The other side of the Norwegian postcard - or my "two cents"..

Ive been living in Norway for so long now, that I consider myself Norwegian (-I moved here in 1984), so its almost a little odd being on an Expat site.
Never mind, I thought (after reading through several threads here), that I would throw in some of my thoughts and experiences after these thirty years.

Norway is radically changing, and very fast too. Noticeable trends in society recently would be a general change of the norwegian mindset towards foreigners. Although accepted, many ethnic norwegians, will remind you, consistently - that you are a foreigner. Now the question is, what do they mean by it? When it comes to older people, not much really, -they are still a generation behind - adapting to an open and globalized society, remember that they come from an ethnic "sterile" background. If young people comment it, it is usually a sign that you have broken some unwritten law "on the code of conduct". How you behave (and to certain extent) your mindset, is what either makes you an Expat who will enjoy life here, -or in many cases, make you leave the country.
In the early years, they were just outright curious (and to a certain extent in Oslo, self demeaning and apologetic about their own culture/identity). They are culturally much more confident today (and with good reason) - "their" model of socialism worked -it prevailed -but is now under threat.
Imagine this: In 1978 on a family holiday here with my parents, (before I moved here permanently) a cab driver lent our family the use of his house, boat, cabin and car, for free!, as he was to go on his first holiday abroad for two weeks. We had just met him in a cab ride from an airport to a hotel! (Unbelievable today.) He just asked my father to put the house keys in the mail box before when we left.

To start with, any approach to norwegian society where you are preoccupied by: social benefits, salary/money, the way they argue on racism, norwegian binge drinking habits, the presupposed norwegian "antisocial" behavior, or shyness/withdrawn social skills, -only reflects on you. In other words, norwegians see no reason to adapt their social behavior to your expectations. This and many other "cultural behavioral traits" like this, are flashbacks from when they felt they were the "underdogs." They allow themselves to debate, behave and interact, as they see fit -and feel no particular need to modify this behavior to make them more palpable for you (foreigners).
There is a vast difference between Oslo and all the other cities, and certainly even more so - life in the country.
In the countryside, all this behavior and attitudes are vastly amplified. In every day life here where I live, people make outright racist remarks without even reflecting on it. And Im talking about lawyers/judges/police officers, doctors and other "upstanding citizens." They just dont realise or even recognise their commentary for what it is.

Language is the key, and I mean on a fluency level where Norwegians no longer recognise you as a foreigner.
Language is what assimilates you into this society. It also means, over time, that you identify yourself as norwegian, -and makes life all the more pleasant.

Now (perhaps this is a reflection on me), after thirty years, I still have contact on a friendship level with kids I went to school with in england and lots of expats in Norway. On the other hand, even through being married to a norwegian, running a business, two kids, Uni in Oslo, I have only a handfull of really good friends who are ethnic norwegians. I have a million acquaintances but few close friends.
It takes a tremendous amount of time to "get close" -now I like this, because its honest, but a lot of people from europe/the world who come from highly socially adept cultures (where small talk is king), will, and do, suffer after some years. The first ten years are fun - then it can be a bit weird..

To settle here, be prepared that it is a long term project for more than ten years to feel "accepted".
Accept also that (and I quote Roald Dahl the norwegian/english poet) "being Norwegian, is a private experience."