget it. You will never match the ideal she will set for you. You can't start married life like this, especially if he has enough money to live away from home.

The previous poster spoke sense. It's very unlikely that you will get a good job, whatever your qualifications are. At a time when millions of qualified British people are out of work, it is extremely unlikely, for obvious reasons, that anyone would hire a foreigner with an accent and who does not have English as a mother tongue. In addition, they have to show that they could not have hired an English national for the job, a bit like the Anapec.

The first thing I did when I considered marriage, was to deal with accommodation. My past partner, made it very clear she will find it difficult to live in the same house as my mother. And she was right. As they did have their differences.

In the beginning, it all starts nice and sweet, hugging each other and stuff, gifting each other, but down the line, the reality began to set in. It was awkward for me, not knowing who to side with, during arguments. I'm not the type of person that automatically sides with family, so you can imagine, my relationship with my mother was effected, and neither did I automatically side with my partner, so my relationship with her was likewise effected.

He needs to have his own place if there is any chance for the marriage to work out. Things start out sweet, but can quickly turn sour, especially if there is cultural/language differences.

@ Laduqesa Are you sure that this is not a bit racist of  a thinking? !!! Or is it  the law down there.?

It's the same in Morocco and any country with common sense. The nationals come before foreigners job-wise.

Yes ,you're right ,the both of u Gio and Laduqesa about the problems I would have to face with my mom  in law and my sister in law, I made the things clear to him that It would be difficult and   I'm afraid to say impossible to live with them,but still he  is asking me to give it a try.. So for the sake of our love , I would give it a try and prove to him That i was right,

Laduqesa, yes, you are very right, it is the suggestion of his mom that I live with her for a few months so that she can teach me things as she told him and that I would be adapted to their  way of living  ..I'm really worried about this part

I see, that is good to know

betysam wrote:

Yes ,you're right ,the both of u Gio and Laduqesa about the problems I would have to face with my mom  in law and my sister in law, I made the things clear to him that It would be difficult and   I'm afraid to say impossible to live with them,but still he  is asking me to give it a try.. So for the sake of our love , I would give it a try and prove to him That i was right,

Laduqesa, yes, you are very right, it is the suggestion of his mom that I live with her for a few months so that she can teach me things as she told him and that I would be adapted to their  way of living  ..I'm really worried about this part

You don't need to live with her. She can teach you things when you visit her, and I'm sure at the start, you will be visiting her regularly. I don't believe you should give it a try. I honestly believe married couples should live totally alone, to enjoy their privacy & have complete peace of mind. In their house, you can't even dress as you please. So it will be difficult to please your husband, as the only privacy you have is your own bedroom! And that is even limited! You won't be "living" as your true self. You will be pretending and doing things, just to keep the peace in the house. Smiling and nodding, even when you don't agree. That's not the type of life I would want to live as a married person, that's why I dealt with accommodation first.

betysam wrote:

@ Laduqesa Are you sure that this is not a bit racist of  a thinking? !!! Or is it  the law down there.?

It's the law in Morocco too! No foreigner shall take a job a Moroccan is qualified to do. The Anapec office decides this and they are very strict.

betysam wrote:

Gio, I can smell that I'm in a huge danger as per my language and my cultural differences ,but my husband never minds about this, he seems to find solution of everything

I want to make him aware that we are having troubles living with either my in laws or his in laws ,I would never prefer being with any of them , i prefer starting our own  independent life . He  seems to never take this seriousely .

If he doesn't take your concerns seriously, then that's a problem.

I would probably make him read this post ..

betysam wrote:

Gio, you are very right in every single word you have said,But how can I make him understand this,?
I'm may be too nice to ask him that, I have agreed to give it a try just because he has asked  me that, I don't want hi m to feel i'm distant or careless by saying no to this suggestion of his mom as he has already promised me to move out if it did not work out for us.. He would have to pay for that,and the price would be the quality of life we would be living  while we're still new weds and need our whole privacy.. and having to smile or nod for things He or I don't like just to please his parents..

Just imagine how much worse for your marriage (and for your relationship with the in-laws) it would be if the situation with his family got so bad you simply had to move out.

I don't see any alternative to your telling him that you wouldn't make him live with your parents, so he shouldn't make you live with his. In addition, you will certainly be visiting regularly - that is normal. Time enough to learn how to make "nahari" and "aloo gosht"!

betysam wrote:

I would probably make him read this post ..

Even if you decide to give it a try, at some point, you would want to move out. So what will you do then when the time comes to move on? Tell them you want to leave? So that would mean you don't want to stay with them any more, and had enough. How would they respond to that? So to avoid all this awkwardness that is inevitable to happen if you gave it a try, it's best to start out in your own place.

.

If he is serious about you, and about your concerns, then it should be easy to talk to him about it. If you can't discuss any topics openly and honestly, then there will be problems between you in the future. You should be able to talk about anything without fear or shame.

yes Gio, actually, we discuss evrything without shame or fear,
The thing is that we have already discussed this topic, and he just sees the thing as a worth the try and there is always a plan B for our relationship if things did not work well, we can move out..I have promised him to give it a try..

industrial

It shouldn't be hard to find affordable accommodation in Leicester. If he was living in London, then I would understand, but Leicester isn't that expensive.

yes, I know that Leicester is not that expensive,  but how  about the job opportunities? For an industrial Manager?

I think I would still let the chance take a place and live with my in laws (but not once for all) as he told me just for a very few months till we find our steps outside..

He lives in Leicester, I live in London, so I don't know about job opportunities in that particular city. But I think accommodation is a bigger priority for now. Solve that first.

betysam wrote:

yes, Laduqesa, you are right
the thing is  I don't want to hurt him by saying that I would not match( which i'm pretty sure about) with his mother and his sister.. I don't have a good way of telling him that without hurting him or making him feel down because of this

And besides I think It would pretty rude to move that I have just arrived to his house, the whole thing makes me sick, .

I know that it is easier said than done, but you shouldn't be saying that you don't match with your in-laws, but stressing the positive things about living by yourselves.

By the way, the unemployment rate amongst engineers in general was 13% four years ago. It is worse now after the economic crisis:--

http://cede.lboro.ac.uk/ee2012/papers/e … 99_rdp.pdf

I really don't see you getting a job in the short term or even in the medium term that is of a level with your skills. In addition 50% of recent  UK graduates are in jobs that do not require a degree. The jobs just aren't there. Thirdly, I assume your degree is from a Moroccan university. I don't want to disparage your achievements and it sounds like you have achieved your results honestly, but it is well known in the West that some (many) degrees from the developing world have been obtained by fraud or cash. Therefore the equivalent degrees issued by Western unis are deemed to be of a higher standard.