VNese customs once your part of VNese family?

bta87 wrote:

OBB,
So this controlling everything is part of the package if you marry a VNese lady. Oh my word! That sounds just like my situation. If this is the case I just could not live in such a controlled environment. Heck I was not controlled that much by my parents when I was young. Now I need that at 63, no way!

bta87, I have found that even my housekeeper after intimacy takes on the role of controlling wife. I am now on my 3rd housekeeper and hopefully she will not turn into that controlling nightmare. I fired her once, rehired her and she is much better now.  I just spent a week with her family, this was the 3rd time we met. I was treated very well and had an enjoyable time. Yes I also gave her some money to give to her family in the red envelope, mainly $2 bills plus I matched whatever she gave. Also I got a lot of goodwill by purchasing a fridge for her mother. I did it mainly because I wanted cold beer and ice for my scotch.  Best of luck to you.

It may also help if you refer to her as your girlfriend instead of as your housekeeper...lol

VungTauDon wrote:

It may also help if you refer to her as your girlfriend instead of as your housekeeper...lol

She is a wonderful companion, but she was hired to cook and clean. I take her with me on my travels but as long as she expects to get paid she is my employee...lol

Shes a nutter, a controle freek and her family are as bad. There are so many good women out here who want to marry a good man, you are spoilt for choise. Ive never herd so much crap, about backing a motoebike out the wrong way, not being allowed to use you phone, how to spend YOUR money. If you marry her she will drive you insane, and the house you buy will be hers when you leave . Think about it..

I had a similar rough start with my in-laws, OP. There could be a number of reasons why they are behaving such a way.

In my case it was a mix of me being too aggressive (extroverted) and them thinking they needed to behave so critically to 'train' me to be a daughter-in-law. I was having an Animal Planet style battle of who was alpha and never realized it until we all had a discussion on the issues. Now in-laws and I adore each other. It's to the point they go through me when wanting to speak to my husband because they say I'm much easier.

They could simply not like you as a person or not like you're foreign. Despite what people harp on about not all Viets welcome the old white guy in-law. There are one or two married into the family and they're not highly thought of.

Either way, you'll have a hard time finiding out, Viets are not frank with their true feelings.

Nina, perhaps true on my getting trained. I realize it is a blending of two cultures. I've just not seen much blending. It seems every aspect of my life must now conform to their ways, especially in my own home. I am my own person and don't really want to remolded into what someone else wants me to be.
For me I can't see much of a reason to marry into such a situation. One where I provide just about everything, all the money, support for parents, domestic duties or hire them out, cook any Western meal I like myself, watch desperate T.V. , never have anyone to talk to because it is not a good time to speak. I had this same life as a single man. Did not learn until just lately when I stopped doing the housework that she does not do housework. Yet I've heard so much about the great wives a VNese women make. Perhaps.....

i feel for you bta87.   as ive wrote in the dating thread if you dont get along with your in-laws youre screwed.

bta87 wrote:

For me I can't see much of a reason to marry into such a situation. One where I provide just about everything, all the money, support for parents, domestic duties or hire them out, cook any Western meal I like myself, watch desperate T.V. , never have anyone to talk to because it is not a good time to speak. I had this same life as a single man. Did not learn until just lately when I stopped doing the housework that she does not do housework. Yet I've heard so much about the great wives a VNese women make. Perhaps.....

Every now and then the idea of marriage is brought up and I just can not embrace it like so many others do. Granted there are some benefits related to visa and residency but are they really worth it. It would make buying new motorbike easier, but a used one is just as good. Some say marriage is proof of love but my experience tells me that denial of anything material means "you no love me". My advice, if it is really love the marriage can wait a couple of years.

Ancient,
  Sage advice I think.