Reverse Culture Shock

Gavin, I've experienced that just here in the states.  Sad when it happens.

I definitely get that.
Usually straight away, at the airport. I'm so looking forward to being on English soil again and then suddenly the package tour from Corfu arrives:
Skinhead Dad with a football shirt on and a can of lager.
Sunburnt Mum showing too much flesh
Kids going crazy.
And all of them shouting at each other


Welcome home...

I think we all feel the same. I don't feel Spanish or English (I lived two years in London then 1 year in Madrid) but I don't really feel 100% French anymore ...

Same here. It take at least 1 week to re-adapt myself and when I feel fully fonctional, it's time to take the plane back.
The first year I had a thermic shock too by the way. I made the mistake to be back for Season Holidays (you know, pressure from the parents "oh, X-mas gonna be so sad without you..." sigh, sigh). So you fall for it and buy your ticket. From Saigon (35°) to Paris (-5°) with your short-leaves shirt, freezing yourself out while waiting for the bus at 5am. No, thank you, not again. Summer's better...
Then comes the moisture shock : it drop from 85% to something around 40% in Marseilles. My skin starts drying almost immediately. With a good day of Mistral, I'm sure to start peeling too.
All of that to finish in front of the TV, watching stupid programs on X-mas Eve with your glass of champagne.
Definitively not a good idea...

Yes, that's the fate of us expats..
I left Holland in 1988. I've been back a lot, especially when I lived in Germany (it was only a 3,5 hour drive to Amsterdam), but the feeling of not belonging there already started in those years. Amazing how many Dutch are intolerant towards Germans. When I did something not completely right in traffic in my car with German license plates they would start yelling at me. When I opened the window and yelled back in Dutch they looked very surprised .

Now it's even more of a shock when I come to Holland for a visit. Like Tôm Càng said, the temperature and moisture shock is bad.
It's also the different mentality. Here in PR you can visit friends and family without  notice anytime. There will always be food and they won't let you go before you had a good meal, no matter which time of the day you visit. When visiting people in Holland you have to make an appointment and it will be discussed in advance whether you stay for whichever meal is in the timeframe of your visit.. Here people always cook more than needed for the household because friends or family may visit and you should have enough food.
On the other hand, here I will always stay "El Gringo de Hollanda"..
Well, so be it!

Blimey, it was a year ago I posted that thread.

Following on, myself and my wife are all over the place now!!! We've been down in Australia for about 3.5 months.... and got back to Japan last Saturday.

I think I'm now suffering reverse-reverse culture shock, my wife has got reverse-culture shock..... and we spent another 1 week in the UK back in August and got who-knows-what-culture shock then!!!

Must admit, it's been interesting to see how we both feel about all these places. My wife concluded that she really liked the UK more this time, after comparing it to the UK. Australia has a lot of things going for it... but she would rather stick to Japan (her country) or UK (my country). I think I feel the same way, and I think we've decided our home is Japan/UK!

I don't know if it's me not being used anymore to my home country or my home country not being used to me anymore. Last time I was in Paris, a year ago, I swore myself: okay, the first waiter who happens to be unfriendly to me, he gets the bloody ashtray in his face. I was accustomed to mexican amabilidad. The thing was, all of them were friendly. Nice people. They were joking. Laughing. I ordered another beer. And then lunch. Didn't want to leave, actually.

I've been away from the US for 4 years now and I was pretty shocked to find I had reverse culture shock on my July trip back.  And it's strange because I was there in March and it was fine.  I don't feel like I really belong in the US or in Germany now.  I actually think part of it is that I feel very foreign in Germany, in that I'm not German and not white, and I always felt like an American in the US, but on this trip part of me was very aware that I'm a minority and I never had that before.

This is what happens to us Adult TCKs in general...this feeling...it is something I have been able to relate to all my life. (Third Culture Kids phenomenon).

See this blog which is devoted to the topic http://www.amongworlds.blogspot.com or go to www.tckworld.com to find out more about "third culture kids"

To Karma,
I have just read the book "Third Culture Kids" which talks about this sense of never being "home" anywhere. I have lived abroad for over half my life (post age 22) and I feel like a "hidden immigrant" too when I visit the US. I look like an American and even talk like one (although I often get comments on my strange "international" English and an odd cadence from Italian), but I am very out of step with lots of small daily details. I wander huge supermarkets stopping to stare at the entire aisle of cereal boxes. I get a real kick out of turning right on red. I chime in "have a nice day" but it sounds very strange. I take a mug of American coffee that I can't finish. I never talk about politics to strangers, although I would like to.
Is it home? not really, not anymore, although it feels very familiar it doesn't really fit.
Elizabeth

I get that all the time. The one thing that amazes me when ever I go back to London is the level of general hostility. I'm so un-used to it now living in Holland.

In Holland I feel safe to use my phone, i-pod or psp in public but in London I don't.

Ciao,
I really do understand this feeling. And, you even start to behave negatively towards everything and anybody.
Example: In the new country, you get use to walk in the street reading a book. Back home, you are constantly pissed off to check the path avoiding the dog's shits. Shamed to see how dirty is!

I even get another feeling. Some people ask me questions based on stupid caricatures which annoyed me or put me on the defensive if it gets too much.
Example: you're now living in the country of the mafia... is it true that the "margherita" (pizza) and "bolognese" (pasta) are the everyday dishes? is it difficult to drive within a jungle of cars and insults?

I everytime get on the side of the italians (or irishs). I'm French but it's quite hard to face peacefully the ignorance.
Is there any expat in the same situation?

First, let me say how much I love this forum! Its 530 in the morning, and I've been up since 4, trying to deal with Australia - Colombia jetlag and some sad feelings about my recent trip home.

I can relate to a lot of the other posts here, especially from awa@lecce and the silly questions. On my recent trip home to Oz, I got lots of questions about the drugs here. I know its just a joke, but its not really very funny to be considered a drug trafficker just because of where I live.

I experienced something curious, not reverse culture shock towards the country, but a really negative reaction to some family members and close friends. I felt like I didn't know these people at all, and like they had changed completely since I last saw them 2 1/2 years ago. I know its probably both of us who have changed, but it made me really sad to not even be able to have one decent conversation with people whose company I used to enjoy. Of course, there were lots of people who I felt as close to as I ever had, which was lovely.

As for my impressions of the country, I was generally impressed by what I saw, and considering part of the reason I left was because of disillusionment with the way Australia was changing, I was glad to see there have been some changes made for the better.

I was thinking about possibly returning home at the end of my current work contract. But can you ever go home? And if you can, how do you figure out if you really want to?

GavinT I can relate to your dilemma. I'm Australian and I've been in Belgium about 18 months now, but never gone home yet. I went to visit my sister in London a while back, and we stayed in an Aussie youth hostel, so it was kind of like being back at home again. But to be honest it was really odd... I didn't realise how much I have adjusted to Belgium and the international environment I work in. Now  my boss says he might not be able to renew my contract, and I have the chance to go home, but I am not sure I really want to...I don't think my family/friends will understand my experience abroad, and I have changed a lot from being overseas, so if I go back I will not fit in easily, but then again it would be nice to be back in some ways- knowing how the system works, speaking the language, decent weather, doctors with social skills etc. Has anyone here repatriated before- how did you make the decision to return? Did you regret it?

I am just soooooo afraid of going back to Angola ! I don't think I want to... I'm trying all I can just to stay here few years more, till it's sure I'm not going back to live (I still go every year for holidays).
Oh well, this is the life we lead... :-|

If you are a Brit living abroad and are considering returning to the UK, ITV is making a show called "No Place Like Home" and they will fly you back for a test run so that you can decide whether to stay or go. They are looking mainly for couples and families to film.

I wish for that feeling of belonging sometimes, and now I'm afraid I won't find it anywhere.  If I go back to the US I'll always be thinking in the back of my mind how it's better in Germany because their vacation laws, health care system, and relaxed attitude (relative to the US!) suit me more.  But I'll never belong in Germany because my German sucks and I still have an American sense of humor and relationship style.  ARGH.

Definitely felt the same way last time I was in the UK nearly ten years ago. Haven't been back since, don't intend going back unless I have no choice. Cold, unfriendly, hostile, stressed, rude and miserable people compared to the Thais where I am half the year, and there's a marked negative difference with the Provencal people where I live for the other six months.

Feeling rootless does occasionally give rise to a twinge of regret, but on balance - given the choice between 'stability' and the last twenty years in SE England, or being a permanent 'guest' between Chiang Mai and Provence... no contest!

Life in America again is indeed strange.  Especially when the economy is in such a bad state.  Americans are typically receptive and interested, at least for about two minutes. 

I have been living in Japan, Portugal, and Latvia over the past two years or so.  Most Americans give the first two locations a quick pass-over.  The last one (Latvia) always gets the typical "where's that?".  I don't spend too much time explaining.  They don't really care where it is, as long as it isn't near Cuba or possesses nuclear weapoons.

I think the economy has raised the hostility level somewhat, too.  After all, it is tough enough to just believe that things will get better.  But better enough to be open-minded, open-housed, and open-ended?  I think that will take some more time.

After all, Wal-Mart can only solve a few of our social ills here.

sure, it's real. the sad thing sometimes is that humans are only too adaptable and soon we fall back into taking things for granted and forgetting about our other lives:)

I feel like a tourist when I go back--in fact, I've been writing a book about my "rediscovery" of England now that I've been in America so long. If you're interested, drop into my blog at http://aprodigaltourist.blogspot.com

Reverse Culture Shock doesn't require a physical visit to your homeland. Not back in almost 5 years, I keep informed on the internet about some of the thinking and trends in the States.  Recently I have felt estranged from what I view as a frequently crass and narrow surfaced America.

Karamik , that's the problem with moving ' home '  - you think you can adapt so easily but to be honest, it can be harder than being in a new place !

People around me assume I think the same way they do , and I assume they think differently to me which means sometimes we're both surprised and sometimes , well it's not so pleasant ...

and Wedders, I miss the rhythms of Thailand too , I had my ups and downs there but the pace was so perfect !

I blog about it all here  - then I don't vent at random strangers on the street http://writeronthewayhome.blogspot.com

I know the feeling.

I recently went back to the U.S. for a couple of weeks after 7 months of working in Abu Dhabi to see Mom, Brother and some close friends.

They didn't seem that much curious at all about my life over here and it was like business as usual which was good in a way but I was expecting more questions.

I had more interest and questions from a woman sitting next to me on the plane back to New York. A total stranger found out more about my expat life than my family and friends did.


http://expatuae.blogspot.com/

Hi all,

it's also that the country(ies) and people one left keep developing albeit maybe slowly and thus hardly noticed by themselves. Upon returning (or visiting) one experiences this as a suddenness (shock).

I also found that language keeps developing and when one adjusts to the structure,grammar and usage of the host language and/or region usually my German sounds a bit funny the first two days and I do receive the odd smirk / look.

For me it's not so much a shock it's more seeing with open eyes and having the benefit of a different experience that triggered the desire not to return but to experience yet another mentality / culture / way of life.

Martin

Hi Gavin

Same experience visiting the UK, no disprespect  to the populace but since I left in 96 so many people seem to have got so err...fat.

I always visit my Mum (she's 80) in Kent if I'm in the south of England, she lives in one of those smallish Kent villages you see on postcards. Last time she wanted to get some cash from the ATM in the square.

She asked me to go with her, the hoodies just stand nearby eyeballing the "punters" a very uneasy experience even for me.

I've been lucky enough to bring my two sons up in Italy 2 and 8 years resepectively now 15 and 21. yeah we've had some problems, fights, drugs etc. but not a fraction of what my UK friends have had to face.

The key thing thing here is kids can be kids for the full span, infact the "Mammone" syndrome when the parents leave home to escape their 30 something kids was invented here.

Anyway if I could point to one of the best thngs about moving out of UK to Italy, it's this Families are families.

All the best

Chris

I always used to feel like I'd come 'home' on landing in the UK, but having lived in France for a while it just feels like landing in a materialistic rat race. Shame.
I am proud to be British, although I am not always proud OF the British.

I'm wondering what it will be like to go home. Ive been living in New Zealand for a year now, and will be travelling around Asia for a bit before finally returning to Toronto in April. When I left, I was really surprised (and a little bit hurt) that people I felt were close friends didnt stay in touch. It was a little like I was "out of sight, out of mind". Because of this Im trying not to have any expectations on what it will be like to be home.

I can say that after living in this beautiful and clean country, going home to Toronto is going to be tough. I'm already kinda dreading the summer smog and congested roads!

Hola
haaay Im a normal person I thought I became weird or somthing because I stayed in NZ for around a year then when I returned home *Oman* I felt that I dont belong any more

Hi Sourire,

no you're not having a bad day.

From my experience one starts to "mingle" in three distictive circles. "The natives", " The expats" and the "The broad minded". There certainly is an overlap and that is the real fun.
I stubled across eco interested groups, virtual currency and language exchange and these have given us (my wife and me) great opportunities to meet "like minded" people.

When we are with "locals" the talk is local but nevertheless interesting specifically when pumping for history etc.
Expats can really be boring - as some I don't really know why they are here - but still there are some great characters.
The real fun are the third group. As here one meets travelled broad minded people who think about what they do.....

And as I say there is an overlap - sometimes surprising.

My home is where I presently live! Visiting my origins I'm well aware that I have changed and they may not have also the general surrounding has normally changed somewhat. It's great to see and experience it in small doses - but would I be tempted to go back? No way. Can I talk to them for long? - Nope I fast run out of common ground.

Don't give up - enjoy the experience - get involved with some projects

Martin

Hi Sourire,

interesting. I travelled Canda and US extensively but avoided Quebec - I don't like to speak French -
Just checked and there is a permaculture organisation in Montreal http://www.montrealpermaculture.org/index.php/Main_Page

If your interested in such it maybe something to meet interesting people.
Have a great day
Martin

Hi,
We have lived for several years in CA and we have a hard time adapting to the Danish society. We find many people rude and unfriendly. EVERYTIME we go out with our kids we have to friendly tell people (mostly middle-age Danish women) that they are actually cutting in line while we are waiting for the elevator to the metro. When we want to exit the metro we either have to force our way through the middle-age Danish crowd to get out or miss our stop...I really mean it, it happens EVERYTIME we go out. Why is that??? We both wonder and have started to laugh about it as a way to deal with it, but it doesn't really help integration, does it? What is the difference in the neural connections between a person living in CA and Denmark? Are we supposed to not care about each other here?

They say you can never go home again, and I believe there's a lot of truth to it.
You've changed as a person, friends and family have gone on with their lives, maybe your country has changed too due to socio-economic factors or a change in government... no wonder it's hard to readjust!

What I find really interesting is that expat life teaches us how to cope with culture shock while we're abroad, yet when we go home we seem to lose these skills - you know, like being patient, trying not to judge the local ways, seeing little incidents as an adventure and not an inconvenience, etc.

I wonder why that is - could it be that our expectations are too high, i.e. "everything's going to be easy because we're home again"?

for me, i was away from home for like 10 years. i went to nz to study high school and uni and btw had made few visits back home (hong kong), tho i was never once felt its home to me anymore, in nz, i felt like a kiwi but i know im not a kiwi, even tho i sound like a kiwi...

then close friends had moved on with their life and be friends with others and families did not understand u why u dun want to go home...arguments, fights, cultures...etc...had always been a  major issue in my life...

now im back to my homeland yet i felt like a total stranger here as i do not know anyone here, i do not know what to say to  friends n families, there are a huge wall were built btw us

there is no place its called HOME anymore...i do know where i belong, sad yet what can u do???

im easily adapted to new environment tho im not so sure how can i adapt to the life back home....

it wasn't a big cultural shock between morocco and france but it was for me between morocco and usa especially the country side of usa and northeast part , but in california it wasn't.

Hi,
Super forum,
I was very pleased to find this site.I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely enjoyed every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post.
Thank you

It's really a good topic. I'm a Chinese living in US. I feel I don't belong to either place. Chinese think you are not Chinese any more. American think you are not American. I think this group of mixed culture background is increasing and I'm proud of it because we are unique.

I am the one in my family who has been traveling around. All my brothers and sisters are married and sometimes when I go back to our family town I really feel like a stranger. But I alwys come back because I only have one family.