Vietnamese wife?

From your description it sounds as though your'e in Saigon...the "girls" you are meeting will most likely be prostitutes who prey off older men like yourself....my advice to you is to get in with a social crowd of expats and Vietnamese people..this way you will meet women who are decent and you can hear about them from their friends and judge their character.

A good Vietnamese girl will not want your money,although you will be expected to give  a few hundred dollars a month to her for housekeeping, for which she will look after you big style.

It is illegal for a foreigner to shack up with a Vietnamese woman...so marriage will be on the cards eventually.
Take your time and use your brain and common sense when choosing a girl ,not your cock!
Good Luck Amigo!

sailingholidays wrote:

Helloo at All, may I should say some words too; I'm a western man (german) & all I need is -at first- real true love!!! Financial security - sure I have to take care of my future wife & family & sure I love to do so & I'm willing to work hard & harder to ensure a nice future --- but: to me the main-question still is: a vietnamese woman says she loves me - how can I be sure if she really loves ME & not the "western man"??? All I heard here in Viet Nam is: can you support your wife & family she "loves" you... but if you don't own money (enough???) she will tell you: "no money - no honey"!!!
Honesty, my/our wedding is coming up soon, at 5 of october - and still NOW I'm not sure if she really loves me, if she really want marry me only because of love!!! So what to do now??? Support her & family - sure, I'd love to do this for my beloved wife & family...
But: if I really go marry I will do this ONLY because of true love!!! Otherwise our relationship would be a big lie - right?
Can anyone please contact me & give me his ideas & opinions?
Thank you very much,
Mirko (HCMC)

How is anyone here going to know if she loves you or not? Anyway, you'll know after 6 months to a year of marring her. Worst-case scenario, you'll take her back to your home country and she ends up with half of your stuff. But think of all the good you will do for the Viet economy. All joking aside, only you know what to do.

Mirko, hello and thank you for your post. Just do one thing... Be sure she FEELS the same way you do...I feel a lot like you do! I do not mind helping my wife and her family… But how long and to what extent. I have provided my girlfriend with over 3,000 USD. We talked a little bit about her family today. She indicated she wanted two homes and one in the US and one in Vietnam. After our marriage I plan for us to live in the United States. There are certain benefits SHE will be entitled to after I pass away. And like you, I am thinking, true love is the essence of our relationship. I want to provide her with security! And it is up to her as to our lifestyle. I own my own home, which is a 4 bedroom  concrete block construction with a pool. I am a middle class American. I am NOT rich. But I do have a wonderful retirement with Social Security. My income is over 4,600 USD per month and when I pass away…my Vietnamese wife to be will be able to receive 2,500 USD per month for her life. Then she could return to Vietnam and have a checking account in Japan and receive her benefits. And kick back and have a secure life until her death. My girlfriend works very hard and she makes about 95 USD per week. I think it may have been about money at first because I am 66 and she is 39 and she is very beautiful. But as time passes it is more about feelings. I really think she loves me. She is a good Christian and wants us to have a Christian home. Since she will not have to work she has expressed that she may be interested in doing volunteer work at her church... So I am of the opinion that the MORE feelings you have together, the stronger the LOVE. Moreover, due to the fact that WE all make endorphins, the more intense the love, the more endorphins that are manufactured by the brain… Simply put…Mutual addiction. Love is about feelings! Which means feeling secure and having property means spending money. She can have All my money as long as we are married and  we live together… I may even consider her living in Vietnam until her mother dies… I do not want to hurt her mother by taking her daughter away from her! I would be real crazy and provide her with 1,500USD for her support. But we would have to be married… For me to support her like that. Now that I am older I realize life is about feelings… And sharing! My life is very good. But my life would be better with my girlfriend as my wife… I would actually be in heaven. There is nothing ON EARTH better than the LOVE of a WOMEN…True LOVE with FEELINGS…Wow!

At first thank you very much at All who answerd me.
Maybe I shouls write some words more because I see, my first post was very incomplete. I know her since longer time & I don't found her on any dating-site! Now, since some months, I'm here in Vietnam. I know her family (Mom & sisters) very well (as I can because of the language) & I feel well integrated in her family & naiborhood too. We are together since I arrived, here in HCMC where she work (very hard for a minimum salary) as too in the house of her mom (some 100's milies far away on country-side). I am 50 (since few days) & she is 36, already divorced some years ago from her former vietnamese husband.She has a nice teen-daughter & when we marry I am ready to adopt her (all are agree, specially her daughter by her own will). I don't want to take her to "my country" - means, I'm expat since long long time & sure I don't want go back to germany or elsewhere europe - we want live here in Viet Nam together. I never was married before, don't have family, children or other relatives - expect my new family here (it feels like to me as I just finally "arrived at home..."). Nobody (locals) here in Vietnam is unfriendly talk some bad rumors behind our back, not the naibodhood here in HCMC nor in her (our) hometown. We both are buddhists & I participated active at all funeral-ceremonies as her dad sadly past away - fully accepted from everyone, just got already the "OK' from him to marry her before he died...
I know "Asia" very well, but not explicitly Viet Nam. I thoght I know & understand almost her culture & traditions - but I'm wrong in this, still have to learn so many things & details (sure too have to learn properly her language, spoken & written). So what really is my problem? I try to explain: I am not a rich western guy who can buy easely a new house, car & so on without to work for - and everybody knows. But I know too: if any western man can buy his ticket, take a flight & stay here since months, he must be "rich" in vietnamese eyes.
Something other what "feeded" my doubts is about only one (feminin) naibor here in Saigon: this woman (well english spoken, a "viet kieu" & colleague of my (future) wife always again & again told me to be carefull because my future wife would love only the money... So what shall I think??? How can I proof? I know, nobody of you blog-members can give me a real answer - but I don't have any oportunity to talk about all this, expect here & ask for your experience. I hope you all will understand me better now...
If anyone like, please feel free to pm me.
Kind regards

@Mirko: there are 2 possibilities about colleague of your wife:
1. What she said is right, but you are falling in love, you dont recognize. I felt you love your (future) wife so so much.
2. Maybe she likes you  .

Anyway, if you dont know Vietnamse language, and your wife cant speak English well, its very risky for you. So, just be careful until you understand your wife clearly!

But, dont worry, if you live in Vietnam, I think your wife will be more worry than you . Believe me . When some foreigner friends like me, I thought, I should chose the one who works very hard, dont have any free time to see other girls . And finally, I didnt chose anyone who lives in Vietnam . Dont feel safe at all!

sex and money creat the world? try putting you in the situation that u r very poor, cant but a meal then will she loves you?.
one of my friend, he is Italian man. First a lot of women, girls came to him but they could not go for long because he is quite poor. He has home in Italy and he lives depend on small money. He cant pay them good meals, hotels,....
slowly they run away from him, no long relationship!
so is that love?

Oh, no. In Vietnam, people said "Gái ham tài, trai ham sắc", it means men love beautiful women, and women love wise/intelligent men. It's normal ! If you are wise, you can earn money easily. When you have money, you can take care of the family very well.

If now I only have 2 options: one is "xe ôm" (very poor), one is a rich old man. Sure I would choose who is rich . But because I have more options, so I will choose someone is suitable for me, maybe he is poor now, but he must be able to earn money! I had experience with poor man (now he is not poor anymore), life was very hard sometimes. After buying a house, I didnt have much money, I had much free time (at this time, I gave up my job for trying to have a kid) and I wanted to study higher, I must think so much, I worried about money so much, where is money for study, and for blah blah blah...

I never blame someone when she loves a rich man. But it's terrible when she choose a rich man, but when he is poor or has some troubles, she leaves him and finds another rich man... Hmmm, I hate that kind of women!

I always teach my students: maybe in your life, you would choose something you didnt love, but you must try to love something that you chose! (Many of them choose IT because of their family!)



.

Sir an outstanding letter! As a general rule men do not express their feelings… And if they do it is only to a close friend…thank you very much for you bravely and honesty. I do have a more complete understanding of your feelings and concerns… You are a very lucky man to have found the love of your life. I think since you lived close to this woman for many months you know her heart… Your age for this woman is perfect. I am 27 years older than the woman I am going to marry. I have known her about a year and since I have not been able to tough her, I long for her loving arms. I think it is to your advantage to have gotten to know her family… . And it does not matter if it is a dating-site or in church, or even in a bar… This is about feelings and love. All you have to know for sure is the NATURE OF HER HEART… Now, you have made it very clear that you love each other. In spite of the language…You have a winner…A keeper and you feel like part of the family… I also understand your concerns about how hard she works and you realize you can change her life for the better!  minimum salary as too in the house of her You have shown yourself as a man among great men since you are willing to take on the responsibility of adopting her  teen-daughter. I am not sure about your choice of living in Vietnam together. I do not know your circumstances and benefits for your wife in your country. And I think is is based on what is best for your family… If you and your wife to be are happy in Vietnam by all means live there. Well stay at home! And WELCOME HOME. Sounds like you are in heaven and paradise all at the same… Wait! You are a man… Love and respect is a two way street. Your wife to be must be willing to change for you too. You are a person too, you are a human being and never ask her to do something you would not do yourself. Since you do not know and understand  her culture and traditions – be sure this is not an attempt to manipulate you… You are asserting that you will do any and all things necessary to provide for your new family. I think you are a wonderful human being…Beware if your future wife is not willing to do all the things you are willing to do for your love…Well your problem is my problem too. I try to provide money to my future wife and I explain I am not a rich. But I do have money and I am a middle class American. I can buy a new house very easily. I can buy a new car. But I am not rich! So my future wife must see me as "rich" in the  Vietnamese eyes.
Something other than love must be considered is materialistic…I understand your doubts and I would have the same feelings if a colleague of my future wife always told me again and again to be careful  because my future wife would love only the money... So you should think you will listen very, very, closely and I will watch her behavior…Her words must be the same as her behavior…You hear you see! That is how you can prove to yourself…Listen to what you hear, but believe what you see…You  shall know the truth…Please trust what you see,. That is a real answer - but now you have the opportunity to vent and express your feelings. Best Wishes…

Vietnamese man pay a compliment for Western men! I use Google Translate and dont have much time to do careful .

"The role of women has improved a lot and they were really involved in all phases of daily life; they had the opportunity of adhering to education, health care and economy. Even many of them have become Heroine, or hold important positions in the state apparatus, but the advancement of policies and institutions seem to go too fast (compared with the advancement of knowledge of men, and even many Vietnamese women).

Vietnamese man seems to acquire the good and the bad of the modern world very quickly, but because of their benefit (interests), they are very slow in freeing women from the daily relationships.

And now, Vietnamese man is no longer unique, or is the only option for many Vietnamese women when they are exposed to many people in the world through study abroad, work and travel when Vietnam opened the door.

With the new status of the country, with the knowledge and confidence, Vietnamese women today different from "me Tây" (it's for women who got married with foreigner) when France colonized Vietnam, and on the other side, foreign men have a more civilized than their ancestor.

They not only told  "thanks, sorry, please" (are their habits) like Mr. Westerner in the past, but also they share all the joys, the burden of life-mate using practical actions - what Vietnamese man think it's small things, but these things could touch the heart of women."

http://vietnamnet.vn/vn/tuanvietnam/198 … -viet.html

Hi there,

To me, what you saw  not sure to be right. Let's your heart feel it.
Anyone say you that your girlfriend love your money and after that you think and suspect her love to you. It prove that your love is not enough big.

money is not important but no money dont do at all.  Love dont need many money but at least 2 person dont lack ecomony so life is happy.

I read through this topic and find it informative.  I have had a few vietnamese women and sad to say, most were looking for security first and thus, we are just friends.  However, last year I met a good girl and she is basically the opposite of the gold diggers.  However, of course women want security, do not all of us?  My contention is with the women that love money first, not the man.  To each their own, I know some western men who are ok with having a young wife and pay for it, both parties get what they want and they seem content, but not happy.  I think it is sad that some stereotype vietnamese women as gold diggers, but they exist in every country so do not fool yourselves thinking western women cannot be the same. 

Like another post mentioned, I have know my girlfriend for over a year and not once has she ever asked for, hinted at or gave me any indication that she is here for the money.  She has a good job, works six days a week and takes care of herself.  When we go out, sometimes she will pay without me asking and when i try to pay, she says not worry, is ok.  One time she paid a rather large bill when i did not have enough cash and when i tried to pay her back, she flat out refused to take it and said "If i take your money, I will feel farther away from you".  It has been like that since day one.  Is she perfect, no.  She is human and has bad days like anyone else.  However, the unhappiness does not last long.  I have learned to be patient with her.  What i can say is that she is very respectful, thoughtful, caring and a wonderful person.  She has qualities that I wish i could have and she does make me a better person.  Even when her father became ill, was hospitalized and was forced to retire, no mention of money. 

What i would say to a man looking for a vietnamese wife, stay away from the bar scene, you know what i mean.  Not that love can be found there, just the odds are extremely against it.  As others have commented, get to know her and her family well.  Get to know her friends and co-workers.  This takes time, a lot of time.  Funny thing, someone here mentioned about a girl asking you about your job.  My girlfriend never mentioned it until many months later when we decided to express to each other that we wanted to be serious.  Even then, she did not ask, but jokingly said "i not know anything about your job".  I did not say much, just told her that i work in international business and that was good enough for her.  I could say much more, but I do not want this to be to long.  In the end you have to decide if you trust her.

'' but they exist in every country so do not fool yourselves thinking western women cannot be the same. "
This is why most Foreigners come to Asian countries , plus to get away from overbearing, and overweight women.
''  any indication that she is here for the money,'
You've found gold mate, usually the first thing they ask is, what is your job, how much money do you make, and do you own a house?
Don't let her get away, I was also lucky with my wife, even though she was quite poor when I first met her. ( only problem , appeared to be the need to put me out on " display ", and I am introverted, ( never knew what that word really was, until I came to VN ),  so that didn't go down well, of course.

bta87 wrote:

I realize this is a very subjective question, but are what are the experiences of the men on here that are married to VN brides? Question #2) What should I look out for. I've heard some real horor stories. Mind you I'm 63, have money and girls are crawling all over me that are young enough (20-25) to be my grandchildren. I suspect their attracted to the bulge in my pants more than anything else( my wallet). All I'm looking for is to love and be loved. Never been with a bar girl and never want to be w/ one. Should I just head back to the U.S. and take a cold shower, or what?

Get yourself a country girl.

VietExpatTV wrote:

bta87 wrote:

I realize this is a very subjective question, but are what are the experiences of the men on here that are married to VN brides? Question #2) What should I look out for. I've heard some real horor stories. Mind you I'm 63, have money and girls are crawling all over me that are young enough (20-25) to be my grandchildren. I suspect their attracted to the bulge in my pants more than anything else( my wallet). All I'm looking for is to love and be loved. Never been with a bar girl and never want to be w/ one. Should I just head back to the U.S. and take a cold shower, or what?

Get yourself a country girl.

The only guarantee you will get there, is that she probably won't know any English, now with TV coverage throughout VN, ( even the Minorities ), most VN women are the same as Western women  although not as fat, ( yet ).

bluenz wrote:

VietExpatTV wrote:

bta87 wrote:

I realize this is a very subjective question, but are what are the experiences of the men on here that are married to VN brides? Question #2) What should I look out for. I've heard some real horor stories. Mind you I'm 63, have money and girls are crawling all over me that are young enough (20-25) to be my grandchildren. I suspect their attracted to the bulge in my pants more than anything else( my wallet). All I'm looking for is to love and be loved. Never been with a bar girl and never want to be w/ one. Should I just head back to the U.S. and take a cold shower, or what?

Get yourself a country girl.

The only guarantee you will get there, is that she probably won't know any English, now with TV coverage throughout VN, ( even the Minorities ), most VN women are the same as Western women  although not as fat, ( yet ).

They will also peel your fruit and cut your toenails.

......and they can sleep on the floor with no fan in case of emergencies.

VietExpatTV wrote:

bluenz wrote:

VietExpatTV wrote:

Get yourself a country girl.

The only guarantee you will get there, is that she probably won't know any English, now with TV coverage throughout VN, ( even the Minorities ), most VN women are the same as Western women  although not as fat, ( yet ).

They will also peel your fruit and cut your toenails.

......and they can sleep on the floor with no fan in case of emergencies.

Haha, I had a Filipino wife, and she did just that, ( for the 1st yr , after that , well, it's all history now).

Country girls are the best- What they lack in "city girl" sophistication, they make up for in simplicity, dedication and honesty.
That's not all of them of course, but generally a girl from the country is less likely to be spoiled by the city influences of following the money.
I am lucky I guess, I have a country wife who is totally dedicated (has been for more than 6 years now and no signs of faltering), honest, and lives simply-no schemes, deals etc.
She supports me in my endeavors and is honest enough to say if she thinks I am going the wrong way-never asks for money, never asks me to support her family etc, is loyal and says she loves me.
She's not Miss Vietnam, but she is also not too shabby to look at, keeps herself in good trim, and with an age difference of 30 years, (I'm the older), I wonder what she sees in me as I'm not rich, am a bit fat, and there are certainly better looking prospects who glance her way.
When you find a good one- she is gold.

bluenz wrote:

'' but they exist in every country so do not fool yourselves thinking western women cannot be the same. "
This is why most Foreigners come to Asian countries , plus to get away from overbearing, and overweight women.
''  any indication that she is here for the money,'
You've found gold mate, usually the first thing they ask is, what is your job, how much money do you make, and do you own a house?
Don't let her get away, I was also lucky with my wife, even though she was quite poor when I first met her. ( only problem , appeared to be the need to put me out on " display ", and I am introverted, ( never knew what that word really was, until I came to VN ),  so that didn't go down well, of course.

I just wanted to point out that western men seeking an asian woman should realize that women seeking security exist in all countries.  I find it interesting how so many talk about this topic as if it is an asian issue.  My parents were no different with my sisters.  If they brought home a boyfriend that did not meet their requirements (e.g., education, social status etc.), then they were history, end of discussion.  Thus, this is not an asian issue, it is an issue everywhere.  You, the man, have to decide whether you can accept it or not. 

As far as why western men go to Asia looking for a woman?   That is a million dollar question and I am sure there are many many reasons and 1 is the point you mentioned, attitude and weight.  I do not think I can opine with profound knowledge on this matter because I have not had a western girlfriend for more than 20 years.  Yes, I am a western man, blond hair, blue eyes etc., However, when I was in college, my international life blossomed and once I had a foreign girlfriend, I never looked back.  I still appreciate the beauty of western women, absolutely.  But my opinion, just my opinion, I do not like how western women love their men.  I am not saying it is right or wrong, I just do not care for it.  I can say with my Vietnamese girlfriend, she knows how to love, care for and respect me.  Yes, it is different, but it is something that hits home with me.  It is not the big things she does, it is the little things.

For example, when we go out, she always finds a cute way to surprise me.  We can be eating at the mall and when we finish, she takes the tray and plates to the trash and comes back with 2 ice cream cones.  I never asked for it nor did I even expect it.  When we are eating and if I have no more or little rice or food on my plate, she will serve me more.  I know she does it because she loves and respects me and I do not know how i can express that to someone who has not experienced it.  How about when I bought a motobike, used of course, and when it broke down about 1 hour from her home, she left work and took a taxi to help me.  She paid for the taxi and the mechanic.  I tried to pay her back, i got that look again.  Of course, I say  cam on em yeu. 

With respect to your comment "what is your job, how much money do you make, and do you own a house?"  Once i trusted her, I told her I was a lawyer, but she did not understand at first so I told her that basically i review contracts and consult on international business.  Still, no change in her attitude and we continued as we always do.  She has no idea how much money i make, she never asks and i never tell.  I tell her that i am not rich, not poor, just a normal life.  I tell her that people in Vietnam have the wrong perception about America.  Yes, the incomes are higher, but the expenses are much higher.  Just like anywhere, people struggle paycheck to paycheck and it is difficult for most people.  Unemployment is high (no, not the official rate, the participation rate) and many people are homeless or live with their parents.  When i tell her a loaf of bread cost $4 to $5, she gets it.  As far as where i live, she knows the city, but has no idea of my living arrangement and has never asked if i live in a home, apartment or condo.  All she sees is my bedroom when we talk on skype, everyday.  She knows i have a car because i have to drive to work, but she never ask me or knows what i drive.

With respect to being put on display, of course I understand.  However, because of my profession, I am an extravert.  Thus, no problem in that department.  But, for those looking for an asian girl and have not experienced it, I can say just be yourself and make her proud.  She is watching every move you make and how you handle yourself in public and with her family, friends, co workers etc.  Lucky for me, I have traveled and worked internationally for many years so I felt right at home in Vietnam.  So my interactions were very comfortable and i was so pleased to see the smile on her face when she introduced me to her family and network of friends and coworkers.  It is so nice to hear "anh yeu, I so proud about you".  I can tell you what really helps, when you are in public and a complete stranger says to you "is she your girlfriend" and you say "yes, why you ask" and they say "because it is obvious".  Another time we were out and the wife of a restaurant owner came to our table and said something to my girlfriend and I asked her what she said.  She told me, the woman say to her "you so lucky, him so love you".  Actually, I am the lucky one.

vndreamer wrote:

bluenz wrote:

'' but they exist in every country so do not fool yourselves thinking western women cannot be the same. "
This is why most Foreigners come to Asian countries , plus to get away from overbearing, and overweight women.
''  any indication that she is here for the money,'
You've found gold mate, usually the first thing they ask is, what is your job, how much money do you make, and do you own a house?
Don't let her get away, I was also lucky with my wife, even though she was quite poor when I first met her. ( only problem , appeared to be the need to put me out on " display ", and I am introverted, ( never knew what that word really was, until I came to VN ),  so that didn't go down well, of course.

I just wanted to point out that western men seeking an asian woman should realize that women seeking security exist in all countries.  I find it interesting how so many talk about this topic as if it is an asian issue.  My parents were no different with my sisters.  If they brought home a boyfriend that did not meet their requirements (e.g., education, social status etc.), then they were history, end of discussion.  Thus, this is not an asian issue, it is an issue everywhere.  You, the man, have to decide whether you can accept it or not. 

As far as why western men go to Asia looking for a woman?   That is a million dollar question and I am sure there are many many reasons and 1 is the point you mentioned, attitude and weight.  I do not think I can opine with profound knowledge on this matter because I have not had a western girlfriend for more than 20 years.  Yes, I am a western man, blond hair, blue eyes etc., However, when I was in college, my international life blossomed and once I had a foreign girlfriend, I never looked back.  I still appreciate the beauty of western women, absolutely.  But my opinion, just my opinion, I do not like how western women love their men.  I am not saying it is right or wrong, I just do not care for it.  I can say with my Vietnamese girlfriend, she knows how to love, care for and respect me.  Yes, it is different, but it is something that hits home with me.  It is not the big things she does, it is the little things.

For example, when we go out, she always finds a cute way to surprise me.  We can be eating at the mall and when we finish, she takes the tray and plates to the trash and comes back with 2 ice cream cones.  I never asked for it nor did I even expect it.  When we are eating and if I have no more or little rice or food on my plate, she will serve me more.  I know she does it because she loves and respects me and I do not know how i can express that to someone who has not experienced it.  How about when I bought a motobike, used of course, and when it broke down about 1 hour from her home, she left work and took a taxi to help me.  She paid for the taxi and the mechanic.  I tried to pay her back, i got that look again.  Of course, I say  cam on em yeu. 

With respect to your comment "what is your job, how much money do you make, and do you own a house?"  Once i trusted her, I told her I was a lawyer, but she did not understand at first so I told her that basically i review contracts and consult on international business.  Still, no change in her attitude and we continued as we always do.  She has no idea how much money i make, she never asks and i never tell.  I tell her that i am not rich, not poor, just a normal life.  I tell her that people in Vietnam have the wrong perception about America.  Yes, the incomes are higher, but the expenses are much higher.  Just like anywhere, people struggle paycheck to paycheck and it is difficult for most people.  Unemployment is high (no, not the official rate, the participation rate) and many people are homeless or live with their parents.  When i tell her a loaf of bread cost $4 to $5, she gets it.  As far as where i live, she knows the city, but has no idea of my living arrangement and has never asked if i live in a home, apartment or condo.  All she sees is my bedroom when we talk on skype, everyday.  She knows i have a car because i have to drive to work, but she never ask me or knows what i drive.

With respect to being put on display, of course I understand.  However, because of my profession, I am an extravert.  Thus, no problem in that department.  But, for those looking for an asian girl and have not experienced it, I can say just be yourself and make her proud.  She is watching every move you make and how you handle yourself in public and with her family, friends, co workers etc.  Lucky for me, I have traveled and worked internationally for many years so I felt right at home in Vietnam.  So my interactions were very comfortable and i was so pleased to see the smile on her face when she introduced me to her family and network of friends and coworkers.  It is so nice to hear "anh yeu, I so proud about you".  I can tell you what really helps, when you are in public and a complete stranger says to you "is she your girlfriend" and you say "yes, why you ask" and they say "because it is obvious".  Another time we were out and the wife of a restaurant owner came to our table and said something to my girlfriend and I asked her what she said.  She told me, the woman say to her "you so lucky, him so love you".  Actually, I am the lucky one.

I agree with your first paragraph. 

I still think the physical attributes of an Asian women, ( most ), is one of the biggest lures for Western men, the thought that they will never get fat, ( not always though, the new VN lifestyle is producing a completely new generation of larger bodies, , women, ( and men ),  in their 40's are starting to get that middle aged spread, more often ).
  Maybe it could be the difference in physical size, that gives a male a more dominant feeling? Especially with shorter Foreign males.
Or, ( hopefully not ), subconscious pedophile tendencies?
And of course then there's the , " look what I can get " delusion, , ( more like, look what I can buy ? ).

   The whole, " what is your job, do you have a house "etc, , is typical VN, especially if their English is not very good, most VN 's are fairly blunt when it comes to asking questions, but it works both ways, you ask them a personal question, and they usually won't hesitate in answering it.

I read this topic and find it enlightening and very informative with human emotions.  I have a new view of Vietnamese life… I always try to put myself in the other person's situation. I can see life from a poor Vietnamese woman's view. Being poor and having to work 12-15 hours a day needless to say, I understand that is why they are looking for security first. Money talks and Bullshit walks and love does not pay the bills! And thus we have the right circumstances for a woman to take the money route… However, we are all quick to judge these women as the gold diggers.  Moreover, in the course of these young women's lives they are hungry for security and love and in that order. My contention is the women love money first and foremost. However these women do have feelings as well as emotions…  We are ready to state…To each his own, but from the perspective of the man. I am a western men and I am okay with having a young wife and paying for or providing for her needs. Even in true love you provide for each others needs.Yes, and we both have our needs met. If you are content you are happy.  I think it is sad that some stereotype Vietnamese women as gold diggers, when in reality they are just disenfranchised human beings. Always remember everyone has not had the luxury of a fine education and a good job making substantial money. Poor and uneducated as well as hungry people are all around the world… We do not stereotype the capitalist as a thief, which he is, because he takes the advantage of everyone. We lie to our selves and do not call the spade a spade…We do not steal…We maximize profits! Right? Impressive words we learn in college to make us feel superior to our fellow human beings…I thought I would be the devils advocate…

Some people live in denial. Others live in reality. Once a sucker always a sucker. 

I think you are right about the physical attributes of an Asian women, which is the most compelling inasmuch as they are not fat and may never get fat… I also agree with the new introduction of the westerners that the lifestyles are producing a completely new generation of larger bodies. I like to think that the small body provides me with a perfect fit into my body! I love the difference in physical size, which gives me a more united feeling as opposed to the more dominant feeling!  The dominant feelings left me as I evolved into a human being. As a young man it was all about being a man! Now it is all about the person I have evolved into. I am actually ashamed of some of the things I have done as a dominant male…And I have no subconscious pedophile tendencies! But I do love young beautiful women! Oh my God! There is nothing on earth that can make you feel better than a beautiful woman. There may be one exception and that is the love of a small child as a parent. … let me quote you once, “ And of course then there's the , " look what I can get " delusion,  more like, look what I can buy “ That is no delusion she is on his arm! The only delusion is his feelings that she may be his…. We all have this feeling component and have you ever thought that your feelings could be delusional. We understand we have feelings alike and unalike , but your pedophile analogy is someone that sees and thinks the child is a mature individual. This may well be a schizophrenic …  Your article was a master piece of wisdom with a multitude of knowledge… You been there and done that! Lucky man! You have your cake and get to eat it too.

like all things in life, we all are drawn to the EXOTIC (different)

Under the Confucius Beliefs are Vietnamese women supposed to stay chast until marriage?

Nice to meet a smart Lady.

Its no easy to extinguish good or bad girl. Your case has any countries.
How to know young ladies love you or no:
if she hold your hand and touch you outside or do that in her house or friends 's house. Or
introduce you to her family or her friends. This is a good start.
it means she accept your ages and respect you. as Don said its good to have funny time. Time helps both to have intimating.
Good girl dont ask your money for shopping or traveling. If you buy clothes for her or take her to somewhere. She feels she will buy  something as food or drink in that picnic or she buys ties,... something for you. And she guides you how to buy a cheap something. dont waste your money. No luxury things.
She accepts to have committ with you. She will take care you.

chaste not chast

Thanks Duong, a small yellow bird singing a beautiful song has this approach to me, but the bird is very young

george10000 wrote:

Under the Confucius Beliefs are Vietnamese women supposed to stay chast until marriage?

Don't you mean -
''chased until marriage''?

I think you really can find someone who truely love you. That should be a very kind girl who doesn't mind youe age. But it is more difficult than you did when you were young.  It just takes time. And of course to find a true love in a bar is more difficult also.

I know My univeristy friend who loved a French expat for real ( about 27 years gap between 2 people)

She said her boyfriend has calm, patient, knowledge and kindness

Not same as what almost people suppose it is for money because she still keeps borrowing me even small money. And she felt really painfull that it has been more than 2 years they didn't reach marriage commitment ( due to his personal reason)

So you can keep searching, it is up to your  fortune.  Good luck to you. I believe in real love

Hope the ladies mention tears sound like the kind of women I want to meet so I wonder if they have sisters?

yup,  as the matured Vietnamese women are all taken, sad but true

thuyvungoc wrote:

yup,  as the matured Vietnamese women are all taken, sad but true

It isn't at all true.

There are many divorced and widowed mature women in Vietnam. There are two women living within 100 metres of where I live, whose husbands sadly died in the last year. And many of the Vietnamese families that live where I live, have divorced or widowed mums living with them. Me included as my wife's mum, a widow, is with us for the duration of the school holidays to look after our nephew who is staying with us.

Not just Vietnam but everywhere has mature, single women. Yes, divorce or death is true for some, but others are single by choice and dont want to marry anyone. Still others are single because nobody can stand to be around them.

There are many single (divorced, widowed) middle class Vietnamese women who have never been gold diggers and have never needed to be, whose nurture tendency is not/ceased to be fulfilled.

My very beautiful niece is one of those women. Divorced from a womanizer, then became an empty nester, she has spent her life caring for everybody -- elderly mother, tom-catting husband, and three rather good children. After mother's death, husband being kicked to the curb, and children's departure for their bright horizon overseas, she has found her life empty of purpose. One can only visit one's children in Europe and the States so many times a year, then it's getting old.

It's the same in every country -- good men cannot find good women and vice versa. It's more difficult in VN because the women here have never learned to, in the dating vernacular, put themselves out there.

BTW, to the posters who mentioned the term "mature women". What age range is considered "mature"?

Ciambella wrote:

There are many single (divorced, widowed) middle class Vietnamese women who have never been gold diggers and have never needed to be, whose nurture tendency is not/ceased to be fulfilled.

My very beautiful niece is one of those women. Divorced from a womanizer, then became an empty nester, she has spent her life caring for everybody -- elderly mother, tom-catting husband, and three rather good children. After mother's death, husband being kicked to the curb, and children's departure for their bright horizon overseas, she has found her life empty of purpose. One can only visit one's children in Europe and the States so many times a year, then it's getting old.

It's the same in every country -- good men cannot find good women and vice versa. It's more difficult in VN because the women here have never learned to, in the dating vernacular, put themselves out there.

BTW, to the posters who mentioned the term "mature women". What age range is considered "mature"?

Personally, I consider a person who is over 40 to be mature, others may have a different interpretation.

I don't know what age range is considered "mature", I've observed that age has little or nothing to do with it. I have met young people who are mature well beyond their years, and I've known older folks who act childish, only thinking about themselves. Well, I'm not sure that we can be mature in every situation that presents itself to us because we are always growing and learning as human beings, and I'm pretty sure that all of us have been guilty of at least some of these negative behaviors at least once in our lives. However, I do know from my experience, recognizing that which does not work in your life and making an effort to do something different, know their own worth and being calm in serious situations, appreciate what they have and deserve in the relationship are signs of "mature". I'd say I'm still a child haha

thuyvungoc wrote:

I don't know what age range is considered "mature", I've observed that age has little or nothing to do with it. I have met young people who are mature well beyond their years, and I've known older folks who act childish, only thinking about themselves. Well, I'm not sure that we can be mature in every situation that presents itself to us because we are always growing and learning as human beings, and I'm pretty sure that all of us have been guilty of at least some of these negative behaviors at least once in our lives. However, I do know from my experience, recognizing that which does not work in your life and making an effort to do something different, know their own worth and being calm in serious situations, appreciate what they have and deserve in the relationship are signs of "mature". I'd say I'm still a child haha

I should have qualified my post to read, mature in age.